UK No 1s of 2016

Posner and Lukas Graham songs probably legit candidates for the worst UK number 1 of all time?

i think this détournes the Posner pretty brilliantly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foE1mO2yM04

I've only ever heard that version (which is certainly nowhere near Lukas Graham bad)

Even adding "Love Yourself" as well, 11 number one singles beats 1992's 12 to be the fewest ever, right?

"love yourself" hit no 1 in 2015 and was in last year's poll

i haven't heard it but i'd hazard a guess that the james arthur song (and excuse me why has his career been resurrected????) is even worse than lukas graham

going to have to seek out the clean bandit song in the hope of remotely enjoying whichever of these i vote for

Such a disappointing year for singles. If 'Love Yourself' was on this poll, I'd vote for it, but then I'd be voting for the Justin Bieber song co-written with Ed Sheeran. *vomits*

o god i forgot about the James Arthur "comeback"

maybe he's not a homophobic talentless no-mark anymore

This is the good version of 'I Took A Pill In Ibiza'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opZ3oxJRgLY

Voted for 'Shout Out To My Ex' as it's obviously the best track on the list.

what is it with White Theatre Kid R'n'B in 2016?

(xposts) the James Arthur song is terrible. I work in an office where there's a radio playing the local station all day and that song gets played at least twice a day. The lyrics are super crepe, including a line that implies that he's taking advantage of the drunk-to-the-point-of-throwing-up listener even though he just told them he wouldn't.
As to why he's been able to make a comeback, I've no idea. After winning X Factor, he made a lot of bigoted homophobic comments and a homophobic diss track, but instead of dropping him for that behaviour, Syco dropped him because he wasn't selling enough records. Now for some unfathomable reason they've re-signed him. It's been said over on the X Factor 2016 thread, but of all the former XF contestants who could have made a comeback in 2016 (Leona, Burke, hell even Aiden) it's this fucking guy.

i generally approve of Little Mix but i'm not sure "minor Hannah Montana album track" was a good move

i know everybody hates Zayn's solo stuff but i think i might like "Pillow Talk" best on this list

It's the best song on this list but that's not saying much. Also it really highlights the problem with Little Mix, in that it's difficult to tell their singing voices apart. Although they can obviously sing, unlike the many many tone-deaf X Factor boybands over the years.

xpost often I think that Zayn's been rather unfairly made into a punching bag, but then I look at pictures of him like in the OP and think "yeah actually he's a cock".

fuck it gonna ignore my anti Clean Bandit prejudice and vote for Sean Paul anyway

mind you that Anne-Marie is maybe even more toe-curlingly bad than the band

What does Sean Paul actually do on that track apart from say "Sean Paul, it's Sean Paul" (like he does on every song he appears on) and then repeat the title (also like he does on every song he appears on)?

he does a lazy throwaway verse and he is Sean Paul and that'll do me tbh

Always thought he was shouting-out to the Windies' grittiest batsman

"shout out to my ex" is like a comedy replica of grl's "ugly heart"

until i hear clean bandit i'm prob on course to vote for "cold water" or "pillowtalk" as songs i merely find boring rather than actively unpleasant

Obviously we're through the looking glass now where only old gits actually care about what's number one (as shown by the handwringing over Clean Bandit's Christmas number one) but it seems obvious that streaming has profoundly changed the charts. Kinda interested in whether anyone's actually sat down and worked out what it takes to get a number one these days, just the dead eyed analysis of it. Like, why Mike Posner or the Chainsmokers? How much money did these records even make?

I'd also be interested in that! The particular streaming rules are skewing things as well - I suspect that "One Dance" not being on YouTube, which is chart ineligible, was a significant factor in its 15 week run and the lyric video/YouTube audio upload is pretty much dead for British pop acts.

oh lol i had no idea "rockabye" was an update of city high's "what would you do"

sean paul's phoned-in verse is easily the most enjoyable portion of any of these songs

^^^

They're doubling the number of streams needed to equate to one purchase. Don't think it'll make any diff though.

Voted Zayn without a second's thought.

Oh god, none of these. Absolute bollocks, each and every one of 'em.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

clean bandit coco jambo for me 2 i guess, despite relative certainty that the succubine cellist probably only originally wrote it to startle the lower classes out of the reeds for her to shoot

tbh it sounds more like Ace of Base feat. Sean Paul than anything else

I think this is the first time in my life I've pondered why they spelled it "Base"

it does sound just like aob, but i desperately needed the referencing coco jambo cool points

deeply offensive comparisons itt

whatever do u mean nashwan

http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-90s-pop-band-secretly-sold-nazism-to-america/

I think I can explain not only why they went with "base," but also why it sounds so warlike. The name is most likely a reference to the Keroman Submarine Base, a massive U-boat launching and docking facility constructed by the Nazis in the French town of Loriant.

Any excuse to jump in with the bizarre fact that the AOB single "Always Have Always Will" was originally titled "Killer On The Rampage" and demos of it do exist

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

i believe the 'base' in ace of base's name is a reference to how they first started recording in a basement studio

3 homophobes in the house, crazy times

lmao can't believe some of y'all love "pillowtalk" that song is hot flaming garbage

Voted Zayn without a second's thought.

― Jeff W, Saturday, 31 December 2016 15:51 Bookmark

zAyN fAnBaSe iN A nUtShElL

zayn fans not the problem here afaict

who knows though how much mischief went into those votes for our danish friends and that charming arthur fellow

lmao that all of these bad songs got a vote

2 clarify wrt zayn i mean like i'm not mad at ppl enjoying a woke bimbo like at all but yeesh even robbie williams made a better edgy solo go of it

the album is (maybe aptly) not simply mediocre but almost mysteriously 'off' iirc

10 little mix votes is completely creepy imo but what else is new

as i said upthread it's more a question of Zayn's single in the context of this terrible list being much nearer the top than the bottom

Zayn Malik's cousin CONFIRMS Little Mix's Shout Out To My Ex was about him and apologises for listening to it

lol

Apparently enjoying a well-crafted but fairly throwaway pop song (or at least enjoying it slightly more than some other, mostly terrible pop songs) makes me "completely creepy" now, not sure why but w/e, maybe you would like to explain exactly how that works.

And fairly sure calling the voters for James Arthur "homophobes" is bullshit too. I can't stand the man or his songs, but come the fuck on now.

little mix here, if voting them over bieber or the chainsmokers or lukas posner makes me creepy then I accept that

celtic fans mobilised
https://noisey.vice.com/en_uk/article/unpacking-the-culture-war-between-little-mix-and-glasgow-rangers-fc