pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (nine years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (nine years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (nine years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (nine years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (nine years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (nine years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (nine years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (nine years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (nine years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (nine years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (nine years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (nine years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (nine years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

the lyrics to that song are kinda like Nickelback tried to take all of the reprehensible shit that they tiptoed around on other songs and put it front and center.

Neanderthal, Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:12 (one week ago) Permalink

like basically anybody who sings it at karaoke has hologram fedoras added to their heads

Neanderthal, Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:12 (one week ago) Permalink

niels, Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:13 (one week ago) Permalink

where's the funny (probably fake) story that UMS posted about Kroeger singing that song at full volume in a restaurant than peacing out

Neanderthal, Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:14 (one week ago) Permalink

soref nice pictures of the reality show demographic

Evan, Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:19 (one week ago) Permalink

I respect Nickelback for being willing to just tee one up for the Photoshoppers like this. (This is an official promo pic; I remember when we got it in, at the label.)

Don Van Gorp, midwest regional VP, marketing (誤訳侮辱), Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:45 (one week ago) Permalink

Oh yea, one line from "Figured You Out" is "I love my hands around your neck." But no, you're right. Hating this song is definitely reflexive and classist.

Again, maybe I could see it working if the music sounded creepy and intense, or maybe even if it were manically upbeat, but over generic workmanlike alt-rock chug, those lines just... sit there in an unpleasant way. I'm honestly not even sure what they're going for.

My Body's Made of Crushed Little Evening Stars (Sund4r), Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:50 (one week ago) Permalink

(Assuming/hoping that Kroeger is trying to portray a violent misogynist there and does not endorse the viewpoint himself)

My Body's Made of Crushed Little Evening Stars (Sund4r), Sunday, 12 February 2017 20:53 (one week ago) Permalink

When people derided Bon Jovi's nomination to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on the basis of no one ever citing Bon Jovi as an influence, Nickelback seemed like one of a few bands that actually might.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:01 (one week ago) Permalink

reminds me of the dudes (and some women!) who find that buckcherry song "sexy"

like yeah, i get this is transgressive and sounds like the stupid stories your friend with a bad dating history tells after two beers about how a good hatefuck is so great. but, jesus, do you really need songs about using people with no self-reflection other than "lol i guess i am bad for liking this"

mh 😏, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:08 (one week ago) Permalink

that nickelback song reads like they heard the nine inch nails song "reptile" on a bar jukebox and made it explicitly about sex with groupies you hate, and removed any pretense

mh 😏, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:11 (one week ago) Permalink

they really do look like their audience. like phish. or icp. people identify. i can dig that. that's just not my tribe. i have an uneasy peace agreement with them though. they leave me alone. i leave them alone. unless, um, i need my car towed. or my dryer fixed. or anything involving tools.

it doesn't help as far as stereotypes go that i live next to Trump dudes i kinda hate who make huge bonfires in their backyard and park their truck next to the bonfire and blast shit like nickelback late into the night. i don't judge ALL fans based on them though. maria did actually see them shooting fish in a barrel one day. i kid you not. there are also three large apparently non-working boats in their backyard.

scott seward, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:12 (one week ago) Permalink

lol i am so sorry

reminds me of a work friend who lives outside of town. the next property over is a farm with some trees/scrubland next to his property. so of course the idiot neighbors and their friends come over to shoot semiautomatic weapons at thing and be loud in the tree line right next to him

mh 😏, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:16 (one week ago) Permalink

one of those dudes ext door actually put on a statue of liberty crown and held a *honk for trump* sign for passing cars on election day. maria yelled at him. and he said he didn't understand why she had a problem because maria and him were both white...

scott seward, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:22 (one week ago) Permalink

almost as if people who are white would have a problem with... ok this hurts my head, time to shotgun some beers around a fire pit

mh 😏, Sunday, 12 February 2017 21:31 (one week ago) Permalink

Nickelback hate is reflexive, received wisdom. kind of classist, too

― flappy bird, Saturday, February 11, 2017 6:12 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol this so woke

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 12 February 2017 22:44 (one week ago) Permalink

Nickleback is a tea set doily compared to the guys that sing the "Let The Bodies Hit the Floor" song

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 12 February 2017 22:46 (one week ago) Permalink

I have bad news for you about the guy who sang that

more specifically, about his body and it's disposition re: the floor

mh 😏, Sunday, 12 February 2017 23:14 (one week ago) Permalink

That’s the problem with the internet and social media and stuff: the stuff that you like, you can’t say what it is that you like about something. If you like something, it’s supposed to be beyond the intellectual. But I will ride for Nickelback—I want that on the record. ‘Farmer John Misery: I ride for Nickelback.’

I'm sure FJM apologists/fans will find this quote endearing, but to me, this performative shite is just... dude, you like Nickleback - big fucking deal

niels, Sunday, 12 February 2017 23:40 (one week ago) Permalink

Given a choice, I'd take an hour of Nickelback over ten minutes of Father John Misty, and I'd put that on my mama

Wimmels, Sunday, 12 February 2017 23:47 (one week ago) Permalink

I've never heard a note of that guy's music, but his whole late-period-Jim-Morrison-wearing-one-of-Nick-Cave's-suits look is way more offensive than his being into Nickelback.

Don Van Gorp, midwest regional VP, marketing (誤訳侮辱), Sunday, 12 February 2017 23:48 (one week ago) Permalink

Lol mh

Neanderthal, Monday, 13 February 2017 00:21 (one week ago) Permalink

i hate how "performative" has spread so quickly. dude is a performer, what do you expect? he gives good interviews, i like them better than his music

flappy bird, Monday, 13 February 2017 00:40 (one week ago) Permalink

Socioeconomic class issues don't account for the hate - being shitty does - but Nickelback fans I nonetheless suspect firmly fall into the same socioeconomic class as fans of the band's hard rock/hair metal/AOR etc. predecessors. Which is to say, white working class, a familiar phrase these days. They're not necessarily deserving of disdain, but they do get mocked, and I'd argue get mocked for stereotypical socio economic class signifiers before musical taste. That is, for looking like Nickelback fans first, and being Nickelback fans second.

I guess I'm unconvinced that Nickelback's audience belongs to a class that is less wealthy and powerful than the that of the people who hate Nickelback, which is the kind of 'classism' that would most concern me. (I think I would still hold to this if it is true that their audience largely belongs to the white working class, as it is defined here, i.e. ≈64% of the white population in the US, privileged relative to the non-white working class, predominantly urban/suburban, and pretty diverse in employment).

My Body's Made of Crushed Little Evening Stars (Sund4r), Monday, 13 February 2017 00:48 (one week ago) Permalink

than the that of the people

My Body's Made of Crushed Little Evening Stars (Sund4r), Monday, 13 February 2017 00:48 (one week ago) Permalink

i'm pretty sure a large portion of nickelback's adult audience makes more money than me. they look like solid citizens.

scott seward, Monday, 13 February 2017 01:08 (one week ago) Permalink

there are lots of people who just want solid dependable ram tough slightly anonymous no-frills no-surprises music and it speaks to their solid sense of self in language that they understand (or bolsters their lack of strength and hey me too) and don't need to think about it too hard because its just music and it serves a purpose and pumps you up or soothes you when you are feeling blue in the car after work and there is too much traffic. sometimes i envy people who just use music for very specific times and purposes and don't obsess over it and make a big deal out of things. though they probably obsess over other things. like fishing poles. the right kind of fishing poles. tires. i hear my neighbors next door talking about tires sometimes. it's weird that i feel separate and apart from normal white folks but i just didn't grow up with christ or even normalcy and i know that we all eat a lot of chicken and potatoes but i often feel like i am passing when i talk to them. plenty of great normal people out there though. i'm not selling them short. i talk to them from time to time when they want to sell me their dead grandma's records. (and i'm also not saying that they don't feel deeply about the songs and artists they like. i have no doubt that they do.)

scott seward, Monday, 13 February 2017 01:25 (one week ago) Permalink

also: i am watching every episode of Friends on Netflix (blizzards, snow days, february...) and that one where they go to the Hootie concert still strikes me as weird for some reason? i don't know why. i guess it makes the most sense for Ross. maybe just because they're in new york? but they were hootie's demo kinda.

scott seward, Monday, 13 February 2017 01:30 (one week ago) Permalink

Scott, sounds about right. Also, if you're in Canada, they play this stuff on radio as part of Canadian content standards, and a lot of people think radio = what's in. Obvious point I guess.

Everything Moves Towards The Sun (Ross), Monday, 13 February 2017 01:39 (one week ago) Permalink

i was impressed by the grizzled guy in his 50's who was looking for CDs yesterday who came up and said "Do you have any Flo Rida, Toto, or Survivor...?"

i do like surprises.

scott seward, Monday, 13 February 2017 01:40 (one week ago) Permalink

as far as Canada big goes, i'd rather listen to The Stampeders. talk about huge.

scott seward, Monday, 13 February 2017 01:43 (one week ago) Permalink

I am glad Ross brought up cancon because I saw a couple people on twitter being all "nickelback is fine" and realized they were subject tof our neighbor's cultural sponsorship regime

mh 😏, Monday, 13 February 2017 03:36 (one week ago) Permalink

i was impressed by the grizzled guy in his 50's who was looking for CDs yesterday who came up and said "Do you have any Flo Rida, Toto, or Survivor...?"

i do like surprises.

― scott seward, Monday, February 13, 2017 1:40 AM (nine hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'd be disappointed if you didnt give this man a big hug.

Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 13 February 2017 11:39 (one week ago) Permalink

BONKERS! B-O-N-K-E-R-S!

http://pitchfork.com/news/71539-animal-collectives-new-song-is-kinda-bonkers-listen/

Οὖτις, Monday, 13 February 2017 16:52 (one week ago) Permalink

possibly the most irritating band on the planet

I Am In Atlanta And Thug Is Young (imago), Monday, 13 February 2017 17:05 (one week ago) Permalink

Because of their music, because of the critical discourse that surrounds it or both?

pomenitul, Monday, 13 February 2017 17:08 (one week ago) Permalink

everything

I Am In Atlanta And Thug Is Young (imago), Monday, 13 February 2017 17:11 (one week ago) Permalink

the visual design too

I Am In Atlanta And Thug Is Young (imago), Monday, 13 February 2017 17:11 (one week ago) Permalink

maybe even especially

I Am In Atlanta And Thug Is Young (imago), Monday, 13 February 2017 17:11 (one week ago) Permalink

but is there anything inherently good in nickelback's sound

F♯ A♯ (∞), Monday, 13 February 2017 18:28 (one week ago) Permalink

ahahah i didn't even make the connection when I heard the new song, the AC is appealing directly to p4k now...

flappy bird, Monday, 13 February 2017 18:31 (one week ago) Permalink

These five words in my head
Ain't learned another chord yet

Neanderthal, Monday, 13 February 2017 18:50 (one week ago) Permalink

Nickelbonkers!

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Monday, 13 February 2017 19:02 (one week ago) Permalink

Misread that as 'Nice bonkers!'

how's life, Monday, 13 February 2017 19:07 (one week ago) Permalink

Just popping in to say that the pic on this Grammy piece is fucking amazing

fgti, Monday, 13 February 2017 19:14 (one week ago) Permalink

the trophy might as well be one of those cartoon time-bombs with the words WHITE PRIVILEGE emblazoned on it.

evol j, Monday, 13 February 2017 19:19 (one week ago) Permalink

is it true The Pitchfork Review is over?

Frozen CD, Friday, 17 February 2017 03:39 (three days ago) Permalink

Chad Ubovich is already a proven guitar hero, having played in Fuzz and with Mikal Cronin

really stretching the definition of "guitar hero" here, guys

Wimmels, Friday, 17 February 2017 13:14 (three days ago) Permalink

Love that classic Ubovich tone

blonde redheads have more fun (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 17 February 2017 14:22 (three days ago) Permalink

i mean, he does rip and he's played in several good bands

alpine static, Friday, 17 February 2017 17:49 (three days ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.