OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

That deservedly attained cult status on Twitter and Facebook. I assumed I first came across it itt but maybe not.

I still think it's satirizing live reviews.

The first rule of the "worst piece of music writing ever" thread is that entries could be confused with satire.

But wow, Neutral Milk Hotel was mind-blowing. Lots of people have said they’re admirers but I didn’t know their stuff. The singer looked like he was on Duck Dynasty. Their music is sort of like Wilco, but dreamier.

LOL

otm

That reminds me of a shitty review of Dirty Projectors where whoever it was described their sound as a warped pavement record. Some people just have a very limited pool of artists they know about per genre so they'll desperately try to make comparisons that make no sense.

this song is just another rearrangement of the notes mozart used

Jeff Mangum reads "sort of like Wilco, but dreamier", disappears for another 15 years.

http://www.end-your-sleep-deprivation.com/images/awake-vs-rem-sleep-brain-activity.jpg

Jeff Mangum reads "sort of like Wilco, but dreamier", disappears for another 15 years.

god, i hope so!!!!

I thought this was horrible: The 10 Biggest Classic Rock Douchebags

I know, let's shoot a few fish in a barrel, take down a few sacred cows, and scribble 1200 mostly snarky words about them. At some point the author goes from calling out douchebag behavior to simply complaining about their music which seems to be a different thing altogether, meaning he didn't even know his thesis, let alone that it sucked.

I am a fan of some of the musicians on this list and there's a few I don't much like. But the author made me want to get every boxset they cumulatively released, move in next door to the dude and play them at massive volume like they do to people holding hostages until he gave up music writing and became a circus clown.

i feel like LA weekly is sort of known for these kinds of lists where they claim that people widely regarded as great are actually the worst. i love dylan and reed as much as i love anything, but i still think it's sort of funny in a juvenile way to provoke classic rawk fans with these obviously disingenuous arguments.

like, they wrote this thing too about the "worst hipster bands" which was basically a list of the 20 most famous indie rock acts in america.

http://www.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/2012/08/23/the-20-worst-hipster-bands-the-complete-list

so their music section is basically old-ilx, except someone's getting paid for writing it?

Phil Spector?!

basically xp

C'mon, those olde-ilx discussions were much more interesting than this drivel.

[Editor's note: The Weekly staff is divided on Pink; for an argument in favor of his genius see our recent feature story. For the opposite opinion keep reading.]

I love that the case for Fogerty's douchiness hinges on him not accepting the "standard music rip-off deal" with grace and good humor.

Come on, John, it's just the standard deal! You know, the kind where you get ripped off! What's the big deal? Lighten up!

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/move-over-rihanna-a-new-generation-of-female-rb-singers-are-taking-the-lead-9615001.html

yes all female r&b singers are locked in a battle with one another.

there can only be one. too bad riri, you had a nice run.

From the Arts Desk review of Latitude:

From the sublime to the ridiculous, we stopped by Norma Jean Martine, a bluesy pop singer with soaring vocals and a warm, husky sound, before nipping in to catch some of the Swedish psychedelia that is Goat. They are everything that far-out festival fun should be - golden sequined kaftans, barefoot stomping, elaborate face masks, head dresses and costumed guitarists that could spawn their very own subculture. Would I want to go away and download these tracks? Probably not, but I sure as heck enjoyed getting down and cutting a rug to their experimental psychedelic beats.

More from that Arts Desk review:

The American sisterly trio treated audiences to an array of musicality in their thunderingly original sound, almost as impressive as Este's range of terrifying faces as she went hard at her guitar (pictured, above right). If she's the personality in the band, middle sister Danielle is the serious, musically accomplished one while the "babyest of baby sisters" Alana, gets the percussion going as well as adding to the group's outstanding vocals. Cutting through the emotional BS (as she calls it) Este demands that the crowd get on each others' shoulders - most are too frightened to ignore her insistence, but they are rewarded with an invite into Haim's metaphorical home to jam with them and shake their "asses and titties" so hard that at least one of them sheds a tear. The audience try pretty hard. Haim let rip with an emotional honesty that was raw, endearing and impressive - maybe because as the last stop on their 2014 tour they gave all that they could. They certainly proved their worth and showed how they occupy an important space as a serious female rock band that can be enjoyed by a pop audience. They are the antithesis of Lily Allen, representing non-manufactured pop that can spring from Indie roots to get ahead on the strength of their individuality. They can shred and headbang with the best of them while we sing along to their radio-friendly hits like "If I Could Change Your Mind" and "The Wire", and party as hard as they want us to.

Man why would you cut Goat's rug? That's what they sleep on!

"the ____ that is ____" is always a terrible construction even when done better than it is there

I sure as heck enjoyed getting down and cutting a rug to their experimental psychedelic beats

Worth repeating and marvelling at

they are rewarded with an invite into Haim's metaphorical home to jam with them and shake their "asses and titties" so hard that at least one of them sheds a tear

dying of lols

it's like HAIM fan-fic

I'm just imagining Haim on stage shouting "DANCE! DANCE UNTIL YOU CRY!"

i dont want to be around anyone whose titties are crying, let alone their asses

why would you choose this thread of all places to take a stand about public breastfeeding? neither the time nor the place. smh @ u.

this is a good thread to take a stand on public buttfeeding, tho

straight from the asshole of the critic to the mouths of the music-loving public

wait, rewind for a second...sorry, I've been out in the woods for a few days. from that clip about the Ram show:

"sans-baby-faced individuals"

what in the world does this mean? does this mean...older people?

it means the author is trying too hard

honestly, that thing (Ram show) is the kind of terrible writing I read a lot of in the alt-weekly and student publications where I live. twisting, turning sentences, grand proclamations presumably to make the subject sound important, lots of hot thesaurus.com action, shit that just doesn't fit together well. and stuff like this:

"At risk of listing off the individuals on stage and their respective contributions, or overemphasizing any single person’s contributions, the set was extremely cohesive."

what

hahahaha

i think they mean it was more than the sum of its parts?

"At risk of listing off the individuals on stage and their respective contributions, or overemphasizing any single person’s contributions, the drapes were purple."

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/move-over-rihanna-a-new-generation-of-female-rb-singers-are-taking-the-lead-9615001.html

― ey, Sunday, July 20, 2014 5:23 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so glad someone posted this in here

one of the worst writers (with the worst taste to boot) around rn

They are recognisable by their soft vocals, an alternative to the brash singing and hyper-sexualised style of Rihanna and Beyoncé, yet their music is deceptively tough, even harsh. Or it can be gossamer and strange, putting the “ether” into Aretha.

literally every strawman of the indie-r&b fan who can't stand any other r&b

shouldn't that be "etha"

Putting the OSHA into Ke$ha

Sufjan Grafton types his articles with the fingers on both hands, putting the "les paul" into Pau1 L3ster

how is posing nude with a georgia o'keefe flower 'rejecting explicit sexuality' btw, like has this guy just never seen a vagina

he's putting the eureka in urethra

have to wonder how comfortable Kelela feels about being edited into sounding like she's intent on throwing shade at B and Riri

maybe that was her intent, maybe not, but she's hardly at risk of eclipsing either one of them any time soon