pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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all five of today's reviews would use the word "workmanlike"

bands are lazy, I respect labor tbh

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 17:17 (ten years ago) link

*Many of her tracks sound similar to one another: A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beats and M.I.A. shouts lyrics of varying snark over them, sometimes even singing them.

how's life, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 17:19 (ten years ago) link

A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beats

lmfartyao

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 17:26 (ten years ago) link

I mistakenly ready that as: "A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beefs"

Evan, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 18:11 (ten years ago) link

I didn't think that sentence could get worse.

how's life, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 18:27 (ten years ago) link

pitchfork coppin GOW*'s style

*Good Ol Waterface

famous instagram God (waterface), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 18:31 (ten years ago) link

queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs

marcos, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 19:12 (ten years ago) link

wait someone wrote "queefs out splatty, farty beats" in a record review on p4k? is that true??

alpine static, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 19:51 (ten years ago) link

all i wanna do is *QUEEF QUEEF QUEEF QUEEF*

and *splat* *fart*

and take your money

Stupor Fly, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 19:57 (ten years ago) link

^ a new challenger enters the arena

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 19:59 (ten years ago) link

omg stop

billstevejim, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:01 (ten years ago) link

Fucked Up Smoke Weed, Skateboard, Eat Ice Cream in "Sun Glass" Video - 5h

lmao

i also enjoy in line skateing (spazzmatazz), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:04 (ten years ago) link

http://cdn4.pitchfork.com/news/55147/03f7a1f1.jpg

Morrissey's "World Peace Is None of Your Business" Single Art Is Amazing

Exactly what is amazing about this?

▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:15 (ten years ago) link

seems to be going for some sort of early 70s Britisher Mandrax hard rock vibe which while I wouldn't call it "amazing" is a little surprising

From Tha Crouuuch To Da Palacios (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:22 (ten years ago) link

Fucked Up Smoke Weed, Skateboard, Queef Ice Cream in "Sun Glass" Video - 5h

smhphony orchestra (crüt), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:23 (ten years ago) link

Morrissey's "World Peace Is None of Your Business" Single Art Is Amazing

hate this style of headline too, which we can probably blame buzzfeed or huffpo for.

christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:33 (ten years ago) link

8.3 Best New Art

Evan, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:34 (ten years ago) link

"You Won't Believe What's On the Cover of Morrissey's New Album!"

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:37 (ten years ago) link

*queefs*

famous instagram God (waterface), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:37 (ten years ago) link

reminds me of Lady Sovereign is fantastic

some dude, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:37 (ten years ago) link

"Morrissey Creates Great Album Art With This One Weird Trick"

Evan, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:39 (ten years ago) link

ann coulter is pretty

christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 20:40 (ten years ago) link

"Morrissey released the cover art to two new singles. When I saw the second one my jaw dropped. Yours will too."

Clay, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:02 (ten years ago) link

11 Shocking Things about Morrisey's New Album Cover Art

marcos, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:03 (ten years ago) link

what exactly is wrong with "workmanlike" again

katherine, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:18 (ten years ago) link

not all men work

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:32 (ten years ago) link

Nothing! But they used it in the top two reviews. Any editor worth their salt would have picked up on that and found a way to shoehorn it into the other three.

how's life, Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:36 (ten years ago) link

any editor with a workmanlike approach anyway

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:37 (ten years ago) link

"workmanlike" is code for "not a super-special auteur genius you need to pay attention to in 2014 or you miss out, loser"

the non-pejorative is "craftsmanlike"

relentlessly pecking at peace (President Keyes), Wednesday, 14 May 2014 13:10 (ten years ago) link

Michael Jackson has released more new music in the five years since his death than in the 12 years before it.

Yeah, for some strange reason I don't think he personally oversaw those releases. Call me crazy.

▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 15 May 2014 17:59 (ten years ago) link

it doesn't say he did.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:01 (ten years ago) link

Michael Jackson, exhibiting a workmanlike approach, has personally released more music after his death than before it.

marcos, Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:06 (ten years ago) link

lol adam are u insinuating that the author of that piece isn't aware that michael jackson is dead?

Mordy, Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:09 (ten years ago) link

It's just a little confusing jumping from "Michael Jackson" the brand to referring to the human being that passed on in the same sentence, using the pronoun "his". It's the first line in the review and sets a president that the person has complicity in these posthumous releases.

Add to this the picture of him hiding and the title of the album being escape and it's sort of, damn, even death didn't free this guy from people using him to make money.

▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:11 (ten years ago) link

I'm insinuating they could have done more to separate the actual human who has passed on from the eternal money grab over his name.

▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:12 (ten years ago) link

Michael Jackson, who died in 2009 and no longer has any creative input into his estate, didn't respond to inquiries about his latest posthumous release.

Mordy, Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:14 (ten years ago) link

even though president reagan is dead, reaganISM is very much alive, so reagan has almost set a president for enduring beyond death, in the same sense that michael jackson does

Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln (nakhchivan), Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:20 (ten years ago) link

even though president reagan is dead

waht?

Daniel, Esq 2, Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:21 (ten years ago) link

OMG

Daniel, Esq 2, Thursday, 15 May 2014 18:21 (ten years ago) link

sets a president

relentlessly pecking at peace (President Keyes), Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:22 (ten years ago) link

More new Michael Jackson has released more new music has been released in the five years since his death than in the 12 years before it.

relentlessly pecking at peace (President Keyes), Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:27 (ten years ago) link

If they wrote that you guys would be bitching about passive voice.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:30 (ten years ago) link

Not even the worst thing in that paragraph, as it includes the following:

this strange, underfed, vaguely horrid eight-song record, inexplicably named after the group that had a hit with "Just Kickin' It"

Not "coincidentally sharing a name with," but "inexplicably named after." Like whoever runs Michael Jackson's estate was trying to do an intentional callback to that group.

intheblanks, Thursday, 15 May 2014 19:46 (ten years ago) link

i just assume that, like a sad modern and indie thomas aquinas, all pitchfork reviews are written via headset microphone dictation midst the stirring of velveeta into shells. it allows me to cut them more slack, and i am happier as a result.

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 15 May 2014 20:18 (ten years ago) link

^experimenting with a new aimless-style post filter. i actually like most of the writing on pitchfork.

the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 15 May 2014 20:30 (ten years ago) link

It’s fitting that Sussegad, the first 12” offering from Moon B, was pressed onto wax whose swirl of black and gray resembled smoke. The Atlanta-based producer (also known as Wes Gray) makes music that has qualities similar to that peculiar element: the music obfuscates its origins, has an untenable aspect to its sound and, well, it sounds better when you’re smoking something on a basement couch, at once digging the beat while similarly forgetting just what it is you’re listening to.

socki (s1ocki), Friday, 16 May 2014 13:50 (ten years ago) link

Well that's good, because I just forgot what the fuck I was reading about by the end of that paragraph.

djenter the dragon? (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 16 May 2014 15:37 (ten years ago) link

what is an "untenable aspect" of music

call all destroyer, Friday, 16 May 2014 15:44 (ten years ago) link

you guys you have to smoke something before you can understand that

famous instagram God (waterface), Friday, 16 May 2014 15:45 (ten years ago) link


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