How to Exit a Room Like a Man offers these helpful suggestions, each of which are followed by a full explanatory paragraph:
1. Know when to leave.
2. Stand up.
3. Hold out your hand.
4. Say “Thanks!” and “Goodbye.”
5. Gather your things.
6. Walk to the door with confidence.
7. Open the door.
8. Walk away.
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:49 (twelve years ago) link
the fuck
7.5. Fart authoritatively.
― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:51 (twelve years ago) link
h8 this shitt so bad
― brad whitford, witchfynder general (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:52 (twelve years ago) link
omitting Step 7 can have tragic consequences:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z14eZN7ZjA
― gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:52 (twelve years ago) link
2.5 Get dressed.
― Terje Chocolate Orange (seandalai), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:53 (twelve years ago) link
200. There's actually only one woman. She has been replicating herself for untold millennia. Across the ages, her characteristics and needs and desires are exactly the same across all iterations of this single extant woman, incarnated in billions of variable forms. A man is a person. "Woman" is a breed.
― brad whitford, witchfynder general (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:56 (twelve years ago) link
the unspoken subtext here - and in PUA guides - of helpless, infantile ineptitude - the inability to even be an authentic example of your own gender - is kind of heartbreaking in a way
― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:58 (twelve years ago) link
10. Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.
― отдых в Крыму! (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:59 (twelve years ago) link
Don't know if that includes area or shape.
― отдых в Крыму! (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:00 (twelve years ago) link
idk at a glance like 60% of the articles on AoM are how to affect anachronistic or stereotypical masculine bahaviors, 20% are survival skills you will never actually use, and the remaining 20% are fundamental skills that anyone could benefit from but who cares because all that matters is that you can cook bacon... LIKE A MAN.
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:01 (twelve years ago) link
I do rule 74 a lot
― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:02 (twelve years ago) link
right, and 100% of those things are meant to wallpaper over the vast cracks of insecurity that the target audience apparently feels
like, women are assumed to just be themselves (for better or worse) but men have to be instructed how to be themselves, or at least how to be something more than a worthless piece of shit not fit to feed the pigs with
― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:02 (twelve years ago) link
I am dying at "how to leave a room like a man"
― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:03 (twelve years ago) link
(and i suppose in this way men's mags have finally caught up to women's mags)
xpost
― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:03 (twelve years ago) link
It's p much a race to the bottom, tbh.
― Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:05 (twelve years ago) link
how to leave a room is even more hilarious than I thought it would be
― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:09 (twelve years ago) link
is it a choose your own adventure
― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:09 (twelve years ago) link
2. Stand up. When they feel it’s time to leave, most folks start to squirm in their seat and say things like, “Weeelll…. it’s getting late.” Then they just keep on sitting on their duffs looking awkwardly at their watch. Don’t dilly dally. If you’re ready to leave, then show that you are. Standing up shows you’re committed to leaving.Now, don’t be abrupt about it. That’s just as awkward as squirming in your seat and looking side-to-side for a means to escape. Stand-up smoothly and confidently. While you’re standing, simply say, “Well I must be leaving.” Never give an excuse for why you have to leave. An excuse can make your hostess feel unimportant and force you to sheepishly explain yourself all the way to the door.If you want to be particularly suave about your transition from sitting to standing, try this trick. When you’re ready to leave, wait for a pause in the conversation and start a short story. Make it an engrossing, entertaining story. You want to leave them laughing. As you tell the story, start standing up. You can even start putting on your coat and hat as you spin your yarn. Walk next to your host when you reach the story’s climax. Give a quick wink to the group, and…3. Hold out your hand.
Now, don’t be abrupt about it. That’s just as awkward as squirming in your seat and looking side-to-side for a means to escape. Stand-up smoothly and confidently. While you’re standing, simply say, “Well I must be leaving.” Never give an excuse for why you have to leave. An excuse can make your hostess feel unimportant and force you to sheepishly explain yourself all the way to the door.
If you want to be particularly suave about your transition from sitting to standing, try this trick. When you’re ready to leave, wait for a pause in the conversation and start a short story. Make it an engrossing, entertaining story. You want to leave them laughing. As you tell the story, start standing up. You can even start putting on your coat and hat as you spin your yarn. Walk next to your host when you reach the story’s climax. Give a quick wink to the group, and…
― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:11 (twelve years ago) link
No. 214 : "Do not touch the hiney unless you have earned her trust"― Latham Green, Wednesday, June 8, 2011 1:39 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
misread this as the whiney and wondered if area51 had visited the untranny valley in the interim
― princess timtam (cozen), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:15 (twelve years ago) link
fwiw i feel really bad for the kid whose dad wrote all those fucking rules for
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:23 (twelve years ago) link
316. Don’t stare directly into a dog’s eyes.
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:25 (twelve years ago) link
unless you have peanut butter on your nads.
― Bert Macklin, F.B.I. (thebingo), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:29 (twelve years ago) link
why is everyone so bossy about this shit, is what i want to know
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:41 (twelve years ago) link
xp nuts on your nuts
― got a whole lotta gloves (snoball), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:43 (twelve years ago) link
i like the dad one...maybe cuz im a dad.
― Bert Macklin, F.B.I. (thebingo), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:47 (twelve years ago) link
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llqug66eTM1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg
this just confuses me. real men don't carry change??
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:05 (twelve years ago) link
how are you supposed to carry change except with an effeminate little-girl beaded change purse in the shape of chococat's head? i ask u
― A B C, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:08 (twelve years ago) link
I thknk probably actually do the opposite of every hence suggested
― Latham Green, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:10 (twelve years ago) link
http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/22858893_oZxOI8gB_c.jpg
yeah no, don't do that.
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:17 (twelve years ago) link
The "dime" thing -- is that about the PUA rating system? Being a ten? I'm so confused.
― Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:18 (twelve years ago) link
http://blackbroadcasting.com/7/wp-content/upLoads/2010/06/macho-men_hic.jpg
― Latham Green, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:21 (twelve years ago) link
yea dime = a ten
so remember that while "confidence is sexy" you should never have that much self-esteem
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:22 (twelve years ago) link
um, that is the exact opposite of what that piece of advice is incoherently trying to say...?
― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:23 (twelve years ago) link
by the same person / people, apparently:
Problems and Advices (sic)
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:23 (twelve years ago) link
ha dan i swear i'm not trying to misinterpret these things i just apparently have serious trouble understanding
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:25 (twelve years ago) link
i mean, who uses coins anyway? fags, that's who!
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:27 (twelve years ago) link
guys everyone knows that you keep coins in a jar at home so that, if you're like me, you can turn them in once a year and make $$$
ps i made $160 last week from stupid gay coins, eat it losers!!!
― cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:28 (twelve years ago) link
the "men don't carry change" thing doesn't really make sense, and isn't really a thing, it's just a dumb play on "dime"
― goole, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:28 (twelve years ago) link
anyway, am i wrong in detecting some race-y type crap in that one?
― goole, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:29 (twelve years ago) link
"DO not have pillow fights with her unless she wants to"
― Latham Green, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:30 (twelve years ago) link
i dunno if i've learned anything today except for "crowdsourcing on tumblr is a horrible thing"
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:31 (twelve years ago) link
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj3rnn7j91qj29d6o1_500.jpg
My head just exploded.
― DSMOS has arrived (kenan), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:32 (twelve years ago) link
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll0zpivILZ1qj29d6o1_500.jpg
A cop will tell you in a half a second that someone who always looks you directly in the eye is lying to you.
― DSMOS has arrived (kenan), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:35 (twelve years ago) link
stare her down, bro
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:38 (twelve years ago) link
Maybe a compromise would be eye contact/staring at boobs.
― отдых в Крыму! (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:41 (twelve years ago) link
Her boobs, of course, to clarify.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkxfd5ghMo1qj29d6o1_500.jpg
this is just the worst advice. i know several women who would be fucking appalled that some twee blog-reading asshole in a bowtie would just pick them up & spin them around. some women don't like being tossed about!
― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:47 (twelve years ago) link
yeah but a fair amount of cop wisdom is essentially handed-down stuff that's not actually true. "someone who [exhibits x behavior] is lying to you" = the same sort of shitty reasoning that informs the stuff we're talking about here.
― brad whitford, witchfynder general (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:47 (twelve years ago) link
"... she'll love it"
*shudders*