Rolling UK Pop/Chart/"Few people would dispute that Elbow have given us the album of the year" Thread 2009

it's the way she delivers it rather than the line itself - for just a second it seems like that cockney street urchin façade slips and she intones it like a proper public school girl. it's funny cuz she means it to be ironic but it's actually true. i mean, obv the entire song would be better performed by paris hilton, but one takes what one can in the endlessly bleak british pop desert innit.

Yeh, Lex is right, I think -- it's all in the delivery. First time I heard it, I thought, OK, that's the worst line I'm going to hear all year. Subsequent listens suggest something rather less flippant/sneery going on.

No I think that Lex was right the second time - it would be better performed by Paris Hilton. The lyrics to her second single are just oh-look-what-I-just-said obnoxious.

I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a girl who looked exactly like LA and I reallyhad to right off a very strong reflex action to punch her in the face.

with your cock, amirite?

rebrand a failing line (Sleepy Jackson),

since the album spun off of Steele guesting on L'more and Mayes quite-successful-but-not-mega album and doing some shows with them, it's far more "temporarily rebadging Pnau for the MGMT audience" than rebranding Sleepy Jackson. it's not like Nations By The River made any impact, is it?

The other thing is that I'm really kinda meh on Greg Kurstin. What's he done that's so great? This is still the man responsible for Geggy Tah, a horror nearly up there with Ms Allen. The Bird & The Bee are pretty good but his writing for ver pop stars tends to leave me very cold.

ONE MONTH OF FEAR is completed, together with one month of "Just Dance" at number two. "Use Somebody" climbs back up to three off the back of the Brits, at a guess. The same Brits effect sees "PS Bono Is Wanking As He Writes This" arrowing in at... number 12. Ah. "Fly On The Wall" surges from the undrgrowth and sinks its teeth into number 16, with "Dead & Gone" rising to 17. Taylor Swift becomes the first country artist to chart in the UK, since, ooh, the X-Factor-powered return of Faith Hill last year (and before that? Ooh, probably "Over & Over"...) at 22, "Everybody" makes a rather welcome debut at 24, ahead of the distinctly less welcome Gary Go at 25. Incidentally, cross-promotional conspiracy theory:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2009/Feb/Week3/15226957.jpg

http://itn.co.uk/news/story2fa00bf0b578719949173af801e42412_320x240.jpg

Also note preponderance of articles on Google News announcing that Take That have hand-picked "unknown" (this is used in pretty much every single one of the articles) singer Gary Go to support them on their forthcoming tour. Just a bit of a suspiscion, is all.

"Viva La Vida" gets a Brit-effect rebound to 27, and at 31 - HONEY RYDER! What do you mean, "Who?"? Do you not remember their number 32 smash hit "Numb" from August 2008? Srsly? Tchuh. Well, I suppose if no-one else is gonna keep their fingers on the pulse, I'll have to do it for them... Also, this being the third week of the month, that'll be time for another re-entry for "One Day Like This" (number 35 this go-round - and to think they used to use the duet with Richard Hawley as a selling point...), and "Token Jaunty Mark Owen Number" gets its first week in the top 40 at number 37. "The Promise" may or may not be a re-entry at 39, I can't recall.

Kings of Leon also re-soar in the album chart, back to number one, i'faith, ahead of Lallen and Morrissey. As you might expect, the Brit effect is rather more sizeable here: major reboundings for Duffy (4), Elbow (5) and Coldplay (15), obviously, but, rather less obviously, The Ting Tings bother the top 10 for the first time in ages at number eight. Estelle is not in the top 75, btw. That one shot of Seasick Steve in the audience at The Brits is good enough to propel his most recent one up 15 places to number nine; MGMT didn't even turn up but that's still good enough to get them back up to number 14. That quite good closing number affair parachutes PopArt back into the charts at number 19 from, roughly, nowhere, and puts The Killers at 6 and GaGa at 7. Empire Of The Sun's Making Up The Numbers is at 21, Miley Cyrus' album thing climbs from 70 to 30, and there's slight returns for one of the other Kings of Leon albums, Girls Aloud, Adele and N-Dubz between 36 and 39.

Oh, I remember Honey Ryder all right. They supported Will Young on his last tour, and someone else a few months earlier (Alison Moyet? I can't remember). Anyway... a bloody awful act. I lasted three songs at the Will show.

The guy out of Honey Ryder is some merchnat banker who quit and has been ploughing his dosh into a 'new model'pop career right?

Interesting how U2 became to this year's Brits what Adam Ant was to Live Aid.

Promote the new single which promptly tanks.

Available on physical and download and it's their worst first-single-off-the-album performance since 1983.

It's hard to see where they fit in anymore - Coldplay have the anthems, Kings of Leon have the rock, the Killers have the pop and Radiohead have the adventure and U2 are stuck in a limbo in the middle of them all.

And yet the Prodigy come back at exactly the same time and score a huge hit.

"Omen" is a bit Prodigy-by-numbers but it's catchy, it works and it sounds as though it has something to do with 2009.

Whereas I've heard "Boots" maybe two dozen times now and still can't remember any of it.

I am of course obliged to the Brit Awards for relieving me of the onerous duty of having to write about Years Of Refusal. Even the Kings of Leon sometimes have their uses!

xpost: Yup, Honey Ryder are a duo consisting of a former banker for Credit Suisse and a former MTV employee... ooh, CONSPIRACY!

U2 have been around for what seems like forever, and will be, until they die. Bit like the rolling stones, but with more actual effort put in.

"Boots" reminded be, yeah "Pump it up" and "subterranean", the middle bit is quite good though. But heck, it reminded me of another u2 single I couldn't recall (at the time)! And that says a lot of the generic nature of "the U2 single" of which "Boots", and "Elevation" (for it was that one) fall into. Then they produce something as "not bad" as "Stuck in a moment" and it's OK, sort of.

They are, really, Abba. The singles come out, as spaced out as they are, and you don't mind, really. But hearing themall in one go makes you go "Noo! Make it STOP!"

Over on IMM, there's an idea to 'replace' the U2 album with all songs penned by the respective artists with the same titles as the forthcoming U2 album. Seeing this, and having just downloaded 'songstar', I dashed off a lyric in 3 mins flat, and had a go. Then thought better of it and deleted it. Now I've heard the U2 song, I'm not sure mine's not better anyway.

Whereas I've heard "Boots" maybe two dozen times now and still can't remember any of it.

I've heard it a handful of times and it's stuck in my head. Not that it's any endorsement of its quality, juries still out on it. Don't know whether it's just a mess, chockful of hooks or something in between.

it's nice not having heard the U2 yet.

'Omen' is just Prodigy jacking Pendulum which is a sad state of affairs (or would be if i cared about them any more).

Interesting midweeks:

1 Kelly Clarkson (up from 103)
2 Taylor Swift (up from 22 - she's getting the big media push in the UK now for sure)
3 Lily
4 Leon & his Kings
5 GaGa - Just Dance
6 GaGa - Poker Face
7 T.I. & Justin
8 Shontelle
9 PCDs & Missy
10 Alesha

In the albums, the Prodigy at a comfortable #1 (rather more comfortable than Morrissey this time last week, as it turned out) with Lamb of God at 6 and Joe Bonamassa at 12 (is this the Mojo/Bob Harris/Johnnie Walker vote?).

I quite like Omen but it doesn't really sound like Pendulum at all.

it totally does palette-wise. they have some tracks with that kind of beat on their albums too.

REIGN OF FEAR ENDS; REIGN OF SUCK BEGINS as Kelly Clarkson gets her first-ever UK number one with a song that I'm torn between either quite liking or thinking "Nice job on making her sound like Nicki French, there". In something that I can't imagine anyone thinking would ever happen, Taylor Swift - Taylor Actual Frikkin' Swift - is at number two with her slightly uncomfortably zoomed close-up shots (it may just be me that thinks this, but the angle they shoot her from seems really weird), and then in further Gigantic Climber news Poke Of Face is at 3 and TI Knows He Said Some Things But That's The Old Him is at 4. Then Lillah and various other old stagers clutter up the rest of the ten (that Pussycat Dolls single with Missy Elliott is actually a thing, apparently).

Somehow, in the midst of all this upheaval, "Sex On Fire" is still at number 16, one ahead of Take That 'ave A Jolly Old Sing-Song. STILL-ON-TOP-WATCH - "Get On Your Boots" is at number 20.

And in the rest of the chart... erm... "Paper Planes" climbs again, which is, y'know, nice. Madcon re-enter at 35 despite not actually being the version of "Beggin'" used in that Adidas advert but never mind eh, and MGMT occupy both numbers 38 and 39.

Albums: PRODIGY R TEH CHAMPOINS, with KofL dislodged for one week only (probably). The Slumdog Millionaire OST climbs to 13, PopArt is actually up one place to 18, Erasure's Total Pop compilation (looks pretty but can't defend for toffee) is at 21, with Lamb of God, Joe Bonamassa and Connie Fisher occupying slots 25 to 27.

Erasure's Total Pop compilation (looks pretty but can't defend for toffee)

Also known as "Pop! 20 Hits", plus "Solsbury Hill" and a load of tracks you'll skip...

i've spent half the day with 'love story' on loop. what a fucking amazing song. especially weird as it underwhelmed initially, but once it clicks it REALLY clicks.

my life would not suck without 'my life would suck without you'. why is the clarkson trying so hard to prove how FUN!!11 and POP!!!11 she is, her best songs were all the dark and bitter ones on the last album :(

Lex I'm glad you've become a "Love Story" convert! It is weird how, for such an instant/"classic" seeming pop song it takes a few listens to click.

FFS:

1 - straight in - the fucking Saturdays. This fucking country.
2 Kelly C
3 Flo Rida Sings Dead Or Alive
4 GaGa (Poker)
5 Taylor Swift
6 TI/Justin
7 Lily
8 GaGa (Dance)
9 Shontelle
10 Leon & his Kings

In the albums U2 at number one but so far only 65,000 sold. At 11 the Answer and at 13 the Red Light Company.

I'll get me coat.

In the albums U2 at number one but so far only 65,000 sold.

Coulda sold more if record shop assistants weren't so intimidating and rude.

Lex I'm glad you've become a "Love Story" convert! It is weird how, for such an instant/"classic" seeming pop song it takes a few listens to click.

i've become a huge taylor convert over the past week (well, not convert - i just hadn't bothered to listen before, but w/the press ramping up over here, her albums finally fell into my letterbox). the entire fearless album is incredible. she has such a gift for a great denouement. on deadline so no time to write more, but frank and i have been talking about her on poptimists.

hey two amazing albums called fearless in the space of less than a year. hurrah for jazmine sullivan/taylor swift mindmeld.

also, no sign of princess nyah's 'frontline' in the itunes top 100. another UK funky fail :(

another UK funky fail

Would have made a better U2 album title.

Suggest Chart Ban on Comic Relief records.

ONCE AGAIN CARLIN SETS MORAL TONE FOR UK RECORD-BUYING PUBLIC as, by the shortest of short heads, Flo Rida pips The Saturdays to nab his first UK number one, and deny them theirs. Unless Wikipedia's fibbing, that's the first Comic Relief single to miss out on the top spot since "Absolutely Fabulous" back in 1994 (and the first in a year when the telethon takes place since "Stick It Out" in 1993). Other interesting things about this top 10 - none.

Aside from the top two, our highest new entry goes to... Chipmunk! Tis pity it's not, like, particularly good or anything, but "Chip Diddy Chip" wipes its feet, doffs its cap and enters at 21. "Sex On Fire" dips to 22 this week, so that's the cue for "Revelry" to come storming in with reinforcements at 29; Uninteresting New Lemar Single is at 31, and Beyonce's "Halo" being at 40 means that both she and the Kings of the Leon have three singles each inside this week's top 40.

In albums: U2 STILL ON TOP for first week. Red Light Company's £5.99 At HMV gets them to number 13, one spot ahead of All The Tina Turner That's Fit To Print. The Answer get to be the new Dragonforce, sort of, at 26.

Lex, do not underestimate Kelly's latest so fast. Fav tracks are "All I Ever Wanted", "Already Gone" and "Longshot", huge on dramatic bombast and closer to My December than what one would think by looking at the album cover.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH CHARITY: Brydon & Jones' lustily crap take on "Islands in the Stream" puts Tom Jones on top for the first time since - who'd have thunk? - "Green Green Grass of Home", way back in 1966. Flossie slips to 2, meaning he's still exactly one position ahead of The Saturdays, whose failure to make number one last week may have very well set the seal on them being the new Rachel Stevens, if her career had consisted entirely of her cover of "More More More". Akon's new single gets to number 9, possibly by accident; even less conspicuously, it turns out that Oasis has a new single this week, too! It's at number 10, edging out "Just Dance", meaning that, for the first time in, er, a bit, there's only one Lady GaGa single in the top 10 ("Coming For To Carry My Poker Face", #4).

Elsewhere: September's had a second hit! Crumbs! "Can't Get Over" is YOUR number 14, people, with "Halo" climbing to number 20 in commemoration of this fact (First Day Covers will be available at Post Offices nationwide from tomorrow morning). After 74 weeks (approx.) outside the top 40, Katy Perry's After Singing A Ballad Now, Is She? finally makes its own wee breakthrough and is at 27. US teen synth-rock boys (i.e. they ugly) Metro Station have their one and only UK hit at 37 (will probably climb), and Your Actual Worst Single Of 2009 So Far, Annie Lennox's cover of "Shining Light", somehow drags its sorry ass to number 39 (will hopefully not climb).

Albums: U2 STILL ON TOP - TWO WEEKS OF DOMINANCE, THIRTY YEARS OF OMNIPOTENCE. Annie Lennox's The Collection gets to number two, one ahead of Kelly C. T-Swift is at number 5, one ahead of Faryl's One Hayley Westenra Is Never Enough. Big week for Very Best Ofs - Michael Ball is at 11, The Dubliners at 16, Everly Brothers at 23 - and that's obviously why Starsailor could only make number 26 with their new one. Lee Mead's second album - was he always on Fascination, btw? - creeps in at number 39.

Annie Lennox's cover of "Shining Light", somehow drags its sorry ass to number 39 (will hopefully not climb)

pretty scary cover too
http://www.chartstats.com/images/singles/34257.jpg

More on that Lee Mead album:

Highlights include the lead track from the album, "Nothing Else Matters", a duet with Hayley Westenra on "When The Stars Go Blue" and the Spandau Ballet classic, "Through The Barricades".

I am pretty tolerant of Westenra thanks to unpopular Nintendo Wii fish-molesting simulator Endless Ocean.

IN SHOPS TOMORROW:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51nsf5W9QkL._SS500_.jpg

HE HAS COVERED "I BELIEVE I CAN FLY"

Looking forward to Mrs Keating's answer record F U Right Back.

His mum's dead. Show some compassion.

F U Right Back From Beyond the Grave

job done.

The Comic Relief TOTP special, basically the show that would have been on (for the most part), had the show not been canned, specifically to showcase the two CR singles.

But oh! The Saturdays did not fulfil their part of the script! Instead, a bemused Flo Rider and crew get to perform the mandatory number one end-of-show song, and seemed to be the party record everyone enjoyed! How about that! TOTP lives and bites back!

And ends up being a much better 'final show' than the pony 'highlights' thing that was the real 'final' one.

Oh, and let us not forget Barry Gibb doing nothing perceptible on the record, but getting a co-performer credit on a number one hit to his name.

(Lay off the hair dye, wack!)

Robin Gibb, dammit!

didn't notice but last week's top 10 featured only 2 songs by male artists. maybe not a first but feels v unusual.

COMIC RELIEF "NOT FOR LIFE, JUST FOR CHRISTMAS" as "Barry Islands In The Stream" is unceremoniously dumped from number one by...

...

...

...

"Poke of Face", which hits the top spot having initially entered at number 30 fully nine weeks ago. I can't think of the last time it's taken a song that long to reach number one - the only one I can think of that comes remotely close would be "You're Beautiful", which went top in its seventh week on the chart.

Popular Comedy Foursome wind up directly swapping places with Popular Comedy Onesie, in fact, as they drop to three with Flossie hanging onto number two. Beyonce's tribute to converting old churches into shit nightclubs climbs to number nine; other than that, not much interesting going on in the top 10...

But outside it, well. A combination of the music of Printed Circuit, an androgynous redhead girl in a trenchcoat and probably the worst fake driving ever witnessed in music video history propels La Roux's "In The Kill" to number 11, three places ahead of Big Box Hollywood Star at 14. "Up All Night"'s steady irrelevance continues at 19, one place ahead of the stunningly rubbish Pussycat Dolls ft. Nicole Scherzinger (something tells me that name might not stick) "re-imagining" of AR Rahman's "Jai Ho!" As I so fearlessly predicted last week, Metro Station do indeed climb, all the way to 22; Franz Ferdinand have to do iPod ads now, and it gets them to 27; and Unnecessary Enrique/Ciara collaboration makes its way to number 30. One spot behind "Sex On Fire", which now looks certain to outlast its funny-smelling cousin, "Revelry", which is currently languishing at 37.

In the albums, the Mother's Day Champion Chase is won at a canter by - oh yes - Ronan Fucking Keating, crossing the line several lengths ahead of Annie Lennox, Kings of Leon and, er, Faryl, with long-time leader STILL ON TOP languishing back in sixth. Major sales bumps go to Bette Midler, who climbs 12 to number 9; The Saturdays, who are up 13 at 20; and Definitely 100% Super-Top Lionel Richie & The Commodores, up 22 to number 14 in order to celebrate the release of Lionel Richie's actual new album, Fuck Off, which lands at number ten. Peter Doherty - the Andrew Cole of indie - enters at 17 with I Think You'll Find William Blake Would Agree With Me, with Barry Manilow's Unprovoked Assault On The 1980s at 22 and New UCJ Thingy Melody Gardot at number 40.

the skream remix of that la roux track is really good - original is total pony though, and wtf is with her name? "la roux" MAKES NO SENSE ugh. i mean...why not la rousse?

rolling funky fail update: KIG's 'head, shoulders, knees & toes' enters at no 41. perempay & dee's massive 'in the air' finally gets a digital release, fails to bother top 75. i hate the stupid charts and stupid britishers blah blah blah

also, ne-yo's 'closer' took ages to get to no 1 too. polyhex says its chart run was:

22-24-12-7-5-3-2-{1}-2-4-6-4-6-8-11-12-16-22-27-26-28-33-37-42-46-55-63-65-68-66R(5)-62->31

Still just the eight weeks, mind; then again, I'd actually forgotten that ever got to number one at all...

La Roux (the singer at least)'s mum:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42657000/jpg/_42657375_acklandlive_cut.jpg

NME bringing you the big stories first, comments section not entirely interested

Unnecessary Enrique/Ciara collaboration

"too much time on ilx"