pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

man i ran out and missed a decent mini-discussion of 'krazy' ... everyone pretty much otm on both sides. the r&b songs are fine for what they are, certainly better than most shoehorned r&b tracks on rap albums ... and i can vibe w/ me & my bitch, but do it to ya stinks. i appreciate their role in the album's narrative, but both singers are underwhelming.

absolutely no question, though, that having those two songs in a row is the weak point of the album.

alpine static, Tuesday, 11 November 2014 19:47 (1 month ago) Permalink

surprised no one here wants to push the DJ Quik out as best of the year rap album as well; i thought i was on ilx

I would not argue for votes to RTJ2, YG, Gene the Southern Child, A-Wax, isaiah rashad or shabazz palaces

i would also lean into cormega, lacrae, clipping, black milk, freddie gibbs, iamsu, schoolboy, snootie wild and i'd imagine the joey bada$$ and e40 albums are gonna be up there too.

i do need to work in z-ro and gangsta boo's album. what else?

Steve 'n' Seagulls and Flock of Van Dammes (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 11 November 2014 20:11 (1 month ago) Permalink

'me and my bitch' is awesome, feels like needed melodic respite & works as a reference to old cali street rap history w/out being heavyhanded by making it R&B

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 11 November 2014 20:12 (1 month ago) Permalink

the pitchfork thread is probably the most embarrassing thread to have a conversation about rap album of the year

look what you did, you lil durk (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 12 November 2014 04:21 (1 month ago) Permalink

well yeah but there's only like twelve guys posting on the rap thread and i know their opinions of THE YEAR IN MUSIC as well as I'm gonna by now. cross pollinate a little.

Steve 'n' Seagulls and Flock of Van Dammes (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 12 November 2014 05:16 (1 month ago) Permalink

i don't really care where i am on here. it's all the same to me.

scott seward, Wednesday, 12 November 2014 05:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

i only talk about music now - for the most part - in a facebook group i'm in but nobody talks about rap there.

scott seward, Wednesday, 12 November 2014 05:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

a group started by a Pitchfork writer! to bring things 'round the bend...

scott seward, Wednesday, 12 November 2014 05:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

surprised no one here wants to push the DJ Quik out as best of the year rap album as well; i thought i was on ilx

this has surprisingly not stuck with me, i did love it on first listen but...

lex pretend, Wednesday, 12 November 2014 09:39 (1 month ago) Permalink

went through my krazy life in full again. "me & my bitch" is better than i initially gave it credit for though i stand by its interruption of the album.

"do it to ya" still sucks. its terrible. strangely, the skit part isn't what ruins it - wouldn't be that bad if not for the "bed" sound effects sounding more like a squeaky dog toy than a bed. tee flii simply can't fuckin sing and YG doesn't sell the loverman thing that well. he's no gates.

ichabron crames (slothroprhymes), Wednesday, 12 November 2014 20:53 (1 month ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

from today's Smashing Pumpkins review:

Drummer Mike Byrne has been replaced by someone nearly 30 years his senior in Tommy Lee, best known as the frontman for the rap-metal latecomers Methods of Mayhem and skinsman for a popular hair metal concern.

I mean, I'm all for clowning on Tommy Lee's embarrassing career turns and all, but lol @ this sentence.

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 16:52 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Tommy Lee is a whopping two years older than Jimmy Chamberlin.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 8 December 2014 16:53 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

xpost I WAS GONNA POST THAT EXACT SENTENCE AFTER READING THAT THIS MORNING! weird.

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 17:01 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

"Johnny Marr, best known as a touring guitarist for Modest Mouse from 2006-2009 and playing with a well regarded 80s indie rock band."

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 17:07 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

a popular hair metal concern of no conceivable significance who have sold over 100 million albums

a stupid red mute juggalo (forksclovetofu), Monday, 8 December 2014 17:14 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

gonna take a wild guess that sentence was intended as 'a joke'

cornelius pardew (DJ Mencap), Monday, 8 December 2014 17:15 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

pretty sure I can confirm that this 'joke', 'fell flat', as they say

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 17:25 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

seeing as it was written by ian cohen, this is unsurprising, yet still highly zing-worthy

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 17:26 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

definitely was a joke, this revive is so stupid

some dude, Monday, 8 December 2014 17:27 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

some dude otm. the fact that they achieved worldwide fame and massive success IS THE JOKE.

a joke that happens 20 times on the internet every day, probably, but this is p4k, so...

alpine static, Monday, 8 December 2014 18:23 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

fwiw, I got the "joke", it was an incredibly awkwardly constructed joke. but it's been awhile since I've specifically had one of my posts called out as "stupid", so thanks for that, I guess.

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 18:51 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i thought that dude from rage was the new pumpkins drummer. guess not.

billstevejim, Monday, 8 December 2014 18:54 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

just for a couple of shows, with the bassist from the killers. Corgan's really into bringing in random alt-rocker weirdos now.

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 18:55 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Yeah, well remember Zwan?

Evan, Monday, 8 December 2014 18:55 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I wish he'd go back to those weirdos! I'd take Paz, Pajo or Sweeney over any of these dudes.

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 18:56 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

zwan might was well have been a pumpkins album at this point.

billstevejim, Monday, 8 December 2014 18:56 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

DON: Well, yeah.

ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 8 December 2014 18:58 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

zwan weirdos a.k.a. dudes from bands way better than smashing pumpkins

you say tomato/i say imago (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:14 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

for sure

Evan, Monday, 8 December 2014 19:15 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

xp just to be clear we're saying a perfect circle (paz lechantin) was better than the smashing pumpkins? bc in some ways i do think that...

(assessment is otm regardless due to those other folks)

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:17 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

sloth do you listen to Chavez?

Evan, Monday, 8 December 2014 19:19 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

you showed me them IRL and i have listened here and there & liked what i heard, they are not currently in my regular rotation

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:25 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

its a funny troll joke and u all fell for it lol

celfie tucker 48 (s.clover), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:26 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i wld listen to some rn but just about to give this owen pallett the old college (re)try after not loving it the first time around (except the riverbed IIRC, liked that one immediately)

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:26 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

whose, cohen's in the original review?

...ian is that you?

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:27 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

(xp)

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 19:27 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Paz not a "dude" iirc

you say tomato/i say imago (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 8 December 2014 20:35 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I'm having trouble discerning who is at fault for implying Paz is a dude here...

Evan, Monday, 8 December 2014 20:43 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i too have a distinct recollection of paz lechantin being a woman

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 20:44 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

so that's settled

Evan, Monday, 8 December 2014 20:44 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

(not sure if shake is saying anyone is, prob just having a laugh, all i know is i didnt)

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 20:45 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

HAT GAME ON 100 IMO

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 20:46 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Evan, Monday, 8 December 2014 20:48 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

whoa whoa whoa thats just hateful hers is way better

hanley ramirez ordering a pizza (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 20:59 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

yelawolf wears a hat now

$0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 8 December 2014 21:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

$0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 8 December 2014 21:10 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

he wears quite a few. (sidebar: man he used to be sorta good, what happened)

wanky, self important humerlous posts (slothroprhymes), Monday, 8 December 2014 21:11 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I like 'till it's gone' but i am not a music or hat critic

$0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 8 December 2014 21:15 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

what a horribly formed "skinsman"

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 9 December 2014 22:38 (1 week ago) Permalink

skinsman is what i imagine variety calls drummers

difficult listening hour, Tuesday, 9 December 2014 23:32 (1 week ago) Permalink


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