pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (6 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (6 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (6 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (6 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (6 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (6 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (6 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (6 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (6 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (6 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (6 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (6 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (6 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

*takes off Nixon mask, revealing Darth Vader mask*

famous instagram God (waterface), Monday, 16 June 2014 16:56 (1 month ago) Permalink

circles within circles
within other circles
video games

Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Monday, 16 June 2014 16:56 (1 month ago) Permalink

first person shooter

Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 June 2014 16:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

hey now

famous instagram God (waterface), Monday, 16 June 2014 17:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

the only thing i would shoot someone with is my hurmor

famous instagram God (waterface), Monday, 16 June 2014 17:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

humor

famous instagram God (waterface), Monday, 16 June 2014 17:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

I like the review, I said it was mostly OTM and talked about the authenticity thing well.

My ish with the "many people/repellant" line was not its accuracy but its phrasing. That the "people" went unnamed, like, it didn't need to be said. I can't see a writer typing "you begin to remember why many people find the whole project repellant" about, say, Jack White, an artist whose whole project many people find repellent.

flamboyant goon tie included, Monday, 16 June 2014 17:04 (1 month ago) Permalink

Speaking on behalf of other people is textbook abusive-language, even (especially?) when it's a method for framing a compliment. I dunno. Maybe I'm just being sensitive. My post was supposed to actually be in support of the review.

flamboyant goon tie included, Monday, 16 June 2014 17:06 (1 month ago) Permalink

i've always thought that those casual asides are how received wisdom, both abusive and non-abusive, actually gets reinforced, rather than something actually being the subject of a piece, for exactly those reasons

lex pretend, Monday, 16 June 2014 17:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

iirc her last album sold 5 million copies worldwide but is just barely platinum in the US after two years, so Katherine otm re: her popularity outside the US.

Greer, Monday, 16 June 2014 17:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

How does observing that lots of people have a virulent reaction to her reinforce it? That's dumb

rap steve gadd (D-40), Monday, 16 June 2014 17:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

That the "people" went unnamed, like, it didn't need to be said.

argumentum ad populum as it were.

campreverb, Monday, 16 June 2014 18:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

If anything the wild success of Lana del Rey pretty much proves that using blog chatter as a metric for anything is totally short-sighted

macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 16 June 2014 18:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

It shows Lana gallivanting around with an older gentleman, getting into a number of decadent situations. It's very Gatsby-core. Check it out below.

djenter the dragon? (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 20:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

oh god

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 20:47 (1 month ago) Permalink

oh lord pac

sinister porpoise (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 20:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

they killin the spirit of gatsby

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 21:47 (1 month ago) Permalink

shoulda gone for broke and ditched the hyphen, editorial

j., Tuesday, 17 June 2014 21:56 (1 month ago) Permalink

i've always thought that those casual asides are how received wisdom, both abusive and non-abusive, actually gets reinforced, rather than something actually being the subject of a piece, for exactly those reasons

otm. Watching American political talk shows it's amazing how Dem and GOP guys will say "We all agree Social Security is out of control and the deficit is a problem" without fear of contradiction.

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 21:59 (1 month ago) Permalink

https://my.secondlife.com/gatsby.core

sarahell, Saturday, 21 June 2014 20:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

It's funny how they always stick metal albums in that #5 review slot. Kind of feels like "we hired a couple of reviewers who specialize in metal but now our audience doesn't care about metal as much as they did a few years ago."

Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 24 June 2014 17:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

otm

marcos, Tuesday, 24 June 2014 18:12 (1 month ago) Permalink

It’s alright, ma; they may be only bleeding, but they have a box of Band-Aids handy.
It’s alright, ma; they may be only bleeding, but they have a box of Band-Aids handy.
It’s alright, ma; they may be only bleeding, but they have a box of Band-Aids handy.
It’s alright, ma; they may be only bleeding, but they have a box of Band-Aids handy.
It’s alright, ma; they may be only bleeding, but they have a box of Band-Aids handy.

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Tuesday, 8 July 2014 10:49 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

You can sense that North Carolina rock trio Late Bloomer hears Dinosaur Jr., Hüsker Dü, and Nirvana differently than most revivalists, that they’re doing so without any pretense of sounding cool. In fact, Late Bloomer don’t think of their heroes as "indie rock" at all, but rather as some of the most popular bands of their time, actual heroes who deserve to be spoken of with grand gestures.

A world where Nirvana was among the most popular bands of their time, what a thing to imagine.

franklin, Thursday, 10 July 2014 14:54 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Right? I noticed that too.

It's that weird "indie vs. mainstream" mindset that I never have, nor probably never will, understand.

austinato (Austin), Thursday, 10 July 2014 15:30 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Gotta do some serious crate digging to find out about Nirvana.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 10 July 2014 15:39 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Pretty sure Ian knows nirvana was very popular

rap steve gadd (D-40), Thursday, 10 July 2014 16:34 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

*makes swooshing motion with arm* "i speak of NIRVANA"

socki (s1ocki), Thursday, 10 July 2014 18:43 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Nirvana, they were a Scream side project right?

sinister porpoise (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 11 July 2014 14:17 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

You know, that band the dude from Sweet 75 was in.

cwkiii, Friday, 11 July 2014 14:22 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

expanding his sound to include bold elements of vintage country and R&B.

campreverb, Friday, 11 July 2014 15:16 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i get that there's a core of truth in even the dumbest/most poorly expressed criticisms, but this is still a pretty dumb thing to say:

And it doesn't render commonplace technology personal and alive—there's not much here that a savvy amateur couldn't do with GarageBand, a low bar to clear when grid-based composition with soft synths is so accessible.

festival culture (Jordan), Tuesday, 15 July 2014 20:21 (1 week ago) Permalink

I used a soft, clear synth to clean my coffee pot this morning.

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 15 July 2014 20:25 (1 week ago) Permalink

Braff’s most vaunted position in pop culture circa 2014 isn’t as the actor who played the annoying guy on the TV show your college roommates watched all the time, or as a fervent Redditor who once assisted in helping someone propose to their girlfriend online, or as a distant blood relative to Mitt Romney. Arguably, he’s not even most known as the guy who directed Garden State—he’s the guy who put together the Garden State soundtrack

I'm always happy to read something taking down this dude, but the idea that he's most famous for putting together the Garden State soundtrack is kind of dumb.

intheblanks, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 21:26 (3 days ago) Permalink

Though I guess it outranks the random Romney factoid pointlessly thrown in there.

intheblanks, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 21:27 (3 days ago) Permalink

Scrubs ran on a major network for 8 years, but yeah he's definitely more famous for really liking Iron & Wine.

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 21:49 (3 days ago) Permalink

Obviously the assertion that the Garden State music is more renowned than Scrubs is silly, but I definitely know people that are still really into that soundtrack (I seem to recall someone I knew at university telling me it was her all time favourite album)

uxorious gazumping (monotony), Wednesday, 23 July 2014 01:20 (2 days ago) Permalink

Yeah, I definitely feel that it's fair to say that the Garden State soundtrack--and the role it played in mainstreaming a certain idea of indie--is actually Zach Braff's most lasting cultural legacy. But that paragraph makes the odd assertion that he's actually most famous for picking movie soundtrack songs.

intheblanks, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 14:40 (2 days ago) Permalink

The whole review read like someone who hates everything he's heard about Garden State but hasn't actually seen it himself. And I don't mean that in a "he doesn't get it" way- I'm not a fan of the movie.

Evan, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 15:57 (2 days ago) Permalink

I guess I'm just referring mostly to this:

"...obvious visual framing, a reliance on juvenalia for comedic effect, a bizarre focus on discouraging the use of antidepressants for the mentally ill..."

1. Visual framing example was a joke in the movie, right?

2. "Balls" written on the forehead was pretty self-aware iirc (linked image in second point), and not exactly handled in a Dude Where's My Car? fashion.

3. Braff's character wasn't actually mentally ill so wasn't that the conflict? Just now I'm thinking there may have been some lame speech about widespread reliance on medications so that criticism could actually hold.

But this coming from someone completely indifferent to the movie overall. What do I care?

Evan, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:09 (2 days ago) Permalink

An editor once taught me never to start a sentence with "arguably." You're already making the argument. It's redundant.

Didn't people dress in trash bags in that movie? Something like that?

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:26 (2 days ago) Permalink

I think that was a makeshift rain poncho solution.

Evan, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:30 (2 days ago) Permalink

He spends four paragraphs talking about all the baggage of Garden Sate before getting onto the soundtrack at hand. a) who needs that recap after a decade of "Shins will change your life" hackery, and b) give the new soundtrack at least a little credit and try to judge it on its own terms.

sctttnnnt (pgwp), Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:35 (2 days ago) Permalink

yeah, i knew as soon as i saw that as the lead that it would be an extremely low grade plus some Braff-bashing.

intheblanks, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:36 (2 days ago) Permalink

I'm fine with Braff-bashing tbh just feel like this was a particularly low quality version.

intheblanks, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:37 (2 days ago) Permalink

@Evan Feel like he was trying to find new ways to criticize a move that's already been beaten to death. But the established things that are awful about Garden State (extreme solipsism, underwritten cliche as female lead, some random quirky idea functioning as the driving force behind each scene, Shins scene) are bad enough; "it includes visual gags" is a much weaker criticism.

intheblanks, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:50 (2 days ago) Permalink

Right! It's a weird position to be in when you have to defend something you don't like or are otherwise indifferent towards because the other person is criticizing minor or irrelevant details.

Evan, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:58 (2 days ago) Permalink

i think it's time to pack this one up guys

socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:59 (2 days ago) Permalink

garden state is shit (#31467846953264847 in a series)

wins, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 17:08 (2 days ago) Permalink


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