pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (6 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (6 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (6 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (6 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (6 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (6 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (6 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (6 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (6 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (6 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (6 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (6 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (6 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

I said but, but IN THE FUTURE

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Friday, 12 September 2014 14:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

"said that" ah well

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Friday, 12 September 2014 14:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

I said butt

stacked as fuck & imposing (DJP), Friday, 12 September 2014 14:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

Butt to the Future IV: the Secret of Bono's Grandchild

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Friday, 12 September 2014 14:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

not sure why time travel would be necessary here

Now you're messing with a (President Keyes), Friday, 12 September 2014 15:59 (1 month ago) Permalink

Seriously, I know bands who sleep with their grandchildren all the time and they don't need to go to the future.

Quinoa Phoenix (latebloomer), Saturday, 13 September 2014 16:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

bands with albums??

Mordy, Saturday, 13 September 2014 17:02 (1 month ago) Permalink

Wait, we're talking about music?

Quinoa Phoenix (latebloomer), Saturday, 13 September 2014 17:04 (1 month ago) Permalink

I love that line

goon flambience (fgti), Saturday, 13 September 2014 19:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://pitchfork.com/news/56698-wiz-khalifa-talks-weed-sting-marriage-fatherhood-on-pitchforktvs-overunder/

URL says it all ... almost trolling on their part

unknown pleasure zone (uptown churl), Monday, 15 September 2014 18:47 (1 month ago) Permalink

except that's... exactly what happens in the video?

le goon (J0rdan S.), Monday, 15 September 2014 18:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

he didn't really marry sting

bozack horseman (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 15 September 2014 18:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

they will walk in fields of WEED mirit

the other song about butts in the top 5 (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 September 2014 19:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

i think we as a people really need to pick our battles when it comes to declaring shit "dumb"

een, Monday, 15 September 2014 19:07 (1 month ago) Permalink

"The failings of Alt-J's sophomore effort has" . . . i have never seen so many typos on a website but IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOTICING

reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 11:26 (1 month ago) Permalink

wau @ Perfume Genius getting BNM; the last record was such a miserable experience that it felt like a joke on the audience

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 13:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

"The failings of Alt-J's sophomore effort has" . . . i have never seen so many typos on a website but IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOTICING

aw, i actually really enjoyed the bluntness of that summary:

The failings of Alt-J's sophomore effort have little to do with hype or unfair standards and everything to do with the album in question being really dull and tuneless

john wahey (NickB), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 13:33 (1 month ago) Permalink

the last record was such a miserable experience that it felt like a joke on the audience

and it also got bnm

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 13:34 (1 month ago) Permalink

New Miserable Experience

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 13:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

new perfume genius much better than old perfume genius imho

uxorious gazumping (monotony), Tuesday, 23 September 2014 13:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

Loved that last PG record! No opinion on the new one yet...

schwantz, Tuesday, 23 September 2014 15:55 (1 month ago) Permalink

At one that I saw in late 2012, he reminded me of a cat, drawing the audience in by pulling away, rolling over and showing his softer, playful side only to snap back into cool focus.

socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 24 September 2014 13:39 (1 month ago) Permalink

Oh yes I loved that tour

flambient 4: on goon (fgti), Wednesday, 24 September 2014 13:57 (1 month ago) Permalink

The show I saw, when his guitar player tried to rub his belly he scratched him hard enough to draw blood. Lots of gasps then applause.

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 24 September 2014 14:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

let's focus on the bizarre mixed metaphor there

socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 24 September 2014 14:06 (1 month ago) Permalink

one thing i love about cats is how they just snap back into cool focus like *that*

socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 24 September 2014 14:07 (1 month ago) Permalink

I like the phrasing of the headline "Kendrick Lamar freestyles for six minutes on Power 106, gets interviewed." As if the interview happened because he freestyled for six minutes. "WHO ARE YOU? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

da croupier, Wednesday, 24 September 2014 16:15 (1 month ago) Permalink

"tell. us. more."

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 29 September 2014 04:00 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

gotta say that's the first time I've seen U2 accused of the music crime equivalent of using a time machine for the purposes of incest

Laughed hard

Re-Make/Re-Model, Monday, 29 September 2014 14:38 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Oasis
(What's the Story) Morning Glory?
Big Brother; 1995/2014
By
Stuart Berman
; September 29, 2014
8.9
Best New Reissue

Find it at:
Insound Vinyl Amazon MP3 & CD

marcos, Monday, 29 September 2014 14:43 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

link is broken

Evan, Monday, 29 September 2014 14:45 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Although "Chimes" may mark a step forward in one regard, it's also static in terms of tempo. The remix provided by prolific UK producer Gammer that bookends the EP suffers from the same problem: it's sped up and flecked with added percussion, but it also lacks a push-pull velocity change.

this is a very weird criticism.

festival culture (Jordan), Tuesday, 30 September 2014 15:20 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i hate how dance songs don't just randomly change tempos in the the middle of the song

bozack horseman (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 30 September 2014 15:57 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

whoever wrote that clearly has no idea who Gammer is otherwise they would have noted how incongruous it is to have a happy hardcore doyen remixing Hudson Mohawke

(the preview of it on Beatport sounded neat just now fwiw!)

well-behaved wingmen really hate Mystery (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 30 September 2014 17:48 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

For five years, PC Worship have been the sort of amorphous New York ensemble that can only be defined by a series of question marks. Is this an improv noise collective? A "mutant soul band"? A casual experiment in home-recording? If so, why is their loft called Le Wallet? Did they really all meet as New School jazz majors? Is it true they build their own instruments? And why is one called "the shitar"?

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/19845-pc-worship-social-rust/

Indexed, Friday, 3 October 2014 18:45 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

PC Worship is, in essence, a twisted, low-pitched vision of subterranean psychedelia—variously made of bad-moon-lit trash-punk, droning minimalism, prepared pianos, and Albert Ayler-worshipping sax freak-outs

Indexed, Friday, 3 October 2014 20:03 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

downloading

please delete outrageous tanuki crappyposter (wins), Friday, 3 October 2014 20:18 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

for real tho

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 6 October 2014 06:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

PC Worship rules so far!! thanks pitchfork!

u2 removal machine (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 7 October 2014 20:03 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Get into Dreebs if you haven't already too

Life is full of shopportunities (fgti), Tuesday, 7 October 2014 20:13 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

ya holy shit this pc monster is rad. even through one earbud at work

global tetrahedron, Tuesday, 7 October 2014 20:21 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

pc worship is fucking dope.

billstevejim, Friday, 10 October 2014 04:55 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

"Message boards have always been my favorite mode of communication" - Owen P.

<3 <3 <3

Karl Malone, Friday, 10 October 2014 14:33 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Bob Mould

Do you remember your first time using the internet?

Yes

Where were you?

My office in Austin, Texas

How did you access it?

AOL 14.4K

What did you search for?

Porn

What was your first impression?

Slow

marcos, Friday, 10 October 2014 14:35 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I loved that one so much

rad het chilly poppers (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 10 October 2014 15:28 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

this reads like it should be in forbes or something

Hell Can Wait is a debut for rapper Vince Staples, but it’s really a refinement, the end result of a years long search for the right producer. His jump to Def Jam is a case study in the enduring merit of good old-fashioned artist development.

socki (s1ocki), Tuesday, 14 October 2014 14:05 (1 week ago) Permalink

It's their first hiphop bnm of the year, and the first half of the review is about how Vince Staples dislikes the rest of hiphop...

Frederik B, Tuesday, 14 October 2014 14:07 (1 week ago) Permalink

I feel like I'm watching a kid build a sandcastle at the same time he's kicking it down.

fgti, Friday, 17 October 2014 04:52 (1 week ago) Permalink

That new Parkay Court song is a Teenage Cool Kids cover.
But the reviewer doesn't know it I guess..

nostormo, Friday, 17 October 2014 10:08 (1 week ago) Permalink

Isn't the singer of Teenage Cool Kids the singer of Parkay Farts?

Position Position, Friday, 17 October 2014 14:05 (1 week ago) Permalink


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