Unemployed Watercooler Fridge Buzz Commiseration, Alienation and Mental Anti-Stagnation Society (DNRIYHM)

I have such a headache, which just won't seem to go away, no matter how many tablets I take. I hate those kind of multi-day headaches, where you go to bed and you can't get to sleep because you have a headache, then you wake up early and you just want to moan and put a pillow over your head because you have a headache.

i hate them too.

Today is a bad Nothingness and Purposelessness day and I think I should get off the interweb. :-(

Firing someone is not a pleasant job. Tears. Apologies. And then during the night sleeplessness and nightmares. Bah.

Oh god, I'm sorry to hear that. Did they at least know that it was a possibility, or did you have to break it to them as a surprise? That must be so awful, for both of you, especially since it's someone who's been with you for so long. Are you going to be OK, financially? 6 months salary is a lot to come up with, even at a good time, in a financial crisis, that's got to hurt.

We can only hope she finds a job very quickly so we don't need to pay those six months. She hadn't realized it was this bad off. But I didn't want to burden her with it (until now of course). I feel really bad because I quite like her. But otoh she has this long pay out. We don't have *zilch* as back-up. Anyway, we'll see... It's no the end of the world. We just need to get through this year (in my optimistic opinion). If we get through 2012 whole, then I think/hope we can manage.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/379039_325044460842048_100000094897907_1356940_1041793192_n.jpg

I'm too tired for (more than a handful of) words, rassensassenfrassen' work, it's eating me up, sorry you guys are having bad times.

I have spent the day at the National Gallery losing myself in medieval Italian art and falling head over heels in love with 17th Century Diplomat/Spy/Agent/Art Dealers. Or rather, just one. With astonishing cheekbones. Why are we separated by 4 Centuries? we were meant to be together.

http://www.shafe.co.uk/crystal/images/lshafe/Van_Dyck_George_Gage_Looking_at_a_Statuette_1621-2.jpg

(This may be the wine and the limoncello talking.)

he looks kind of like tilda swinton!

He is pretty.

I'm in a hotel on campus at Warwick University. I'm exhausted & need to be up early tomorrow and will have a long day, but I'm not *sleepy* because I fell asleep the minute I hit my hotel room earlier and slept for over an hour. On the upside, the unplanned nap cut my headache in half.

Oh well. I have all the Anne books on audio, I will put Anne of Avonlea back on, it is dreadful stuff, but seems to work better than prozac for shutting the anxiety off.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1kjrffTvj1qbmduso1_500.gif

He is Thom Yorke channelling Tilda Swinton in Orlando = HE IS MY DREAM MAN.

I've been doing that quite a lot, too, lately. At least, the falling asleep too early because I am exhausted, and then waking up a few hours later and being unable to sleep at all. Considering you, me and Nath and our sleepless nights, we should add "insomniacs society" to the thread title.

And now I need to have a little moan that probably no one but MW will get, but I need to moan because this has made me feel awful for the second day running.

Why do people feel the need to give bad/negative reviews on amateur fiction sites? By which I mean, yes, fan fiction sites? There's something just so small and mean-spirited about it. I really do believe that in the world of fan fiction, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. It's *not* professional fiction, you're paying nothing for it except your time, and if you don't like a story, it's really easy to hit the back button and find something you do like.

If something's actually poorly written (grammatically incorrect, plotholes, whatevs) then that's fair enough - my response, when I was an editor, would be to write *privately* and say "Hey, your work shows potential, but I think you could really do with a beta editor." Because fan fiction is often so much more personal than other forms of art, it's just *rude* to publicly attack it.

I just feel really shit because I've received 2 bad reviews in as many mornings, and it's got me down. Yes, I know, I don't take criticism of any kind well (I was near suicidal over some of the reviews when I put out a pop album.) But it's just... my life feels so grey and hopeless right now, fanfic is the shiny happy place I go to feel better. It feels like people are determined to ruin even my happy-place for me.

One of them was just so off-base (completely misread a passage where I was praising something, as my "making fun of it") that it was easily dismissed. But the other one was just... whu? The complaint was "this is just straight-up wish fulfillment" which is like... HUH? ALL FAN FICTION IS WISH FULFILLMENT IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. Please show me a piece of fan fiction that isn't wish fulfillment - whether that wish is "I wish I could have sex with Thom Yorke" or "I wish Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood would have sex with each other, so I can watch" or "I wish that minor character or throwaway comment or lyric had been expanded on" or "I wish my favourite television show hadn't been cancelled after the second series." This is the nature of the thing. Complaining about wish fulfillment in fan fiction is like complaining about sugar in candy.

The problem is, my head always goes and fills in the rest of what I think they're complaining about - like, OMG, yes, it's terrible that I made the lead character someone who is not actually in the band - and even worse, godhelpus, a woman. Because I wrote it in first character, that means that that character is a MarySue and an Author Insert, because all original characters written by women are MarySues and Author Inserts. Maybe my "wishes" that I was fulfilling were too far away from their wishes. Or, more likely, that they were too *close* - I had at least two people email me after reading the story, saying "thank you for writing out something I've always secretly wanted to do with the band" (ironically, neither of them were sex-related at all.) - and they were embarrassed by their own fantasy. Or realising that other people shared that fantasy and they weren't such a special snowflake.

I don't know! Writing this out here has actually made me feel a bit better about it, but I'm still smarting. And that makes me not want to do it any more. Which basically means that one of the few last things that really brought me pleasure in life is gone. Well, I suppose I can always just write it and not publish it. But that makes me angry, like other people's prohibitions are keeping me from doing something I really want to do.

But god I hate people right now. :-(

I know the short answer is "get a life, then you won't care so much about this stupid shit."

But the thing is, as an ~artist~ (cue sound of violins playing and jack up the pretentiousness) my work p much *is* much life.

And yes, I know that lots of people don't consider fanfic to be art but I don't draw any difference between any of the things I do, drawing, writing, songwriting, fanfic, whatever. It all comes from the same place.

The damn shame of it is, is that all (or, nearly all) crit/reviewing of any kind of art/production is 'performed' by someone who got it/in free.

I liked John Lydon's comment to some music journalist who was 'discussing' why he was playing Sex Pistols songs during his PIL gigs, "Did you get in to the gig free? Yeah? You know, that's fine, that's OK, just don't come on like you're my employer!"

No, that's completely different. When someone is reviewing a gig, for the media, they are doing a job. They are paid for the service, that's fair enough. They are paid for their opinion, and they should write their considered opinion.

When someone does a free review (they chose to hit that "review" button and use their time, for free, to give their opinion) of a free piece of art, it's like... you chose, to spend your time and effort - just to be nasty to someone? Why?

(Actually, what would make me feel better would probably be to sign up with a fake name, find their shitty stories, and go through correcting their work like a total grammar pedant. But that would *really* be a waste of time.)

((What I am going to do is get off the internet, buy bananas for breakfast, and spend today drawing, in the style of Van Dyke, because I was reminded of how much I love him. My early sketchbooks are full of copies of his self portraits, looking very fey and Cavalier.))

I would also help if I could spell Van DYCK which I clearly can't.

He was such a honey.

http://www.studio-international.co.uk/studio-images/rubens-van-dyck10/RVD410-01-b.jpg

Fuck this, seriously. Exacerbated by PMT and sleep deprivation, I know.

um, maybe because they want to be that guy.

The one that gets paid to provide their opinion.

I think the distinction is that if you are putting your art up saying "pay me (or, someone) for this", then it 'invites' someone to say "no, it is not worth it"

Whereas if someone is doing it purely for the pleasure of it, it is rude to have someone else crapping on it purely because they think they can be Mr Book Reviewer.

(xposts, sorry took ages to think/type that.)

Yeah, that's almost there, but I don't think they're looking for a job as a reviewer - or if they are, they're seriously looking in the wrong place.

It's just like... yeah, I know there are two attitudes towards "Music Criticism."

There's a whole school of thought which is all, "if you're going to spend £10 on an album or a book or whatever, here's a guide to tell you whether it's worth buying." Which is what 90% of published music criticism really is, in a nutshell. (The other 10% being the lifestyle journalism which is all, "If you want to seem like X kind of a person, listen to X music.") In which case, harsh or negative reviews are totally part of the job, and to be expected. It actually takes some talent to review a record in this style, in a way that says "I can't stand this record, but if this description appeals to you, go ahead and blow your £10."

Obviously, there's the other school of criticism which is "OMG, I just love this artist SO SO MUCH, you need to hear this, you need to have this in your life, because this piece of art will just improve your life immeasurably in every way and make you as happy as I feel, when experiencing this art!" Which I obviously, personally love, because I like stupid things like passion and enthusiasm.

But the downside to that school of criticism is that kind of Whiney-Dom axis which is "I hate this so much that everyone who likes it is stupid and I aim to dislike it as actively as possible and make people hate themselves for liking it that they end up hating it as much as I do."

Which really makes me want to stab the world in the fucking eyeballs.

I don't actually think that any of these motivations were the motivations of the two bad reviews I just got, though, I honestly think they really just thought I needed to get taken down a peg.

You say they also 'write', are they competing for the same audience as you?

It's an amateur site! It's not like there's anything to compete for!

Like, what, did my story get more views or more reviews than theirs? Even I'm not that petty.

Just.

I had a bit of a moan about it, but I feel awful for feeling butthurt.

Wait, I know. I am the only writer to have used the word "santorum" in a Cheesecake. I win at ~lyfe~.

I think that one of the things that's going on is that fandom in general (not just RH fandom but the whole concept of fandom as this overarching thing) has changed a lot in the past decade or so. Original female characters as leads in fic are considered unfashionable and gauche now, as something that only old school authors or Twilight fans might do. It's weird, because as you say it all comes out of wish fulfillment, but for some reason that specific form of wish fulfillment is currently looked down upon.

No, trust me, female leads looked down on, back in 1995 when I first started publishing fan fiction on the web. They were looked down on the early 00s when I gave up and stopped writing fanfic. They were looked down on in 2007/8 when I started writing fanfic again. It is one of the near universals of fan fiction, for as long as I've been involved in fan fiction, that among many, many people, writing female leads is considered bad, awful, hated, and no matter how well developed the character is, will be derided as a "MarySue" or written off as a self insert. And it does not matter if the character *is* actually a MarySue or a self insert, it is actually the femaleness of the character that is so bad and hated. It's the same thinly disguised female loathing of femaleness that prompts female fans to specify "but I'm a ~real fan~ not - like those groupies!"

It is an attitude in fan fiction that I hate as much as I generally love the whole concept of fan fiction itself, and I have no time for it, no matter who it's coming from.

And when people talk about "wish fulfillment" and self inserts and JonnySues - my god. Everybody has their thing in any fandom that they hate. What I really particularly hate is those "Schoolboy Radiohead" stories that are set at a school which is not recognisable as *any* English boarding school, let alone Abingdon, but very clearly stinks of the suburban American high school where *that* particular writer happens to go, with all all her mates thinly disguised - *that* drives me up the fucking wall. But you know what? I recognise that's what many, many people, especially teenage girls, love in their fan fiction and *I* don't feel the need to go and leave snotty little comments on their stories telling them how I don't like them.

tl;dr: woman-hating women, active in your fandom since whenever.

I mean, the whole reason that E-Me! *featured* three central female leads in its headline stories was to counteract the endless parade of "thou shalt never write women" slash-centric fan fiction.

Whenever I spend any serious amount of time in fan fiction fandom, I come to the conclusion that I love fan fiction, but although I find slash titillating as a concept, I really fucking hate the weirdly inherent misogyny of many of its supporters.

I think it's slightly more complicated than that, because prominent original characters in general are regarded with a certain amount of suspicion or resentment, regardless of their gender and regardless of whether the fic is slash/femslash/het/gen. There's definitely a huge aspect of "eww, girls!" to the general attitude towards OFCs, but I think there's something else going on, though I'm not sure what motivates it.

It's inherent in pop culture at large - there's a reason that so many movies - AND SO MANY BANDS - fail the Bechdel test. Because they are programmed to.

How else do you get female characters into a narrative that has none? You either queer up the male characters and make slash, or you invent original characters and make MarySues.

I mean, I know *why* original characters have a bad rep, because of a million and one PotterSues clogging up the fanosphere. But that's a question of bad writing, not an inherent flaw in original characters. It is completely ironic, given how many other people - the vast majority of people who commented or emailed, actually - told me how much they had become attached to Fiona (the original character) and "Ruth" (the semi-canonical/semi-original) So much so that when I made the choice to end the story in the middle, rather than let it run on to the bit were the two original (female) characters' stories kind of started to dominate over the pop star - people actually started commenting and emailing me and asking me to finish it because they wanted to know how things worked out between the 3 central characters.

So, for once, I actually don't think I'm seeing things when I say, this was not actually a problem with original characters, this was a problem with a story dominated by *female* characters.

And given the ending of the story, it was actually really *ironic* that the snippy commenter said "wish fulfillment" - like, uuuhhh...

Anyway, this is kind of swinging too far from the political to the personal. I don't think it's any mystery why people dislike original characters, but I also don't think it's any mystery why some writers feel the *need* to insert (female) original characters. I get really tired of reading all-male world narratives all the time. Including even my beloved slash.

I know this is bitching about a bad review and blaming sexism, which is bad form, really.

But it's like... she has the right to hate my story. She has the right to hate all my characters and everything about the story. But when your complaint about a story is that it's "just wish fulfillment" because it's Het, while somehow STUFF THAT IS EQUALLY WISH FULFILLMENT but is all-male is somehow ... not?

I'm sick of all male worlds and all male narratives. I will disrupt them in any way possible.

I wish ILX came with a delete post button like every other forum in the universe, but I suppose if it did, I would have a post count of, like, 3 posts. :-(

Multiple x-posts (not read most of the thread).

If you like Mabey's Beechcombings, I'd also recommend Deakin's Wildwood and Notes from Walnut Tree Farm.

Some mentions here:

The Nature Reader

I'm sick of all male worlds and all male narratives. I will disrupt them in any way possible.

bring it

but be understanding

Well now several other regulars have said they thought it was unnecessary, she's being all "oh well I didn't think it was negative."

Oh well. Yeah and I don't think you're being disingenuous or even stupid, just incredibly insensitive.

But I am filled with anger and unhappy and PMT today so I will just avoid everything.

Why, if the internet is so boring and hateful, can't I ever seem to get off it?

ok. now i'm confused.
i thought WCC = Masonic Boom.

One is me on my iPhone which tends to be cheerful & playful (& full of spelling errors) coz I'm out & about, the other tends to be me on my desktop sat in my bedroom navelgazing and hating life. Sorry for the confusion.

ahh ! having no such gadgets, such a situation would never have occurred to me.

Americans be SPLAININ' P-Celtic to me. My a gar.

::rolls eyes::

Pur skwith ov, Ny wrav vy mos dhe yeth an werin, haneth. Gav dhymm.

You're probably not even reading this any more, Melissa, but... now it seems that they're just not approving updates to my story any more. Like, it had been sitting in the approval queue for several days now, and I thought that someone had gone on holiday (that's what happened before, the last time that happened) but now other stories are getting approved ahead of me.

And no one actually bothered getting in contact with me, to explain why (is it because of this one person who thought I was being *mean* about other stories I was actually praising, despite the fact that I explained exactly what I meant, and no one else who read the story thought I was?) or anything like that, it's just.... nothing.

I'm so bad tempered and insomniac and PMT right now that any little thing is going to set me off crying, but this is just really pissing me off.

I hate everything, and everyone right now. Why does everything have to be so damned difficult? I know that everyone thinks I'm awkward and horrible and a pain in the arse, and they usually wish I would just go away, but why does it have to be so fraught, the one thing that was bringing me any pleasure?

Everything i do turns to shit. Always.

I really need to put some kind of time-lock on my modem so I can't get on the internet at 4am when I'm feeling like that. It's never as bad the next morning, and it's embarrassing to see your midnight paranoia all out there.

Maybe they're going in reverse chronological order? It's all a bit haphazard there, things can get missed. I don't think that many people have access to the approval queue so things can get a bit backed up if someone's not on top of it all. I very much doubt that your story has been deemed unacceptable or anything.

Yeah some of the other girls said they were waiting on updates for their stories, too.

I got totally paranoid bcz one of the admins said that my latest story was "making fun of" otter stories when that was the last thing I was doing, I was actually showing huge amounts of affection + love for fan fiction in general and those authors in particular but expressed through the mouth of a sarcastic Brit.

But it's really impossible for me to be objective about stuff like that when it's 4am and I'm in the grips of the black dog and I go into that kind of flailing panic of paranoia.

I hate my brain, I hate what it does to me sometimes.

Other stories not otter stories.

Jonny as an otter would be great, though. Ha!

Eep. So I have a job interview next week. Apparently.

Oh paper it looks like a great match but oh boy I'm not sure I'm prepared to start actually going for this again.

Excellent! Plus!

It'd mean going back to Financial Services, too, when I was pretty keen to stay on the Medical side of data but, argh.

Does anyone know any good SQL tests online? I took one as practice but I got 100% (on 15 questions) in like 2 and a half minutes so I think I need a harder test. (What's the difference between WHERE and HAVING? Come on! Too easy.)

Great news! I don't know of any hard SQL tests though, sorry.

I've just knocked off work for the day, it is... nearly half past midnight, and I'm not nearly done with the doings that need doing, but my brain has kind of gone crunch so y'know, sooner or later you have to try and switch off. But how? I'm so wired now my jaw feels like it's on fire and my eyes are trying to crawl out of the backs of my eye sockets and hide in my brain-space.

k are we both learning sql to get out of the medical data field

cause that would be weird