Shit Said by Every Libertarian Ever

1) "If we had a true free market society...."

oh do fuck off

libertarians are unpleasant and say stupid things it's true

2 )oh do fuck off

― things that are jokes pretty much (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, January 3, 2013 4:44 AM (34 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

3) "...the long Western tradition of individual rights..."

4) When I'm at the Wal-mart or grocery story I typically pay with my debit card. On the pad it comes up, "EBT, Debit, Credit, Cash." I make it a point to say loudly to the check-out clerk, "EBT, what is that for?" She inevitably says, "it's government assistance." I respond, "Oh, you mean welfare? Great. I work for a living. I'm paying for my food with my own hard-earned dollars. And other people get their food for free." And I look around with disgust, making sure others in line have heard me.

I am going to step this up. I am going to do far more of this in my life. It's going to be my personal crusade. I hope other libertarians and conservatives will eventually join me.

5) "social engineers, whether on the left or the right"

6) "i'm not a conservative or a right-winger, i'm a 'classical liberal.'"

^ v OTM

7) "the lord is my shepherd i shall not want"

8) "rational self-interest"

Here's my thing I have with libertarians: they go on and on and on about how you should be able to do anything you want as long as it doesnt impact anyone else. Hey pal, name me something you can do that doesn't have the possibility of impacting someone else or hasn't already impacted someone else already by making use of collective resources.

9) "penn jillette is very funny and insightful."

10) "a square wants to come on hip.... talks about 'pod,' and smoke it now and then, and keeps some around to offer the fast Hollywood types"

11) "don't phunk with my heart"

Ah, but Poliopolice, the fallacy you succumb to is the very idea of "collective resources" in itself. If only air and water could be privatized and kept out of the hands of social engineers of the left or right, the rational self-interest of their property owners would ensure optimal efficiency in their usage. If only we had a true free market society.

12) "doctors, lawyers and accountants shouldn't be required to be licensed by the states where they practice their trade."

(some right-wing fucknut actually made that argument to me a few weeks ago. and he cited Milton Friedman, as if THAT would by itself convince me of the correctness of his argument)

probably too soon to start a 'shit said by every librarian ever' thread alas

"Welfare is just like the government putting a gun to my head and demanding I give it to that homeless person over there."

Actual argument made to me by the University Libertarians.

It being his money.

13) any trope involving the "government putting a gun" to one's head to do something that the libertarian does not want to do.

Shit said by no libertarian ever: "Private property ownership is just like the government putting a gun to your head and telling you where you can go, what you can do, and what belongs to you."

14. "Judeo-Christian"

Same libertarian also said that crime would be controlled via something like, I shit you not, blood feuds. In lieu of the State, individuals would take matters into their own hands. Pretty soon, no criminals would to commit any crime! Something vague was also said about how this how the norm in medieval Iceland, the freest state ever.

Yeah, "vigilante justice" is used unironically by some of these people.

Ugh that post was typoed to hell and back.

I really couldn't believe what I was hearing. My jaw dropped and he just kept repeating ICELAND ICELAND ICELAND.

on the vigilante tip ...

15. "a well-armed society is a polite society."

16) I pretty much never have sex because I'm a terrible person and I wear bowties

Also, every interaction between everyone is to be determined by contractual agreement. I can't even begin to form a trope based on that one.

and though not even Clarence Thomas on his crankiest day would go this far, there's this pearl of constitutional "jurisprudence" that i've heard more times than i wish (and ALWAYS by white libertarians):

17. "the US Constitution guarantees the right for its citizens to revolt."

18) my social skills are appalling and my concept of human relations is distorted to such an extent that I cannot even make small talk with my barber without quoting ayn rand

Also, every interaction between everyone is to be determined by contractual agreement. I can't even begin to form a trope based on that one.

until one mentions the Social Contract theory -- in which the libertarian answer is always, "well, I didn't sign THAT Social Contract!"

19. Gold standard gold standard gold standard

20. "Why we making bills about violence towards women and minorities, violence towards everyone is already illegal!"

21) fill my dresser with rabid starving raccoons because I deserve to be thrashed to death by diseased rodents

22. i want to live in a post apocalyptic wasteland literally wouldnt that be the best

23. "Mad Max and Somalia are NOT libertarian paradises!"

24. http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/755/95724968.jpg

25. "Just you wait until Reddit Island is up and running."

26. "no, those aren't real libertarians, my version of libertarianism is..."

27. "the only reason most libertarians are white and male is because all those other people just don't understand how much it can help them"

nb: few things make me fume more than libertarian fucktards opining that they ... and they alone ... are the ONLY people who have read or understand the Constitution. few, if any, of these people have law degrees or anything like that ('cause lawyers and law professors are Negro-loving Jew communists liberals and socialists like duh). and none of them have any inhibitions stopping them from "informing" any lawyers that they know about their "correct" interpretations of the Constitution.

(yes, if you can't guess i've been the brunt of this stupidity more times than i wish)

28 "other people's money"

29. "my communist housemate's belief in collectivism is the reason our sink is always full of dirty dishes" <--shit said by my old libertarian housemate about me (i did the dishes more than everyone else)

plz tell me yr third roommate was a priest

the reason your sink was always full of dirty dishes is because it's impossible to keep a sink clear of dirty dishes in any communal living situation with non-integrated eating habits. It's just math, really.

30. (Pointedly ignored.)
"Why should the state of Texas subsidize your education at UT Austin?"

haha I wasn't posting a "things libertarians say" that's my actual observation of sinks in college apartments with lots of people in them

there's never been an apartment lived in by multiple college-aged people with a clean sink and zero resentment

was that one of the chapters from Atlas Shrugged?

http://www.lacan.com/lucasfig2.gif

So many people being accosted by so many crazoids at parties itt
we are all the wedding guest in rime of the ancient mariner

i wish a libertarian wld talk to me at a party

I wish the ancient mariner would talk to me at a party.

it would be dope; agreed

perhaps he could bring you a nice bird for your neck

wld be secretly angling for a dore plate of my rxn shot tbh

http://www.artsycraftsy.com/dore/mariner_wherefore.jpg

me irl???

perhaps he could bring you a nice bird for your neck

everyone olds and babbies lolin at my neckbird wtf

lol I realized immediately after that post that I missed my window to create "neckbird" so I'm glad someone else made that sad little leap

Sorry, man, it's the internet.

new fave term:

libertechbrotarianism

"Let me break it down for you..."

i'm sure there exists somewhere a great takedown of the "taxes are theft" idea but i don't know where. someone help?

rawls touches on taxation quite a few times but it has been ten years since i read him and can't be more helpful than that

i was eating this baby the other day and ...

Rawls pwned nozick harrrrrrrd

The "conservatives," who promote "family values," always seem to get caught up in lurid sex scandals. The "liberals," who prattle on about all of us "paying our fair share," always seem to get caught up in tax-avoidance/financial scandals.

Funny, how the best any of them can throw at us libertarians are totally unfounded and unprovable charges of "racism," isn't it? (Aside from being dismissed as a bunch of potheads...) sunglasses emoticon

Given Watson's support for the poisonous, hateful ideology known as "third-wave feminism," on top of her smug leftist financial posturings, I hope they throw the book at h

libertarians get dismantled by the fact that they live in imperialist nations whose largesse is only achievable through big government and they are free riding off the benefits of such. That an they're typically racist pricks.

Funny, how the best any of them can throw at us libertarians are totally unfounded and unprovable charges of "racism," isn't it? (Aside from being dismissed as a bunch of potheads...)

Now, if you'll excuse me, this Social Security check isn't going to cash itself

https://twitter.com/ByronTau/status/737034372046524416?s=09

Libertarian nominee should be determined via strip-off

ew put it away.

Happy Holidays pic.twitter.com/ueTMW3Dgcj

— Libertarian Party NH (@LPNH) August 25, 2022

"Libertarian declines to pay fire department for saving his home"

lol at first I was like "wait, I thought I started this thread", then remembered Nino was one of my socks

Weird

Family is the last line of defense against the state, the most important countering institution to it. He's just going to continue to prove he doesn't understand the first thing about libertarianism. Some messenger for the movement. https://t.co/cm0XJDwg4R

— Toad (@TowerGangToad) September 6, 2023

never thought a thread I created w/ a sock would get any traction

right wing "libertarianism" sees to be in constant tension between its basically fascist commitments and its bullshit ultraliberal free market rhetoric and the true believers (or marks) are always getting into fights with the people who are just picking up the language for their own agenda maybe we can use this somehow

I used to check Reason magazine occasionally. A tension seems to have evolved between the staff and the commenters, the latter of whom are a nest of right-wing MAGA troglodytes. I guess it shouldn't be surprising that so many of these libertarian types flocked to Trump's banner.

"I want to own chickens but the county is now telling me that my property is not zoned for chickens. WHAT. THE. FUCK."

I'm pretty sick of whoever is making up these "time zones."

"I can't help it if you're low IQ."

I have devised my own math. I don't care if teh government insists 2+2 = 4

its basically fascist commitments and its bullshit ultraliberal free market

I don't really see this as a tension. Neither authoritarians nor libertarians have any time or use for laws

the tension is when the veneer of social liberalism slips I guess

I'm pretty sick of whoever is making up these "time zones."

― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes)

do you know how many TIME ZONES there are in RUSSIA?

Neither authoritarians nor libertarians have any time or use for laws

i don't see it as a tension, but for the opposite reason, that fascists are big believers in state power, and that libertarians, once you scratch the surface, are too - to enforce property rights, tax breaks, patent protections, the right of their golf club to exclude whoever they like etc

Lots of libertarians also seem to be anti-choice, which does, in fact, seem to be a contradiction.

Right wingers are in favour of laws, rules, controls - and plenty of them - for and on everyone other than themselves.

Authoritarians are certainly big believers of state power, but that doesn't mean they are big believers in law. Authoritarians and libertarians alike believe in lawlessness as virtue. Power should be outside law

I just don't think that's right anvil. I think you'd find a whole lotta (American) libertarians strongly in favor of an extremely well resourced police department putting the clamps on everyone they disapprove of and enforcing their rights to "be free" of whatever they don't want to have to think about.

In Sweden, you can camp on anyone's land (private or otherwise) for two days, then you have to move on

I wonder how the idaho libertarians would feel about that

Yes, they want enforcers but not laws. Laws act as constraints on enforcers

In an ideal world what the enforcers are enforcing should be informal and flexible, understood but not documented

Yeah, there's that good quote about that (applying to conservatives, not libertarians per se, but same same). "Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect."

We should get rid of laws so I can do what I want / We should get rid of laws so the king can do what he wants

I've quoted Chuck Dukowski of Black Flag before: "Anarchy for me, fascism for you."

I don't think theres much of a tension or contradiction between libertarianism and authoritarianism because both believe power should be held by the person not the office, and bureaucracies such as institutions, laws, and office should be for display purposes only. Attempting to codify such things goes against natural order

But I think there IS a tension between libertarianism and fascism. Libertarianism and authoritarianism aim to depoliticize and de-energize, the public are just potatoes. While, fascists also believe power should be in the person not the office, its aims to energise and politicise the potatoes runs the risk of disrupting the natural order. Active participants can potentially band together, act unpredictably, or start to gain elements of power. I think the tension or contradiction is in whether the public should be activated or not, fascism isn’t necessarily as hierarchical as libertarianism or authoritarianism, with a potential danger of power flowing upstream as well as downstream