Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists:

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Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists:

1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS...That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.
2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR...Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH...Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL...Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as
the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT...If your brain is part of the
process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE...Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY...You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing
it.

8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT...You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE...When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE...Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.

CaptainLorax, Tuesday, 28 August 2007 07:23 (nine years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

#8 is the only one of these I really do.

OORT (Matt #2), Friday, 24 May 2013 23:11 (three years ago) Permalink

three years pass...

Difficult difficult, lemon difficult.

(SNIFFING AND INDISTINCT SOBBING) (Tom D.), Monday, 3 October 2016 12:58 (five months ago) Permalink

PappaWheelie V, Monday, 3 October 2016 18:34 (five months ago) Permalink

five months pass...

Are you feeling that Beefheart lately? Like riding that tarot plane into some kandy korn... mad march hare digging up the corn fields, sun moon spectacles, you just gotta get hit

the ghost of lorax past (FlopsyDuck), Tuesday, 14 March 2017 22:09 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I just listened to a great reconstruction of "It Comes In A Plain Brown Wrapper".

Gerald McBoing-Boing, Tuesday, 14 March 2017 22:23 (two weeks ago) Permalink

A monument valley pilgrimage is in order. Where great cartoonists of yore left their mark in guest books of yore. Where a cacophony of strings zips through the dust, escaping no one in particular. Where horses forget their names until someone reminds them. Keep on driving

the ghost of lorax past (FlopsyDuck), Tuesday, 14 March 2017 22:29 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Do tell of this great reconstruction!

the ghost of lorax past (FlopsyDuck), Tuesday, 14 March 2017 22:30 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Albumsthatneverwere

Mark G, Wednesday, 15 March 2017 10:54 (two weeks ago) Permalink


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