pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (8 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (8 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (8 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (8 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (8 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (8 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (8 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (8 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (8 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

ha, no problem, i would probably be salty if i hadn't written it, heh heh.

tylerw, Monday, 20 June 2016 17:23 (1 week ago) Permalink

It will only be a matter of time till Pitchfork discovers that its old pre-2000 reviews that it took down can be found on archive.org too.

MarkoP, Monday, 20 June 2016 18:39 (1 week ago) Permalink

Shit, cat...

flappy bird, Monday, 20 June 2016 18:51 (1 week ago) Permalink

For a while, during the AC's imperial phase in the mid to late aughts, this review was scrubbed. Dunno how long it's been back up.

3.9

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/7941-danse-manatee/

flappy bird, Monday, 20 June 2016 18:53 (1 week ago) Permalink

in the end this is all the matters

tylerw, Monday, 20 June 2016 19:31 (1 week ago) Permalink

"all *that* matters," jfc i really am dumb

tylerw, Monday, 20 June 2016 19:31 (1 week ago) Permalink

Crosby is great on twitter. Engages every troll. it's awesome

flappy bird, Monday, 20 June 2016 19:38 (1 week ago) Permalink

he's worn everyone down!

tylerw, Monday, 20 June 2016 19:44 (1 week ago) Permalink

to their credit it's a negative review (5.0) but LOL at this music existing/getting press at all

South London musician Benjy Keating is signed to the acclaimed independent dancehall label Mixpak, where he makes a strange and subdued DIY bedroom-pop version of dancehall.

Benjy Keating started making music in a South London bedroom, spurred on by his roommate Dominik Dvorak (aka PC Music affiliated producer Felicita). At first he was making what he admitted to be “Burial rip-offs” but then, after hearing dancehall beats blare out of car windows, he drifted into a new style. The first taste of this came with a song called “Catch,” made in conjunction with SOPHIE. The song boasted a cool minimalism grafted onto the whisper of polyrhythmic Caribbean sounds. On top of it was Keating’s voice: British, introverted, mumbly, a painfully shy-sounding white kid singing in a sort of patois.

de l'asshole (flopson), Tuesday, 21 June 2016 00:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

bonny bear

― R.I.P. Haram-bae, the good posts goy (s.clover), Thursday, June 16, 2016 1:52 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's awesome how badly this joke dates a person

The bald Phil Collins impersonator cash grab (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Tuesday, 21 June 2016 00:38 (1 week ago) Permalink

I went looking for that "10 concerts from archive.org" on pitchfork (that i'd previously linked to from this thread) and i have literally no idea where it might be or what to search for to find it. i view this as a flaw of the new design.

in twelve parts (lamonti), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 08:23 (6 days ago) Permalink

You have to find the "10 concerts from archive.org" section. First, make sure to use a phone! Second, scroll down for five minutes.

(It's filed under the Pitch.)

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 22 June 2016 12:08 (6 days ago) Permalink

They have a search box.

Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 12:10 (6 days ago) Permalink

Fwiw, I just searched (on my phone!) for "archive" and "archive.org" and didn't get it as a result.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 22 June 2016 12:39 (6 days ago) Permalink

Probably because "archive" isn't in the title of that article and is in a million others

Blowout Coombes (President Keyes), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 13:44 (6 days ago) Permalink

Ah. I should have searched for http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1194-10-great-old-concerts-you-can-legally-stream-in-high-quality/ .

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 22 June 2016 14:54 (6 days ago) Permalink

or "concerts"

Blowout Coombes (President Keyes), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 14:58 (6 days ago) Permalink

i believe the kids these days find articles via "hashtags" and "emojis"

tylerw, Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:02 (6 days ago) Permalink

lots of kids today searching for articles about old concerts

Blowout Coombes (President Keyes), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:03 (6 days ago) Permalink

#old #stevereich #basho

tylerw, Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:05 (6 days ago) Permalink

i figured it was under the pitch section, but the pitch section is nowhere to be found on the page. if you cmd+f "the pitch", the only hit is the link at the bottom of the page for the pitchfork review.

the pitch seems to be a subsection of the latest so it's two pages away when i feel like it used to be a main front page thing. no wonder i couldn't find it.

also i searched for "archive" and "archive.org" initially figuring it would search the body text. also search "elliott smith" seeing as i knew that was one of the concerts highlighted, so figured it would probably be tagged. is their search shit then too?

in twelve parts (lamonti), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:10 (6 days ago) Permalink

Actually "elliott smith" is an artist in this story but not a tag, which are only "bootleg" and "Invisible Hits", I guess that's a further subcategory within The Pitch within The Latest within Pitchfork. Obviously.

I think Pitchfork is probably churning out too much and too varied formats to be very well organised yet, and probably are way less concerned with their archive than their front page. A pity though.

in twelve parts (lamonti), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:14 (6 days ago) Permalink

I think Pitchfork is probably churning out too much and too varied formats to be very well organised yet

Everything is driven by social media these days, so their lack of "organization" is, in fact, a good organizing principle for having a successful, well-trafficked website

queen elseq of ærendelle (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:31 (6 days ago) Permalink

whiney o.t.m. weingarten

maura, Wednesday, 22 June 2016 15:48 (6 days ago) Permalink

their lack of "organization" is, in fact, a good organizing principle for having a successful, well-trafficked website

I'm not sure I get what you mean?

Either way, I think I should probably have said "well archived" rather than "well organized".

in twelve parts (lamonti), Thursday, 23 June 2016 05:42 (5 days ago) Permalink

Secret Pitchfork Features, Use These Seven Tricks to Find Them!

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 23 June 2016 13:53 (5 days ago) Permalink

Do you idiots not use google

Listen to my homeboy Fantano (D-40), Thursday, 23 June 2016 16:29 (5 days ago) Permalink

fuck google

Οὖτις, Thursday, 23 June 2016 16:34 (5 days ago) Permalink

South London musician Benjy Keating is signed to the acclaimed independent dancehall label Mixpak, where he makes a strange and subdued DIY bedroom-pop version of dancehall.

― de l'asshole (flopson), Tuesday, 21 June 2016 01:20 Bookmark

i still dunno why lucas dipasquale isnt signed to ovo. actually too real i guess

r|t|c, Thursday, 23 June 2016 16:37 (5 days ago) Permalink

If I'm on a site that has a search function I don't expect to have to use google to find something on said site, no.

Position Position, Thursday, 23 June 2016 17:09 (5 days ago) Permalink

I would say that searching for something on a specific site using google works better than using a site's search function approximately 99% of the time

silverfish, Thursday, 23 June 2016 20:22 (5 days ago) Permalink

it's true

maura, Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:01 (5 days ago) Permalink

for instance site:ilxor.com pitchfork

this is basic digital literacy, or should be

a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:12 (5 days ago) Permalink

That's dumb. The workaround should never be the solution.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:13 (5 days ago) Permalink

as CCR taught us: keep on googlin'

tylerw, Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:15 (5 days ago) Permalink

yeah site: is an ill way of searching for stuff on the internet 2 thumbs up

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:25 (5 days ago) Permalink

That's dumb. The workaround should never be the solution.

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, June 23, 2016 5:13 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

de l'asshole (flopson), Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:26 (5 days ago) Permalink

every site should have an in-house search engine as good as the best search engine in the world

de l'asshole (flopson), Thursday, 23 June 2016 21:27 (5 days ago) Permalink

or they could just label their posts

in twelve parts (lamonti), Friday, 24 June 2016 06:36 (4 days ago) Permalink

queen elseq of ærendelle (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:14 (4 days ago) Permalink

Shit's gettin mad boolean up in here

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:20 (4 days ago) Permalink

Showing 0 results for “"More like Pitchdork, amirite?"”

scott seward, Friday, 24 June 2016 15:30 (4 days ago) Permalink

thrusted pelvis-first back (ulysses), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:31 (4 days ago) Permalink

bickin' back, bein boolean

de l'asshole (flopson), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:48 (4 days ago) Permalink

every site should have an in-house search engine as good as the best search engine in the world

― de l'asshole (flopson), Thursday, June 23, 2016 5:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yes, they should. You can add a google search box to a website. There is no reason to have a crappy search function.

Position Position, Friday, 24 June 2016 15:52 (4 days ago) Permalink

Bad search is v retro and #vaporwave digging the aesthetics

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 24 June 2016 21:45 (4 days ago) Permalink

They've got videos set on autoplay, and since the news loads in a constant stream, as you scroll down the news page, it starts every single video until they're all playing on top of each other. very "altered zones"

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 27 June 2016 14:13 (Yesterday) Permalink

i think those are bet's embed settings but idk

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Monday, 27 June 2016 14:20 (Yesterday) Permalink

I think you're right.

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 27 June 2016 14:40 (Yesterday) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.