pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (5 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (5 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (5 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (5 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (5 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (5 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (5 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (5 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (5 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (5 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (5 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (5 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (5 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (5 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (5 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (5 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (5 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (5 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (5 years ago) Permalink

Wilderness were kind of a weird non-entity even in Baltimore, although i only heard one of the later albums so maybe i just missed what the excitement was actually about

some dude, Thursday, 11 April 2013 19:40 (1 month ago) Permalink

but yeah maura otm, i'm much more impressed when a band can sell out in a smaller market than in nyc

some dude, Thursday, 11 April 2013 19:40 (1 month ago) Permalink

But good point about "who's the author?"

I'm a lover, not a partner (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 11 April 2013 19:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

arcade fire/pf feels very 'print the legend' at this point

some dude, Thursday, 11 April 2013 19:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

But Maura they went from Bowery pre pitchfork to Irving post pitchfork, it wasn't a big move. It seems ridiculous to consider this stuff ~now~ but they weren't a huge band in 2005 by any means

I'm a lover, not a partner (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 11 April 2013 19:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

If anything Wilderness is the purest counterexample I can think of that a big pfork push on its own doesn't bestow success in the absence of other support (did Wilderness get pushed by anyone else?)

anonanon, Thursday, 11 April 2013 19:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

I love Wilderness so much. Fav of 2005 for me, and honestly I may have missed them if not for that review.

Evan, Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

Sometimes the taste-making that happens comes from a collection of BNM selections when the albums aren't as accessible and strong as an Arcade Fire all by themselves.

Evan, Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

strawman: is metacritic arguably as/more important as a tastemaker than pitchfork?

Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

no

J0rdan S., Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

do people even read metacritic

J0rdan S., Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

I use Metacritic for movies; that's about it.

the little prince of inane false binary hype (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:34 (1 month ago) Permalink

so basically people go to metacritic to read about video games

J0rdan S., Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:36 (1 month ago) Permalink

What's funny to me is I often see the average score on metacritic practically match pitchfork's exact score.

Evan, Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

I look at Metacritic's music section regularly but mostly as a handy list of recent/upcoming releases.

jaymc, Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

heaven is a place on earth with you

http://bit.ly/oIujXP (markers), Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

Wilderness were the shit, I keep checking their Wiki to see of they have new stuff coming

Derivative? Oh yeah they were but SFW

Raymond Cummings, Thursday, 11 April 2013 21:59 (1 month ago) Permalink

I've purged my physical music collection tons of times but just don't have the heart to rip/sell the Wilderness CDS

Raymond Cummings, Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:02 (1 month ago) Permalink

Though even if you did you could buy them all back second hand for maybe $7.

Evan, Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:07 (1 month ago) Permalink

All together.

Evan, Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

derivative AND safe for work!

your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

AND pitchfork approved! this is like the holy triumvirate

your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:44 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://web.archive.org/web/20011121175939/pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/h/handsome-boy-modeling-school/so-hows-your-girl.shtml

Old review of the first Handsome Boy Modelling School album. Do you even underground, bro?

Popture, Friday, 12 April 2013 01:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

haha that was one of the first pf reviews i ever read

some dude, Friday, 12 April 2013 01:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

In the wake of the fatal car crash that claimed the former Princess of Wales, concerts across a grieving U.K. were cancelled en masse-- including a handful of Primal Scream dates in London, the promoter of which claimed the band were kiboshing “out of a mark of respect for Diana.” This came as news to the band, who issued a reactionary retort claiming, “We wanted to play... We have no respect whatsoever for Diana Spencer or any member of the English Royal Family. We are totally opposed to the monarchy.”

i am being a pedant but just in so many ways this is not a "reactionary retort"

daft on the causes of punk (schlump), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 17:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

it's a retortive reaction

Eyeball Kicks, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 17:31 (1 week ago) Permalink

that timeline about their political "awakening" seemed a little screwy to me, it glosses over Vanishing Point ("Star", the title track) which foreshadowed XTRMNTR pretty clearly

four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 17:40 (1 week ago) Permalink

the review did make me a lot more interested in this album than that first video did, I'll give it that

four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 17:40 (1 week ago) Permalink

lol you dorks still read pitchfork ??

H3LP, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 17:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

Evan, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 17:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

give 'em H3LL

congo nattefrost (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 18:10 (1 week ago) Permalink

can someone explain to this print dinosaur if there is some internet economy / click-based / revenue-driven reason for Advance to NOT have a pause button? it's maddening. ok that might be overstating it a bit.

alpine static, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 19:24 (1 week ago) Permalink

I wonder if labels insist?

jay-z's ansari (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:09 (1 week ago) Permalink

this interview with dude from surfer blood about his domestic battery arrest is not very good

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:18 (1 week ago) Permalink

oh you didn't hit her? oh ok. you want to talk more about what did happen? no? oh ok. so maybe we should talk to the other person involved instead of just relying on your perspective? no? ok.

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:19 (1 week ago) Permalink

like maybe they just couldn't get the full story, which is fine, but then you don't have to run the story instead of just publishing this mild, vague, spineless thing

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:24 (1 week ago) Permalink

I kinda feel like the interview gives the guy enough rope (although it could stand to link back to the previous PF news item with the police report that disturbingly details what he did that was not 'hitting'). A q&a with an individual, even a controversial one, need not be held to the standards of a reported piece with multiple sources.

seanpennderizer (some dude), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:46 (1 week ago) Permalink

wow yeah, I just read that. I was wondering why he was being so precise about saying "I never hit anybody" multiple times.

wk, Friday, 10 May 2013 19:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't really see what was wrong with it? except surfer blood is a horrible band regardless of the singer's record.

call all destroyer, Friday, 10 May 2013 20:04 (1 week ago) Permalink

ha otm

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 10 May 2013 20:11 (1 week ago) Permalink

i guess some dude is right but the thing just felt pointless and perspectiveless and like there was a big hole in the middle with missing questions and answers

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 10 May 2013 20:12 (1 week ago) Permalink

Surfer Blood getting desperate for "hits"

Evan, Friday, 10 May 2013 20:16 (1 week ago) Permalink

can someone explain to this print dinosaur if there is some internet economy / click-based / revenue-driven reason for Advance to NOT have a pause button? it's maddening. ok that might be overstating it a bit.

I wonder if labels insist?

either that or it's something to do with streaming royalty rates. it's more expensive to have a completely on-demand service and less expensive to have "Internet radio" where the listener has more limited control over what's playing.

although since it's obviously set up in collaboration with the record companies I don't know if they pay royalties on that or what.

dmr, Friday, 10 May 2013 20:17 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't really see what was wrong with it? except surfer blood is a horrible band regardless of the singer's record.

― call all destroyer, Friday, May 10, 2013 4:04 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark

i think the problem with that piece is that even though it tries to stay neutral, by design it works really hard only to engender sympathy for someone who doesn't really need or deserve it (i.e. "did this case make it harder to concentrate on your music?")

J0rdan S., Friday, 10 May 2013 20:43 (1 week ago) Permalink

i doubt his victim would want to talk about this so that seems like a pipe dream to me and i admire PF's willingness to wade into the fire here because surfer blood is a band everyone could ignore with no consequences but i think it wasn't pushy enough in places and just... sort of a lose-lose proposition

J0rdan S., Friday, 10 May 2013 20:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

Holy shit, I forgot that Surfer Blood was even a band, let alone this happened. I assumed they were touring in bizarro world with Tapes n Tapes and Clap Your Hands and some other oh-yeah bands.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 10 May 2013 20:55 (1 week ago) Permalink

Surfer Blood recently played a cafe here, so I don't know that you're far off

P is for Poo Poo Doo Doo (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 11 May 2013 04:26 (1 week ago) Permalink

Blood Surfer would have been a much better name

Treeship, Saturday, 11 May 2013 04:27 (1 week ago) Permalink

yet another mistake for surfer blood

your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Saturday, 11 May 2013 04:27 (1 week ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.