make up some fake, inscrutable adages and post them here

because why should the sandbox have all the fun

guys don't make passes
at tupperware classes

if you can't pick a zit with it, don't get upset with it

a three-legged man needn't suffer the runs

i was gonna but

yeah, it's pretty annoying. maybe i delete it.

the passing of a sixteenth bishop occurs only on a waxing crescent

the truth whispered from god to bjork will come to truth when the krill grow legs

it is what it is, a zit

You've seen one hongro, you've seen them all.

putting the kart before the mario

if you've never had it, you can't say you've never had had it

the oily baby never sleeps

thread of this guy

http://www.jrj-socrates.com/Cartoon%20Pics/Cartoon%20Network/Ed%20Edd%20&%20Eddy/Rolf_300.gif

clean linen oft hid a pissy mattress

hmm that's scrutable tbf

you've got to lick it before you click it

a stick in the guts is easier than a kick in the nuts

absent friends make for bigger rooms

if spring is a hat, then summer is a cape

The third harvest of the year often withers the scythe.

bricks make the brother

why buy a book when it's springtime in Shanghai?

otm

People who live in glass houses should not grow trees

A bird in the hand is worth it.

Be Patient: God loves a ciggie.

There are more things in your bag than there are in that dude's knapsack.

Painting is next to Cleethorpes.

Going Commando is a bad idea in a good invasion.

I could do these all day, but I shall stop with one I actually heard one small boy say to a small girl.

"My dad says your mum's stupid"

the yolk of oppression is yellow as the sun and as runny as the nile

Many a fan has been fluttered in the face of an owl

If you want the butcher's best, be gracious to your guest.

[You're] as predictable as a wooden book.

(actually heard someone say this once)

Shepherds' pats on your cheese slats

Morning is showing picture of a pony to a milkman.

A mug from a place you've never been/is sure to catch the whole world's sin.

you don't stifle a fart by holding it in, but by destroying the source of the methane

The tweaking midwife always spills the bongwater of the expectant mother.

If you can't trust a man, then you surely can't leave your house

A fart a day can make your troubles seem square.

If you want to win, make your opponent sleep backwards

Wear a scarf in the summer? Someone barfed on your mother.

"Just because it rhymes
doesn't mean it's true"

step on a crack, call the council.

talk like you're wistful. walk like you're full of wind.

Penny time is any time you huff a puff of rye.

New friends sit on your lap
Old friends give you dap

it takes a rabbit to scare a miser

When a loved one dies, don't be sad
Cos you can take their stuff

Always listen to your parents
And get a stenographer to write it down
Then later in life, when they're on their deathbeds
Body them with their lies

and take their stuff

an ex-gf was incredibly funny w these (she used to do them in the voice of steve earle's character in the wire) but i cannot remember any of them because none of them made enough sense to remember. just remember not being able to breathe.

men seldom make passes, much like inert gases

find a penny on the floor
Ned Beatty will come through your door

If you can't see the forest, you can't hear the tree.

Bodhidharma would have been all over this thread

When the wind blows, the wind knows

One sweater, never better
Two or more, your father's a whore

Red sky at night, shepherds' delight
Red sky in the morning, horrible morning

You dont react to the shark, you react to the other fish in the shoal

remember, when your pants are down around your ankles- that's the time to pull your socks up

when you're in a crater, stop gravitating

No need to make any up, literal translations of extant proverbs from other languages will suffice. To wit:

'Whether you like it or not, drink up the holy water, Gregory!'

'Placenta ahead, war backwards.'

'Like the Turk and his gun.'

Hm, let's see, reckon you can work out what at least one of these is meant to convey

The dog doesn't catch the mouse
Three monks have no water to drink
One turnip, one hole
The candle illuminates others, yet destroys itself
Nine cows and one cow hair

Or the classic "people mountain people sea"

first there is a people then there is no people then there is

if you are a big tree you have a small hand

happy knife, happy life

Only a pony rolls a blank stone

win at bingo, watch yo twin go

a hand in the bush is better than being bankrupt

seek not riches, seek out bitches

sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes you just have the peanuts

win at bingo, watch yo twin go

― a wagging to the furious (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 17 September 2019 12:59 (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yo la tengo

life is a marathon, not a snickers

there's a mile of shit 'twixt the ox and the abattoir

an inch of foreskin, a pound of forebrain
a spoonful of glans, a head full of sense

you can't see the moon through a borrowed spyglass

We're always a tithe away from theosis.

It's better to have a swallow at the table than a stallion in a stable

two burnt cakes does not one unburnt cake make

Two whereabouts do not a what make.

A whale can't see its own tail

A sack of shit is always too heavy

↑ good one, it just rings eternally true.

you can't yoke an ox to a ploughing engine

A spoonful today will taste ok
A spoonful tomorrow will taste of sorrow

a chandler never askses
an axeman where his wax is
an axeman never quandaries
where a laundrer keeps his laundries

Refrain from peeing through a keyhole
And putting keys inside your peehole

boil the lance before lancing the boil

^vg

If your butt feels sour, use that internal power

even a watched clock never boils

A swallowed turd does not coprophagia make.

Where there’s a will, there’s a corpse

clean arsehole, clean mind

two wrongs don't make a right; but two rights send you into oncoming traffic

the mintier the julep, the prettier the baby.