itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

strangely hurt and jilted tone to this one.

No.200 - now I know this is a joke. "I love how he only fights with me when nobody's watching. It makes me feel special".

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llbjugEajG1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

wasn't this a rick astley b-side??

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

IDIOT. ARE YOU GETTING THIS, IDIOT? OMG WHAT AN IDIOT.

lol xp

Elmo that's why I think that the author is being facetious. It's just too ridiculous.

if this is a joke it's actually hilarious

but it isn't a joke.

That last one Local Garda posted is so so creepy.

i can assure you that no matter the intent, this shit gets reblogged in total sincerity. i can't go on tumblr to look at menswear blogs without one of these bits of fucked up advice popping up on my dashboard.

no. 200: "let her know there's a private world that you and her share that is chock-full of acrimony and bitterness"

djp i really don't have a problem with promoting courtesy, respect, civility, discretion, & other 'gentlemanly' virtues, whatever, but a lot of this 'advice' is just weighed down with so much gender insecurity and total cluelessness.

All I'm saying is that the tone you were seeing in the initial ones you posted seemed like they were reaching for the worst possible interpretation; out of context from some of the later ones, I don't think they are terrible pieces of advice, but taken as a whole I totally agree with you.

http://img2.wantitall.co.za/images/ShowImage.aspx?ImageId=Family-Guy-Diamonds-Sticker-S-FG-0054|31wmBnQcB0L.jpg

http://www.crazymadwriter.com/Images/crazy%20eyes.jpg

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll2on5oLch1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljzur7fWyc1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Advice from a jaded bitter dude there.

I think Noel G and Scholesy need to submit a few entries.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll2okcnVuy1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

finally the way my ex used to bite her lip during non-commital discussions of the future explained

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljqerv4i6B1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

!!!!!

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljyl466UB51qj29d6o1_500.jpg

braggin'

#74 actually works, btw

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkpmnbXjlf1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

let's face it

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljkzxilan01qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Go on. Be that guy.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljxtvj5Py91qj29d6o1_500.jpg

author obv think all women are incapable of recognising good music from bad

hahahahahahahahahahaha oh I would love to see someone terrible at music try #134 on ANY of my musical friends

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk9ot3WjoC1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

if you imagine these as written by a paedophile many make a more sinister form of sense.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj385YA5V1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7514/340xandyplatesrantflv.jpg

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk5t36czyz1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"i've just been to the doctors, it's extremely bad ne"

"SHUT UP DARLING!"

i can assure you that no matter the intent, this shit gets reblogged in total sincerity. i can't go on tumblr to look at menswear blogs without one of these bits of fucked up advice popping up on my dashboard.

― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:11 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

OK if that's true than that's completely fucked up.

"Write a song for her. Even if it's shit you'll be kneee deep in clunge"

braggin'

― blueski, Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:14 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

LOL

CLUNGE!?

ewwwwww

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljlam6uGoq1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Not quite sure what this one means in all honesty.

x-post I think that only gash might be worse euphemism.

Yeah, 34. What does it even mean?

If a girl admits that she likes _____, know that it took every ounce of courage in her to say that.

haha dan i was kinda o_0 at the gentlemanly wisdom of "if you give her sperm she'll give you a baby" i mean

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk7100rtQJ1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Str8 rapey this one.

http://beerinnprint.co.uk/images/products/large/1711.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljs613eoGi1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

submitted by Garu G

This must be a guerilla viral for the new Inbetweeners series, surely?

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljwjk5cWwe1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

my mind is blown dude. rewriting the rulebook!

#34 is "it's about the personality"

haha dan i was kinda o_0 at the gentlemanly wisdom of "if you give her sperm she'll give you a baby" i mean

well obv that is ridiculous and not necessarily true, but that's not really the important part of the advice, which is "don't be a dick to her"

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/365-days-307---.html

are there any actually non-crazy bits of advice here?

a couple but not many

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljqpa5EyFV1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

She will be aroused by the increased chance of you being attacked or run over.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljuysncTdv1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

ahahahahahahahahaha

78 is strange

"Never aggressively roar at her to question whether she should be living in your town"

hmmm...weird, anyone shed any light??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTKi6V6qCBk

the good grammer one is sort of odd coming from someone who is responsible for the sentence "boobs or butts doesn't matter". also "bro's"

grammer, yes

we have noticed a few people sending in messages regarding the similarity between

http://therulesofagentleman.tumblr.com/

&

http://etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com/

For all we know, we started this blog before them and theirs was made recently

For all we know!

78 is strange

"Never aggressively roar at her to question whether she should be living in your town"

hmmm...weird, anyone shed any light??

― MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE LIVING HERE!! (Local Garda), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:24 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

OMG

I died.

there's a paradox at the root of all this: that to sufficiently pursue "manliness" is to more or less call your own manliness into question. I think advertisers get around that by knowingly ironizing masculinity (like those diet dr. pepper commercials) so that your investment/detachment from notions of masculinity can always be subject to a kind of plausible deniability. hence you can enjoy your constructed "manliness" as derived from consumer choices while also being so manly as to know that your manliness is a real inherent quality not affected by consumer choices etc.

Yeah, this is a thing with hegemonic masculinity that's discussed a lot in gender studies and critical men's studies: that one of the basic tenets of the hegemonic ideal masculinity is that a "real man" is self-sufficient, but another equally important tenet is that his masculinity needs to be constantly reaffirmed by other men. This is identified as the driving force beneath such masculine phenomena as bragging about your sexual conquests; it isn't enough to just know you've had sex with such and such beautiful women, other men need to know about it too, so that they can reaffirm your masculinity.

So stereotypical masculinity, which is often thought to be "innate" and "natural", is just as performative as stereotypical femininity, which is sometimes derided as "artificial" because of its use of make-up, clothes and other such signifiers. The masculine performance just requires other kinds of building blocks, but it's no more "natural" than performing any other social position.

I wrote my gender studies thesis on masculinity in Finnish rap music, and I had to think a lot about all this stuff, about how masculinity is performed, particularly with all the sex stories that are as common in the local rap music here as they are in its American counterpart. I included this joke to my text, because I think it's a nice summation of how hegemonic masculinity requires constant affirmation to work:

A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford.
They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree.
"What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?"
"A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it.
"Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?"
"Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right."
"Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"

Can we get into the cultural connotations of "peacocking" and how that factors into masculinity for a second? Because ryan's explanation doesn't make any sense to me in the context of why African-American men would wear brightly-colored clothing.

Critical men's studies writers like R.W. Connell would say that, at least in larger societies, there isn't just one form of hegemonic masculinity; different social groups and subcultures can have their own variations of "real" masculinity. So in mainstream African-American culture "peacocking" may be a way of performing hegemonic masculinity, even if it isn't so in mainstream WASP culture. Though obviously ideals of masculinity vary not just within different social groups but within history too: in 18th century Europe, for example, something similar to "peacocking" was a part of hegemonic masculinity, at least among the upper classes.

And you don't even necessarily have to belong to the hegemonic group of straight white men to come up with your own pecking order of masculinities. For example, I've noticed that some gay men who identify as bears deride more feminine gay men for being "twinks", i.e. for not being "real" men like they themselves feel they are.

guilty lol at that joke

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2b/3b/35/2b3b35921c282686efe7e265ebc46d3b.jpg

50/50 on trading my balls for fully functional wings

never mix whiskey and red bull btw

I mean, in your stomach is fine. But not in a glass. No sir.

I want to say I was 16, maybe. My family went to Florida. I was—and still am—a passionate SCUBA diver. The water is the only place I feel graceful. I went by myself on a dive boat. There was me and maybe six other divers—all big, brawny men. I felt very small and hairless.

— Chris Jones (@EnswellJones) July 17, 2020

Incredible

i get irrationally annoyed at the "i can't stop thinking about..." framework, but for the first time in forever, i read that and now i really can't stop thinking about that part at the end where one of the guys is lamenting that they didn't use cups instead

Stick around for this sub-thread too

It's all sorts of insanity like that. Last year I went to Cozumel on a dive trip with my dad and brother. The one guy on our boat spent the entire trip grilling me on why I didn't like Donald Trump, and then in the resort pool...

— Dr. Buck Mulligan (@MorganBALROG) July 17, 2020

the story is almost certainly fiction but at least it was funny

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lllm5lhVHy1qktoezo1_400.png

i can't turn my <3 into a condom

the skull and crossbones condom is great because it hurts so badly

Deuteronomytip #1016

Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and put on a heart condom