pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Perhaps the conversation has shifted, but I wanted to step up and defend ratings. Not Pitchfork's per se, but ratings in general. (It seems the problem with ratings, for me anyway, is a lack of dissent, but that's another argument).
As a consumer I find them a very useful starting point for discovering new music, especially when I'm doing some type of genre and/or catalog deep dive of music/band with which I'm unfamiliar.

campreverb, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 16:18 (Yesterday) Permalink

Pitchfork was more fun when it gave 0.0s to Zaireeka and Boy with the Arab Strap.

Mr. Snrub, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 19:47 (Yesterday) Permalink

It's amazing how fast backlash used to be. Arab Strap came out only two years after Sinister, and yet the pfork review talked about how belle and sebastian like they were this venerable institution that was letting down their fans with a "mediocre" record that "parodied" themselves. What was the expectation? I don't think disappointing sophomore albums are discussed this way anymore, especially if they follow fast on the heels of a classic. It's like time has sped up or something

primal, intuitive, and relatively unmediated (Treeship), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:25 (Yesterday) Permalink

arab strap was actually 0.8; i remember because it is the funniest pitchfork rating ever, to me. so close to a 1! but not quite 1-caliber.

difficult listening hour, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:27 (Yesterday) Permalink

I don't think disappointing sophomore albums are discussed this way anymore, especially if they follow fast on the heels of a classic.

i thought it was still the classic pfork move to laud the debut and shrug at the follow-up.

It's like time has sped up or something

unless it's a rapper who gets constant coverage on the basis of mixtapes and then gets their album panned, but that's more of a general issue.

lil urbane (Jordan), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:35 (Yesterday) Permalink

Have to respect the algorithms of the software they use. The results are scientific and objective.

xp

Evan, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:36 (Yesterday) Permalink

So were those tweets from the author of that "unbearable whiteness" article ranting about white people real?

SurfaceKrystal, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:43 (Yesterday) Permalink

Twitter isnt real its just words

primal, intuitive, and relatively unmediated (Treeship), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:49 (Yesterday) Permalink

Are you a YT? xp

, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:53 (Yesterday) Permalink

read that as "Are you a YouTube"

kriss akabusi cleaner (seandalai), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:59 (Yesterday) Permalink

wait, did 龜 really mean "are you a YouTube"?

kriss akabusi cleaner (seandalai), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 20:59 (Yesterday) Permalink

So did I

SurfaceKrystal, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:01 (Yesterday) Permalink

Seriously though, https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CBDsRdxWsAAnEb9.jpg

SurfaceKrystal, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:16 (Yesterday) Permalink

tell me more

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:46 (Yesterday) Permalink

More what, context? That Twitter is the author of the article mention previously on the thread.

SurfaceKrystal, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:50 (Yesterday) Permalink

how's life, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:50 (Yesterday) Permalink

please elaborate on why those tweets are notable, SurfaceKrystal

Whiney G. Weingarten, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:55 (Yesterday) Permalink

poor wites they never had a chance against this yung south asian writer, rip wites

are... are you saying you fucked a gazelle? (slothroprhymes), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:55 (Yesterday) Permalink

all of those tweets otm

The Reverend, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:58 (Yesterday) Permalink

pitchfork is like the only place on earth that ever cared about deerhoof

― J0rdan S., Monday, March 30, 2015 4:06 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Deerhoof has been a consistant live draw for over a decade

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:00 (Yesterday) Permalink

"white people sure are excited about unbreakable kimmy schmidt"

lol

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:01 (Yesterday) Permalink

xpost well, she wasn't really done with white people in 2012

Is It Any Wonder I'm Not the (President Keyes), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:01 (Yesterday) Permalink

Notable? Oh I just thought it was quite funny

SurfaceKrystal, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:02 (Yesterday) Permalink

why

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:04 (Yesterday) Permalink

lol wolves circling

badg, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:20 (Yesterday) Permalink

@ campreverb, I love ratings, but when they're fun and at the service of a good reading and listening experience, not "look at us scale the entire world of music and music writing on this metric of objectivity". My ideal rating system has always been Vice's music section tbh

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 23:25 (Yesterday) Permalink

my ideal rating system has always been dos and don'ts

difficult listening hour, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 23:27 (Yesterday) Permalink

xxp agreed, there just seemed to be a case being made earlier that ratings/listicles/best of's serve no purpose, and I while I think that point could be made for the latter 2, throwing ratings out with them is throwing the baby with the bathwater to me.

ideal system: CMJ's old RIYL.

campreverb, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 23:44 (Yesterday) Permalink

finger paintings tweet otm

swae lee is the sremmurd for rae dad (crüt), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 23:51 (Yesterday) Permalink

Kimmy Schmidt was great! I'm white btw

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 23:58 (Yesterday) Permalink

i don't see how she ever expects to get cast in a belle and sebastian movie with tweets like those

een, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 00:04 (13 hours ago) Permalink

Yeah so Jenny Death gets 8.1 but not BNM... perfect example of PF walking their top-down branding tightrope. Gotta appease the kids who align their indie identity with DG image marketing, but not unnerve the Pomplamoose set.

Adam J Duncan, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 00:24 (12 hours ago) Permalink

Whiney G. Weingarten, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 00:42 (12 hours ago) Permalink

unnerve the pomplamoose and pomplamoose the unnerved

difficult listening hour, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:07 (12 hours ago) Permalink

is what they should be doing

difficult listening hour, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:07 (12 hours ago) Permalink

I just want to post a comment below the review, goddammit!

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:11 (12 hours ago) Permalink

open commenting on pitchfork is not a great idea.

billstevejim, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:13 (12 hours ago) Permalink

well ok, but i just have one really important comment

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:14 (11 hours ago) Permalink

for one review in particular

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:14 (11 hours ago) Permalink

it's about how i make a living while working from the comfort of my home

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:14 (11 hours ago) Permalink

post it here

RAP GAME SHANI DAVIS (Raymond Cummings), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:14 (11 hours ago) Permalink

wtf i can't c+p my home

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:16 (11 hours ago) Permalink

just post everything here

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 02:57 (10 hours ago) Permalink

thank you all for this thread it keeps giving

creaks, whines and trife (s.clover), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 04:10 (9 hours ago) Permalink

I just want to post a comment below the review, goddammit!

*indicates the total fucking nightmare that is the pfork facebook*

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 04:12 (9 hours ago) Permalink

your boy chris paul flopping like someone whacked his leg with a club

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 1 April 2015 04:40 (8 hours ago) Permalink

lol whoops

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 1 April 2015 04:40 (8 hours ago) Permalink

nonetheless my point stands

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 1 April 2015 04:41 (8 hours ago) Permalink

otm

tsrobodo, Wednesday, 1 April 2015 04:46 (8 hours ago) Permalink

7.8 - Captures the end of the season

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 07:10 (6 hours ago) Permalink


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