pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (13 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

soon their media empire will be in ruins

Οὖτις, Monday, 4 May 2015 22:01 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

feels like writers dust off variations of this ""anti-physical music for an anti-physical time" type trope whenever they're trying to make ____ happen

Darin, Monday, 4 May 2015 22:03 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

film at 11

example (crüt), Monday, 4 May 2015 22:05 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

think u mean a once

italosVEVO (wins), Monday, 4 May 2015 22:07 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

derr

italosVEVO (wins), Monday, 4 May 2015 22:07 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

las

italosVEVO (wins), Monday, 4 May 2015 22:08 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

That's a miserably overwritten piece even by Pitchfork's standards, wow. Surprised GFOTY even got a mention, given she doesn't rly fit the aesthetics Tolentino's intent on bashing into PC Music

sonic thedgehod (albvivertine), Monday, 4 May 2015 22:29 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

anti-physical music should be played in a vacuum

Sufjan Grafton, Monday, 4 May 2015 22:32 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

feels like writers dust off variations of this ""anti-physical music for an anti-physical time" type trope whenever they're trying to make ____ happen

― Darin, Monday, 4 May 2015 22:03 (Yesterday) Permalink

I think you guys are reading as praise (or PR) that which is flatly descriptive

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 00:21 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Like, this stuff is very much non-functional--love or hate it I think we can agree upon that--it's intentionally detached, distancing u from the function of its source influences

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 00:22 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

re: j-pop/k-pop question, the thy bronze track is 100% early/mid-career perfume/nakata and kero kero bonito. everything about it, really. even the hook is in faux japanese-person-singing-english inflection (specifically nakata stuff).

soyrev, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 02:46 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"it describes a kind of music I would never want to listen to" Absolutely. Even the best writing about PC Music makes it sound horrible. One thing that surprises me is the absence of any reference to other people who presented pop as product in an arch, alienating, anti-authentic way. That was a major strand of New Pop eg Heaven 17/BEF. All I hear so far with PC Music is bad pop and a basic concept.

Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 10:13 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I don't get how "minimalist" and "chaotic" are opposite (also none of the PC Music I've heard cld be described as either of those things, so), or why we "have to" "chip (our) way to the real through this pixelated thicket", or how this isn't an awful review

sonic thedgehod (albvivertine), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 10:20 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

And the vocal on Beautiful doesn't sound like a girl, bt eh it's Pitchfork

sonic thedgehod (albvivertine), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 10:22 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

One thing that surprises me is the absence of any reference to other people who presented pop as product in an arch, alienating, anti-authentic way

because the acknowledgement that pop has a long history of playing with these themes and that pc music's "ideas" are far from novel would make the entire argument for their importance collapse.

i don't understand why "fascinated with commercial pop" is a noteworthy artistic trait, among everything else

lex pretend, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 10:39 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i don't understand why "fascinated with commercial pop" is a noteworthy artistic trait, among everything else

Because so many critics think their own fascination with commercial pop is noteworthy?

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 12:06 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

the ideas/paratext associated with pc music are whatever. i just know all the music i've heard from them has been really awful.

example (crüt), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 13:32 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Considering that SOPHIE was on the last Madonna record, I don't see any subversive value whatsoever in PC Music's take on mainstream pop. Pop has assimilated much stranger (and better) underground sounds than this.

Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 14:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I don't get how "minimalist" and "chaotic" are opposite

She doesn't say they are opposite.

(also none of the PC Music I've heard cld be described as either of those things, so)

I dunno about minimalist, ive only heard a couple songs, although the way it's used these days tends to be relative, but the songs I heard are definitely 'chaotic' gtfo

or why we "have to" "chip (our) way to the real through this pixelated thicket"

isn't this a way or reasserting the connection between the art & the real world, a sorta poetic praxis? idk, it seems to me to complement the piece's overall argument which is that this album at once attempts to liberate you from the boundaries of IRL thru the internet while reminding you that such liberation is impossible. the thing is, again, i don't think the prose here is turned on blowing up how good this record is; it's def artful but in the name of precision and effect, rather than hyperbole

or how this isn't an awful review

because it's very well written?

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 14:22 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

can't remember if this was linked up above but ilxor of merit wrote about this stuff too on p-fork:

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/485-pc-music/

scott seward, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 14:32 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

My main issue is all the "woe is digital life" isn't a novel approach in a world full of Radiohead LPs.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 14:34 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i don't really know this stuff at all. i did enjoy "bipp" a lot. and did feel like it was a subversion of something or other.

scott seward, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 14:35 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i'm thinking my 9 year old would love this stuff.

scott seward, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 14:36 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I think appreciation of the review depends on thinking that PC Music justifies that kind of analysis. If not, it reads as overblown. By taking a more sceptical approach the Guardian feature gave readers who suspect that it's bullshit more to chew on.

Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 15:03 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

PC Music is just a bit of fun, let's be cool

an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 15:50 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Getting through this entire album is an unbelievable chore

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:03 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

This melody is like a Garth & Kat sketch.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4FFLoQUHYvKaa3aU2gE7Rz

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I think appreciation of the review depends on thinking that PC Music justifies that kind of analysis.

― Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model)

no it fucking doesn't, this is stan logic. (or, maybe more accurately, comments section logic.) if your criteria for whether a review is good are "do I agree with this score?" then that's your problem and you should probably deal with it.

katherine, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:05 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

IT'S beeeEEEYUUUN

clikbait ikatowi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:06 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

this is pretty terrible writing sorry: "Instead of affection, they’ll give you a heart-shaped simulacrum—and maybe, as suggests PC Music, that’s what you wanted after all. When physical presence is a source of so much complication, sometimes an abstraction is the only thing a person can bear," and if you're going to ref baudrillard i think you need to do more w/ it than describe the aesthetics - there needs to be a broader reading of how PC Music a. reflects society at large, b. is even more real than the society it nominally represents.

Mordy, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:08 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

'heart-shaped simulacrum' i don't even know i guess it sounds pretty

Mordy, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:09 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"simulacrum" is sufficiently well-known as a concept that writers can now use it without spending 1000 words per piece wanking about Baudrillard (who is never mentioned; if you really want to read a PC Music/Baudrillard take then that's also on you)

katherine, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:14 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

'You wish you didn’t live in a world that produced PC Music, but you do—and because you do, thank the god in the machine for PC Music. It’ll come whispering and screaming in an absolute vacuum; it’s a party reconstituted long after anyone’s been there to laugh. It’s empty, and yet somehow the stakes are monumental. Can you chip your way to the real through this pixelated thicket? Well, you can, and worse, you have to.' idk, maybe the review is kinda doing what it claims PC Music is doing - layered vapid signifiers as an empty artificial representation of content - which is clever, i guess. but i don't really know what much of this is trying to say. how is PC Music a 'god in the machine'? it is coming to save us from itself? why does it exist in an absolute vacuum? i thought the point was that it was an artificial representation of reality? and is it itself smashing some kind of alienated access to the real, or do you have to chip through yourself as a listener? if its the latter, why do we need PC Music at all? bc it's so gross that it serves as a wake-up call?

Mordy, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:14 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

sorry this is probably giving it much more thought than it wants. as a review mirroring the pastiche of PC Music it is very clever and i like some of the turns of phrases in it. which is a lot like my appreciation for PC Music - some of it is catchy. not much more than that.

Mordy, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:16 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

katherine, I wasn't actually criticising the review. I was just trying to figure out why some posters thought it was so awful and wondered if it was more to do with intense dislike of PC Music's schtick than the writing itself. But that obviously backfired.

One thing about PC Music's alleged relationship to mainstream pop - mainstream US/UK pop doesn't sound like this. This sounds more like the sort of thing Richard X was doing 10 years ago, ie already quite cute and knowing. Tweak Keri Baby or In My Dreams slightly and they could be Annie singles.

Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:16 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"sorry this is probably giving it much more thought than it wants"

i'd say the review was a success. made ya think - made ya think!

scott seward, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:20 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I'm down for hearing some PC Music, if anyone wants to post a link. I just thought the review said very little about the music itself and read more like a press release from OK Computer or something.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:20 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

lots of music in the PS thing on PC that i linked to above:

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/485-pc-music/

scott seward, Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:22 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Maybe that slightly anachronistic Eurodance style is simply their preferred aesthetic delivery agent for their brand of distilled funhouse mirror euphoria?

an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:24 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I also think PC Music have breathed life into *something*, although I'm not sure what. Max Tundra was roused to recruit Daphne & Celeste (awesome song btw) almost certainly as a result of their activities

an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:30 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I like the misuse of auto-tune in these. It seems weird that auto-tune isn't mentioned at all in any of those articles.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:31 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

You auto-tune the vocals to get them perfect and then you run them through again, crank up the displacement, and the result is that cool tape-warping effect.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 5 May 2015 16:32 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i liked the review

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 7 May 2015 21:34 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

is it autotune or melodyne? i think pc music seems more melodyne

soyrev, Friday, 8 May 2015 02:28 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

new Pitchfork Review is out. best kenny rogers review ever!

scott seward, Friday, 8 May 2015 18:51 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

recently looked up this weirdly brutal review of a perfectly fine record, hard to believe it came from 2012 rather than the early 00's.
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/17136-mumps-etc/

lil urbane (Jordan), Thursday, 21 May 2015 18:31 (5 days ago) Permalink

Don't know where else to put this.

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/17499-destroyer-dream-lover/

"The saxophones on "Dream Lover" are not mournful, but exuberant. They don’t wander in, like a lonesome lush looking for last call. They leap out, as does Bejar, who’s at his Falstaffian apex. He’s romantic and rakish, singing about wind-swept adventures with his dream lover in that recognizably world weary voice, while peppering in a few bashful profanities. The music ascends toward a joyous conclusion, the saxophones squalling in indefatigable glee."

Isn't one of those saxophones actually a trumpet?

Indexed, Thursday, 21 May 2015 19:38 (5 days ago) Permalink

een, Friday, 22 May 2015 00:35 (4 days ago) Permalink

fuck people writing out their daydreams to describe music
vision ain't sound motherfuckers get a real job

The Once-ler, Friday, 22 May 2015 01:39 (4 days ago) Permalink

lol i had no idea pitchfork prints a magazine now, did everybody here bitch about it for several days

brimstead, Friday, 22 May 2015 05:16 (4 days ago) Permalink


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