pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (12 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (6 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (6 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (6 years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (6 years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (6 years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (6 years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (6 years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (6 years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (6 years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (6 years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (6 years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (6 years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (6 years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

sorry - you don't get paid and a pass

da croupier, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:00 (1 week ago) Permalink

Well it wasn't originally planned to be that many is my point.

Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:00 (1 week ago) Permalink

ok i'm listening to "Losing My Edge" for the second time in my life

example (crüt), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

well filming the concert was planned, so maybe they should have planned better

da croupier, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

They hastily adding gigs for a farewell concert that turned into a weeklong thing for fans who couldn't get tickets once all the concert/film wheels were in motion. Sacrificing posterity for the present day fans seems like a pretty sweet move imo.

Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:04 (1 week ago) Permalink

this song isn't as good as the nurse with wound bonus track where david tibet reads the nurse with wound list

example (crüt), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:07 (1 week ago) Permalink

They hastily adding gigs for a farewell concert that turned into a weeklong thing for fans who couldn't get tickets once all the concert/film wheels were in motion. Sacrificing posterity for the present day fans seems like a pretty sweet move imo.

dude they could have done shows after, far earlier etc etc - it could have been avoided. i was at one of the terminal 5 shows and loved it. but they made the choice to capture him romantically giving his last gasps of air rather than singing at his best.

da croupier, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:10 (1 week ago) Permalink

yeah i remember excitedly torrenting the last msg show excitedly and then finally listening and being totally underwhelmed by it

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:14 (1 week ago) Permalink

excitedly

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:14 (1 week ago) Permalink

having looked at all 2 million of the albums on the best album list i keep thinking that the cumulative effect is much worse than any of the specific albums listed cuz i like a bunch of these havent heard more and indifferent to the rest. i can only spot like three albums i think are really bad although there are a few i kindof assume suck but have never bothered with. but as a whole it feels p culturally illiterate and out-of-touch like in my memory these lists tend to be pretty interesting as statements about 'what we think of music now' but i guess because its about 'music now' basically anyway its not that exciting. idk this is a list of records thats almost as someone-who-works-in-advertising as the user-generated list of a few years ago except it has beyoncé on it

also i really like that second M83 cd a lot and would put it pretty high on 00s list

dark sorcerer wallenstein (Lamp), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:16 (1 week ago) Permalink

did M83 make any of these lists? i was listening to them yesterday. would rather m83 than lcd.

Hurry Up We're Dreaming showed up at 22 as well.

MarkoP, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:19 (1 week ago) Permalink

That album was too yelpy and melodramatic for me. I liked the whisper-vocals against building crescendo dynamic of the early albums much better. Seemed more measured.

Evan, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:55 (1 week ago) Permalink

i really like their videos too. would buy an M83 video comp. i find if i listen to a few songs at a time they sound great. whole albums can be a bit much. too rich or something. i like their "vision" though.

scott seward, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 17:59 (1 week ago) Permalink

Hurry Up We're Dreaming was a jump off a cliff in terms of quality imo

dem bow dem bow need calcium (seandalai), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 18:19 (1 week ago) Permalink

haven't heard a double album in a while that was more needlessly double

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 18:26 (1 week ago) Permalink

i think i like m83 but they give me major Pentacostal/Charismatic vibes (yes i know they're from France)

brimstead, Wednesday, 20 August 2014 22:28 (1 week ago) Permalink

At some point (I can't remember which albums it happened between) M83 went from a 2+ person collaborative affair to an unchecked solo project.

Everyone's a closet ned. (Johnny Fever), Wednesday, 20 August 2014 22:34 (1 week ago) Permalink

Bittersweet pleasure that a story about two jilted 'mos live-tweeting The Little Mermaid got more pick-up than Pitchfork's fuck-all-queers lists

faghetti (fgti), Thursday, 21 August 2014 03:38 (1 week ago) Permalink

fuck-all-queers lists?

Van Horn Street, Thursday, 21 August 2014 04:29 (1 week ago) Permalink

with the exception of the blockbusters most of this stuff is either out of my wheelhouse, tried and denied or universally beloved. I'm gonna try that spotify singles list and see what a straight listen does to me.

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 21 August 2014 05:03 (1 week ago) Permalink

also re:tracks Pitchfork really has its own brand of popism - no Avicii, no Pitbull?

niels, Thursday, 21 August 2014 06:49 (1 week ago) Permalink

xxp I'm saying that it's bittersweet, to see a website that used to provide queer artists some agency, has now embraced a Weingarten-style "no girls, no queers" policy, to see how little people are interested in reading their 40 words on Clams Casino, in comparison to a series of innocuous tweets from Baths and Grizzly Bear.

faghetti (fgti), Thursday, 21 August 2014 10:41 (1 week ago) Permalink

I know. When they announced that policy, I was like, "Hold up there, guys--this is just wrong!"

Now you're messing with a (President Keyes), Thursday, 21 August 2014 12:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

that twitter article is the worst, what's up online journalism lol is it parody? http://pitchfork.com/news/56393-grizzly-bears-ed-droste-and-baths-live-tweet-the-little-mermaid-highlights/

but then again I never got why they post daily updates on what bands perform live on what talkshows/festivals - they might consider dedicating a site to that instead of flooding the newsfeed

niels, Thursday, 21 August 2014 12:10 (1 week ago) Permalink

Imagine that I have a point and review the facts?

faghetti (fgti), Thursday, 21 August 2014 12:27 (1 week ago) Permalink

also re:tracks Pitchfork really has its own brand of popism - no Avicii, no Pitbull?

― niels, Thursday, August 21, 2014 2:49 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

call all destroyer, Thursday, 21 August 2014 12:28 (1 week ago) Permalink

ahahahahahaaaa

imago, Thursday, 21 August 2014 12:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

lux aeternissima

imago, Thursday, 21 August 2014 12:48 (1 week ago) Permalink

Imagine that I have a point and review the facts?

proposal submitted. awaiting grant money. will return with findings asap

Now you're messing with a (President Keyes), Thursday, 21 August 2014 14:02 (1 week ago) Permalink

Really enjoyed reading yr My Decade in Music So Far, Katherine. Glad someone at pitchfork represented both Imagine It Was Us and Once I Was An Eagle.

Van Horn Street, Saturday, 23 August 2014 04:05 (1 week ago) Permalink

goon tie I'm interested to hear about Pitchfork as a site that used to provide queer artists some agency - it's always seemed pretty straight indie boy to me, even after it became straight indie boy who also likes pop and rap

Now I Am Become Dracula (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Saturday, 23 August 2014 14:10 (1 week ago) Permalink

I've been trying to frame my observations reasonably and articulately but it's impossible for me to extract my own feeling of non-agency from anything I type.

faghetti (fgti), Saturday, 23 August 2014 15:53 (1 week ago) Permalink

Sorry I dissed Whiney upthread that guy is a force for good

faghetti (fgti), Saturday, 23 August 2014 15:53 (1 week ago) Permalink

don't really get the "no girls" bit when they've got more women contributing than ever

da croupier, Saturday, 23 August 2014 16:59 (1 week ago) Permalink

not say there couldn't be LESS straight indie boyage, just that i don't know how it's worse

da croupier, Saturday, 23 August 2014 17:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

I know how the free content business model "works" and how clicks are real important, but "news" like these still annoy me, especially the clickbait framing

http://pitchfork.com/news/56375-aphex-twin-reveals-amazing-syro-album-artwork-and-bio/

"Amazing SYRO Album Artwork"
"Here is the utterly amazing Aphex Twin bio that has been sent out in a press release"

niels, Thursday, 28 August 2014 11:26 (5 days ago) Permalink

David Lynch Nearly Directed the Video for Kanye West's "Blood on the Leaves"

Daft Punk almost went to Orange Leaf, but opted for TCBY instead

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Thursday, 28 August 2014 19:15 (5 days ago) Permalink

pfork also used my favorite metal pr verb ("unleashed") in their headline for the grimes video

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Thursday, 28 August 2014 19:21 (5 days ago) Permalink

grimes updates tumblr

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Thursday, 28 August 2014 19:38 (5 days ago) Permalink

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/19709-dj-mustard-10-summers/

“Everybody say it’s so easy to make my beats,” Mustard Tweeted a few days ago. “[ Well ] take a swing at it you should be rich [ in ] no time cause I am.” The tweet was punctuated by two emojis that are crying while laughing.

this is like when the new york times alludes to vulgarities it refuses to print because ~classy~

j., Friday, 29 August 2014 05:29 (4 days ago) Permalink

true he should also have referred to DJ Mustard as "Mr. Mustard" in that sentence

rap steve gadd (D-40), Friday, 29 August 2014 06:34 (4 days ago) Permalink

Col. Mustard

Number None, Friday, 29 August 2014 07:24 (4 days ago) Permalink

i actually put those corrections in there in my original draft because it's clear reading that tweet that the misspellings were just dumb phone typos, and i think they made the intent of the tweet a bit harder to parse

le goon (J0rdan S.), Friday, 29 August 2014 13:20 (4 days ago) Permalink

oh do you mean the emoji sentence?? pitchfork should post emoji

le goon (J0rdan S.), Friday, 29 August 2014 13:21 (4 days ago) Permalink

i do but clearly they cannot

j., Friday, 29 August 2014 14:33 (4 days ago) Permalink

this is pretty great: http://zzzzaaaacccchhh.tumblr.com/post/95392568578/the-200-best-pitchfork-articles-of-the-decade-so-far

― campreverb, Thursday, August 28, 2014 3:30 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

I clicked on this just so I could close the tab

, Friday, 29 August 2014 14:41 (4 days ago) Permalink

someone didn't get the joke

Bus Sex Teen Busted After Queef Beef (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 29 August 2014 14:43 (4 days ago) Permalink

Upon reclicking and not closing the tab immediately I see now that it was a joke

Good joke

, Friday, 29 August 2014 14:46 (4 days ago) Permalink

One endearing moment of weirdness, however, is “Teach the Children,” a slowed down snippet of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s “Teach the Children Well.”

sigh

Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 06:09 (36 minutes ago) Permalink


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