pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

irony is 3rd shift factory workers still make about 50x what you'd make if you spent an equal amount of time writing pfork reviews

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

but they probably don't know about Panda Bear

ancient texts, things that can't be pre-dated (President Keyes), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:33 (1 month ago) Permalink

whoa, i can't believe that was published. no one took him aside and said dude wtf is wrong with you?

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:40 (1 month ago) Permalink

we the workers do not understand modern art.

campreverb, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

so shitty, jeez

marcos, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:44 (1 month ago) Permalink

when the workers finally storm the pitchfork offices will they be carrying torches and garden hoes?

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

it's funny cuz i have friends from HS who ended up being tradesmen like plumbers and electricians or worked up to supervisory roles in agricultural factories etc and they seem to be doing a fuck of a lot better than most ppl i know

Wu-Tang Clannad (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

"danny glover" has one of the GOAT thug bars too

all my cups are muddy
i fuck my bitches buddies

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

power to the people

Wu-Tang Clannad (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

That's because they became so good at meditation that they've become completely numb to the fact that working factory jobs in 2015 makes them lesser people. Right?

xxp

Evan, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:51 (1 month ago) Permalink

there must be some benefit to playing "young smithers" irl

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 21:51 (1 month ago) Permalink

[Editors note: an earlier version of this review contained an aside in the first paragraph whose meaning was unclear; it should have been removed in editing initially and we have done so in hindsight.]

Devilock, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 22:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

lmao

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 23:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

finally, clarity

da croupier, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 23:02 (1 month ago) Permalink

(extremely quan voice) My Lifestyle (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 23:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

hahahaha

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 21 January 2015 23:26 (1 month ago) Permalink

can't believe karl...arlk...rlka...lkar... got fasttracked to the editor's chair so quickly

hot takes: audit in progress (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 21 January 2015 23:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

*wears web site as a hat*

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Thursday, 22 January 2015 00:24 (1 month ago) Permalink

lol

Οὖτις, Thursday, 22 January 2015 00:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

"because that’s what you do, I guess."

Sounds like a forks display name (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 22 January 2015 06:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

Every reviewer should roast the band he's reviewing. People love those Comedy Central roasts.

$80 is absurd and very ridiculous! (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 22 January 2015 09:13 (1 month ago) Permalink

I would pay to see that actually happen in some cases.

RAP GAME SHANI DAVIS (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 22 January 2015 13:26 (1 month ago) Permalink

a pity song review given to a track from a great album that they'll never bother to review, except they fuck up and give Best New Track to a song that impacted radio 8 months ago:
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/17295-jazmine-sullivan-dumb-ft-meek-mill/

diddybops 67 (120.2)(source field mix) (some dude), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 04:25 (1 month ago) Permalink

wow that's embarrassing

dyl, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 05:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

recall they did a similar thing with "chandelier", although that might've been more to coincide with the video

bae sremmurd (monotony), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 05:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

Well better late than completely ignoring something until the year end lists roll around, like with Taylor Swift.

MarkoP, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 05:41 (1 month ago) Permalink

eh, "Chandelier" was less than 2 months old, and hadn't yet peaked on the charts, when that ran. Jazmine Sullivan's follow-up to "Dumb" has been out longer than that.

diddybops 67 (120.2)(source field mix) (some dude), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 10:25 (1 month ago) Permalink

there have been two follow-ups to "dumb" both of which are better! i can't work out the rationale - if you want to deign to review jazmine sullivan (slow hand clap, did they review her previous two albums?) why not just do "mascara" for a track or god forbid the actual album? never want to hear it claimed that p4k is important for or good at r&b coverage again

lex pretend, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 10:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

did they review her previous two albums?

nope

diddybops 67 (120.2)(source field mix) (some dude), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 10:36 (1 month ago) Permalink

"Dumb" also one of the album's weaker tracks -- maybe the only weak track.

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 12:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

yeah i think it's ok as an album opener but was an unsuccessful single for a reason, feels almost like a perfunctory "people like Jazmine's angry breakup songs, that's her thing, right?" choice

some dude, Tuesday, 27 January 2015 12:26 (1 month ago) Permalink

aw, i love "dumb". but yeah "mascara" and "forever don't last" are definitely superior.

Sounds like a forks display name (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 19:02 (1 month ago) Permalink

anyway, one of the ILX/PFork xover types who read this board should just review the damn thing, it's among the best albums of the new year.

Sounds like a forks display name (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 19:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

P4K isn't any better or worse than any other mainstream pub at covering R&B imo

That being said, their bet-hedging with mainstream pop/R&B remains frustrating

Tay-Tay Brooklynpants (Murgatroid), Tuesday, 27 January 2015 19:04 (1 month ago) Permalink

Deej reviewed the Jazmine record: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/20175-reality-show/

bae sremmurd (monotony), Friday, 30 January 2015 06:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

lol he told me he was gonna after i posted in this thread XD XD XD

some dude, Friday, 30 January 2015 12:59 (1 month ago) Permalink

GREAT review deej

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 30 January 2015 16:27 (1 month ago) Permalink

why wouldn't you BNM that shit tho

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 1 February 2015 14:38 (1 month ago) Permalink

brilliant!

real hip hop for j dilla fans (o_sailor), Sunday, 1 February 2015 15:16 (1 month ago) Permalink

they didn't even review sremmlife lol

nose, Sunday, 1 February 2015 15:57 (1 month ago) Permalink

they didn't even review BNM sremmlife lol

nose, Sunday, 1 February 2015 15:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

idk good album but not quite up there with tapes n tapes and youth lagoon imho

een, Sunday, 1 February 2015 17:17 (1 month ago) Permalink

Love the new youth lagon

, Sunday, 1 February 2015 17:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

Youth Lagoon live is life changing.

It's strange to me too. But we're talking about praxis, man. (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 1 February 2015 22:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

In that you will never listen to Youth Lagoon again

It's strange to me too. But we're talking about praxis, man. (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 1 February 2015 22:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

it's like chicken pox, it happens once and then you're inoculated from it ever happening again

some dude, Sunday, 1 February 2015 22:38 (1 month ago) Permalink

They did review sremmlife wtf

deej loaf (D-40), Monday, 2 February 2015 09:53 (1 month ago) Permalink

Huh? did you guys think they weren't gonna review it? That's definitely still something in their wheelhouse

misterjoshua, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 03:00 (1 month ago) Permalink

the jazmine sullivan album? they didn't review her first 2 albums

some dude, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 03:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

oh i was talking about sremmlife my bad

misterjoshua, Tuesday, 3 February 2015 04:39 (1 month ago) Permalink


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