pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (nine years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (nine years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (nine years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (nine years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (nine years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (nine years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (nine years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (nine years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (nine years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (nine years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (nine years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (nine years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (nine years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

I think in years past they took a few weeks break from publishing reviews after the Year End list, but at the end of 2016 they kept publishing a couple of reviews per day.

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Friday, 6 January 2017 18:36 (two weeks ago) Permalink

haha tbc I am not asking for them to write more reviews, site could vanish now and I'd be okay with it. I was just wondering if this was another step in their slow progression to being a shitty news aggregator

xp

Οὖτις, Friday, 6 January 2017 18:38 (two weeks ago) Permalink

like last year there were no reviews between Dec. 11 2015 and Jan. 4 2016

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Friday, 6 January 2017 18:39 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Looks like Altered Zones had had a revive, if you're looking for something to read: http://www.alteredzones.com/

Position Position, Friday, 6 January 2017 20:23 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I am so happy I clicked on that link

though she denies it to the press, (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Friday, 6 January 2017 20:30 (two weeks ago) Permalink

You’ve probably learned a lot about trading over your goal period, too.

Evan, Friday, 6 January 2017 20:34 (two weeks ago) Permalink

yeah, this is normal, when Beyonce's self-titled album came out even that was a January review

a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Saturday, 7 January 2017 02:01 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Even. Beyonce.

Whiney G. Weingarten, Saturday, 7 January 2017 02:26 (two weeks ago) Permalink

i like this. i think it's hilarious how the Fiona Apple album with the super long title is listed twice back to back, first abbreviated When the Pawn... and then in its full form http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1411-16-pitchfork-staffers-share-their-formative-teenage-albums/

flappy bird, Friday, 13 January 2017 20:47 (one week ago) Permalink

Good to see the 9.5 worthy Save Ferris is on there.

MarkoP, Friday, 13 January 2017 21:25 (one week ago) Permalink

yeah i really dig that, too. people helping people

flappy bird, Friday, 13 January 2017 21:49 (one week ago) Permalink

i like this. i think it's hilarious how the Fiona Apple album with the super long title is listed twice back to back, first abbreviated When the Pawn... and then in its full form http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1411-16-pitchfork-staffers-share-their-formative-teenage-albums/

― flappy bird, Friday, January 13, 2017 3:47 PM (one hour ago)

jeez matthew str@uss's taste is so bad-college-music-writer that if you made it up it'd be too on the nose

k3vin k., Friday, 13 January 2017 22:09 (one week ago) Permalink

he must be a young dude huh

marcos, Friday, 13 January 2017 22:12 (one week ago) Permalink

glad to see a lot of these writers ordered the same albums for a penny that i did from columbia house in the early '90s

nomar, Friday, 13 January 2017 22:13 (one week ago) Permalink

if only someone had told these poor kids in high school that they should get into different music fast lest people make fun of them on an internet message board in 5-10 years

a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Friday, 13 January 2017 22:29 (one week ago) Permalink

each of these writers should feel deep shame and should be widely ridiculed imo

marcos, Friday, 13 January 2017 22:31 (one week ago) Permalink

otm

k3vin k., Friday, 13 January 2017 22:32 (one week ago) Permalink

lol i love those type of pointless exercises but they are meant for facebook fodder

Spottie, Friday, 13 January 2017 22:38 (one week ago) Permalink

From today's review of X-Ray Spex' Germ Free Adolescents:

She naturally did punk-reggae better than the Clash or the Slits

Yes, Poly Styrene was just "naturally...better" at reggae, 'cause her dad was from...Somalia.

Don Van Gorp, midwest regional VP, marketing (誤訳侮辱), Sunday, 15 January 2017 14:12 (one week ago) Permalink

...

Οὖτις, Sunday, 15 January 2017 14:20 (one week ago) Permalink

No Rush, no credibility.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 15 January 2017 14:54 (one week ago) Permalink

0.0 https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/pitchfork

Frozen CD, Sunday, 15 January 2017 15:17 (one week ago) Permalink

is this a joke

On “Open Letter to Forever” he sings, “Like, I remember standing out in front of the Northern, after another 15-paid gig, getting harassed by Olympia street punks (the worst!) for looking like a hipster. I wanted to be like, ‘Man I’m probably a couple years younger than your father. And I’ve traded any chance at stability for this community of people who, like, know what Black Flag is or whatever.’” His lyrics are so strong that the actual music can sometimes feel like an afterthought. When is this guy going to write a book?

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 18:48 (one week ago) Permalink

what the fuck is that

flappy bird, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 19:06 (one week ago) Permalink

sarcasm I guess?

Evan, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 19:08 (one week ago) Permalink

the rest of the review would seem to indicate that is not sarcasm

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 19:14 (one week ago) Permalink

but yeah idk anymore

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 19:14 (one week ago) Permalink

forget the book, print those lyrics on toilet paper

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 17 January 2017 23:02 (one week ago) Permalink

save me a trip - what album review is the above quote taken from?

Wimmels, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 23:52 (one week ago) Permalink

Fred Thomas "Changer"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 23:54 (one week ago) Permalink

some "indie rock lifer" I've never heard of before

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 23:54 (one week ago) Permalink

Ah. I liked the bands he was in - Saturday Looks Good To me and Flashpapr - but cant say I've heard any of his solo stuff...

Wimmels, Tuesday, 17 January 2017 23:58 (one week ago) Permalink

[daring to ask an earnest question about pitchfork dot com]

who among the newish crop of p4k writers do ppl like? now that the era of everyone on ilm and their mother being on staff has come to a close, who do you read? i liked Jeremy Gordon but i think he's at Spin now

flopson, Thursday, 19 January 2017 16:09 (five days ago) Permalink

Seth Colter Walls, Colin Joyce and Katherine St. Asaph are good p4k 3.0 additions.

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 19 January 2017 16:20 (five days ago) Permalink

Walls is definitely a good addition. Especially since he seems to actually have taste, and not just cover whatever Fully Altered Media [the kings of NYC jazz PR] feeds him.

Don Van Gorp, midwest regional VP, marketing (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 19 January 2017 16:25 (five days ago) Permalink

seconding whiney's picks. mike powell's been contributing forever but remains good. ditto for andy beta. laura snapes

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Thursday, 19 January 2017 17:19 (five days ago) Permalink

i also usually think jayson greene's writing is great but he's my editor so i'm trying not to overstate the case

who is extremely unqualified to review this pop album (BradNelson), Thursday, 19 January 2017 17:22 (five days ago) Permalink

the Fred Walker album is good tbh, v cringey that the p4k subheads for both this album and the previous use "indie rock lifer"

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Thursday, 19 January 2017 17:27 (five days ago) Permalink

i guess he was in saturday looks good to me and his name is alive (though he's not like the main dude i don't think?)

blonde redheads have more fun (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 19 January 2017 17:36 (five days ago) Permalink

a news article w absolutely zero musical content.

http://pitchfork.com/news/71030-broad-city-prepare-for-trump-administration-in-hilarious-new-video-watch/

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 January 2017 16:42 (three days ago) Permalink

i am sure it has been said a zillion times before, but a small thing that makes me irrationally angry about Pitchfork, is the fact that Ochs' new album, gets a score of 8.5, but apparently doesn't fall into the 'Best New Music' category. (whilst xx's new one > 8.4 did)

why? and more importantly, if you're going to get this ridic about grades (8.4, 8.5, which in all its specificity signals some kind of weird objectivity),, then shouldn't those mean something in the bigger picture of what is good music (aka Best New Music).

o well

Ludo, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:32 (two days ago) Permalink

It's from 1965...

Frederik B, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:33 (two days ago) Permalink

ah!

(ok best new reissue)

*ira-ang temporarily subdued) :-)

Ludo, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:37 (two days ago) Permalink

I'm sorry, I should have been more specific. It's not being reissued either, it's the sunday classic review. I think they just put a protest singer on there because they're mad at Trump?

Frederik B, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:39 (two days ago) Permalink

I mean, I'm sorry if I seem snarky :) It is kinda dumb and confusing that they don't clearly mark their classic reviews.

Frederik B, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:40 (two days ago) Permalink

:-) true dat.

(obviously i went out and found 2 best new reissues with 8.3's)

let's just say, it would also be nice if one could filter Pitchfork reviews by scores, preferably by decimal. wink wink.

Ludo, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:44 (two days ago) Permalink

By the way, they don't give BNM to anything that goes over a certain score. It's more about whether that album also has strong crossover appeal as well.

Evan, Sunday, 22 January 2017 20:47 (two days ago) Permalink

Killer Mike Says It’s OK to “Fuck Up” Richard Spencer

Thank goodness. All week I've been feeling privately conflicted about me and my Facebook peers publicly cheering for this dumbass getting punched, wondering all along, in the back of my mind, if "Killer Mike" would approve

Wimmels, Monday, 23 January 2017 15:32 (yesterday) Permalink

why the air quotes? p sure Killer Mike has been way more involved in activism than most of us on this forum.

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 24 January 2017 04:52 (fourteen hours ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.