OPO, so what was the worst film you ever saw?

Hmm, thinking of this, thanks to the Movie 43 thread..

My sister came in one-time with a movie she said was a Mel Brooks, only found out when I went back to the rental store it was described as "Mel Brooks Style Comedy", which is not the same thing.

It was called "The Directors", although I believe it got issued, originally, under a different title.

Basically, the plot involved staging a 'nudie' musical. The first 20 mins were 'sort-of' OK, but then it got boring... We packed in around the 40 min mark.

Down periscope or, funnily enough, the producers remake

Only counting stuff seen at the cinema, 'Rancid Aluminium' wins this hands down. I walked out after 30 mins and looked on in amazement as I left at the 2 other people in the screening who weren't walking out.

Tara Fitzgerald's Russian(?) accent, Dani Behr getting sexed up in a lift,Steven Berkoff.....

Sounds p hot tbph

There are interesting distinctions to be made. The Room is clearly awful, but it's so fascinating to someone who as witnessed human interaction without seemingly ever having participated in it make a movie that I do quite enjoy watching it. The truly terrible for me are the kind of boringly shit films that make me want to scrape my eyes out.

So Sex Lives of the Potato Men, Stealth, Yes, 4x2, Twilight New Moon, the second Transformers film, a slew of PWS Andersons...

I think Dumb and Dumberer actually induced a hangover.

closer

One of these:

500 Days of Summer
Unbreakable
Drive
Human Traffic

Definitely Paul Haggis' "Crash", followed by "The Dark Knight Rises" and "Requiem For A Dream"

all of Ed Wood's too entertaining, obv.

This one still holds a special place in my bowels:

http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/tony-n-tinas-wedding/3256

Worst I ever paid to see was "Howard The Duck". (Cousin #2 and I wanted to see Rodney's "Back To School" but Cousin #3 prevailed. He may have held the comic in high esteem.)

Off the top of my head, Quiet Days in Hollywood is bizarrely wretched. I don't think it ever had a US theatrical release. Filmed in Germany with a pre-Boys Don't Cry Hilary Swank in a small role, and packaged for video post-stardom with her name prominently displayed.

I feel like the proper answer has to be a film which not only sucked, but also pernicious and which I truly despise with a red-hot heat.

Therefore, Fight Club

http://www.zone-sf.com/images/8mm.jpg

this is prob the worst film i've paid money to see at the cinema:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposed_%281983_film%29

a film which not only sucked, but also pernicious and which I truly despise with a red-hot heat

using this rubric i'd probably've voted for The Dark Knight but i'll grant it some entertainment value

This is a solid contender:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GQTkfWB7fQ

there must be a lot of stuff i saw on VHS in the 80s that wd place here

Forgot Exposed existed. Totally awful, agreed!

I've watched and enjoyed some movies that I would call objectively terrible, like the Halle Berry Catwoman movie

Sylvester Stallone's porno was really, really terrible though

8mm otm

Johnny Mnemonic.

Dog Latin's choices are nutso.

Howard the Duck's a good choice -- I think that would have to be mine as well.

I seem to remember enjoying Howard The Duck the one time I watched it, but I was about 15 and stoned, as I recall.

Vulgar. for sure.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120467/

oh god you've talked about this movie before

lolling at "From the producers of Clerks and Dogma!"

So Sex Lives of the Potato Men, Stealth, Yes, 4x2, Twilight New Moon, the second Transformers film, a slew of PWS Andersons...

― Gukbe, Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:34 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Stealth? Are you high?

it is the only film listed under imdb keywords "clown rape" so that should count for something i think xp

Clerks 2 and it's not even close

Exposed has a good Delerue score, so not a total POS

ppl at work tell me that Noobz is in the running:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1zJU08IiA

I definitely think that truly farcical disasters have the capacity to transcend into glory. Though not all do, by a long shot.

Off the top of my head, Titanic was even worse than I was expecting it to be (and I was expecting it to be pretty awful). Catwoman looked perplexingly bad when I caught it on TV but I turned it off too quickly to really be able to tell if it's the absolute worst. I'm kind of convinced I've seen worse than either of those, but I'm a bit stumped at the moment.

mulholland drive or avatar

You really haven't seen enough bad movies dog latin if those are the worst you can think of. Drive? WTF?

I'd say shitty J-Lo thriller Enough but I'm sure I've seen stuff that lacks even basic competence.

I can see why people wouldn't like Mulholland Drive, but to say its the worst film you've ever seen is reaching for challops.

Avatar, though, fuck that useless cheesy pointless shit.

citizen kane

I'd have to say the 4th Terminator movie. We saw it at a drive-in and it was just so stupid and generic and dull that when it ended and they said "Up next, romantic comedy 'Ghost of Girlfriends Past'" we actually sat through that to cleanse the palette and get some well-needed LOLz.

Shark Attack or Shark Attack 2 I can't decide.

i dunno, avatar sucks but at least in the theater the 3D shit was cool to look at and kept my attention just as a magic trick type thing which i more than i can say about a lot of movies

off the top of my head, Titanic was even worse than I was expecting it to be (and I was expecting it to be pretty awful)

yes i was gonna nom Titanic, too - for some reason i can't 'fathom' now, i went with my two best friends to see it on the opening weekend in Leicester Square, only to find ourselves sitting through this shit sat in the dress circle of a vast, sold out West End cinema, SURROUNDED by weeping couples, families, men, women, children, everywhere we looked. it was only my liberal guilt at being so alienated from the tastes and feeling of the mass audience that made me refrain from nomming it here.

I will agree that Catwoman was one of those odd movies that you expect to be really bad but it winds up even worse than that, to the point where the badness was almost mesmerizing. Ultraviolet was another such movie, not as bad as a whole but one of those movies where the plot and dialogue made almost no sense whatsoever. I remember someone saying "take a coherent script and remove every other line, and that's what Ultraviolet is like".

I think I saw most of the worst movies I've ever seen while I was in high school, usually at the theater. Like Congo and Spawn and Tank Girl and Hellraiser 4. Haggis' Crash is definitely up there.

dunno, avatar sucks but at least in the theater the 3D shit was cool to look at and kept my attention just as a magic trick type thing which i more than i can say about a lot of movies

exactly - if you ignore everything that happens in the movie it's quite a spectacle. i'm a little suspicious of those who say they weren't impressed with the visuals in the least.

I think it has to be Huge, some AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL British comedy. I cannot express how depressingly awful this film is:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1457726/

When this question comes up it's interesting how often people reach for big, successful, Oscar-nominated stuff - Crash, Avatar, Titanic, Forrest Gump, whatever - instead of inept dreck like Rancid Aluminium. I just don't see how on any level you could say Avatar was the worst movie you'd seen unless you'd spent the rest of your movie-watching life working through the Sight & Sound list. Are these movies "worse" because they've had some acclaim?

No, it might actually be Kaboom. Yeah, Kaboom is probably the worst thing I've ever sat through. It actually caused me and my housemate physical pain.

I've only walked out of two movies, Field Of Dreams and Marquis. I can't handle irredeemable treacle or puppet sodomy.

There might be a bit of that, yeah. Also because you're more likely to have seen them at some point - most of the shit I've seen has been stuff that's been on TV a lot and I've decided to give it a go in a moment of boredom. I'm pretty choosy about what I go to the cinema for.

xpost - Marquis is AWESOME, dude, you're crazy.

Oh God, "Crash". A professor showed like the first 10 minutes of that movie in a class once and everyone was like DO YOU SEE??? I took a note to never see the full movie, otherwise i'm sure it would be my worst.

I like plenty of questionable crap but Marquis was boring questionable crap.

Yeah people talking rubbish here

Ok.

The worst movie I've ever seen in its entirety regardless of expectations or budget or message or whatever.....hmm

Oh yeah blade 2

Blade 2 is really really bad but just in case, it's got one boondock saint and one bros that's the kind of ill-fated sickness in the genes that you don't overcome by having a highwaymen mumble in the corner so it's not

Wait tho

Queen of the damned? Was there a queen of the damned?

Blade 2 is fine

yeah, i don't see how it's any worse than a million other crap horror sequels. hell, it's better than most. at least it has great monsters and some comedy would-be-coolness (mostly down to ws).

i always liked track 29. depp wonka is an abomination a la hook. profoundly unfunny and uncool. which brings me to the cat in the hat.

I see I already ragged on Animal House ITT. An alternative, which is a bit shady because it's in the form of an MST3K episode, is Beast of Yucca Flats, which I found remarkable for its almost complete lack of film-like features. Obviously the edit for MST3K would skew it but nothing else I've ever watched failed to resemble a film so utterly.

Probably "Howard The Duck"

On the other hand, I'd probably gladly watch that again, or even the un-MSTed version, whereas you couldn't pay me to sit through Animal House or Airplane again

self-xp

I think maybe U-Turn was the worst movie I've ever seen. I'm only counting movies I sat all the way through, so there are many terrible films that are possibly worse than that, of which I only watched maybe 20-30 minutes (including Lady In The Water).

A few months ago I finally watched Clerks II. Whew, that was really terrible! So that's the worst movie I've seen recently.

As for Gaspar Noe, I watched all of Irreversible once and I really wish I hadn't.

queen of the damned is great

xps silby, I was just thinking about the Coleman Francis trilogy and how they're such all-around misanthropic failures to the point of being anti-films that it makes them strangely compelling.

Clerks two, right, is better than clerks

U-Turn's a good pick--only a couple of films away from Nixon and JFK, so I still went to an Oliver Stone film with anticipation. It was so egregiously ugly.

which brings me to the cat in the hat.

oof, the heavy artillery

Reviewer: Scott Oakes (see more about me) from Brooklyn, NY United States
Of the 3 films in the MVP trilogy, I think MXP might be the best. I watched this one with a few friends before
going out on a Saturday night. The comic hijinks of Jack and the other monkeys, as wells as the complete
aloofness of every adult in the movie who fails to see Jack climbing trees, eating food, and sneaking onto
airplanes dressed in a sombrero and pancho is incredible. This film sells itself. 1 monkey + 1 snowboard =
awesome. Is MXS (Most Extreme Surfer) next? I hope so.

i liked u-turn! maybe i was drunk. it had j-lo in it, right? say no more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9vL7nYT1VY

U-Turn is profoundly ugly and nasty but I remember it being pretty good, but it was a long time ago I saw it.

on a board with above-average levels of "the pictures are not on trial" i think we may have hit peak "the pictures are not on trial"

I genuinely did not like Drive. Two character-free blonds staring at each other over stylised 80s music for two hours and I just don't get why that's supposed to be good?

Felt the same way about it pretty much but no way is it the worst movie. Vacuous but entertaining at least. Opening scene and music throughout was great.

at the time I felt like that whole aesthetic had been well and truly ploughed through in other areas of pop culture and Drive was playing catch-up. It was just a really uninteresting film and I was surprised at how impressed people were with it. Maybe not the worst film, but definitely the most perplexing and disappointing.

the only film I've walked out of was Pineapple Express, and I had quite enjoyed some of Apatow's comedies up until then. It's hard to get stoner movies that bad but he pulled it off

Clerks two, right, is better than clerks

oh god, no

this movie Lazer Team that was a Youtube film or something that made it to the big screen in select theatres.

idk wtf it was going for but it missed wildly

Oh, you know what was fucking terrible? Track 29.

I always used to say this was the worst film I'd ever seen but that was years and years ago and I'm sure I've seen many worse since, I still think Gary Oldman is absolutely fucking dreadful and indefensible though. I think the last film I hated with a vengeance was "Grand Budapest Hotel" but it's not even close to being the worst film I've ever seen tbf.

oh, Thinner as well

i liked u-turn! maybe i was drunk. it had j-lo in it, right? say no more.

I watched it on mushrooms and liked it afaicr. Other mushroom movies were "Elf" (wtf, why?!?!??), "Guns of San Sebastian" (a faux Spaghetti Western, which we found hilarious), that Before Sunrise or Beyond Sunset or whatever thing w/ Julie Delpy, a film called "Once a Thief" with Alain Delon as some sort of Croatian and Van Heflin playing his brother (?!?!?) or was it Jack Palance? Anyway Ann-Margret was in it too.... er... what are we talking about again?

I watched thinner last night

The purge deserves mention

Death in Sarajevo won the Jury Grand Prix at Berlin, and has been said to be Altman-like, but it's pure crap. A lot of different stories, but none of them interesting, and then when they begin to fit together it's completely pointless. That's perhaps the worst film I've seen since The Congress, which I've already mentioned several times in this thread...

Of course, that's not true. I watched Suicide Squad. But you all know how crap that is.

Mad Dog Time (aka Trigger Happy) is pretty bad considering the cast: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116953/

^ One of my favorite bad movies, seen it a dozen times. Probably less entertaining when you're sober tbh.

Had to watch because Diane Lane.

boondock saints

Burt Reynolds ...
'Wacky' Jacky Jackson

oh, Thinner as well

― waht, I am true black metal worrior (Neanderthal), Monday, March 13, 2017 9:36 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ah ha ha. Emulating that lead actor's weird mugging throughout the movie is one of my imitations that's guaranteed to get a laugh out of my sister (alongside Judge Reinhold's expressions of childlike whimsical wonder in Vice Versa, the weird kid who played Omri in Indian in the Cupboard, and the doubly weird kid who played the younger brother in Teen Witch).

Was that dude ever in anything else? He is fascinatingly bad. They might as well have just cast Stephen King.

boondock saints is genuinely a profoundly awful movie on every level but without it we wouldn't have the accompanying documentary overnight which goes a long way to redeeming it. troy duffy is way more entertaining in front of the camera

Clerks two, right, is better than clerks

being punched in the neck, right, is better than being punched in the kidney

i watched death wish 3 for the first time recently and i was taken aback by how batshit and poisonous its portrayal of inner-city life was

michael winner in 'being a right-wing shithead' shocker i know, but it ended up bothering me for days afterwards, possibly because it made me wonder exactly how much of donald trump's thinking about crime is shaped by similarly deranged 80s action movies

The Purge was great, wtf

Was that dude ever in anything else?

He co-starred in Hal Hartley's No Such Thing!

worst movie i ever saw was "Get Hard" which played at the drive-in just before "Fury Road". the last thing a world needs is a movie sympathizing with rich criminals that are so afraid of going to prison they become a racist stereotype and then at the end of the day they don't have to go to prison bc lol of course not they are rich.

which brings me to the cat in the hat.

oof, the heavy artillery

― Not raving but drooling (contenderizer), Monday, March 13, 2017 8:06 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"Cat in the Hat" is not a film, it is a heroin withdrawl nightmare of the genie from Aladdin.

I'm blaming this thread for my dream last night in which I was asked to name Englands worst ever striker

bomber harris iirc

Scargill