pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Not even the worst thing in that paragraph, as it includes the following:

this strange, underfed, vaguely horrid eight-song record, inexplicably named after the group that had a hit with "Just Kickin' It"

Not "coincidentally sharing a name with," but "inexplicably named after." Like whoever runs Michael Jackson's estate was trying to do an intentional callback to that group.

intheblanks, Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:46 (ten years ago) link

i just assume that, like a sad modern and indie thomas aquinas, all pitchfork reviews are written via headset microphone dictation midst the stirring of velveeta into shells. it allows me to cut them more slack, and i am happier as a result.

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 15 May 2014 20:18 (ten years ago) link

^experimenting with a new aimless-style post filter. i actually like most of the writing on pitchfork.

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 15 May 2014 20:30 (ten years ago) link

It’s fitting that Sussegad, the first 12” offering from Moon B, was pressed onto wax whose swirl of black and gray resembled smoke. The Atlanta-based producer (also known as Wes Gray) makes music that has qualities similar to that peculiar element: the music obfuscates its origins, has an untenable aspect to its sound and, well, it sounds better when you’re smoking something on a basement couch, at once digging the beat while similarly forgetting just what it is you’re listening to.

socki (s1ocki), Friday, 16 May 2014 13:50 (ten years ago) link

Well that's good, because I just forgot what the fuck I was reading about by the end of that paragraph.

djenter the dragon? (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 16 May 2014 15:37 (ten years ago) link

what is an "untenable aspect" of music

call all destroyer, Friday, 16 May 2014 15:44 (ten years ago) link

you guys you have to smoke something before you can understand that

famous instagram God (waterface), Friday, 16 May 2014 15:45 (ten years ago) link

written via headset microphone dictation midst the stirring of velveeta into shells

love this

katsu kittens (contenderizer), Friday, 16 May 2014 17:00 (ten years ago) link

hebuilds, Histalent

reggie (qualmsley), Monday, 19 May 2014 11:19 (ten years ago) link

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/333-curating-music-for-your-wedding/

It’s also important to remember that you can’t make everyone happy with every song. An elderly relative may want to hear Benny Goodman, but that might ruin the flow of your playlist. If the floor year for your playlist is 1966, that’s perfectly OK. Conversely, if the only song from the past two years you include is "Happy" or "Get Lucky" or "Blurred Lines", that's fine. As long as Pharrell's in there somewhere, that's all that matters. (I'm only kind of kidding.)

The playlist I've compiled has soul music, oldies, late-70s rock'n'roll, some garage nuggets from the 1960s, and yes, some hits of today. Maybe you want to pay more attention to "cultivating a dancefloor", which would mean throwing in way more hits. I think what I've done with this playlist is split the difference between the dancin' moms and the 20-something snobs—you might want to err more on the side of the former, which would mean more ABBA, Hall & Oates, or Motown.

I keep looking at this playlist and thinking, "Where is the rap music?" I want so badly to shoehorn Rick Ross or 2 Chainz in there somewhere, but it just feels like it'd be lost on the crowd I've invited. If it's right for the room after the old folks take off, by all means, please do include "International Players Anthem" or its spiritual equivalent.

It's OK to include more than one song by the same artist. Narrowing it down to just one Michael Jackson song isn't easy, but it also isn't necessary.
You probably want to pare back the number of insider-y “it came from the internet” indie rock tracks. If you feel 97% confident that you’ll be drunk and jovial enough to hit the dance floor when that song comes on (and maybe, just maybe, create an “Unstoppable”-like movement), put it on there. If there’s a chance that you’ll just burst into tears as soon as it comes on, skip it.

And of course, it goes without saying, but: Pay attention to transitions. Try to make it so your playlist has a flow and logic to it.


http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/spikewriter.gif

As someone in the midst of planning a wedding, I found that article to be shockingly dumb and lacking in self-awareness.

intheblanks, Monday, 19 May 2014 14:57 (ten years ago) link

An elderly relative may want to hear Benny Goodman, but that might ruin the flow of your playlist.

"Step the fuck off, Grandma, I got some National to play."

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:00 (ten years ago) link

that may be the dumbest thing that cite has every writtwen

famous instagram God (waterface), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:00 (ten years ago) link

Also, all that know-it-all advice about "what works" is based on the predicted success of his wedding playlist, designed for a wedding that had not actually taken place when the article was published.

intheblanks, Monday, 19 May 2014 15:03 (ten years ago) link

hahahahaha

grindie cindy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:04 (ten years ago) link

it honestly is just an excuse to show off how smart his taste is on the internet, but done in a nationjal publication instead of on his Tumblr.

I should know because I had the same impulse after my wedding, but I would never lack the self-awareness to pitch it to an editor, nor expect an editor to approve such a pitch

grindie cindy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:07 (ten years ago) link

lol *drops "inspector norse" at wedding*

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:20 (ten years ago) link

"When did you guys get married"

"Well our playlist had Mutual Benefit and Woods"

"Oh, so 2014?"

grindie cindy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:26 (ten years ago) link

lol

intheblanks, Monday, 19 May 2014 15:27 (ten years ago) link

man when is the next generation gonna come and overthrow our generation so we slink back into bourgeois domesticity without all the lifestyle preening

j., Monday, 19 May 2014 15:32 (ten years ago) link

tbf it's on "the pitch", the bloggy section of the site. i agree though that he probably should've written this after the wedding, it would've been a better article for it. he could've talked about what worked and what didn't rather than speculate based on weddings he's been to.

but in the end, who gives a fuck? it's his wedding. i won't begrudge anybody for picking whatever the fuck they want to listen to at their wedding.

marcos, Monday, 19 May 2014 15:42 (ten years ago) link

it honestly is just an excuse to show off how smart his taste is on the internet

and lol @ the notion that whiney doesn't do this on a daily fucking basis, here or elsewhere

marcos, Monday, 19 May 2014 15:43 (ten years ago) link

the last song at my wedding was Raymond Scott's "Toy Trumpet" played twice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGitKtOp3sc

grindie cindy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 19 May 2014 15:51 (ten years ago) link

Yeah, I don't care what he plays at his wedding either, but the "I'm going to bless you with my expert advice about how to DJ a wedding" based on the playlists he made before his wedding is silly.

The whole article was full of incredibly obvious considerations dressed up as revelatory knowledge being passed to me by someone who really knows, man!

intheblanks, Monday, 19 May 2014 15:53 (ten years ago) link

want to send a flash mob to stand around bored on the dance floor at this dude's wedding

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:04 (ten years ago) link

but in the end, who gives a fuck? it's his wedding. i won't begrudge anybody for picking whatever the fuck they want to listen to at their wedding.

― marcos, Monday, May 19, 2014 3:42 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i begrudge him writing an article in public about it because as you said, who gives a fuck? it's his wedding

lex pretend, Monday, 19 May 2014 16:11 (ten years ago) link

jfc, as if there isn't an infinitely growing universe of personal minutiae published daily on the web

marcos, Monday, 19 May 2014 16:15 (ten years ago) link

yes as whiney put it on your tumblr and let this not cross my path

lex pretend, Monday, 19 May 2014 16:16 (ten years ago) link

As someone who's read thousands of wedding-advice articles over the last six months, I'd also like to note that on its merits, it's a crappy wedding-advice article.

intheblanks, Monday, 19 May 2014 16:23 (ten years ago) link

we did our own wedding music and tbh we did a fantastic job but i don't think anyone wants to hear me talk about it.

call all destroyer, Monday, 19 May 2014 16:25 (ten years ago) link

tho if i did i would do a better job than that guy.

call all destroyer, Monday, 19 May 2014 16:25 (ten years ago) link

yo CAD.... BRING IN THE KATZ

hella good Jewish homies (DJP), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:25 (ten years ago) link

brb gonna post a "Songs for Gay Sex" list on my tumblr

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:26 (ten years ago) link

I don't see "Shout" listed anywhere on that page, which completely undermines the entire premise of this person DJing a wedding as far as I'm concerned.

▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:36 (ten years ago) link

it is offensive to think an amateur could successfully DJ his own wedding or gay sex on the first try. i mean, this is somebody's job. have some respect.

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:36 (ten years ago) link

Gay Marriage to Alfred: Your Soundtrack (xp)

ςὖτιe (some dude), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:36 (ten years ago) link

I've been asked to give some advice about how to prepare gay sex playlists. That’s not an easy job. Every gay and sex is, obviously, very different. Your “elaborate Bacchanalian” gay sex is likely going to be very different from our "DIY, tent in the woods" gay sex. (Man, do I hate the term “DIY gay sex” with all its Pinterest and Pornhub aesthetic implications, but it is what it is.)

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Monday, 19 May 2014 16:37 (ten years ago) link

props if you actually did that raymond scott ending whiney

incredibly obvious considerations dressed up as revelatory knowledge

this is the biggest problem with this piece (which is saying something)

"consider putting in big hits and older stuff that the old ppl might recognize and enjoy"
"I know you like to listen to Rick Ross but that might kill your dance party"

sage advice. that is some real wedding wizard shit there

alpine static, Monday, 19 May 2014 17:28 (ten years ago) link

If only this article had been around when my friend played Mystikal's Shake Ya Ass, to general consternation, at a smart rural wedding 14 years ago.

What is wrong with songs? Absolutely nothing. Songs are great. (DL), Monday, 19 May 2014 17:33 (ten years ago) link

this article is really making me feel like a room without a roof

smhphony orchestra (crüt), Monday, 19 May 2014 17:34 (ten years ago) link

props if you actually did that raymond scott ending whiney

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Monday, May 19, 2014 1:12 PM (43 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I did. Only one ILXor was at my wedding, mercifully, so maura can confirm if she reads this thread

grindie cindy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 19 May 2014 17:58 (ten years ago) link

i can confirm this!

maura, Monday, 19 May 2014 17:59 (ten years ago) link

good music all night

maura, Monday, 19 May 2014 17:59 (ten years ago) link

where's my pitchfork article

grindie cindy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 19 May 2014 17:59 (ten years ago) link

right next to my wedding invitation
*cries all night*

jesus

famous instagram God (waterface), Monday, 19 May 2014 18:38 (ten years ago) link

the perfect last song

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 19 May 2014 20:08 (ten years ago) link

the rest of the night will feature the first 57 seconds of this song. the dj will loop it back after the second knopfler 'woo hoo'

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 19 May 2014 20:11 (ten years ago) link


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