100 excellent spoken bits in the middle of songs

"As I walk down life's lonely road, hand in hand with myself..." Wha...?!

Britney Spears - Cinderella

B.A.D. II, "Rush"

Pulp - I Spy

I was blue and lonely, I couldn’t sleep a wink
And I could only get unconscious if I’d had to much to drink
There was somehow, something wrong somewhere
And each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation were growing in my head
I needed inspiration, a brand new start in life
Somewhere to place affection, but I didn’t want a wife
And then by lucky chance I saw in a special magazine
An ad that was unusual, the like I’d never seen
Experience something different with our new imported toy
She’s loving, warm, inflatible and a guarantee of joy.
She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shrivelled down
A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown
I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life
And later in a moment that girl became my wife
And so I sit her in the corner and sometimes stroke her hair
And when I’m feeling naughty I blow her up with air
She’s cuddly and she’s bouncy, she’s like a rubber ball
I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall
And now my life is different since sally came my way
I wake up in the morning and have her on a tray
She’s everything they say she was and I wear a permanent grin
And I only have to worry in case my girl wears thin

"You know
One time things got so bad until
I had to go to one of my friends and talk to him
And I told him, I said, “You know
I’m having problems with the woman that I love
It seems that I call her on the phone and I just can’t get her to answer
And then I went to her house and I saw a car parked in the driveway
I knocked on the door, but still my knocks went unanswered
And then I went home and I-I watched television until television went off
And then I played my records until I just didn’t want to hear them anymore
And finally I went to bed, but I found myself waking up a few hours later
And the tears were running down my face”
And my friend told me, he said, “Lenny,
You just oughta forget about her”
But I told my friend, I said, “You know
Maybe you’ve never been in love like I’ve been in love
And maybe you’ve never felt the things that I’ve felt”
But this is what I told my friend
I said, “You know, sometimes you get lonely
You get lonely, you get lonely”
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh"

(Darlene Love -- White Christmas)

Is this in any of the single versions, or just the video? Either way, so classic.

76. "Yes baby, my heart is lonely. My heart hurts, baby. Yes, I feel pain too..."

From the kings of the mid-song monologue, Boyz II Men.

Now listen I dont want you to think that this is a
One sided affair, no no
Because my old lady also understands that a man must
Have respect
What I mean is, if she must play around dont let me
Catch her, because what I dont see cant hurt me, you
Understand? but on the other hand, If I should ever
Catch her I'm not gonna talk about-a
And call her a bunch of bad names like you all might
No no mh
What I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go down-town to the
Hardware store and buy myself a double blade axe,
Come back, square off, and believe her soul's gonna
Belong to the good lord
Because her head's gonna belong to me, and I
Guarantee she'll know what I mean when I'll say

(ok, maybe "excellent" is not as much the word as "jaw dropping" and "speech defying")

"I think I fucked your girlfriend once. Maybe twice, I don't remember
Then I fucked all your friends' girlfriends. Now they hate you"
- Big Black 'Bad Penny'

Relax, have a cigar, make yourself at home.
Hell is full of high court judges, failed saints.
We've got Cardinals, Archbishops, barristers,
Certified accountants, music critics,
They're all here. You're not alone
You're never alone, not here you're not.
OK break's over...

70. Joe Tex "I'll Never Fall in Love Again" (11:23!)

City black, encase the time
World full of men, who all are blind
Who walk and talk and say as one:
"Androids are we", their tune o sun
Adjust me
Adjust me
Adjust me.....

Pulp, Sorted for Es and Whizz

67. "And though my friends just might ask me
They say martin maybe one day you’ll find true love
I say maybe, there must be a solution
To the one thing, the one thing, we can’t find"

ABC Look of Love

These groups and singers think that they appeal to everyone
by singing about love because apparently everyone has or can love
or so they would have you believe anyway
but these groups seem to go along with what, the belief
that love is deep in everyone`s personality.
I don`t think we`re saying there`s anything wrong with love,
we just don`t think that what goes on between two people
should be shrouded with mystery.

-"Anthrax" (Gang of Four)

I couldn't stand this bland sound anymore, so I walked towards my deck to turn it off. All I could see was the b-side of the disc, which had assumed a doughnut shape with the label on the outside rim. I reached for the arm, which was less than one micron long but weighed more than Saturn, and time stood still. I knew I had to escape ...

But every time I tried to flee

The record was in front of me

"Haul me out of the water
Haul me on to the land
Beneath the sky there is an open fire..."

2. MR. MOMENT: "Wait a minute wait a minute. I'm a-call the operator. That's what I'm gonna do! I'm a-call the operator!"

[dials number; telephone rings]

OPERATOR: "Operator. May I help you?"

MR. MOMENT: "Yeah operator. Look, I been trying to call this number all day long! As a matter of fact, I tried to call it nine times and the line is still busy! And look, I wanna know if you can do me a little favor. I want you to cut in and let me listen to the conversation."

OPERATOR: "I'm sorry sir. I can't do that. That line is busy."

1. "My name is... uh... Eugene. I'm a cool dude in a loose mood. Hey I know you wanna party tonight. I got an idea. Whaddaya say we go down to Louie's Pizza? Hey... uhh... why don't you know, me and you and your girlfriend, we could you know what I mean? (SLAP!) Aww man, what'd ya have to go and do dat for?"

Tenacious D, "Wonderboy":

Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
Archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy!
What powers you ask? I dunno, how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation, homes.
How 'bout the power to kill a yak, from 200 yards away. . . with mind bullets!
That's telekinesis, Kyle!
How 'bout the power, to move you?

Shakira's new one, "Don't Bother":

For you, I’d give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I’d file my nails so they don’t hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won’t, but you won’t

Boney M - "Rasputin"
&
Alicia Keys - "You Don't Know My Name"

Meanwhile
Night falls into reaches
And if we could just see
We could watch
Everything...

And her accent is perfect.

Marisa Monte - "Enquanto Isso"

Big Black 'Pigeon Kill'

Still kills me every time, from They Might Be Giants, "Snowball in Hell."

A brief announcement to all radio DJ's: If this record is currently
being played at your station, we will provide the following time for
you to announce your station identification.

We'd also like to add that we've now reached the three-and-a-half
minute mark of this song. Radio stations may begin your fade here. For
those that would like help, we will start your fade for you.

Now if this records is being played a a club, disco, lounge, house,
basement, or block party, car stereo, stoop, or at any other social
gathering, we will now allow the beat to continue, and proceed to give
you more of what you like. This message has been brought to you by the
makers of the way we swing, and the underground talkhowyalike posse.

Great choice!

Yeah, you see what I mean? You see what I mean, you motherfuckin' crybabies? Get in line punk! You should be studyin' your arts, instead of studying me! That's how you lost your first job, punk! Now get in line, before you get your lil thick ass tossed up! Shit, I studied under Bruce Lee, nigga! He was on the fourth, I was on the third.

This is 4 the cab U have 2 drive 4 no money at all
This is 4 why I wasn't born like my brother, handsome and tall
This is 4 politicians who r bored and believe in war
This -- Yeah, that's 4 me, that's who that 1's 4
This is 4 discrimination and egotists who think supreme
And this is 4 whoever taught U how 2 kiss in designer jeans
That 1's 4-- That 1's 4-- 4 U have 2 live
This 1's 4 the rich, not all of 'em, just the greedy --
The ones that don't know how 2 give
This 1's 4 Yosemite Sam and the tourists at Disneyland
And this 1-- ooh! Yeah -- That's the 1.
That's 4-- that's 4 the-- the creator of man
This is 4 the sun, the moon, the stars, the tourists at Disneyland
This is 4 the ocean, the sea, the shore
This is 4-- and that's 4 U, and that's who that 1's 4
This is 4 the women, so beautifully complex
This 1's 4 love without sex
This is 4 the wind that blows no matter how fast or slow
Not knowing where I'm going
This galaxy's better than not having a place 2 go
And now I know (I know)

NEW ORDER - FINE TIME

More Britney Spears here:

"Britney before you go there's something I want you to have
"Oh it's beatiful but wait a minute isn't this..?"
"yeah, yes it is"
"But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end"
"Well baby,I went down and got it for you"

You see Robin I'm just searching for the young soul rebels and I can't find them anywhere. Where have you hidden them? Maybe we should welcome the new soul vision.

Mr, Hitchcock:

"Daddy, it's the man with the lightbulb head."
"Avert your eyes from his gaze, Junior, and we may yet be saved."
"But Daddy... it's you!"
"You're too late. I've come to turn you on. Huhahaha!"

Heavy Vegetable - On Purpose

-Well I was stalled for time
-I'm afraid I'll faint
-Whatever you do, don't do that

-Go!

-Let her continue to live, the time is not yet right that they should join with us.

So we laid in bed afterwards and / she asked me
what made me frightened / and I said
"I'm frightened of Belgian chocolates / I'm frightened of pot pourri
I'm frightened of James Dean posters
I'm frightened of twenty-six inch screens / I'm frightened of remote control
I'm frightened of endowment plans / I'm frightened of figurines
I'm frightened of evenings in the Brincliffe Oaks searching for a conversation."
"Oh you're stupid," she said / and she took my hand
she took my hand and she said / "I want
I want you / I want you to / I want you to touch
I want you to touch me / I want you to touch me."

Pulp - His n Hers [We could probably do a whole thread of Pulp lyrics with spoken middles]

"I'll have ten shillings to win on Camera Flash, young man."
"What dog's that, then?"
"It's the duke's dog, innit?"

--The Who, "Dogs"

Ted Nugent-Stranglehold

"Hey Frankie, are you going to give me your class ring?"
"Afraid I can't do that Annette."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't have any arms!"
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Beach Party Vietnam

Conceived under the influence of toxic wasted doctors
Computer buggin debuggin device and vice versa
and various viruses
Performing with laser light precision and verbal incision
For a linguistic ballistic lobotomy
Mind-fuckin you, a psycho-sodomy
of the medulla oblongata
Accept your mind down your spine and out your behind
Fuck you

If you read the album cover by now, you know that my name is what my name is. When I came in here to try and do this, something I'd never done before, Mr. Jones, Booker T., said to me, "Don't worry about it. Just do what you do, and do it good."

Now dig up ya'll
Now we're stoned to the bone, hot and sweaty
Look at us, we're everything your parents ever warned you about
They think we're all junkies, but everybody's some kind of junkie
There's money junkies, booze junkies, dope junkies, sex junkies,
And there's one thing they can't understand , all of us, you and I, we're Godz , and Godz are rock and roll junkies
Now every night we get into a different town
Every night we get high, every night we rock and roll
Every night we go crazy and we know we're killing ourselves, but it feels so... good
They try to tell us rock and roll is dead , but Godz rock and roll ain't dead
Rock and roll is why we're all here
Rock and roll is why we got long hair and get high
Rock and roll is why we dress the way we do
Rock and roll has turned us into something that they can't stand, but rock and roll has created us
Rock and roll has made us into machines
We can't see straight
We can't think straight
We can't hear straight
We can't feel nothing , got no heart and soul, but we're Godz
And someday there'll be thousands of us, thousands of Godz, thousands of machines
More of us than there is of them, they can't stop the Godz rock and roll machine, stop the machine......machine
The Godz are rock and roll machines
No hearts but at least we're machines
The Godz are rock and roll machines

The Godz are rock and roll machines (x8)

-The Godz, "Gotta Keep a-Runnin'" This ridiculous manifesto has reduced me to helpless laughter ono more than one occasion. (Without being high, even)

it's literally untranslatable, but the drunk ramblings in the middle of GBV's "Mincer Ray"

Now there's just one thing that I need
Not sympathy and I don't want no pity
But a girl, a real girl
One that really loves me

"Moulty," the Barbarians

What about, like, every Pavement song ever?

"Naked, naked, foul"

Edwin Morgan's poem in the middle of an Idlewild song, can't remember the song, just the poem.
It isn't in the mirror
It isn't on the page
It's a red hearted vibration
Pushing through the walls
Of dark imagination
Finding no equation
There's a Red Road rage,
But it's not road rage
It's asylum seekers engulfed by a grudge
Scottish friction
Scottish fiction

It isn't in the castles,
It isn't in the mist
It's a calling of the waters
As they break to show
The new black death
With reactors aglow
Do you think your security
Can keep you in purity
You can not shake us off above or below
Scottish friction
Scottish fiction

Let's have some newer ones.

Venetian Snares / “Kétsarkú Mozgalom”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEm6oq69voU

“I used to understand ‘happy.’ I know that I used to be happy. I was really happy. I’m unhappy now and I can’t remember what it’s like to be happy. I only remember… I don’t remember. I remember being happy only in comparison to not being happy, which is what I am now.”

“Alex? There’s only one way we’re going to end all of this. You’ve got to go back in there and find Carlotta. Because she’s the one who’s keeping the spirit alive”

"now, we're going to put you on the scales, to see how heavy you are, aren't we? yeah! can you do that? bdum bum bum yea bum bum VERY GOOD dum dum dumbdy dum dum can you do that? VERY GOOD"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21Dtddv1heI#t=3m02s

at 3mins 02

There are like four songs on "Use Your Illusion II" with one of these, all of them batshit insane ("Civil War," "Knockin' on Heaven's Door," I think "Breakdown"). The longest, greatest and most ridiculous of them, of course, is from "Get In The Ring," which approximates one of Axl's countless onstage rant/meltdowns. I hope the journalists threatened therein didn't actually suffer any physical harm from overzealous fans. The whole song is just a reminder of how fucking gone these guys were by 1991 - GN'R was well into Spinal Tap territory before the stroke of 1989.

Some roffles here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_in_the_Ring

dudes, the Shangri-Las own this shit, even apart from "Leader of the Pack"

"Give Him A Great Big Kiss":
Well, what color are his eyes?
I dunno, he's always wearin' shades
Is he tall?
Well, I gotta look up!
Yeah, well I hear he's bad
Mmm, he's good-bad, but he's not evil.

"Give Us Your Blessings":
The next day they found them
Mary and Jimmy were dead
And as their folks knelt beside them in the rain
They couldn't help but hear the last words
Mary and Jimmy had said

"Long Live Our Love":
It's the fighting that has come between us
And it's taken you far, far away
But please don't wonder if I'll be faithful
You're in my heart both night and day
So, darling, I send my love to you,
While you are fighting overseas,
And I know one day if we are lucky,
God will send you back to me

I guess disqualify "Past, Present, and Future" and "I Can Never Go Home Anymore" for being all spoken word, even though they RULE.

"So now I'm alone. Now I can think for myself about little deals and SUs, and things that I just don't understand. Like a white lie that night, or a sly touch at times. I don't think it meant anything to you."

SUs? Issues?

It's a pun on "issues", yes, but Numan actually says "SUs" in the song and on the lyric sheet as well. It's a reference to Su Wathan his girlfriend at the time.

Top fact!

No "Come Dancing"?

Out of my window, I can see them in the moonlight. Two silhouettes saying goodnight by the garden gate.