THE WORST NME COVER OF ALL TIME

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Aya Napa / Ibiza? Gay Dad? Campag Velocet? Starsailor? Hear'say? Sleeper? Carter? Neds dustbins? etc.etc.etc.etc.

― gretnagreen, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Strokes. Had to be said.

― Ben Butler, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I am currently looking at the NME of 25 February 1995. Elton John is on the cover in a jacket that makes him look as though he has incredibly bad dandruff. Why did/does he insist on wearing one earing that looks like it belongs in a curtain rail? The headline reads: "ELTON JOHN! The ultimate rock'n'roll interview!" (Was this the beginning of the end for the NME?)

― Mascara, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Ocean Colour Scene in 1996. Any occasion when they thought it was necessary to put Oasis on the cover within a month or two of their previous appearance. White Stripes. Did Lo-Fidelity Allstars ever get a cover? If so, them as well: what a pointless band.

― Robin Carmody, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! That "Has The World Gone Mod?" was the first one I ever bought! I remember they had a Noelrock (as it was then dubbed) Good Thing / Bad Thing article, and I sided it was a bad thing, because I liked Blur.

― DG, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Apropos whatever, completely unexpectedly, Lo-Fis were fucking brilliant at Knebworth at the weekend. The sound's completely redeveloped since their early days - less glitchly, more bassy, and more like Bugged Out!-esque funky house / techno spun out into MDMA- mantras than Embrace faiing to make dance music.

― Chris Houghton, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Northern Uproar was pretty bad, but the day I stopped buying it (never to resume) was the Bratpop cover. And I'll admit to an extremely base and childish reason, one of the prepubescent bands covered in that issue played with us once and drew about 11 people, plus they sucked, and we didn't even get a mention.

― dave q, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Oh god I just had a horrible flashback - anybody remember Symposium? They were quite terrible, but get loads of bonus points for being un- PC

― dave q, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

The Campag Velocet cover was an undeserving band alright - but this isn't a bad thing, part of the charm so-to-speak of NME is when it gets it 'wrong': I like the idea of CV being SOMEBODY'S future of pop.

BUT it was also a horrible cover aesthetically - pink and black and a nasty-looking man in leathers.

Actual worst NME cover: a 'global pop' issue circa 1990 where they interviewed Midnight Oil and on the cover had a map of the world poorly drawn on top of a bald head, clearly meant to be that of Midnight Oil bloke but he wouldn't do it so they got some staffer instead. It looked horrible whatever.

― Tom, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

yes tom, that midnight oil one is a definite contender

― gareth, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

'There's a riot going on: So what are you doing?' - really childishly suggests riots are cool and rock 'n' roll. that 'yoof' one. because i'm a yoof and I'm nothing like that. am I the only person who actually vaguely likes Campag Velocet then?

Bill

― Bill, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

But they maybe cancelled out the crap covers by putting Destiny's Child on the cover when they knew it was likely to piss off all the people who like 'real music'. Grate!

Bill

― Bill, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

does anybody remember "romo" (romantic modernism ,new wave of new romantic)? well ,one of those covers

― francesco, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

That was Melody Maker, he sez anally.

― Tom, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Tony Blair

― Missus Mo, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Haha: I am old enuff to remember — and have been on-staff and been aghast — when they put NEIL KINNOCK on the cover.

― mark s, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Well at least Kinnock had Red freakin Wedge instead of the Blighthouse Family

― Missus Mo, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

You must have been even more aghast when they did it a second time.

― Billy Dods, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Anything and everything by Tangerine Dream.

― alex in montreal, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Hang on!!! The "Bratpop" cover was actually Melody Maker!!! I know, because I wrote a rather stiff letter to them about the content of that particular issue!!!!

Old Fart!!!!!

― Old Fart!!!!, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Aaliyah. One of the most boring interviews I've ever read, but at the same time it's Aaliyah on the cover. Isn't that trying just a little bit too hard to be down with the kids?

― Greg, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

bill... am editing nme letters page this week... that destiny's child cover is still pissing people off.

robin - care to submit a letter to my hotmail address? slim pickings, m'friends...

― stevie, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

youth suicide?

― flowersdie, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Stevie...feel free to make up letter from me about how it was the best cover ever made better by the fact they're actually good! I'd e- mail it to angst, but i) Can't be bothered 2)You didn't print my letter about that crap MP questionnaire thing. Bastards.

Bill

― Bill, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I recall Newman and Baddiel on one cover. Posing with guitars. A mite irksome.

― Dickon Edwards, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

As far as MM in the 90s goes...

Thousand Yard Stare naked on the front - in preference to Polly Harvey, big interview in same issue.

Daisy fucking Chainsaw - in preference to Hole, major first interview same issue.

Both covers the responsibility of future NME editor Steve Sutherland (and over my dead body too.)

― Jerry, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Have been sorting through NME / MM - struck by how many BAD COVERS.

Bob Mould: big offender. Daisy Chainsaw: with candle. Belly: over- exposed.

Amazing how eg. the Cure were MOST IMPORTANT BAND IN THE WORLD in MM poll 1992. And 'Suede play some dates...' *every week*, with Brett A in same shirt about to get torn off him.

― the pinefox, Tuesday, 21 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

"Thousand Yard Stare naked on the front - in preference to Polly Harvey, big interview in same issue."

Shyiiiiit! I remember that one. Wasn't it just one 'Stare' that was nekkid with the others standing behind his milk-sop body holding their thumbs n forefingers an inch apart? Desperate fkn' tossers.

"Daisy fucking Chainsaw - in preference to Hole,"
I prefer Daisy fucking Chainsaw actually.

"Both covers the responsibility of future NME editor Steve Sutherland"
On the advert for the new Ministry of Sound Ibiza album on the telly, it says it's been remixed by one 'Steve 'Smooth' Sutherland'. They can't be one and the same can they? Can they?

Which paper was it that had the Hothouse Flowers standing looking bored like gimps? Dullllllllllest cover ever.
And the MM cover of Throwing Muses with Kirsten holding her x-eyed baby still gives me the collywobbles.

― DavidM, Tuesday, 21 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

This week - The Strokes - yet again ! twice this year! 10/10 album review and notice that the price has risen 20p this week (that works out as 15% rise in sale price, way above the rate of inflation - the NME have to increase price of their rag because the clueless idiots have a declining consumer base - and they don't know why they are losing readers !

I can't recall a music magazine ever fawning of such blatant hyped mediocrity and the magnitude of misguided praise is now getting laughable - The Strokes an epidemic of bullshit started by NME.

I just wish they go away because they are not needed in 2001.

£ 1.50 the highest price and worst NME ever, look at the rubbish this week Eminem, Papa Roach, American Hi-fi, Travis, Staind, OPM, Ash etc - total tosh and an NME bib - total crap cut out ! Who is the rubbish aimed at !

Ladies & Gentlemen the worst and highest price NME ever ! ...but wait till AOL Time Warner turns it into a fortnightly Rolling Stone with lots of glossy ads, and AOL CD sellotaped on the front cover! and free Warners showcase of bullshit bands! its coming to ya soon!

I have said it before - but there must be a publisher out there with the guts to take on a weak and sickly NME ! ...and launch a new music magazine.. the time is right NOW.

― DJ Martian, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

One of the Strokes on this week's cover worryingly resembles Tom Hanks.

― Dickon Edwards, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I personally prefer NME.COM to the paper version. It's free, quicker with the news, comes with audio and video clips, saves paper, and you get entertaining pop reviews by my dear friend T-- that don't appear in the inky incarnation.

― Dickon Edwards, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

All this bile reminds me of one of the greatest punk singles ever - Thee Headcoats' venomous two chord thrash, We Hate The NME. I was playing it only yesterday, coincidentally.

― Jerry, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Surely they haven't given the Strokes 10/10? Surely? Are they totally unaware of the concept of self-parody?

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

DG it's true, it's getting pathetic - first page of news Strokes Live at the festivals the band you must see, then in the middle massive article of band talking rubbish, and a gushing album review 10/10 - as I said it's a epidemic!

― DJ Martian, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Is there a live review of the Lollies Ladyfest gig on Saturday though? I heard there were a few journos there.

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Things are worse than ever. NME has just axed 20 jobs including the live reviews editor. Current rumour is that it may even become a monthly magazine. It's not just NME - all other music-related publications are apparently hitting an all time ciculation low. Maybe it's the Net. All very sad.

― Dickon Edwards, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

But there's good news at least - Cast have split up. Hurrah!

― Dickon Edwards, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

What about Hurrah!?

― Jerry, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Praise the lord - that runt Power has disbanded Cast ! what a useless band.

NME.com they can't do a decent job with 20 people, now reduced to 5 they will just rehash PR news releases of big name artists for masinstream audiences - they don't have any authority/mandate or passion for supporting or discovering new music. NME.com Utter crap.

NME - I expect a switch to a fortnightly publication within the next 6 months, when is their 50th? anniversary ! I think they will try a relaunched fortnightly title as Uncut is a monthly already.

Hurrah - I remember them! that Sweet Sanity track - their image though black leathers was a bit sub Psychedelic Furs to say the least!

― DJ Martian, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I think the 20 redundancies are at NME.COM rather than NME the magazine. I don't really understand why. I thought NME.COM was winning awards and was generally being looked upon as an IPC success story.

Suppose I'll have to send our next album to horseandhound.co.uk after all.

― Dickon Edwards, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

NME.COM might have won awards, but it lost money hand over fist because IPC never figured out a way to make it profitable. I heard it had lost over a million, but who knows? Hence the redundancies (if they have happened)

― Jerry, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

new candidate the useless southern bar boogie retro long haired rockers: Kings of Leon. They look stoopid [they deserve to be held down and have their hair sheared], they make the most dullard retro rock.

NME: this week
http://microsites.nme.com/thisweek/
Kings of Leon

I agree with Norman Records
http://www.normanrecords.com/reviews.php

Kings of Leon. 'Youth & Young Manhood' LP/CD (Hand me down/BMG)
NME review: - "the best debut album of the last 10 years' 9/10.
Our review:- " the worst debut album of the last 50 years" 0/10

Go to any bar, anywhere and hear this kind of stale rubbish. If anyone's seen the film Ghost World then the word 'Blueshammer' sums this album up rather accurately. Incredibly, incredibly bad beyond belief. Not one glimmer of any kind of idea, melody or anything....just.....nothing......blues rock of the dullest sort, out of tune singing(!) completely hopeless. What is the world coming to? (Fuckin' bad pub rock. Unbelievable!! x Brian)

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 13:53 (9 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I thought the cover of that record is very interesting, since it appears to represent the Four Ages of Roy "Wizzard" Wood!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 14:38 (9 years ago) Permalink

NB An image search for "Kings of Leon" brought up this!!!! Do you think they'll look this when they get to my age?!?!?!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 14:43 (9 years ago) Permalink

I've never heard them, but the name is terrible. It makes Dumpy's Rusty Nuts sound cool.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:11 (9 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

a new candidate:

http://microsites.nme.com/thisweek/

[the return of] The Strokes

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:29 (9 years ago) Permalink

Hee Hee, Casablancas looks silly

― person#0 (person#0), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:43 (9 years ago) Permalink

And this was a change how?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:46 (9 years ago) Permalink

Hmmm, I just can't profess a *complete* hatred of the Strokes, as much as I want to. It's a kickback to my indie-disco days.

― person#0 (person#0), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:49 (9 years ago) Permalink

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Moshi Monsters is some kids thing. I only know this cos the photographer I work with a lot has little kids who are into it so he's mentioned it.

― lol sickmouthy (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 18 August 2011 14:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

NME: Welcome to the w*nk dungeon.

― anorange (abanana), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 14:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

― Armand Schaubroeck Ratfucker, Wednesday, 5 October 2011 14:42 (1 year ago) Permalink

― anorange (abanana), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 14:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

I skimmed it on lunch and iirc that refers to an injoke some rubbish band featured in the mag had on their tour

― the green manalishi (with the big boobies) (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 5 October 2011 14:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

It's the name of a "venue" it seems.

― Mark G, Wednesday, 5 October 2011 14:59 (1 year ago) Permalink

4 weeks pass...

― anatol_merklich, Thursday, 3 November 2011 17:21 (1 year ago) Permalink

BRING THEM BACK

― ٩(̾●̮̮̃̾•̃̾)۶ (sic), Thursday, 3 November 2011 22:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

has there ever been a poll for best nme editor?

― Armand Schaubroeck Ratfucker, Thursday, 3 November 2011 22:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

10 months pass...

Great lyrics writer Kurt "an albino, a mosquito" Cobain

― get you ass to mahs (abanana), Saturday, 8 September 2012 17:21 (8 months ago) Permalink

Alex Turner gives us an insight into his boundless imagination: "I write about what I see. What else is there?"

― Poor.Old.Tired.Horse. (Stew), Saturday, 8 September 2012 17:47 (8 months ago) Permalink

What a northern wit!

― get you ass to mahs (abanana), Saturday, 8 September 2012 17:48 (8 months ago) Permalink

There's only one word to describe that Libertines poster: classic.

― DavidM, Saturday, 8 September 2012 18:03 (8 months ago) Permalink

Christ the NME is depressing. Would hate to see the male to female cover artist face-count ratio for the last 5 years. And yet they still occasionally review good stuff (The Pheromoans album got an 8/10 this week, not bad for a 750 LP run on Upset The Rhythm) and have some decent writers in amongst the shit that means I hate them every time I succumb/have a long train journey and weaken and buy a copy.

― Cragenham Craig (Craigo Boingo), Saturday, 8 September 2012 18:12 (8 months ago) Permalink

"classic Libertines"

― centibutt hz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 8 September 2012 18:15 (8 months ago) Permalink

Alex Turner gives us an insight into his boundless imagination: "I write about what I see. What else is there?"

― Poor.Old.Tired.Horse. (Stew), Saturday, September 8, 2012 5:47 PM (42 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

eh I don't particularly care for Alex Turner but this doesn't really work as a zing at all

― it's-a me, irl (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 8 September 2012 18:31 (8 months ago) Permalink

Well, it's not exactly the world's greatest zing, but Turner's non-more-realist rhetoric does betray a lack of imagination. Nothing wrong with realism, but my response to 'what else is there' would be, well, quite a bit more... Not that I'd necessarily want to hear him singing about warlocks and space demons...

― Poor.Old.Tired.Horse. (Stew), Saturday, 8 September 2012 21:39 (8 months ago) Permalink

Ooo lyrics. I like lyrics in songs.

― save the game like a memory card (cajunsunday), Saturday, 8 September 2012 21:47 (8 months ago) Permalink

Although in fairness to Alex Turner, he could be bringing some Kantian transcendental idealism into the NME by stealth...

― Poor.Old.Tired.Horse. (Stew), Sunday, 9 September 2012 11:37 (8 months ago) Permalink

Wonder if they manage to get through a whole issue on lyrics without mentioning hip hop.

― I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Sunday, 9 September 2012 13:27 (8 months ago) Permalink

Actually if it's a list-type situation they'll probably have Eminem and Mike Skinner.

― I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Sunday, 9 September 2012 13:30 (8 months ago) Permalink

funny you say that Craigo. check this:

http://www.thegirlsare.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/nme-covers-2-480x360.png

‘For Whatever Reason’ Annie Gardiner, 2012

installation of copies of NME magazine from 1989-2008. Piles of magazines divided by gender of artists depicted on the cover, as follows:

Female – Male – Both – None

― piscesx, Sunday, 9 September 2012 16:43 (8 months ago) Permalink

ha. i wonder how the wire would compare?

― tubular, mondo, gnabry (Merdeyeux), Sunday, 9 September 2012 16:50 (8 months ago) Permalink

Would probably have to go with cover mentions to compare with the Wire, given they do single artist photo covers with five or six others mentioned, whereas the NME has photo splashes where the Wire just has text mentions.

Over the last 2 years it's 2-15-3-4, solely based on cover photos.

― Cragenham Craig (Craigo Boingo), Sunday, 9 September 2012 17:41 (8 months ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Last few months worth of NME covers according to Wikipedia:

25/04/12 John Lydon
01/05/12 2012 Summer Festivals Preview
08/05/12 Alabama Shakes
15/05/12 The Ramones
22/05/12 The Hot List
29/05/12 The Stone Roses
05/06/12 David Bowie
12/06/12 Mumford and Sons
19/06/12 100 Greatest Songs of NME's Lifetime
26/06/12 The Stone Roses
03/07/12 The Stone Roses
10/07/12 Florence and The Machine
17/07/12 The Rolling Stones
24/07/12 Muse
31/07/12 Two Door Cinema Club
07/08/12 Joe Strummer
14/08/12 The Killers
21/08/12 The Vaccines (Reading and Leeds 2012 preview)
28/08/12 Foo Fighters and Green Day (Reading and Leeds 2012 review)
04/09/12 Kurt Cobain
11/09/12 Joy Division
18/09/12 John Lennon

So the new editorial strategy appears to be 'Become Mojo'.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 10:52 (7 months ago) Permalink

I still didn't quite believe rock music was dead until I saw those covers all laid out like that. It's like they've given up.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 10:54 (7 months ago) Permalink

I wouldn't conflate rock magazine is dead with rock music is dead.

― how's life, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:02 (7 months ago) Permalink

yeah a bit like saying dance music died with Muzik or Jockey Slut

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:04 (7 months ago) Permalink

except who would mourn if the nme died now

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:05 (7 months ago) Permalink

it would be like the dandy where old people mourn old nme that hasnt existed in a long time

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:06 (7 months ago) Permalink

It's probably a conflation of 'mainstream rock music is dead' with 'print media is dead' but you'd think they'd have more ideas than that.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:12 (7 months ago) Permalink

oh my god is that cobain cover real

― Hungry4Ass, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:15 (7 months ago) Permalink

classic Libertines!

― Hungry4Ass, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:16 (7 months ago) Permalink

matt maybe its actually selling more now than it was?

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:19 (7 months ago) Permalink

Then that doesn't reflect well on the current state of its core stamping ground then does it?

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:28 (7 months ago) Permalink