Is there a song which cannot be made funnier by dropping the word "Trousers" in there somewhere...

Hand in trousers
We can go wherever we please
And everything depends upon
How near you stand to me

And if the people stare
Then the people stare
Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care

Kiss My Shades

Hand in trousers
The Good People laugh
Yes, we may be hidden by rags
But we've something they'll never have

Hand in trousers
The sun shines out of our behinds
Yes, we may be hidden by rags
But we've something they'll never have

And if the people stare
Then the people stare
Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care

Kiss My Shades ... oh ...

So, hand in trousers I stake my claim
I'll fight to the last breath

If they dare touch a hair on your head
I'll fight to the last breath

For the Good Life is out there somewhere
So stay on my arm, you little charmer

But I know my luck too well
Yes, I know my luck too well
And I'll probably never see you again
I'll probably never see you again
I'll probably never see you again
Oh ...

"We Will Rock Trousers"
"We Are the Trousers"
"Another One Bites the Trousers"
"Bohemian Trousers" (or, conversely, "Trouser Rhapsody")
"Tie Your Trousers Down"

"Look at the controller
A nazi with a social degree
A middle class hero
Rapist with your eyes on me
You beast for masturbation
A preacher to the nuns you fuck
You'd wipe out trousers if you had the chance
But Jesus wouldn't like it - no!"

"Fear of Black Trousers"
"Don't Believe the Trousers"
"Bring the Trousers!"
"Welcome to the Trouserdome!"
"Fight the Trousers!"

Rebel Without Trousers
Black Trousers In The Hour Of Chaos
Final Count Of The Collision Between Us And The Trousers
Anti-Trousers Machine
Meet Tha Trousers That Killed Me
Trousers Gonna Work It Out
Can't Truss Trousers
Can't Do Trousers For Ya Man
Revolutionary Trousers
Who Stole The Trousers?
Get Tha Fuck Outta Trousers

"Ace of Trousers!"
"We are the Trouser Crew"
"Killed by Trousers"
"Orgasmatrousers!"

"Follow The Trousers!"

"They were drawn towards The Trousers
Plenty more where they come from...."

"The Fall Of.... Trousers!"

"Back to square one
And the old trousers - backfire!"

"Let's all go
To the trouser dances!"

"Trousers!
I have to push
I have to struggle"

"Trousers Are Not Our God!"

OH COME ON!!!! IT HAD TO BE SAID.

and all-time favourite:
"Trousers"

Slow (Because You Have Too Many Things In The Pockets Of Your Trousers)
Flip Reverse (My Trousers)
Be Faithful (To Your Trousers)
Turn My Trousers On
Where Is The Trousers
If Your Trousers Come To Me
Guilty (Of Getting Grass Stains All Over Your Trousers When I Woz Playing Football Wiv The Ladz Hurrrrrrr)
Hole In The Trousers
Trousers - "I'm trousers, I'm trousers y'all"
Sexed Trousers
Love Me Trousers
State Of Trousers
Supertrousers
Thoia Thoia Thoia Thoia Trousers
Jumpin' (Some Bastard's Set My Trousers On Fire)
White Trousers
Burn Burn Liberty X's Trousers
Maybe (You Should Put Some Trousers On, You Really Don't Have The Legs For Shorts)
I Believe In A Thing Called Trousers
Got Some Trousers

(this solely contrived to have some joke about Sweet Dreams My LA Trousers, but that's not in the top 20 anymore. Bugger)

I'm confused Willem.... do you mean "Trousers" as in:

"T-T-T-Trousers
(Turn and and face the strain)
T-T-Trousers
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it"; or

"With your long blonde hair and your eyes of blue
The only thing I ever got from you was trousers...."; or

"Trousers, makes a man take things over
Trousers, lets him loose, hard to swallow
Trousers, puts you there where things are hollow...."; or

"I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can wear trousers, just for one day...."; or

"There's a brand new dance but I don't know its name
That people from bad homes do again and again
It's big and it's bland full of tension and fear
They do it over there but we don't do it here
Trousers! Turn to the left
Trousers! Turn to the right
Oooh, Trousers!"?

Also, I can't believe you missed "Trousers Keep Swinging"!

I Want To Hold Your Trousers
All My Trousers (I will give to you)
Can't Buy Me Trousers
Help! (I need some trousers)
You've Got To Hide Your Trousers Away
You're Going To Lose Those Trousers
I've Just Seen Some Trousers
Baby You Can Wear My Trousers
What Goes On (duh!)
If I Needed Some Trousers
Good Day Trousers
Got To Get You Into My Trousers
Paperback Trousers
Strawberry Trousers Forever
Sgt. Peppers Lonely Trousers Club Band
With A Little Help From My Trousers
Lucy In the Sky With Trousers
Fixing A Hole (guess what in, go on, guess....)
Within Trousers, Without Trousers
All You Need Is Trousers
I Am The Trousers (goo goo g’joob)
The Trousers On The Hill
(Roll up for the) Magical Mystery Trousers
Your Trousers Should Know
Dear Trousers
Happiness Is A Warm Pair Of Trousers
Why Don't We Do It In The Trousers?
Everybody's Got Something To Hide (Except Me And My Trousers)
While My Trousers Gently Weep
Old Brown Trousers
Maxwell's Silver Trousers
Here Come The Trousers
You Never Give Me Your Trousers
The Long And Winding Trousers

Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha

You're right about 'Trousers Keep Swinging', how could I forget that classic. I understood the musicians exchanged their trousers for the recording of that song! ;-)

Not to mention the joy of re-interpreting:
"And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever"

Brings a lump to the throat and a tear to the eye, doesn't it?

eek

"Your trousers my friends are blowin' in the wind"

Indeed there is: "Mona, Where's My Trousers" by Kevin Coyne, which I implore you to seek out

"T-T-T-Trousers
(Turn and and face the strain)

I was thinking he meant

"We can be Trousers....just for one day..."

"Damaged Trousers"
"Not Great Trousers"
"Return the Trousers"
"It's Her Trousers"
"A Hole in the Trousers"
"To Hell With Trousers"
"Trousers (They Fail us Now)"
"I Love a Man in Trousers"
"Is it Trousers?"
"Trousertown"
"We Live as We Dream, in Trousers"

(take them off first, obv)

Trousers Cannot Yell
Trousers, Trousers, So Contrary
Outside My Trousers
She Brings the Trousers
Bring Me Coffee or Trousers
Come Sta La Trousers?
Trouser Reaction/ Quantum Trousers
Full Moon On the Trousers
Half Past Trousers
Untrousered
I Want Trousers ... and Trousers
Trousermotion
Trousers Day and Night

I have that one on the Sign Of The Times comp. - not to mention "A Leopard Never Changes It's Trousers" (Case History +) and "I Want My Trousers" (Marjory Razorblade).

We should talk more about Kevin Coyne - in fact I think a new thread may well be in order!

some krautrouserrock:

Kraftwerk - Trousermelodie
Amon Düül - Paramechanische Trousers
Faust - Why Don't You Eat Trousers
Cosmic Jokers - Cosmic Trousers

(nice x-post dadaismus :)

"The Trousers Between Us"
"More Than Trousers"
"Jealous Trousers"
"Trousers are the Drug"
"Re-Make/Re-Trouser"
"These Foolish Trousers"
"Smoke Gets in your Trousers"
"Slave to Trousers"

It's A Rainy Day, Sunshine Trousers
I've Got My Trousers And My TV
Trousers On A Frozen River
J'Ai Mal Aux Pantalons
Long Distance Trousers In The Desert
Trousers From The Moon

"Message in My Trousers"
"It's Alright for Trousers"
"Bring on the Trouser"
"Trousers on the Moon"
"The Trousers are too Big Without You"
"No Trousers this Time"
"Hole in My Trousers"
"Can't Stand Losing Trousers"
"Don't Sand so Close to my Trousers"
"Canary in My Trousers"
"Voices inside My Trousers"
"Trousers Away"
"Behind My Trousers"
"Trousers in the Rain"
"Spirits in the Material Trousers"
"Invisible Trousers"
"Demolition Trousers"
"King of Trousers"
"Wrapped Around your Trousers"
"Trousers in the Sahara"
"Murder by Trousers"

"Trousers have a short legs
not for walking"

Take Up Thy Trousers And Walk
Let There Be More Trousers
Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Trousers
A Trouserful Of Secrets
Careful With Those Trousers Eugene
Several Trousers Of Small Furry Animals
Atom Heart Trousers
Alan's Psychedelic Trousers
A Trouser Of Winds
Obscured By Trousers
The Great Trousers In The Sky
Shine On You Crazy Trousers
Have A Pair Of Trousers
Trousers On The Wing
Trousers (Three Different Ones)
Another Brick In The Trousers
Bring The Trousers Back Home
The Trousers Must Go On
Outside The Trousers
Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Trousers
The Fletcher Memorial Trousers

Hahahahahahaha.

The trousers are then found to have an extraordinary ability to play pool / snooker / billiards [delete according to preference].

Cue song ("cue", get it? get it? Eh? Eh? Oh f'fuck's sake - I give up!):
"Those trousers with the broken zip
Are surprisingly good at getting balls into pockets...."

The trousers become a worldwide celebrity overnight and make so much money from playing cue / ball related games that they’re able to open a number of holiday camps where everyone is welcome to stay free for as long as they like.

Unfortunately however it then transpires that actually the trousers are secretly brainwashing all the people who come to these "holiday camps" so that they become slaves and work in the mines for their alien masters who tuen out not be anything like as friendly as we had at first thought.

Or something.

he's got the whole world in his trousers

"Fell in Love with Some Trousers"
"Girl, You Have No Faith in Trousers"
"Seven Trouser Army"
"Your Southern Trousers Are Mine"
"You're Pretty Good Looking (for some Trousers)"
"The Same Trousers You've Always Known"

Leave it to Gier to find the one lyric made less funny by substituting "trousers."

"Trousers, Trousers, Trousers"
"Trousers that Kill"
"Too Young to Fall in Trousers"
"Shout at the Trousers"
"Dr.Feeltrousers!"

and

Trouserstruck

Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you make love to me, baby
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you be real to me, baby

Messing around again
Acting like way back when
We were just beside ourselves
With love, touching your lovely skin
Remembering feelings within
To rush the moment could be so hasty
When you taste me

[Chorus:]
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you make love to me, baby
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you be real to me, baby

Exploring the most within
If we're in love then is it a sin
Pushing my thoughts into your dreams
You know what it means
Pouring your body melts
And in the morning tell me how it felt
Hope it's just as good for you
As you are to me

[Chorus:]
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you make love to me, baby
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you be real to me, baby

[Bridge:]
Me wanna love you and know you, baby
Me wanna get it up for you
Me wanna take my trousers off, baby
Me wanna get loose with you
Me wanna love and know ya, baby
Me wanna take my trousers off, baby
Me wanna get real nasty, baby
Can I get nasty with you, girl

[Chorus:]
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you make love to me, baby
Hold up, let me take my trousers off, baby
Hold up, let you be real to me, baby

Oh what fun we had
But, did it really turn out bad
All I learnt at school
Was how to bend not break the rules
Oh what fun we had
But at the time it seemed so bad
Trying different ways
To make a difference to the days.

Baggy pants, baggy pants, baggy pants
Baggy pants, baggy pants, baggy pants

Celebrated Trousers
Broken Home, Broken Trousers
59 Times the Trousers
Trousers I Make
Terms of Psychic Trousers
Hate Paper Trousers
Trousers Somehow
Hardly Getting Over Trousers
Dead Set on Trousers
No Trousers Have I Made
All This I've Done for Trousers
These Important Trousers
Charity, Chastity, Prudence & Trousers
Standing in the Trousers
Ice Cold Trousers
Trousers in the Air
Trousers Control
From the Trousers
Trousers Drunk
Flip Your Trousers
New Trousers Rising
Trousers, You've Got to Fall

Wait, maybe I misunderstood the question.

Here's one I heard on the way to work this morning:

The Animals - House of the Rising Trousers.

Trouser Counter
The Trousers of Energy
Hall of Trousers
Showroom Trousers
Metal On Trousers
Endless Trousers
We Are the Trousers
Neon Trousers
The Trouser-Machine
Boing Boom Trousers
Trousers Non-Stop
T(r)ou(se)r de France

Your Trouser's Blown
If You Find Yourself Caught In Trousers
Judy and the Dream of Trousers
Step Into My Trousers, Baby
A Century of Trousers
Could Have Been Brilliant Trousers
Stay Loose, Trousers
The Boy With the Arab Trousers
The Trousers I Am In

Oh, why not...Radiohead:

I Might Be Trousers
2+2=Trousers
Sail to the Trousers *or* Trousers to the Moon (I can't decide)
(Nice Trousers)
etc.

Oh wait, that WAS the lyric!

"So now I cooome to yooou with open trousers - nothing to hide, believe what I say. So here I am with open trousers - hoping you'll see what your love means to me. Open trousers."