LOLZ in the Conference Room; I'd Like to EXCELSIOR some of that

NEW THREAD

I'm being held against my will on an Internet message board

― three times a LAD (seandalai), Sunday, October 20, 2013 4:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you say that like it's funny tbh

― champagne supernovella (darraghmac), Sunday, October 20, 2013 4:42 PM (Yesterday

from Dear Morrissey...

Eh I've seen American beauty, not sure I need another story where the racist dude turns out to be gay

― Tesco and Horse Dobbins 2013 (wins), Monday, October 21, 2013 1:29 PM (29 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

reminder than anything "-tard" is fucked up and bullshit for grownups no matter how they feel about the people they're arguing w/

― combination hair (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Sunday, October 20, 2013 2:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

idgi ron paul leotard?

― lag∞n, Sunday, October 20, 2013 2:14 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I stand corrected

― combination hair (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Sunday, October 20, 2013 2:14 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/NrzHV2W.jpg

What is that? A jellyfish stuffed between two mushroom caps?

this is one of the better excelsior thread titles imo

noooooooo

can't wait

With beautiful timing, ME tell you what those 500 albums are today. I hope you don't like dancing.

― I can still taste the Taboo in my mouth when I hear those songs (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 10:04 (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

NME for god's sake, keyboard.

― I can still taste the Taboo in my mouth when I hear those songs (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 10:04 (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

He must have been channeling Cookie Monster

I'll open the bidding with a nice, easy Dad joke:

... that reminds me, I went to see a performance of Stockhausen's "Gruppen" a couple of weeks back and there was a woman with two small boys in front of me a man with another two small boys in front of me, that's bordering on child abuse

― Tommy McTommy (Tom D.), Wednesday, October 23, 2013 7:20 AM

That is a dumb post. Kids are the best equipped people to deal with Stockhausen

― reeves garbles (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, October 23, 2013 7:29 AM

Oh right. Of course.

― Tommy McTommy (Tom D.), Wednesday, October 23, 2013 7:29 AM

sounds like something a victim of Stockhausen Syndrome would say

― Neanderthal, Wednesday, October 23, 2013 7:30 AM

I had a dream the other day that I was in the supermarket looking through a pile of books that were on sale and I found this hardback copy of a book about Bertolt Brecht written by Roger Ebert. It had a 1970s style gold, green and maroon cover, no pictures, just the title and Ebert's name. I was going to buy it, but then I remembered Alfred, Lord Sotosyn saying something withering about it on ilx once, he didn't exactly say the book was garbage but it was obvious he didn't rate it, so I put the book back.
I didn't meet Alfred in the dream, just remembered something he had written on ilx.

That's not really as interesting as Johnny Fever's dream, just reading about that freaked me out! I always get the jitters when I dream about people dying, even if it's some celebrity I've never met, I have to google them as soon as I get out of bed to check they're still alive.

― im 12 and i hav all the films and series' im proud i luv oon the buses (bends), Saturday, October 19, 2013 8:39 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I googled Ebert's Brecht book after I had the dream to confirm that it doesn't actually exist (it doesn't).

― im 12 and i hav all the films and series' im proud i luv oon the buses (bends), Saturday, October 19, 2013 8:40 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you are probably just getting confused because both Ebert and Brecht wrote books about rice cookers

― a loving tribute to coworkers without personalities (los blue jeans), Saturday, October 19, 2013 8:49 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^
made me lol in class when I should be paying attention

will PS4 let us change our PSN IDs pls, sony, pleeeeeease

― cozen, Wednesday, October 23, 2013 3:05 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

signed, bigbuttpokemonlover69

― socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, October 23, 2013 3:08 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

perfect

lawl

Water and dissolved gas in the blood forms bubbles in the major veins, which travel throughout the circulatory system and block blood flow. After about one minute circulation effectively stops. The lack of oxygen to the brain renders you unconscious in less than 15 seconds, eventually killing you. "When the pressure gets very low there is just not enough oxygen. That is really the first and most important concern," Buckey says.

But death is not instantaneous. For example, one 1965 study by researchers at the Brooks Air Force Base in Texas showed that dogs exposed to near vacuum—one three-hundred-eightieth of atmospheric pressure at sea level—for up to 90 seconds always survived. During their exposure, they were unconscious and paralyzed. Gas expelled from their bowels and stomachs caused simultaneous defecation, projectile vomiting and urination. They suffered massive seizures. Their tongues were often coated in ice and the dogs swelled to resemble "an inflated goatskin bag," the authors wrote. But after slight repressurization the dogs shrank back down, began to breathe, and after 10 to 15 minutes at sea level pressure, they managed to walk, though it took a few more minutes for their apparent blindness to wear off.

― caek, Wednesday, October 23, 2013 8:03 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that woulda been an interesting scene for bullock then

― brand nubian wafers (bnw), Wednesday, October 23, 2013 8:08 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

LOL

gonna start one about "if you're in favour of child abuse", see how it takes off

― nemo me chimpune lacessit (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 24 October 2013 19:58 (17 minutes ago) Permalink

Re-post this if you're against children.

― Aimless, Thursday, 24 October 2013 20:09 (6 minutes ago) Permalink

if I said you had a beautiful child

― Jesus (wins), Thursday, 24 October 2013 20:13 (2 minutes ago) Permalink

NOBODY FINISH THAT SENTENCE

― your face comes with coleslaw (Neanderthal), Thursday, 24 October 2013 20:15 (37 seconds ago) Permalink

Siracusa: "The turning point came in Mac OS X 10.4, which added support for arbitrarily extensible file system metadata. No longer were we confined to just a file name, a few dates, and some permissions and ownership information. Now we could attach any information to a file by adding arbitrary name/value pairs."

I must have read about this at the time, but it's news to me. Hasn't exactly set the world on fire I guess.

― eris bueller (lukas), Thursday, October 24, 2013 9:08 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I still remember where I was when that happened.

― Alba, Thursday, October 24, 2013 9:18 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I don't know anyone who likes Family Guy because when they tell me they like it I murder them

― polyphonic, Thursday, October 24, 2013 11:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ha

lol

polyphonic murder spree

Haha

:D

poly ftw

And that's Paul McCartney's son, right? Have you ever in your life gone out on the town with the assistant sales manager your dad used to work with and that guy's brother-in-law? Maybe Sean won't return his calls.

― pplains, Monday, October 28, 2013 10:25 AM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i was wondering who the owl faced kid is! he looks miserable.

― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, October 28, 2013 10:29 AM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We can't all be "the cute one."

― pplains, Monday, October 28, 2013 10:32 AM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha
what a strange life it must be to be son of the cute one. like eric stoltz in son of the fly.

― sweat pea (La Lechera), Monday, October 28, 2013 10:35 AM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

guy: (laughs aloud)

office: *no one says anything*

guy: (laughs louder)

office: *for god's sake don't ask him what he's laughing at*

guy: HA! HA! THAT'S GOOD STUFF!

office: *crickets*

guy: (sigh)

― mookieproof, Tuesday, October 29, 2013 3:17 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahaha

― Victor Immature (WilliamC), Tuesday, October 29, 2013 3:24 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I said, HAHAHA!

― Victor Immature (WilliamC), Tuesday, October 29, 2013 3:25 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Miranda is a BBC television sitcom written by and starring English comedian Miranda Hart, which first aired on BBC Two on 9 November 2009. The situation comedy also features Sarah Hadland, Tom Ellis, Patricia Hodge, Sally Phillips, James Holmes and Bo Poraj. The series is based on Hart's semi-autobiographical writing, following a television pilot and the BBC Radio 2 comedy Miranda Hart's Joke Shop. It received positive comments from critics and Hart won the 2009 Royal Television Society award for comedy performance for her role in the first series.[1][2][3]

series 3 felt like a bit of a drop-off tbh

Mike Tyler is a non-academic, post-beat American poet.[1]
He first became known during the 1990s poetry revival centered around the Nuyorican Poets Café in New York City.[2] He has been dubbed the “most dangerous poet in America” because he once broke an arm while doing a reading.[3]

― kirti madam you're not a gag mrs thatcher eighty advantage and myspace (soref), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 23:08 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the stupid cunt shouldn't have got drunk and fallen off the stage

― ۩, Tuesday, 29 October 2013 23:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahahaha

is there anyone Bono hasn't been influenced by?

― Number None, Wednesday, October 30, 2013 5:25 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Tuomas.

― the objections to Drake from non-REAL HIPHOP people (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, October 30, 2013 5:26 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

willie joe padden was in new york, taking a well-earned break after the 89 final, when he came across the scene of a fire. a young woman was screaming for help from the top of the building- "my baby" my baby". "throw it down" sez bauld willie joe, "and i'll catch it". she demurred, in as many words. "throw the child down" he sez again, his deep voice booming heroically between the buildings, amidst smoke and screams, "and i'll catch it, god help us". the young mother remained torn but unconvinced.

willie joe pulled himself to his full height, for all the world as if he had been called all-a-sudden to an FCA muster in bundoran, and cried "i'm willie-joe padden from belmullet! i have one minor connacht title, one u-21 connacht title and five connacht senior titles, a county league medal and two gaeltacht medals!"- these he produced with great solemnity as he listed them each in turn. "there's men from here to listowel and back might drop your child from the height from me to you, but willie joe padden is not such a man!".

pressed by these claims (and, possibly, those flames) the mother felt she no longer held discretion in the matter. she flung the child (a mere blob of a crátúr, who would not be eligible even for a junior team for some decade yet) down the storeys towards the great man.

he, that master of newtonian differentiation as best practiced- from the eyes straight to the hands and never mind the computational centre at all- took his mark and leapt as was his wont in those days- like a kingfisher in reverse, diving straight up towards the falling target. his strong hands closed gentle around the child, and he hit the ground with an impact felt a street away in either direction.

as the crowd cheered in delight and disbelief, he proceeded to take three mighty steps and kicked the unfortunate infant a full seventy yards down the street.

― drugs/lies: poll (darraghmac), Wednesday, October 30, 2013 12:51 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark

Nice Irish twist on a classic gag.

lmao

"i'm willie-joe padden from belmullet! i have one minor connacht title, one u-21 connacht title and five connacht senior titles, a county league medal and two gaeltacht medals!

no NYer would have any idea what any of those words mean

*whoooosh*

hahaha

Nice Irish twist on a classic gag.

― grown-arsed man (onimo), Wednesday, October 30, 2013 5:58 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Successful conversion you might say

baby has to be bounced twice before he kicks it down the street imo

not if you take it on the third step, and tbf in a fire the ref would prob let you away with on or two over imo

from the Rob Ford/Crackstarter thread:

sex tape huh

― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, November 2, 2013 3:20 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nooooooooooooooooooooo

― snoop dogey doge (seandalai), Saturday, November 2, 2013 3:35 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Not the crack we want to see

― Bailey (Collins) Lover (Eazy)

(from a Hendrix thread):

Whoa, 10 years ago ILM actually took the time to answer a question respectfully even if it was a dumb one and the op was obviously being agressive out of nowhere.

― Moka, Sunday, November 3, 2013 12:43 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yea nowadays someone would be all like OI SOME BIG BELL-BOTTOMED BIRD IS A-PLAYIN THE BLUESIE-WEWSIES, IMA MAKE A 'ORRIBLE POST TO ME ILXOR CHUMS

― your face comes with coleslaw (Neanderthal), Sunday, November 3, 2013 1:10 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://24.media.tumblr.com/3c4ff114a93f1033f83d1b33281e83fa/tumblr_mkyeztVcWD1rhkwkto1_500.jpg

― pplains, Monday, November 4, 2013 11:54 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

being an atheist hipster Amish has to be a difficult life

― the doleful cant of a bigot blinded by fear and hate (DJP), Monday, November 4, 2013 11:56 AM (28 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, do they even make a bubble tea for that

― the doleful cant of a bigot blinded by fear and hate (DJP), Monday, November 4, 2013 11:56 AM (2 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

whoah, where does that come from?

whoah, where does that come from?

Yes, exactly. The question that brought us to that jpg.

such a quality lol, for a theist djp is ok imo

Black person posts snappy, witty reply. Atheist laughs in the face of his computer monitor.

I'm not sure. Are they poll threads? Or is it a special class like C or D?

series of polls search food fight

ty!

Will lol at you spinach-eating shitheads when you get sonned by ice cream.

― JimD, Sunday, August 1, 2010 7:49 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahaha

i wish there was a brand of cookies called 'oh wells'

― SEEMS TO ME (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, August 22, 2014 11:28 AM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i never thought i'd say it but Joobajooba otm

― go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu)

En Vogue had a standout hit on their own that continues to be a great feminist break-up record in “Never Gonna Get It,” a predecessor to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” in the realm of songs empowering women to tell those disrespectful ex-boyfriends where they can shove it.

this mix of declarative flatness with calculated informal breaks is exactly how my students write for the paper.

― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, August 26, 2014 4:25 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

idk what people mean by "feminist" anymore

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 26, 2014 4:40 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fortunately neither does anybody else apparently

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 26, 2014 4:40 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes

― Daphnis Celesta, Tuesday, August 26, 2014 4:42 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://www.vox.com/2014/8/27/6006139/did-tony-die-at-the-end-of-the-sopranos

worth reading imo

― Cindy Operahouse (WilliamC), Wednesday, August 27, 2014 9:20 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

So when he answered the "Did Tony die" question, he was laconic.

Just the fact and no interpretation. He shook his head "no." And he said simply, "No he isn't." That was all.

um

― lag∞n, Wednesday, August 27, 2014 11:40 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"No, he isn't die".

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, August 27, 2014 11:42 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so good

um http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/neil-young-files-for-divorce-from-pegi-young-wife-of-36-years-20140826

― you couldn't even wear a fedora if your lifes depended on it (stevie), Tuesday, 26 August 2014 21:09 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this dude is always copping moves from sonic youth

― you couldn't even wear a fedora if your lifes depended on it (stevie), Tuesday, 26 August 2014 21:13 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you're all nute, this movie is one incredible whole

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:24 AM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nuts*

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:24 AM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

gr otm ur all nute

― lag∞n, Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:25 AM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the ending blows

― famous instagram God (waterface), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:26 AM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the rest is good tho

― famous instagram God (waterface), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:27 AM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wow "nute" is a weird GiS

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:27 AM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the ending is incred

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:27 AM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you just hate it because he falls in love with a sandface

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Thursday, August 28, 2014 11:29 AM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nice

context please people

he meant to say the word "nuts"

actually i think he was trying to say "incredible"

My lols are very nute with me what can I do?

we kick it nute down

No results found for "we kick it nuts down".

Last year, 858 Maryland residents died due to alcohol or drug intoxication; that's enough to replace the entire University of Maryland football team more than eight times.
Read more: http://www.baltimoresun.com/#ixzz3BnIzY7BB

― how's life, Friday, August 29, 2014 11:12 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

weird comparison

― flatizza (harbl), Friday, August 29, 2014 5:15 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's enough to replace oliver platt 858 times

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Friday, August 29, 2014 5:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

would've been a really f'ed up football team

8 teams. the dead addict bracket.

Judging from this thread, American Politics 2014 suffers from such advanced political rigor mortis that we are left with nothing to talk about. Even mocking these politicians and issues for the hundredth time has become extremely tedious.

― Aimless, Friday, August 29, 2014 4:00 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!

― son of a lewd monk (Dr Morbius), Friday, August 29, 2014 4:02 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

rigor morbius

R&B 2014

how does ilx bandwidth compare to other message boards? it seems like there are a billion phpBB forums out there, and ilx is relatively clean and feature-free by comparison (or so it seems to me). is our bandwidth exceptionally large for some reason? audience size?

― Mordy, Friday, September 5, 2014 4:18 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fuckin post length

― nakh is the wintour of our diss content (darraghmac), Friday, September 5, 2014 4:20 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

loool

deems have u actually seen what vbb forums look like these days, yr average car board post length is closer to contenderizer or Coffee Bob than am0n

it was just a punchline nakh

just a punchline

I was at the Jane's Addiction show included in the Cabinet of Curiosities box.
I was at Pussy Galore's last L.A. show in 1989.
I was at the GG Allin show that opens the movie Hated.
I was at Patti Smith's NYC comeback show at Irving Plaza in 1996.
I was at the first NYC show by the reunited Stooges in 2003.
I was at 2NE1's first East Coast concert in Newark, NJ (their second US performance ever).
I was at Fushitsusha's last NYC show in 2003.
I was at Sonny Rollins's 80th birthday concert when Ornette Coleman came out and they played together for the first time since, like, 1960.
I think that's all I got.

― Humorist (horse) (誤訳侮辱), Saturday, 6 September 2014 02:37 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i got wasted for the first time ever in a bar across from cbgb, but did not go any nearer to cbgb, in 2005

― difficult listening hour, Saturday, 6 September 2014 02:56 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I was probably at a cool show once, but I was too drunk to remember.

― emil.y, Saturday, 6 September 2014 03:00 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

think u'll find that myself + unreg pwned that thread the hardest

but that was good too

FFS if you want to excelsior yourself just go ahead and do it

just a bit disorienting to see the aftershocks claim more dead

unregistered didnt post in that thread and your post was a bit too tryhard-xelab

my six.byseven post, m8

unregistered's post is the best thing to come out of the whole saga mind

that doesn't quite work as bathos or self-deprecation, 'i was at a show nobody cares about' because evidently you did/do care about it, a lot

it works in terms of a relativist affirmation, 'my six by seven is as important as your vu show in 67' but that isn't 'funny' and it doesn't 'pwn' anyone

never ask for your exam paper back lj, accept the grade and move on

LJ you did at least tryhard

ha, the essence was deconstructing the idea of the 'legendary show' by chucking in something quite low-profile & immaterial (they've since broken up and reformed again) that would act against the canonical rhetoric of the threadstarter, but maybe that's more petulant than funny. analysing what is funny can be quite productive tho and i'm glad we're doing it live on excelsior

in all fairness though, six by seven rocks harder than vu

i saw myself host a private listening session here in my bedroom just three days ago. a half hour before sunset i put on Rubycon. about 15 minutes in i asked myself, "are you going to play this one all the way through?" i smiled huge and replied "of course, man!" it was dark by the time the song's 34th minute rolled around. the mixture of an epic lava lamp with an epic track orchestrated by such a master selector created something hard to describe. it will probably remain one of my top 5 musical moments for the rest of my life.

― disinclination loops (unregistered), Saturday, 6 September 2014 23:32 (Yesterday)

otm

What potentialities does excelsior have? How can it most productively strive against its own reactionary marketing & outmoded* orthodoxies?

*They're outmoded. Deal.

― 龜, Monday, January 6, 2014 2:01 PM (8 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

getting that reference might qualify it as a "too much time on ilx" post as well

lol

fyi I relegated my post to the second thoughts thread because I felt like a snob for *disparaging dj culture* (especially when said dj is THE UNSUNG SECOND GREATEST DJ OF ALL TIMES) and also I felt like an asshole for mocking an experience that obviously means a lot to gr8080 nearly a decade later. but tbh I simply cannot relate to a worldview/culture in which "some guy spun this one 20-year-old record at sunset and it gave off some rly chill vibes" can be the highlight of somebody's musical existence, on par with going to Woodstock or seeing Charlie Parker's last gig. I'm not proud of my irrational rockist impulses & I feel like I should contain them to a safe space where they won't hurt people's feelings.

but that entire thread is some bullshit, so I appreciate imago's fearless front line attacks.

(xposts)

lol i hadnt read that post before i read yours

anyway gr8s is just doing the same thing as lj except not trying to 'make a point'.....circumstances make the event, not whatever 'importance' history grants it

yeah nothing against the orig gr80 post, just found unreg's remake hilarious