pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (8 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (8 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (8 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (8 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (8 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (8 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (8 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (8 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (8 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

in concert

j., Tuesday, 12 January 2016 18:36 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

millennnial males

maura, Wednesday, 13 January 2016 06:46 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

“By changing their name, fka VC have removed the primary distraction preventing fans and potential audiences from enjoying their excellent post-punk jams. Now we can shut up and get on with the music.”

okay

maura, Wednesday, 13 January 2016 06:47 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

finally i can shut up and get on with the music

Copy rights, pleasing all star wars fans, hiring professionals. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 13 January 2016 13:23 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Today on Pitchfork, we're shutting up and getting on with the music. No articles today.

Copy rights, pleasing all star wars fans, hiring professionals. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 13 January 2016 13:24 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Finally we can stop talking about these racist idiots and get on listening to their awful, derivative music

poorzingis (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 13 January 2016 15:52 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Free downloads threatened to take away yachts.

a (waterface), Thursday, 14 January 2016 14:46 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

guys

a (waterface), Thursday, 14 January 2016 14:46 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

don't read it

a (waterface), Thursday, 14 January 2016 14:46 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

trust me

a (waterface), Thursday, 14 January 2016 14:47 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne
His music is sparkly and pretty and feels good, like a digitized glass of champagne

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Thursday, 14 January 2016 15:32 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

tylerw, Thursday, 14 January 2016 15:42 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Pitchfork 2016:

omg, Bowie was, like, such an innovator, right? I can't even

I wonder if Khloe Kardashian has a verse on Swish, that shit would be off the hook

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Thursday, 14 January 2016 16:06 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

is 'racist idiots' just that they named their band viet cong or is there more to this

carly rae jetson (thomp), Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:00 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

admittedly i haven't read it, but

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/999-carlos-dengler-on-how-david-bowie-gave-him-the-freedom-to-quit-interpol-and-find-himself/

what the world needed this week was a good ol' comparison of the guy from interpol to david bowie, written by the guy from interpol

Karl Malone, Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

uh hello obvious the notable carlos d thread was a motivator

μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:09 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

http://exclaim.ca/music/article/8203not_yours_to_play_with_why_viet_congs_name_offends-hooded_fangs_april_aliermo_on_community_racism_appropriation_of_neighbours_culture

In a Guardian piece, they explained that their name came from a moment when their bass player was holding his instrument like a weapon. One of them remarked, "All you need is a rice paddy hat and it would be so Viet Cong." The band have claimed "There are zero political connotations… we just honestly thought it sounded good and that it gives some imagery that matches our music in terms of it being explosive and dark." In an interview with Impose Magazine, the band talk about how, in old movies, the Viet Cong were so "bad ass."

Copy rights, pleasing all star wars fans, hiring professionals. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:16 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"All you need is a rice paddy hat and it would be so Viet Cong."
"There are zero political connotations… "

does not compute

μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:17 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

When I was a 10-year-old boy, surviving the cultural wilderness of inland Queens

marcos, Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

cultural wilderness of large NYC borough

marcos, Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

everyone should read the carlos d thing, it is full of gems

tylerw, Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:20 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

they should change their name to the Nazis next. and after that they could change it to the Khmer Rouge.

Οὖτις, Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:21 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I’d done it again, only this would be the last time: I’d toyed with a fragile nervous system, dousing it with chemicals and warm bodies well past the hour when most mortals had already made it to the office somehow.

lots of humblebraggin in there

Copy rights, pleasing all star wars fans, hiring professionals. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:22 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

misread that as "full of germs" xxp

μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:25 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

admittedly i haven't read it, but

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/999-carlos-dengler-on-how-david-bowie-gave-him-the-freedom-to-quit-interpol-and-find-himself/

what the world needed this week was a good ol' comparison of the guy from interpol to david bowie, written by the guy from interpol

― Karl Malone, Thursday, January 14, 2016 12:04 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark

J0rdan S., Thursday, 14 January 2016 17:38 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

haha thanks forks. that's a shame i half like the record i wish they weren't dumb

carly rae jetson (thomp), Friday, 15 January 2016 10:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

hey, back to that 80s list:

114) Talk Talk - “Life's What You Make It”

whaaaaa "RAINBOW" TOP 10 PLZ

niels, Friday, 15 January 2016 11:21 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

the '80s list was 2015? seems like years ago.

billstevejim, Friday, 15 January 2016 21:39 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

The decadence of the '00s was at an end. It was a time of conservation, of the profit principle, of high anxiety, of major label betrayals, of group therapy and raised voices, of cold, stony pursed lips on poker faces disguising a contagious terror that trickled down from managers and executives quivering in their boots. Free downloads threatened to take away yachts. The end of art was nigh, I could feel it.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 15 January 2016 21:47 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I didn't even make it that far

Οὖτις, Friday, 15 January 2016 21:50 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

To top it off, I was sick of being in a band where my nickname was "Shamu."

tylerw, Friday, 15 January 2016 21:51 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I didn't even make it that far

― Οὖτις,

The end of art was nigh.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 15 January 2016 21:53 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

man, that guy is a total buffoon.

hackshaw, Friday, 15 January 2016 21:53 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i think everyone kinda knew they were wrong about "GOOD Fridays is back" even though they kept writing those completely unconfirmed words so many times throughout the past week as if it they could just make it true by writing them over and over again.

billstevejim, Saturday, 16 January 2016 20:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

it's music internet SOP now considering the ridiculous way people have acted about the Frank Ocean album

some dude, Saturday, 16 January 2016 20:43 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Kanye Didn't Release A Track Last Friday, And That's OK

HYPERLINK TO RAP GENIUS (BradNelson), Saturday, 16 January 2016 20:48 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Fucked up thing is I can no longer tell if that headline is for real or parody

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Saturday, 16 January 2016 22:56 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Of course, there’s a long tradition of rock musicians using heroin to inspire their best music—think Lou Reed, Neil Young, Keith Richards—but Smith found no truth in such myths. “You can’t write music when you’re high,” he says plainly. “You can’t do much of anything productive.”

I suppose the generous reading here is that Neil Young used *the subject* of heroin but still wtf editors

Οὖτις, Thursday, 21 January 2016 23:38 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

could've substituted any number of less ambiguous figures (Cobain as already mentioned in the article, Sonic Boom etc)

Οὖτις, Thursday, 21 January 2016 23:39 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Wow, 2014? That was a little over a year ago! What have those dudes been up to?!

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 26 January 2016 14:37 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Putting together an airtight case for any funkiness that could occur on this tour

I expel a minor traveler's flatulence (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 15:07 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

cannot believe a band waited a very normal (or what would even be the shorter end of normal) period of time btwn playing shows, what a world

police patrol felt the smell of smoke and found that goat burns (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 20:02 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

lol shocked they are doing something w David Byrne too. next you will tell me they have a remix coming.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 20:17 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

DJ Windows 98 plays a viral Drake song

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 20:18 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Take note James Murphy - Pitchfork still covers you even if you don't announce a break as a breakup.

sctttnnnt (pgwp), Wednesday, 27 January 2016 02:30 (1 week ago) Permalink

this might be my last one? i have no idea. anyway, out now. me and king soto and beta and matos as well.

scott seward, Friday, 29 January 2016 19:23 (1 week ago) Permalink

yeah, just got the latest issue, looks great -- andy beta's alice coltrane thing is nice, lisa jane persky's NYC 70s piece too! and of course matos is fantastic on Prince. it's a nice mag! $20 is a ridiculous price, but I don't know, they do a good job. hope you keep doing columns, scott!

tylerw, Friday, 29 January 2016 19:29 (1 week ago) Permalink

Pitchfork: Some of your songs, like “Fireworks,” also contain surreal narratives—how has the idea of making a story, or having a point, been something that's become important to you?

did the interviewer just ask why having a point is something that is important

Karl Malone, Monday, 8 February 2016 19:20 (Yesterday) Permalink

a week later but I'm seconding the new Review. I read it in one sitting.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 8 February 2016 19:24 (Yesterday) Permalink


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