pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (nine years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (nine years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (nine years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (nine years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (nine years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (nine years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (nine years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (nine years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (nine years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (nine years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (nine years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (nine years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (nine years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

am I supposed to know who snrub is

a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Friday, 10 March 2017 22:44 (two weeks ago) Permalink

what did pitchfork do to suddenly get super super fast pageloads

― j., Friday, March 10, 2017 8:47 AM (four hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dat xfinity ad $$$$$

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 10 March 2017 22:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I know little about Snrub except that he's got access to LeBron's inner circle.

nomar, Friday, 10 March 2017 22:58 (two weeks ago) Permalink

an enigma wrapped in a puzzle I've seen dozens of times

― a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Friday, March 10, 2017 4:34 PM (twenty-three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is a good zing

Listen to my homeboy Fantano (D-40), Friday, 10 March 2017 22:59 (two weeks ago) Permalink

not singling anyone out, katherine, this is a collective failure imo

mark s, Friday, 10 March 2017 23:01 (two weeks ago) Permalink

snrub's one of those types who's easy to find online but isn't the sort you'd expect to hang around ILX for a decade.

JoeStork, Friday, 10 March 2017 23:05 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Aren't we all though tbf

Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, 10 March 2017 23:14 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Though maybe I'm shortchanging snrub, I also would have pegged him as a Ke$ha stan.

JoeStork, Friday, 10 March 2017 23:18 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Wouldn't

JoeStork, Friday, 10 March 2017 23:18 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Xxxpost, Katherine I've never been sure if snrub was a long running bit by a regular using an alt acct

blonde redheads have more fun (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Saturday, 11 March 2017 02:46 (one week ago) Permalink

Of course lyrics are important. But the review made it seem like lyrics were the only bad thing about the album.

Mr. Snrub, Sunday, 12 March 2017 09:17 (one week ago) Permalink

lyrics are important most so far as they contain syllables with song-condusive vocal sounds

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 12 March 2017 14:27 (one week ago) Permalink

This Is What You Get: An Oral History of Radiohead’s “Karma Police” Video

jmm, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 18:11 (three days ago) Permalink

What It Felt Like When OK Computer Came Out
sponsored by MailChimp

blonde redheads have more fun (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 21 March 2017 18:55 (three days ago) Permalink

it was the fittest of times, it was the happiest of times

tylerw, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 18:57 (three days ago) Permalink

Thom Yorke bursting into tears over MTV's support for the band is hilarious. Tears sponsored by MailChimp, natch.

Position Position, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 18:58 (three days ago) Permalink

xp lmao

flappy bird, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 19:01 (three days ago) Permalink

I haven't actually read the Karma Police article. I just thought the title was funny, as if Pitchfork is angrily punishing us with an oral history of Radiohead's Karma Police video.

jmm, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 19:08 (three days ago) Permalink

ahahahahaha https://twitter.com/clickhole/status/844270728988033024

flappy bird, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 19:34 (three days ago) Permalink

A fabulous crime is that I actually swallow my gum all the time.

nomar, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:15 (three days ago) Permalink

'gum is the impossible meal' is just about the perfect clickhole sentence

an uptempo Pop/Hip Hop mentality (imago), Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:17 (three days ago) Permalink

Thom Yorke: I came up with the title of the album on the spot. It’s the moment when you give a computer a guitar and say, “Okay, computer…let’s see what you got! Show us your stuff!”

blonde redheads have more fun (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:25 (three days ago) Permalink

What The Hell Are You Doing Here? You Don't Belong Here: An Oral History of Pablo Honey

Wimmels, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:31 (three days ago) Permalink

the "karma police" oral history is actually kinda interesting

the raindrops and drop tops of lived, earned experience (BradNelson), Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:34 (three days ago) Permalink

also would rather eat a nine day-old Whopper sat on by Baron Harkonnen than be forced to read Sir Elton interviewing Misty Joe Fuckface

Wimmels, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:36 (three days ago) Permalink

it was the fittest of times, it was the happiest of times

― tylerw, Tuesday, March 21, 2017 6:57 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

<333

Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:42 (three days ago) Permalink

also would rather eat a nine day-old Whopper sat on by Baron Harkonnen than be forced to read Sir Elton interviewing Misty Joe Fuckface

An understated reaction there, really.

Separately, missing a Snrub beef is something I am glad of.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:51 (three days ago) Permalink

the "karma police" oral history is actually kinda interesting

― the raindrops and drop tops of lived, earned experience (BradNelson), Tuesday, March 21, 2017 4:34 PM (thirteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This post brought to you by MailChimp.

Position Position, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:54 (three days ago) Permalink

@pitchfork Catch @TheMagFields founder, Stephin Merritt, in conversation at @MCAchicago April 18—supported by @MailChimp… https://t.co/tL0UUdEXMi

Stephen 'MailChimp' Merritt

Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 20:55 (three days ago) Permalink

Misty Joe Fuckface

keeper

The sandwiches looked quite dank. (contenderizer), Tuesday, 21 March 2017 21:02 (three days ago) Permalink

The only accurate description of that...that thing.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 21:06 (three days ago) Permalink

that oral history was really good actually

flappy bird, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 21:14 (three days ago) Permalink

Their factually inaccurate Adult. blurb bugged me:

"On their first album in six years, the married electro duo curate a highly collaborative record that is richer and stranger than anything they've done before. It's unusually electrifying."

(Their last one came out in 2013. 🤦‍♂️)

spastic heritage, Tuesday, 21 March 2017 21:31 (three days ago) Permalink

ewwwww their twitter bio is 'the most trusted voice in music' fuck these utter jerks forever

an uptempo Pop/Hip Hop mentality (imago), Wednesday, 22 March 2017 11:08 (two days ago) Permalink

it's their slogan

niels, Wednesday, 22 March 2017 11:34 (two days ago) Permalink

well obviously now i'm reading the recent phil elverum profile/interview/story thing and regretting saying that, dammit pitchfork why you have to be good sometimes

an uptempo Pop/Hip Hop mentality (imago), Wednesday, 22 March 2017 11:46 (two days ago) Permalink

Who died, and who did the killing?

That’s the central mystery of “Big Little Lies,” HBO’s limited series based on Liane Moriarty’s novel of the same name. But like the book, the show does not bask in that single question. It asks so, so many. Like, why does Madeline (Reese Witherspoon) drive a Buick?

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1471-how-does-the-first-grader-on-big-little-lies-have-such-killer-music-taste/?mbid=homepage-more-latest-and-video

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 23 March 2017 03:07 (yesterday) Permalink

Chloe’s taste in music is not a minor aspect of her character—it defines her. We’re supposed to recognize that early on in the show, when she says to classmate Ziggy (Iain Armitage), “When I grow up, I want to run a massive label.” This girl is a mogul in the making. She’s not thinking of limited runs of hissing cassettes—she’s dreaming of Grammys. Hell, she’s wearing Apple earbuds around her neck in numerous scenes, including the opening credits.

hell, she's wearing EARBUDS. she likes music so much she is WEARING EARBUDS!!!!

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 23 March 2017 03:12 (yesterday) Permalink

that oral history was really good actually

― flappy bird, Tuesday, March 21, 2017 2:14 PM (yesterday)

i tried to read it but got bugged early on by the author's claim that the video starts "in media res". it starts with a frigging still shot of the (motionless) car's (empty) back seat.

Balðy Daudrs (contenderizer), Thursday, 23 March 2017 03:18 (yesterday) Permalink

How Does the First-Grader on ‘Big Little Lies’ Have Such Killer Music Taste?

And how did that Doogie Howser blaze through medical school so fast??!

Wimmels, Thursday, 23 March 2017 13:23 (yesterday) Permalink

all this ok computer 20 year trash .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

marcos, Thursday, 23 March 2017 13:59 (yesterday) Permalink

"sponsored by mailchimp"

marcos, Thursday, 23 March 2017 14:01 (yesterday) Permalink

Computer is 20 Years Old..And that's OK

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Thursday, 23 March 2017 14:03 (yesterday) Permalink

Gettin tired really fast with all the 'x-year anniversary' stuff. Now Person Pitch 10th bday is enough for a whole retrospective?

Le Bateau Ivre, Thursday, 23 March 2017 14:04 (yesterday) Permalink

(Apols, that doesn't seem to be a piece on p4k actually..)

Le Bateau Ivre, Thursday, 23 March 2017 14:06 (yesterday) Permalink

There's stuff from 2007 that I downloaded upon release and haven't gotten around to listening to yet.

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Thursday, 23 March 2017 14:11 (yesterday) Permalink

There better be a 10 year anniversary piece on The Wizard of Ahhs when the time comes.

MarkoP, Thursday, 23 March 2017 14:36 (yesterday) Permalink

"Pug Owners Interpret the 4 Songs on Black Kid's The Wizard of Ahhhs"

Evan, Thursday, 23 March 2017 15:32 (yesterday) Permalink

There better be a 10 year anniversary piece on The Wizard of Ahhs when the time comes.

P4K sort of ruined Black Kids' career, didn't they? I still listen to "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You" regularly.

Handsome Bookor, Friday, 24 March 2017 13:22 (forty-two minutes ago) Permalink

P4K sort of ruined Black Kids' career, didn't they?

Well, they *did* get Chief Keef thrown in jail...

SSN Lucci (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 24 March 2017 13:26 (thirty-nine minutes ago) Permalink


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