pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

You need to find another doctor.

Evan, Wednesday, 22 April 2015 20:27 (6 days ago) Permalink

human centipitchfork

Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato? (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 22 April 2015 20:28 (6 days ago) Permalink

pinch forks's bum (#3438465

neetsooh ebebay (wins), Wednesday, 22 April 2015 20:32 (6 days ago) Permalink

http://pitchfork.com/features/interviews/9634-boss-status-speedy-ortiz-make-power-moves/

I feel like in 2015 we can concede that it's not interesting or unusual for someone who plays "indie rock" to enjoy hip-hop music.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 23 April 2015 17:31 (5 days ago) Permalink

Hip-hop has been mainstream popular for over 30 years. It's not interesting or unusual for anyone to enjoy it.

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 23 April 2015 17:34 (5 days ago) Permalink

the resilient, outspoken, and autonomous attitude of rap

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 23 April 2015 18:05 (5 days ago) Permalink

full quote is "the resilient, outspoken, and autonomous attitude of rap at this point," which I guess is in sharp contrast to the focus on codependency and meekness that has defined the rap music before this point.

intheblanks, Thursday, 23 April 2015 18:09 (5 days ago) Permalink

almost startling to read "the 26-year-old poetry MFA holder" as a neutral descriptor

rob, Thursday, 23 April 2015 18:11 (5 days ago) Permalink

x-post--

And though the 26-year-old poetry MFA holder grew up enamored of the songwriting of Elliott Smith and Fiona Apple, her psychic compass can’t help but pull towards the resilient, outspoken, and autonomous attitude of rap at this point.

I think the writer's use of "at this point" here is to compare what Dupuis "grew up" with and what she is listening to now, not rap then and rap now. In a NY Times interview she also talked about listening to rap (as well as Pavement and Aaliyah) but as I recall the interviewer did not add any special descriptive terms to describe her listening-- it was just "hey what are you listening to?". Pretty standard question to ask any musician, even if its generic.

curmudgeon, Thursday, 23 April 2015 19:37 (5 days ago) Permalink

yeah, you're right, classic dangling modifier situation

intheblanks, Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:10 (5 days ago) Permalink

I've written that phrase many times in student essays.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:17 (5 days ago) Permalink

Does anyone actually listen to Speedy Ortiz or do they only exist in retweet form?

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:33 (5 days ago) Permalink

Glass houses, dude

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:39 (5 days ago) Permalink

?

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:42 (5 days ago) Permalink

oh you made a "who cares" dig despite knowing your friends like this band, so i did the usual call out of irony, don't sweat it no harm meant

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:50 (5 days ago) Permalink

I think the four or five music media professionals I know that like this band don't count as "anyone" except in the most literal sense of the word

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:01 (5 days ago) Permalink

i know maura is a fan; she is a very literal someone by my estimation (and yrs of course)

Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato? (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:03 (5 days ago) Permalink

Damn that's cold

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:03 (5 days ago) Permalink

Xpost

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:03 (5 days ago) Permalink

v much in character whiney

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:14 (5 days ago) Permalink

I didn't know indie rock band Speedy Ortiz had such evil power.

Evan, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:15 (5 days ago) Permalink

when I say "anyone" assume that I mean mean "anyone outside of our small insular circle jerk of music writers, former music writers and aspiring music writers, i.e. the number of people on the planet earth who would read a thinkpiece on "poptimism," i.e., totaling in the four if not three digits, i.e., not a significant part of the music-listening audience by any estimation"

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:17 (5 days ago) Permalink

which is why i could have posted "does anyone listen to whiney or does he just exist in RT form," but i felt that sounded less "check yourself" and more "fuck you" than i wanted

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:19 (5 days ago) Permalink

i'd think we want more critics would talk about groups they like without a large audience. i don't need everyone's two cents on music everyone's hearing.

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:20 (5 days ago) Permalink

We definitely need more and more written through articles on every derivative 90s throwback band from Philadelphia and Boston, good call

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:25 (5 days ago) Permalink

:(

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:26 (5 days ago) Permalink

happy 2 contribute

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:26 (5 days ago) Permalink

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:27 (5 days ago) Permalink

would you respect them if i said they toured with malkmus?

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:27 (5 days ago) Permalink

see these are people they're cheering

da croupier, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:28 (5 days ago) Permalink

I guess it is possible in this current click-driven media world that Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, the NY Times, and NPR would choose to highlight this indie-rock band even though no "real people" listen to them, or go to their gigs, but who knows. Its fine not to like them, but that's a different thing than pretending that the indie-rock crowd that does like them does not exist

curmudgeon, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:30 (5 days ago) Permalink

write articles about Thaylobleu instead

DJP, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:31 (5 days ago) Permalink

or in addition, if you've got the bandwidth

basically, I want ppl to write about Thaylobleu

DJP, Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:31 (5 days ago) Permalink

i have never made money from writing about music and clearly no one would want to be such a person, you are all disgusting misanthropes

but i listened to speedy ortiz this morning and they rule

j., Thursday, 23 April 2015 21:57 (5 days ago) Permalink

they're pretty popular! they play all over the world. they tour like crazy.

scott seward, Thursday, 23 April 2015 22:00 (5 days ago) Permalink

it seems a lot of music writers use reddit now http://www.reddit.com/r/listentothis/comments/33mijz/ama_were_speedy_ortiz_a_band_from_massachusetts/

katherine, Thursday, 23 April 2015 22:59 (5 days ago) Permalink

MeagerSquib, I love that guy, we're writer bros, KillerVelocity and I had a conversation about poptimsim, oh man, so many familiar faces

katherine, Thursday, 23 April 2015 23:00 (5 days ago) Permalink

Does anyone actually listen to Speedy Ortiz or do they only exist in retweet form?

― clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 23 April 2015 20:33 (Yesterday) Permalink

Whiney, I do, and I don't have a Twitter account

RAP GAME SHANI DAVIS (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 24 April 2015 01:32 (4 days ago) Permalink

Each of those 5 music writers who like Speedy Ortiz must have listened to their songs around a hundred thousand times on Spotify

Is It Any Wonder I'm Not the (President Keyes), Friday, 24 April 2015 13:15 (4 days ago) Permalink

their show at the bowery ballroom saturday is sold out though i know that place only fits like five music writers

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Friday, 24 April 2015 13:28 (4 days ago) Permalink

"Only five music writers liked Speedy Ortiz, but each one who did went on to stream those songs a hundred thousand times." - Brian Eno

NotKnowPotato (stevie), Friday, 24 April 2015 13:29 (4 days ago) Permalink

Shitty, gatecrashing "noise band" loves Rihanna now, Pavement-sounding indie rock band cites influence of hip-hop, rockists beware etc.

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Friday, 24 April 2015 13:33 (4 days ago) Permalink

Shitty, gatecrashing "noise band" loves Rihanna now, Pavement-sounding indie rock band cites influence of hip-hop, rockists beware etc.

― Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Friday, April 24, 2015 2:33 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

JFK BLOWN AWAY WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY

NotKnowPotato (stevie), Friday, 24 April 2015 13:40 (4 days ago) Permalink

Uh I think you guys misread Whiney a little. He was saying he knows of only 5 music writers that may listen to Speedy Ortiz. Not that their entire audience consists of those 5 writers.

Evan, Friday, 24 April 2015 13:46 (4 days ago) Permalink

I think he said their entire audience consisted of nobody, since those writers don't count as anybody

Is It Any Wonder I'm Not the (President Keyes), Friday, 24 April 2015 14:17 (4 days ago) Permalink

Well tbf it was a question not a statement, he wanted to know if anyone listened to this band, you guys checked for him, now he knows, excellent crowdsourcing Whiney

neetsooh ebebay (wins), Friday, 24 April 2015 14:35 (4 days ago) Permalink

I think he means that if you're a music writer and you decide to listen to Speedy Ortiz your identity dissolves and you technically exist but you become a faceless entity with a lost, senselessly wandering soul that has no purpose yet yearns endlessly. You know because you look others in the eye and there is no recognition or connection. You drift forever and nothing can undo it.

Evan, Friday, 24 April 2015 15:48 (4 days ago) Permalink

tickets on sale now

Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato? (forksclovetofu), Friday, 24 April 2015 17:11 (4 days ago) Permalink

"We played to a packed house. It was mostly ghosts."

Is It Any Wonder I'm Not the (President Keyes), Friday, 24 April 2015 17:42 (4 days ago) Permalink


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