Publicist red flags!

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"Reminiscent of the sky-high melodies of Jeff Buckley"
"This is a boring band, but at least the singer has an OK voice"

Influenced by Refused
"This is a boring hardcore band"

Influenced by Refused and Radiohead
"This is a boring hardcore band that puts crappy space sounds on everything."

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

Not since...
"SOUNDS JUST LIKE..."

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

A cross between ... and ...
"TWICE as derivative"

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:50 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Bursting with attitude"

No fucking tunes whatsoever.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

"The new Billie Holiday"

Can't actually sing in tune

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 18:02 (7 years ago) Permalink

"sounds like (whoever)...on acid/speed/crack/ecstasy."

Sounds like nerds spazzing out.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 24 February 2006 18:02 (7 years ago) Permalink

The old reliable: "their best effort yet." Translation: you may or may not actually like it, but we expect you to praise it to the stars.

― mike a, Friday, 24 February 2006 18:02 (7 years ago) Permalink

"ambitious" = laughably pretentious and overwrought

― mike a, Friday, 24 February 2006 18:03 (7 years ago) Permalink

"reinvigorating Rock and Roll"

Even worse than the Black Rebel Bastard Motorcycle Wheeltappers and Punters Social Club

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 18:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

see also: eponymous

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:09 (7 years ago) Permalink

Skipping 61 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Meet James Blunt...

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

I wish all press releases were in bullet point format.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

and if you include a photo, identify everyone, from left to right. an amazing number of press photos don't bother to tell you who's who.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:51 (7 years ago) Permalink

"trend-setting

Trend-following.

― Brian O'Neill (NYCNative), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

"A diverse range of influences from The Smiths and The Jam through to Run DMC, James Brown, and Funkadelic"

Indie band with black vocallist.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:55 (7 years ago) Permalink

To those who are intimidated by the snark on display here -- fear not.

As someone who used to make his living as a critic and now makes records - most music writers actually like music. They just hate reading stupid press releases and horrible bios.

― Uncle Tom (Uncle Tom), Saturday, 25 February 2006 07:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

"influenced by Talking Heads"

Anxious-sounding singer and boring beats.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 25 February 2006 08:45 (7 years ago) Permalink

"blah blah blah"

This is going to be shitty just like everything else.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 25 February 2006 08:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

Any writer who dares describe a beat as 'fractured' or 'bruised' ever again will be hunted down and shot like a dog. This is my promise.

― stu (stu), Saturday, 25 February 2006 08:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

I agree with the hunting and killing, but I say we use the dog to track them down and shoot them like a rat or a snake. I just don't cotton to dog-shootin'.

― Okeigh, Saturday, 25 February 2006 13:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

Oh, alright then.

― stu (stu), Saturday, 25 February 2006 13:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

I swear that this just got emailed to me in a press release:

"They play rock-style music mixed with alternative-style."

― Brian O'Neill (NYCNative), Saturday, 25 February 2006 14:52 (7 years ago) Permalink

If the artist is from Louisiana, unlesss it's Britney Spears, dollars to donuts their music will be referred to as a "gumbo."

Once, some copy editor inserted that word in one of my articles and I freaked - the only time the Rev. Hoodoo will consciously use the word "gumbo" is when he's writing about food!

― Rev. Hoodoo (Rev. Hoodoo), Saturday, 25 February 2006 15:02 (7 years ago) Permalink

"classically-trained" or "thrown out of the elite [name] conservatory"

Wasn't good enough to make it in the classical world, lacks the imagination needed to go 'avant-garde', so they made a sub-Coldplay album with one operatic-style song that shows why they weren't good enough to make it in the classical world.

― joylyn, Saturday, 25 February 2006 17:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

OTM

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 25 February 2006 19:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

joylyn: YES!

"dark" and or "gloomy" = minor key snooze.

"darkwave" = dorkwave.

― js (honestengine), Saturday, 25 February 2006 20:12 (7 years ago) Permalink

sensational success = we still can't understand why people bought that crap, but the fact alone that item x sold n units should be enough to convince you that item y is a hit
seemingly effortless = tried hard, might even have exercised / communicated a strong will to... (but failed)
national treasure = music scene in land x sucks (variation of the country/state theme)
colorful = lyrics don't mean anything but doobeedooh (not necessarily a bad thing)

― b0ring, Sunday, 26 February 2006 06:13 (7 years ago) Permalink

in fact i came to appreciate publicist notes, if you read them right you have the release's most weak points at hand and can concentrate on it's upsides (if any).

― b0ring, Sunday, 26 February 2006 06:23 (7 years ago) Permalink

Best thread ever. This is why i've been writing my own for years. Even MINE still read like dogshit but these fucking things are almost impossible to write unless you're a total douchebag

― Dog Ear, Sunday, 26 February 2006 07:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

Angular guitar lines

Sounds like every Dischord band.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Sunday, 26 February 2006 16:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

Would you say "poignant" is out of bounds? (what if the shit really is kinda poignant?!)

― Saxby D. Elder, Friday, 18 May 2007 21:51 (6 years ago) Permalink

ah, well you got to say something about the artist...

― whisperineddhurt, Friday, 18 May 2007 22:31 (6 years ago) Permalink

that's taking the world by storm

that has a massive promotional budget for this album, and damn they'd better recoup fast or they will be dropped like a hot potato.

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:04 (6 years ago) Permalink

Myspace sensations

Invested in a copy of FriendFlood, now annoying people in their thousands daily

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:26 (6 years ago) Permalink

have put metal firmly back on the map

Used to be a power pop band named Widget

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:33 (6 years ago) Permalink

heralded in some UK circles as ï¿½the new Nirvana.ï¿½

This band will never equal the quality or cultural importance of Nirvana. Also, they suck.

― Jeff Treppel, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

the Australian rockers are back with their second album

Young Einstein II

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Sustainable 3-5 year indie career if we can find another $60,000 for their next trip.

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:37 (6 years ago) Permalink

built up a massive following through constant touring over three years

to obtain arsehole quotient, multiply number of tattoos by number of self inflicted wounds

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:10 (6 years ago) Permalink

took control of her career

manager quit

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:12 (6 years ago) Permalink

collaborated with Bjork

will never collaborate with Bjork again

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:15 (6 years ago) Permalink

legendary Ibiza DJ

Notorious coke junkie

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:17 (6 years ago) Permalink

controversial punk violinist

Eton graduate amenable to extreme makeovers

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:20 (6 years ago) Permalink

has collaborated with John Zorn

is featured in The Wire

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:58 (6 years ago) Permalink

hah this thread is reminding me why i've not knowingly read a press release in half a dozen years. makes my life far better!

― Mike McGooney-gal, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:00 (6 years ago) Permalink

not since Portishead

Not since we last heard that boring, overused descending bassline

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:03 (6 years ago) Permalink

Unfortunately a large part of my day job involves reading these press releases, so this has been a therapeutic thread for me. Full disclosure: I have committed many of these crimes myself.

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:05 (6 years ago) Permalink

This thread's making me squirt soda through my nose
-- Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, February 24, 2006 8:40 PM (1 year ago)

BIG RAYS aka the cummdriver

― bobby bedelia, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:54 (6 years ago) Permalink

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Sustainable 3-5 year indie career if we can find another $60,000 for their next trip.

From Canada!!!! (grant money)

― Saxby D. Elder, Saturday, 19 May 2007 05:18 (6 years ago) Permalink

moley, I got one this week that backed up its "huge on the internet" assertion by providing the figures that 13 million people had looked at her Myspace profile, while only 2 million have looked at Robbie Williams'. (numbers not actual quotes.)

― energy flash gordon, Saturday, 19 May 2007 08:41 (6 years ago) Permalink

who cares, as long as it's got some rudimentary specifics, so I can decide whether to request or listen to the promo, or the link; it's more common now, to have a link to something you can listen to before decinding whether to contact the publicist, and I love it. That way, the music doesn't get completely blocked by bad hype and considerations of, "Do I really want to have this eager beaver bombarding me with followups, and/or guilt trips?" The link or the enclosed promo is so much better than press reelase only (especially that watermarked, or jump-thru-hoops to qualify to try to download, or to listen to something you're not allowed to download). So basically I don't care if they say "has shared the stage with," nor in a review, for that matter. Not that there aren't a lot of horribly written reviews.

― dow, Saturday, 19 May 2007 16:50 (6 years ago) Permalink

Re paren: I meant to say some pompous invitation to listen to a watermakred copy, and "serious requests only," like they'll come get you if you don't review it, and say what they want you to say.

― dow, Saturday, 19 May 2007 16:54 (6 years ago) Permalink

recorded by Steve Albini

The album was produced by Steve Albini

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Saturday, 19 May 2007 17:21 (6 years ago) Permalink

CURSE YOU FAUX HTML!

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Saturday, 19 May 2007 17:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

recorded by Steve Albini

The album was produced by Steve Albini

Yeh OTM, you have to pay extra to get that (i.e. major labels have to pay to get that).

― Saxby D. Elder, Saturday, 19 May 2007 23:28 (6 years ago) Permalink

3 years pass...

featuring past members of [xxxxx]

"when [xxxxx] made it big, this is the lazy/drug-addicted/non-contributing person that they fired"

― thank you ilxor for starting this much needed thread (ilxor), Saturday, 12 March 2011 17:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

Hey Al, PLEASE dig into this Hood Internet album. It's actually great and like nothing out there.

― some dude, Tuesday, 11 September 2012 23:31 (9 months ago) Permalink

Was gonna say, anything from Biz 3 is inherently suspect.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 11 September 2012 23:35 (9 months ago) Permalink

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Playing to 5 people in a bar at 11am.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 11 September 2012 23:38 (9 months ago) Permalink

"hey ray, wanted to see if you'd had a chance to check out..."

The answer is NO like 90% of the time.

― Raymond Cummings, Wednesday, 12 September 2012 04:03 (9 months ago) Permalink

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