pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

hebuilds, Histalent

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/333-curating-music-for-your-wedding/

It’s also important to remember that you can’t make everyone happy with every song. An elderly relative may want to hear Benny Goodman, but that might ruin the flow of your playlist. If the floor year for your playlist is 1966, that’s perfectly OK. Conversely, if the only song from the past two years you include is "Happy" or "Get Lucky" or "Blurred Lines", that's fine. As long as Pharrell's in there somewhere, that's all that matters. (I'm only kind of kidding.)

The playlist I've compiled has soul music, oldies, late-70s rock'n'roll, some garage nuggets from the 1960s, and yes, some hits of today. Maybe you want to pay more attention to "cultivating a dancefloor", which would mean throwing in way more hits. I think what I've done with this playlist is split the difference between the dancin' moms and the 20-something snobs—you might want to err more on the side of the former, which would mean more ABBA, Hall & Oates, or Motown.

I keep looking at this playlist and thinking, "Where is the rap music?" I want so badly to shoehorn Rick Ross or 2 Chainz in there somewhere, but it just feels like it'd be lost on the crowd I've invited. If it's right for the room after the old folks take off, by all means, please do include "International Players Anthem" or its spiritual equivalent.

It's OK to include more than one song by the same artist. Narrowing it down to just one Michael Jackson song isn't easy, but it also isn't necessary.
You probably want to pare back the number of insider-y “it came from the internet” indie rock tracks. If you feel 97% confident that you’ll be drunk and jovial enough to hit the dance floor when that song comes on (and maybe, just maybe, create an “Unstoppable”-like movement), put it on there. If there’s a chance that you’ll just burst into tears as soon as it comes on, skip it.

And of course, it goes without saying, but: Pay attention to transitions. Try to make it so your playlist has a flow and logic to it.

As someone in the midst of planning a wedding, I found that article to be shockingly dumb and lacking in self-awareness.

HAY GUYYYYYYYS I'M I'M GETTING LAAAAAAAAYED

An elderly relative may want to hear Benny Goodman, but that might ruin the flow of your playlist.

"Step the fuck off, Grandma, I got some National to play."

that may be the dumbest thing that cite has every writtwen

Also, all that know-it-all advice about "what works" is based on the predicted success of his wedding playlist, designed for a wedding that had not actually taken place when the article was published.

hahahahaha

it honestly is just an excuse to show off how smart his taste is on the internet, but done in a nationjal publication instead of on his Tumblr.

I should know because I had the same impulse after my wedding, but I would never lack the self-awareness to pitch it to an editor, nor expect an editor to approve such a pitch

lol *drops "inspector norse" at wedding*

"When did you guys get married"

"Well our playlist had Mutual Benefit and Woods"

"Oh, so 2014?"

lol

man when is the next generation gonna come and overthrow our generation so we slink back into bourgeois domesticity without all the lifestyle preening

tbf it's on "the pitch", the bloggy section of the site. i agree though that he probably should've written this after the wedding, it would've been a better article for it. he could've talked about what worked and what didn't rather than speculate based on weddings he's been to.

but in the end, who gives a fuck? it's his wedding. i won't begrudge anybody for picking whatever the fuck they want to listen to at their wedding.

it honestly is just an excuse to show off how smart his taste is on the internet

and lol @ the notion that whiney doesn't do this on a daily fucking basis, here or elsewhere

the last song at my wedding was Raymond Scott's "Toy Trumpet" played twice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGitKtOp3sc

Yeah, I don't care what he plays at his wedding either, but the "I'm going to bless you with my expert advice about how to DJ a wedding" based on the playlists he made before his wedding is silly.

The whole article was full of incredibly obvious considerations dressed up as revelatory knowledge being passed to me by someone who really knows, man!

want to send a flash mob to stand around bored on the dance floor at this dude's wedding

but in the end, who gives a fuck? it's his wedding. i won't begrudge anybody for picking whatever the fuck they want to listen to at their wedding.

― marcos, Monday, May 19, 2014 3:42 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i begrudge him writing an article in public about it because as you said, who gives a fuck? it's his wedding

jfc, as if there isn't an infinitely growing universe of personal minutiae published daily on the web

yes as whiney put it on your tumblr and let this not cross my path

As someone who's read thousands of wedding-advice articles over the last six months, I'd also like to note that on its merits, it's a crappy wedding-advice article.

we did our own wedding music and tbh we did a fantastic job but i don't think anyone wants to hear me talk about it.

tho if i did i would do a better job than that guy.

yo CAD.... BRING IN THE KATZ

brb gonna post a "Songs for Gay Sex" list on my tumblr

I don't see "Shout" listed anywhere on that page, which completely undermines the entire premise of this person DJing a wedding as far as I'm concerned.

it is offensive to think an amateur could successfully DJ his own wedding or gay sex on the first try. i mean, this is somebody's job. have some respect.

Gay Marriage to Alfred: Your Soundtrack (xp)

I've been asked to give some advice about how to prepare gay sex playlists. That’s not an easy job. Every gay and sex is, obviously, very different. Your “elaborate Bacchanalian” gay sex is likely going to be very different from our "DIY, tent in the woods" gay sex. (Man, do I hate the term “DIY gay sex” with all its Pinterest and Pornhub aesthetic implications, but it is what it is.)

props if you actually did that raymond scott ending whiney

incredibly obvious considerations dressed up as revelatory knowledge

this is the biggest problem with this piece (which is saying something)

"consider putting in big hits and older stuff that the old ppl might recognize and enjoy"
"I know you like to listen to Rick Ross but that might kill your dance party"

sage advice. that is some real wedding wizard shit there

If only this article had been around when my friend played Mystikal's Shake Ya Ass, to general consternation, at a smart rural wedding 14 years ago.

this article is really making me feel like a room without a roof

props if you actually did that raymond scott ending whiney

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Monday, May 19, 2014 1:12 PM (43 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I did. Only one ILXor was at my wedding, mercifully, so maura can confirm if she reads this thread

i can confirm this!

good music all night

where's my pitchfork article

right next to my wedding invitation
*cries all night*

jesus

the perfect last song

the rest of the night will feature the first 57 seconds of this song. the dj will loop it back after the second knopfler 'woo hoo'

the doors are locked so don't try to leave

xp Ha, I did once end a wedding set with the Theme From Cheers.

I bet Benny Goodman would be more fun to listen to than half the shit that guy ended up putting on his list

there are lots of larger, more egregious things about that article, but putting "you're not the one" on the dancing playlist seems very odd

hide the evidence

She didn't want to hire a wedding photographer.
I thought it would be best to enlist DJ Pre-Prepared Playlists Via My MacBook Air.
At this point, I’ve spent hours trying to nail down the right playlists, and it is not an easy job. There's a lot of second-guessing involved. I frequently catch myself trying to get in the heads of my more musically attuned friends who will be in attendance—people in bands, friends who have been loudly critical of my road trip playlists, and so forth. I've had to remind myself a bunch of times that hey, it's my wedding, and if people have a problem with the music I pick, tough shit.

good attitude

tough shit

(Man, do I hate the term “DIY wedding” with all its Pinterest and Etsy-based aesthetic implications, but it is what it is.)

yeah tbh i do hate weddings where they try to overthink certain aspects into an overly refined style that tries to please everyone