Exercise For Credit: Five Names For A Fictional Open Mic

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This is for a book. I need five fake band / songwriter names that would play an open mic night at a generic, sub-Starbucks campus cafe. (for instance: someone would definitely be named Jamie).

The best entries, I solemnly swear, will be properly credited to their inventors.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 14:50 (seventeen years ago) link

The Fond Affections.

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 14:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Ashley C Granger
The New Jugglers
The Ripped Mat Syndicate
Shire Reality
The Tableaus

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 14:58 (seventeen years ago) link

The Boho Dance

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Lil' Edith

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:00 (seventeen years ago) link

"Ashley C Granger" is genius.

I also feel there needs to be a sensitive guy with a Polish last name, like "Josh Verbitzky."

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Holden Slumbers

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:05 (seventeen years ago) link

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Yahoo Spam sez:

Skylar James
Kevin Kelley
Maria Knight
Saul Hernandez

Roz (Roz), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:08 (seventeen years ago) link

I also feel there needs to be a sensitive guy with a Polish last name, like "Josh Verbitzky."

I like that idea. He needs to have a boyish first name as well. Chrissie Wolski. Petey Kubica. Andi Sycz. DD Jarowski

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:09 (seventeen years ago) link

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN

-- More Tongue Feldman (noodle_vagu...), July 16th, 2006. (noodle vague) (later)

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN AND THE EMO EXPLANATIONS

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:10 (seventeen years ago) link

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN'S EMU

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:12 (seventeen years ago) link

INSTEAD OF GOOSING PARKINSON IT'D JUST ASK HIM TO DEFINE "BLING BLING".

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:18 (seventeen years ago) link

But we digress.

What about Derek "Tao" Jones?

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Focus on Sanity
Boyzenberry Jam
Shaggin Wagon
Elizabeth Colby
The Other Side

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:23 (seventeen years ago) link

hahahahaha Derek "Tao" Jones is a definite winner.

Roz, your Yahoo spam is surprisingly human-sounding! I tend to get correspondents like tduesr fontvollc.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:25 (seventeen years ago) link

Ha, I only just got that.

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:35 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.taojones.org/main1.html

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:36 (seventeen years ago) link

If there's one abiding lesson the interweb has taught me, it's that there's no such thing as an original idea.

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:39 (seventeen years ago) link

haha well Skylar James is plugging "xofag VIagERA".

xps

Roz (Roz), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:40 (seventeen years ago) link

"Focus on Sanity" somehow has the best verisimilitude so far...

Doctor Casino (Doctor Casino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Belmondo's Last Gauloise
Cindy Cantantarello
Ed Flint & His Spontaneously Combustible Sheep

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott
Bohemian Rap City
The Poetry Project
Global Warning

Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh I LIKE Global Warning

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Rivendellica

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Melodyman

sibsi (sibsi), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Sunset Over Lakewood
Morning Dew
Don't Blame Me I Voted For Kerry
Wandering Eyes

Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, Global Warning might be my favorite so far.

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Ladies In Waiting (couple of barista chicks from said cafe with acoustic guitars)

Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Lyrical Limbo

Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:59 (seventeen years ago) link

PIRGatory

Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Women of Mass Destruction
Mutual Admiration Society
Hare of the Dog

russel swensen (solecism), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott

I love the excruciating boredom that radiates from each of these three words.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:21 (seventeen years ago) link

The Fret Boys
Passionessence

I also feel there needs to be a sensitive guy with a Polish last name, like "Josh Verbitzky."

I like that idea. He needs to have a boyish first name as well. Chrissie Wolski. Petey Kubica. Andi Sycz. DD Jarowski

There needs to be someone called Josh. As with "open mic night", the name is redolent of well-meaning insipidness.

Josh Anthony?

Apologies to anyone called Josh, BTW.


Ben Dot (1977), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

What's Yours is Mind

Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:10 (seventeen years ago) link

These are all awesome. I will announce the five finalists in a bit.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:24 (seventeen years ago) link

There really needs to be at least one "funky" guy doing Ani Difranco style spoken word over his feverish M Doughty rhythms. I think his name has to have "Papa" in it too. Maybe Papa Josh?

Doctor Casino (Doctor Casino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Epsilon Rising. How could we forget so soon?

More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Spaceman Joe

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:46 (seventeen years ago) link

satori feldman

celebrity mole: hawaii (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Where's the white, dreadlocked "spoken word artist"?

Eric "Jah" Harrington?
Josh "J-Dub" Wetzler?
Alex "Sasha" Pendleton?


Some more good spam names:

Lydia Godfrey
Leticia Coates
Earline Blake
Kitty Kimball
Ananth Boyce
Scott Von Heldt (writing to me about Baron Von Sloth, which could be a band name)
Catalina Leitz
Ramona Sawyer
Agnes Petersen
Olimpia Tash
Henri M. Ramon
Bernadine Prescott
Maurice Chaparall
Toussain Swaby
Luther Eldridge

And my personal favorite, Enumerates G. Purview

max (maxreax), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:53 (seventeen years ago) link

It's pronounced E-nu-mer-AH-tees.

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott

I love the excruciating boredom that radiates from each of these three words.

-- joseph cotten (josephcotte...), July 16th, 2006.

This made me LOL

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:01 (seventeen years ago) link

I want to know what the "G" stands for.

max (maxreax), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Speaking of radiating boredom, this dude name Keith C8rpent3r just myspaced my band.

Genre: Bluegrass/Folk/Rock

Band Members Just Myself
Influences Eric Clapton, BB King, John Mellencamp, Bill Monroe
Sounds Like Folky Blues and Bluegrass
Record Label Docwoody Studios

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:05 (seventeen years ago) link

For your token hardcore kidz band:

The Illuminati Solution
Defeat of Denial
Hillbilly Jim

Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

For the dude, or dudes, with those floppy hats you get at Old Navy and Chuck Taylots

My Life, Her Heart, Our Wound
Blood by Blood, Fate by Fate
Miranda's Last Farewell
One Sunday In June
Quel'que Chose
Unrelenting Vengeance
Sheep in Wolves Clothing

Emily B (Emily B), Sunday, 16 July 2006 20:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Alex "Sasha" Pendleton?

i like this -- i grew up in a russian neighborhood and i knew at least six alex-sashas.

celebrity mole: hawaii (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Bongo See, Bongo Do

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Jessi Saugerties

Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Monday, 17 July 2006 01:05 (seventeen years ago) link

"Terror
is not far
there is a steering lock
in your car!"

That's one of the dude's poems, no joke.

Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:31 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.poetryband.com/music-room.html
to hear songs

Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:33 (seventeen years ago) link

J-Dub's spoken word stylings will shake you all from your safe, bougie, liberal points of view to really consider the prominent issues of our time, from racism to poverty. And hunger, too. And, like, popular rap music.

max (maxreax), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:43 (seventeen years ago) link

xp The first two minutes of the Poetry Band's "O Mercy Me" does sound like bad Jim Morrison -- and a lot like Joy Division's "Interzone". Much as I love Ian Curtis, you can really see how a lot of his singing and lyrics came from poorly imitating th' Lizard King.

O-Keigh (O-Keigh), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:59 (seventeen years ago) link

"Square Root of Truth" and "Mutual Admiration Society" are both amazing.

cdwill (cdwill), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 05:15 (seventeen years ago) link

(William Bloody Swaggart)

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 08:33 (seventeen years ago) link

"Baslamendo" - a two piece accordian and woodblock duo. With snakes.

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 09:50 (seventeen years ago) link

(William Bloody Swaggart)

Whoops! Sorry!

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 12:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Whoops! Sorry!

That's the winner!

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 13:20 (seventeen years ago) link

one year passes...

I'm bumping this mainly because it took me seriously half an hour to figure out the right search crap to find it, since of course I remembered that the thread was pretty much continuous LOLs but not any of the specific names.

What about Derek "Tao" Jones?

Doctor Casino, Friday, 31 August 2007 07:03 (sixteen years ago) link

one month passes...

A well-deserved bump: the book containing the final ten has just sold to FSG and should be on the shelves in mid-2008. All the winners get credit, obviously!

Erroneous Botch, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 20:10 (sixteen years ago) link

Hot damn: FSG! Congratulations! Is the deal announced and listed everywhere yet? Kinda curious who you wound up with there.

nabisco, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 20:58 (sixteen years ago) link

Actually, not yet, so shhh until next week. Do you know people at FSG? feel free to email me off-board...

Erroneous Botch, Wednesday, 24 October 2007 18:16 (sixteen years ago) link

nine months pass...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hdSo4yFuDdo&watch_response

DJ Mencap, Saturday, 2 August 2008 09:53 (fifteen years ago) link

Mutual Admiration Society

-- russel swensen (solecism), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:15 (2 years ago) Link

"Mutual Admiration Society"

-- cdwill (cdwill), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 05:15 (2 years ago) Link

This is the name of the group comprising Glen Phillips (the Toad the Wet Sprocket one) and Chris Thile (Nickel Creek), of all people. Apparently they admire each other and they made a record a while back.

ellaguru, Saturday, 2 August 2008 18:08 (fifteen years ago) link

So what's up with the book?

Hurting 2, Saturday, 2 August 2008 18:31 (fifteen years ago) link

ten months pass...

The book is finally coming out! The official publication date is August 4, Amazon begins shipping it July 21. AMAZON LINK HERE.

The thank-yous in the end include all the contributors plus the instruction to google the phrase "Five Names For A Fictional Open Mic" for full results.

Joseph Cotten, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 03:35 (fourteen years ago) link

Congrats!

i yelled "BIG HOOS" but i was yelling at my steen (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 03:57 (fourteen years ago) link

Awesome!

THESE ARE MY FEELINGS! FEEL MY FEELINGS! (I eat cannibals), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 04:15 (fourteen years ago) link

Hahaha well done Joseph.

Pimp My Hearse (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 09:24 (fourteen years ago) link

I just came up with AtmosphEric (singer's name is Eric).

Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:38 (fourteen years ago) link

congratulations man

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:41 (fourteen years ago) link

ive been looking for a sagely wry novel to read

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:41 (fourteen years ago) link

amazing

Michael tapeworm much talent for the future (s1ocki), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link

six months pass...

Wow, I missed all the later revives - congrats on the book! I totally want to read it. Just for S&G I'm gonna re-render the thread as an ILM poll in a few...

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 23 January 2010 17:26 (fourteen years ago) link

three months pass...

A college friend of mine just posted a show announcement and one of the band they're playing with is called Tr1bal S3eds. I immediately thought of this thread.

hills like white people (Hurting 2), Friday, 7 May 2010 18:51 (thirteen years ago) link

eleven months pass...

"My thing," said Germanika, "is black bogs of despair."

Mark G, Thursday, 5 May 2011 11:26 (twelve years ago) link

great article!

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 5 May 2011 12:07 (twelve years ago) link

nine months pass...

reading Ground Up right now and thoroughly enjoying it :D

dayove cool (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 15 February 2012 08:27 (twelve years ago) link

two years pass...

Women of Mass Destruction

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 October 2014 03:09 (nine years ago) link

Once encountered a real band, playing the social night at a phil conference, called 'The Critique of Pure Rhythm'. Nearly too clever, but also yuck.

Fine Toothcomb (sonofstan), Wednesday, 1 October 2014 03:43 (nine years ago) link

god this thread is so good

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 05:19 (nine years ago) link

three weeks pass...

The Other Side
― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), zondag 16 juli 2006 15:23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SxAw2LJHX0

Kibbutzki (Jaap Schip), Friday, 24 October 2014 19:43 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

http://www.nj.com/hobokennow/index.ssf/2014/12/live_local_bands_returning_to.html#incart_river

It's going to be a loud night, with three bands known for amped-up guitars and roaring vocals. Dead Fish Handshake, whose last EP was produced by Sevendust's Clint Lowery, describe their sound as "unadulterated rock 'n' roll...with a no bells-and-whistles approach." Crewman Number Six (the name is a Star Trek reference) have been pounding out their "heavy, soul-funkin' hard rock music" for more than a decade, while Ed Smith & The Ego are longtime Hoboken scene vets.

18th Century Celebrity WS of Shame (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 2 December 2014 21:18 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

The Donors Like You

how's life, Friday, 19 December 2014 13:46 (nine years ago) link

That's great

man alive, Friday, 19 December 2014 15:10 (nine years ago) link

six years pass...
two years pass...

http://www.nj.com/hobokennow/index.ssf/2014/12/live_local_bands_returning_to.html#incart_river

It's going to be a loud night, with three bands known for amped-up guitars and roaring vocals. Dead Fish Handshake, whose last EP was produced by Sevendust's Clint Lowery, describe their sound as "unadulterated rock 'n' roll...with a no bells-and-whistles approach." Crewman Number Six (the name is a Star Trek reference) have been pounding out their "heavy, soul-funkin' hard rock music" for more than a decade, while Ed Smith & The Ego are longtime Hoboken scene vets.

― 18th Century Celebrity WS of Shame (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 2 December 2014 21:18 (nine years ago) link

"longtime scene vets" is such a cruel backhanded complement

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 17 January 2024 16:37 (three months ago) link

Compliment even

Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:26 (three months ago) link

Anyway that post is solid gold so nice revive!

Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:27 (three months ago) link

Once encountered a real band, playing the social night at a phil conference, called 'The Critique of Pure Rhythm'. Nearly too clever, but also yuck.

― Fine Toothcomb (sonofstan), Tuesday, September 30, 2014 10:43 PM (nine years ago) bookmarkflaglink

LMAO

budo jeru, Monday, 22 January 2024 23:50 (three months ago) link

also Ken Zoan is ace. great thread. also kind of amazing that this book ended up being published by FSG. did anyone ever read it?

budo jeru, Monday, 22 January 2024 23:50 (three months ago) link

It’s in my giant pile of I’ll get to it one day.

Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:55 (three months ago) link

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott kills me every time.

B. Amato (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 02:48 (three months ago) link

In my orbit, too many pickup band names are lazy AF, referencing their practice time or their practice space or how often they rehearse. I probably shouldn't name them here but there are some decidedly lazy band names out there.

Wine not? (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 03:21 (three months ago) link

to be fair, some of the greatest bands in musical history had the laziest, most unimaginative names

budo jeru, Tuesday, 23 January 2024 15:44 (three months ago) link

Like, The Band

Wine not? (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 15:51 (three months ago) link

or The Beatles

Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 18:15 (three months ago) link


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