pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (nine years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (nine years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (nine years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (nine years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (nine years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (nine years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (nine years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (nine years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (nine years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (nine years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (nine years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (nine years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (nine years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

its!!! sorry xp to myself

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:32 (two days ago) Permalink

does the wire still call it's dance section "critical beats"

― I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Thursday, December 8, 2016 2:32 PM (one minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

they got rid of this like ten years ago dude

Wimmels, Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:35 (two days ago) Permalink

ok thats why i asked lol, thats when i last subscribed

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:36 (two days ago) Permalink

"Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger captures the band clicking on all cylinders."

what is this bullshit

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:39 (two days ago) Permalink

a cliché

I know hoes that know Ali Farka Toure (voodoo chili), Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:49 (two days ago) Permalink

it's firing

harold melvin and the bluetones (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:50 (two days ago) Permalink

it's a shitty mixed metaphor - cylinders do not click

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:51 (two days ago) Permalink

unless they're referring to a different kind of cylinder than the kind used in combustion engines, in which case its even more wtf just sloppy, bad writing

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:51 (two days ago) Permalink

A clicking sound from the engine generally means something bad in my experience

In which case the review is correct

badg, Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:59 (two days ago) Permalink

Um, I think the writer pretty much fingered the sound of a bad motor

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 8 December 2016 20:00 (two days ago) Permalink

google "timing belt" to solve this one

tried Blue Apron and we died (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 8 December 2016 20:07 (two days ago) Permalink

i was just listening to Lone Star's *Firing On All Six* earlier today. great album. better band than soundgarden.

scott seward, Thursday, 8 December 2016 20:34 (two days ago) Permalink

Um, I think the writer pretty much fingered the sound of a bad motor

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, December 8, 2016 3:00 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's a stretch, and maybe you're just joking, but I guess that could be it? Like, terrible punning-drunken-Uncle play on the album title? Surely not. err...right?

also was this album actually good? I have almost zero recollection of it beyond the singles

Wimmels, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:04 (two days ago) Permalink

yes, but tbh I way prefer Superunknown

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:07 (two days ago) Permalink

Clicking usually means you have a bad starter. Or maybe it's an electric car, and it's just clicking "on?" But wait, then it would have no cylinders. Hmm.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:08 (two days ago) Permalink

everything post-Hiro Yamamoto sucks imo

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:08 (two days ago) Permalink

if you google "click on all cylinders" it seems to be used pretty widely, esp. in newspaper headlines. i'd usually seen "fire on all cylinders" but also who cares

na (NA), Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:10 (two days ago) Permalink

they're doing "funny" now too

http://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/9984-the-year-in-disappointment-2016/

Number None, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:16 (two days ago) Permalink

to be fair, most people don't know what the fuck they are writing half the time.

scott seward, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:17 (two days ago) Permalink

Always wanna read it A Moon Shaped Poop

: |

nomar, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:18 (two days ago) Permalink

Badmotorfinger owns the zone

blonde redheads have more fun (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:28 (two days ago) Permalink

yeah it's got Outshined

niels, Thursday, 8 December 2016 21:58 (two days ago) Permalink

i think they're saying matt cameron's drums are not recorded loud enough

j., Thursday, 8 December 2016 22:08 (two days ago) Permalink

The "The 20 Best Experimental Albums of 2016" list makes it clear why they felt the need to end the Out Door.

Position Position, Friday, 9 December 2016 16:11 (yesterday) Permalink

Jenny Hval is such a crock of shit.

Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 9 December 2016 16:19 (yesterday) Permalink

otm

Dave Plaintive rapper with classical training (imago), Friday, 9 December 2016 16:24 (yesterday) Permalink

as is that list! (yeah I can still play here lol)

Dave Plaintive rapper with classical training (imago), Friday, 9 December 2016 16:24 (yesterday) Permalink

The "The 20 Best Experimental Albums of 2016" list makes it clear why they felt the need to end the Out Door.

Still you have to give them props for the concept

banfred bann (wins), Friday, 9 December 2016 16:26 (yesterday) Permalink

Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 9 December 2016 16:27 (yesterday) Permalink

Website Devoted to Rapper Beefs and Bon Iver In Not Making Totally Awesome List of Experimental Music Albums Shockah

Wimmels, Friday, 9 December 2016 16:35 (yesterday) Permalink

was wondering why there wasn't really any ambient in the electronic music list and i guess that's bc it's experimental

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Friday, 9 December 2016 16:45 (yesterday) Permalink

Website Devoted to Rapper Beefs and Bon Iver In Not Making Totally Awesome List of Experimental Music Albums Shockah

They actually did do a decent job of it until the Out Door got the boot though.

Position Position, Friday, 9 December 2016 17:04 (yesterday) Permalink

cool that Kaitlyn Aurelia Pablum got that second placement

Dave Plaintive rapper with classical training (imago), Friday, 9 December 2016 17:06 (yesterday) Permalink

all of these women, being ranked improperly

nomar, Friday, 9 December 2016 17:11 (yesterday) Permalink

ikr where's katie gately

Dave Plaintive rapper with classical training (imago), Friday, 9 December 2016 17:12 (yesterday) Permalink

nah I'll listen to their playlist I guess

Dave Plaintive rapper with classical training (imago), Friday, 9 December 2016 17:18 (yesterday) Permalink

They actually did do a decent job of it until the Out Door got the boot though.

― Position Position, Friday, December 9, 2016 12:04 PM (seventeen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I agree, that was one of the few things that I ever went to Pitchfork to read. Now I check in if I'm curious about Bill Murray or Solange or Stranger Things for some reason

Wimmels, Friday, 9 December 2016 17:23 (yesterday) Permalink

agree that this site has declined since the conde nast deal but have you even listened to the solange album? why would it be out of scope for the site?

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Friday, 9 December 2016 17:48 (yesterday) Permalink

For one thing, I'm not really interested in pop music, generally speaking, but it isn't the pop music criticism that puts me off so much as the lifestyle reporting and obsession with celebrities doing celebrity things

Wimmels, Friday, 9 December 2016 17:59 (yesterday) Permalink

the Solange album is not pop music. Glance at the Hot 100.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 9 December 2016 18:00 (yesterday) Permalink

Didn't Seat At The Table reach #1 in the States? I'm sorry to use Solange as an example because I know very little about her music other than it seems to appeal to a wider demo than the music I like usually appeals to. I have never once glanced at the Hot 100, for instance, and unless Esperanza or Miranda Lambert or Erykah Badu is on there (probably the most 'popular' albums I liked in 2016) I'm pretty sure I haven't listened to anything on it.

Wimmels, Friday, 9 December 2016 18:06 (yesterday) Permalink

Badu had an album in 2016?

A big shout out goes to the lamb chops, thos lamb chops (ulysses), Friday, 9 December 2016 18:11 (yesterday) Permalink

that's his point

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 9 December 2016 18:12 (yesterday) Permalink

thought his point was that Spalding, Lambert and Badu were "probably the most 'popular' albums I liked in 2016"?

A big shout out goes to the lamb chops, thos lamb chops (ulysses), Friday, 9 December 2016 18:17 (yesterday) Permalink

http://the-out-door.tumblr.com/

scott seward, Friday, 9 December 2016 18:26 (yesterday) Permalink

it wasn't on their experimental top 20 list, but that blessed initiative album that pfork reviewed today is a really great headphones listen - very tactile scrunchy foley artist music

Rae Kwoniff (NickB), Friday, 9 December 2016 18:29 (yesterday) Permalink

the main thing i took from this thread is lex is pro-groping

Listen to my homeboy Fantano (D-40), Friday, 9 December 2016 22:05 (yesterday) Permalink

that isn't remotely close to what I meant, come the fuck on

a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Friday, 9 December 2016 22:09 (yesterday) Permalink

the main thing i took from this thread is lex is pro-groping

― Listen to my homeboy Fantano (D-40), Friday, December 9, 2016 10:05 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Jesus Christ dude...

Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, 9 December 2016 22:13 (yesterday) Permalink

lmao

Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 9 December 2016 22:38 (yesterday) Permalink


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