Lies the Disney Channel Has Taught My Children

1. Just be yourself and everybody will respect you.

2. Kids can live happily and safely with minimal adult supervision.

3. Wearing a wig renders you unrecognisable to your closest acquaintances.

4. Lemmings hurl themselves off cliffs when their population gets too large.

5. Every teenage girl's best friend is kooky.

6. If you can't make the right decision using the evidence at hand, a large red arrow will likely be along to indicate the best option. Which is also very likely to be spelled out to you by a group of disembodied children.

7. Platypi make excellent secret agents.

7. Platypi make excellent secret agents.

― baubles to the wall (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, December 22, 2010 11:47 AM (5 seconds ago) Bookmark

I'd like to believe that one is true tbh.

8. You will live a life free of bitterness, rancour and the encroaching shadow of death.

9. Listen to your heart and you'll always make the right decision.

9. Tasks are fun!

9. How many is nine?

9. Posting to ilx from a phone, the site will still notify you about xposts

13 or something. Repeating a single phrase will forever free you from all mental turmoil and stress.

It annoys me at the end of every episode how fast Mickey and his friends disappear from the gate before the camera pans out.

(Check it around :45)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wePMYM4av6Q

And then from out of nowhere, the little rodent is back, about 300 yards from where he should be.

10. You can stop bullying. This is a lie, kids have been cruel to other kids since the beginning of time.

15. Clean jokes are funny too, or so the laugh track seems to think.

Some of my favourite jokes are clean! Also you can't stop the concept of "bullying", but you can line dance on a bully's nards until he learns valuable life lessons.

16. It's okay to put no effort into your schoolwork and exploit everybody who cares about you as long as you have a shaky grasp on magic.

everyone except noodle vague needs to stop posting in/ruining this excellent thread

He should probably start a blog if he doesnt want other people to participate?

nah i have no problem with people participating.

17. Attractive and socially popular 16 year-olds consider kissing somebody on the cheek in a public space "3rd base".

18. An obnoxious sociopathic pre-teen is the ideal manager for your small business.

19. People who don't have English accents are not to be trusted.

20. While personal attributes may apply to a number of people, they may especially apply to Raven.

21. The people worth knowing are either attractive or funny, but never both, and the funny ones don't really matter after all.

22. Do unto others as you would have thBLAM!

23. America is a post-racial melting pot but Indians are consistently fucking hilarious

24. Dear Bella Thorne and Zendaya, if fashion is your kryptonite, does that mean it weakens you and can be fatal if you get too close to it?

25. http://www.theculturemom.com/the-sassiness-of-kids-tv/

no joke i am broadly sympathetic to what this woman says

actually i meant to post this one

http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/children-media-safety/sassy-kids-watching-sassy-tv.shtml

hey i'm part of a movement

26. I kinda miss the Disney Channel and most of it is Dostoevsky compared to that reality show about the Canadian dance school.