pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (14 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (8 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (8 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (8 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (8 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (8 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (8 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (8 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (8 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (8 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Shit's gettin mad boolean up in here

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:20 (1 month ago) Permalink

Showing 0 results for “"More like Pitchdork, amirite?"”

scott seward, Friday, 24 June 2016 15:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

thrusted pelvis-first back (ulysses), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

bickin' back, bein boolean

de l'asshole (flopson), Friday, 24 June 2016 15:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

every site should have an in-house search engine as good as the best search engine in the world

― de l'asshole (flopson), Thursday, June 23, 2016 5:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yes, they should. You can add a google search box to a website. There is no reason to have a crappy search function.

Position Position, Friday, 24 June 2016 15:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

Bad search is v retro and #vaporwave digging the aesthetics

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 24 June 2016 21:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

They've got videos set on autoplay, and since the news loads in a constant stream, as you scroll down the news page, it starts every single video until they're all playing on top of each other. very "altered zones"

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 27 June 2016 14:13 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

i think those are bet's embed settings but idk

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Monday, 27 June 2016 14:20 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

I think you're right.

Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 27 June 2016 14:40 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

took 2 bylined reporters to team up for this investigative piece

http://pitchfork.com/news/66462-metallica-star-in-hilarious-luxury-menswear-campaign/

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 29 June 2016 16:01 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

damn, that truly is... hilarious

thrusted pelvis-first back (ulysses), Wednesday, 29 June 2016 16:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

they look fine. man, that bass player has the face of ages. like an ancient rock or tree or something.

scott seward, Wednesday, 29 June 2016 16:18 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

he produced & funded that new jaco pastorius doc that's on netflix, seems like a nice guy

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 29 June 2016 16:23 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i've seen plenty of hilarious luxury menswear campaigns in my time and that was the most hilarious-est

tylerw, Wednesday, 29 June 2016 16:25 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Apparently, they've been doing "classic" album reviews on Sundays. While I'm not opposed to the albums they've covered thus far, I still find the idea of "in retrospect" commentary from a source as notoriously fickle as Pitchfork to be an extremely slippery slope.

http://pitchfork.com/news/66495-pitchforks-next-sunday-review-pulps-different-class/

And the "announcement" of the upcoming review among the site's own news feed strikes me as being in bad taste.

Austin, Friday, 1 July 2016 02:43 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

a slope to what?

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 1 July 2016 02:44 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

idk but it sure is slippery

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Friday, 1 July 2016 03:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Last couple of weeks: '12 staffers pick an old song they discovered', '8 staffers share their favourite concerts', '17 staffers name their fav summer song'. Arbitrarily numbered listicles are lame, they sure as hell got told to do more listicles.

Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, 1 July 2016 07:03 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I do miss the regular features they used to run. No room for those in Buzzfork, I guess.

Position Position, Friday, 1 July 2016 12:59 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I mean, every venue is gonna have to balance out this type of shit with more substantive stuff, everyone has to do it. You see MTV News which is trying to do good stuff find that balance, you see even formerly "prestige" outlets like the Atlantic and Salon do it...Forbes that's basically all they do. You literally HAVE to because that's the type of shit that gets shared that's the type of stuff that gets a lot of comments, traction on Facebook etc. It's pretty easy to be haughty about it like omg every site should be the Quietus and do 2000 word interviews dude from the Associates or oral histories of the African desert blues tape trading scene of the 1980s but people click on this stuff.

so the good venues are gonna try to do the stuff that pays the bills, do the stuff they care about and then hope that at least some of the good work goes "viral"

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 1 July 2016 14:07 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

and also think about what you SAY you actually read on the internet and what you ACTUALLY read vs what you see a title of on Twitter that looks good and has been retweeted by someone you know so you just retweet it cuz you get the gist of it from the title and don't even read it

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 1 July 2016 14:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"It's pretty easy to be haughty about it like omg every site should be the Quietus and do 2000 word interviews dude from the Associates or oral histories of the African desert blues tape trading scene of the 1980s but people click on this stuff."

You could simply give these kinds things clickbaity titles! I wonder if that would work.

Evan, Friday, 1 July 2016 14:23 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

These 11 Oral Histories of the African Desert Blues Tape Trading Scene of the 1980s Will Absolutely Destroy You, and Here's Why

marcos, Friday, 1 July 2016 14:27 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

kind of think that's what Dangerous Minds does -- clickbait for the captain beefheart crowd.

tylerw, Friday, 1 July 2016 14:29 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

haha that's the best description of dangerous minds

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 1 July 2016 14:44 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

and also think about what you SAY you actually read on the internet and what you ACTUALLY read vs what you see a title of on Twitter that looks good and has been retweeted by someone you know so you just retweet it cuz you get the gist of it from the title and don't even read it

― Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, July 1, 2016 10:10 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm not on Twitter.

Position Position, Friday, 1 July 2016 19:02 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

ok

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 1 July 2016 19:12 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

my larger point is that when you're on the other side and looking at hits and traffic and clickthrough and all that the numbers tell a different story than what ppl say

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 1 July 2016 19:12 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

also listicles with the right editorial shape and direction can be awesome, see most of rs's listicles from the past two years

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Friday, 1 July 2016 20:28 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Agreed. But Pitchforks listicles arent awesome. They are arbitrary, have the word "staffers" in every single clickbait title which puts me off clicking on it already. Could be good, but they're not doing it right.

Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, 1 July 2016 21:00 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

'staffers' is kind of admitting that the underlying motivation for the listicle is economic/labor-determined rather than being determined by the culture or the significance or whatever they're supposed nominally to traffic in

j., Friday, 1 July 2016 21:22 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i know this isn't exclusive to p4k by any means, but i hate the trend of capitalizing a phrase instead of putting it into quotes. for example:

With all due respect to her abilities, Sheila E has not been A Name in a couple decades.

(http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1217-is-2016-musics-biggest-year-in-decades/)

where/when did this start? i know DFW did it a lot. bugs the fuck out of me.

flappy bird, Tuesday, 5 July 2016 17:10 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i think that piece is really good though

flappy bird, Tuesday, 5 July 2016 17:17 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I can't even get past this AREN'T I CLEVER tag

Blink-182's seventh album wants to be a pop-punk eminence album, evidence humbly submitted that this aging pack of skater brats is still young, selectively dumb, and full of commiserating angst.

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 6 July 2016 15:33 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/22057-maxwell-blacksummersnight/

^^^This review is absolute bullshit^^^

Austin, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 18:37 (1 week ago) Permalink

i'm confused? there's another review from 09 at the bottom

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 July 2016 19:05 (1 week ago) Permalink

BLACKsummer'snight vs. blackSUMMERS'night

Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 12 July 2016 19:21 (1 week ago) Permalink

i knew that review was going to show up here.

You want both in your boudoir, but Maxwell is the yin to D’Angelo’s yang: While D’Angelo’s steamy devotion makes you kick off the covers, Maxwell is the cool side of the pillow.

sam jax sax jam (Jordan), Tuesday, 12 July 2016 19:45 (1 week ago) Permalink

it doesn't really "get" maxwell does it

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 12 July 2016 19:46 (1 week ago) Permalink

BLACKsummer'snight vs. blackSUMMERS'night

― Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, July 12, 2016 2:21 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ahhhh well played maxwell, until we meet again

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 July 2016 21:09 (1 week ago) Permalink

when does blacksummers'NIGHT come out

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 21:18 (1 week ago) Permalink

it actually is a trilogy

Number None, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 21:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

hoping that pt. 3 comes out before 2023

maura, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 22:11 (1 week ago) Permalink

"staffers" generally means it's done in-house rather than by freelancers, or with very select freelancers, it isn't rocket science

a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Thursday, 14 July 2016 05:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

we get that? it's the rhetorical implication of using it as a tag for content that's the thing.

j., Thursday, 14 July 2016 06:32 (1 week ago) Permalink

^^

Le Bateau Ivre, Thursday, 14 July 2016 08:49 (1 week ago) Permalink

Or maybe we're all better at rocket science than we thought

I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Thursday, 14 July 2016 14:36 (1 week ago) Permalink

i think you *might* be making too big of a deal about the word "staffers"

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 14 July 2016 15:17 (1 week ago) Permalink

i was part of a "staffers" list picking old records that we'd recently discovered way back in he olden times of 2006. this is not exactly new. also i don't read pfork much these days, mostly because like most sites covering new music it's skewing to a younger demographic that I am no longer a part of, but the site was pretty damn different in '06 than it was in '96. it's not really shocking that the tone/format/content would again be different 10 years later.

a basset hound (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Thursday, 14 July 2016 15:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

woah strongo retroactively sold out to the man smdh :(

Steve Gunn Mann-Dude (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 14 July 2016 16:16 (1 week ago) Permalink


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