i hate my father

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― anthony, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought of you yesterdat. I was reading a book on Barthes. Apparently we (Westerns) see sexuality in everything except in sex. As opposed to the Japanese; who only see sexuality in sex. I can't comprehend it. I told my friend that this obv means I am Western and will never comprehend the Japanese culture.

― nathalie, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't hate mine: he never gave me a reason to, he is a gentle nice man

― mark s, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like my dad.

― jel --, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like mine too, now. I had several years of serious dislike, incomprehension, apathy, disgust and other such awfullery. What happened? I chose the high road, and he was walking on it and I ran him down in my mustang. hehe just kidding love you Dad.

― jeskam, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i hate my father. my parents are going to send my little brother to a terrible boys high school in oamaru. i told them "don't send him there, he'll get the shit beaten out of him". my dad said "well that'll straighetn him out". then went on to rant about how the next door neighbours kid is going to a co-ed high school, and "he'll end up a poof". oh stop the world i wanna get off.

― queenoftheharpies, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i wish i had custody of my brother.

― queenoftheharpies, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

well i'm drunk while typing, yes, but i've thought about this a llot and i really do think i could do a better job of raising my brother than mum and dad.

― queenoftheharpies, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Good enough for me. I hate your father too Anthony!

― Dan I., Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my dad was good. but he died. he left me a bunch of $$$, i mostly stuck it into my arm.

― unknown or illegal user, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My father died 10 years ago, and I still miss him so much it hurts.

Please don't hate your father. I expect you'll turn into him one day. That's something to look forward to.

Cheered up yet?

― C J, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Words could not do justice to how nice my father is. He is 60 now and I dread the day he will be gone.

― Julio Desouza, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

do you? why?

― Queen G of the &th day apocalyptic sandwiches, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont have the best relationship with my father, but its ok. a friend once told me a story: he was attending some sort of workshop/lecture thing, and the audience was told to close their eyes and think about thier mothers. after a minute, everyone opened their eyes and calmly looked around the room. then they were told to close their eyes and think about their fathers. when eyes opened, many in the room had tears on their cheeks.

i'm thinking some other element of the event probably had folks already in an emotional state, but still i found this interesting

― Ron, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Was it a big girly wuss convention?

― dr daif, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My father died about twenty years ago. He was okay. I pretty much hate my mother instead.

― Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(Ron: I'm guessing it's because emotional connections with mothers are, in the west, a lot more public and open and encouraged and face- value "yr mom loves you and you love yr mom" -- while relationships with fathers are, with our gender roles, much more vexed and complex and demanding and mythologized and such.)

― nabisco%%, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't really know what kind of event it was, but it does sound like one of those male bonding - get in touch with yrself - drum circle - hugging sort of deals. heh. nitsuh, yes. i agree that the emotional veins of most father/son relationships run deep below the surface and don't see the light of day often.

― Ron, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I dont really know my father. He fucking annoys me most of the time but he's my dad so I feel some sense of duty to put up with his antagonism. Why do u hate your dad, anthony, if u dont mind me asking?

― Michael Bourke, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I hate mine too and it has nothing to do witht he 20 thousand in back payments he weasled his way out of.

― Mr Noodles, Thursday, 27 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my father is a stupid cowardly worthless piece of dna. Not only did he victimize and rape a huge number of women (inc. aunts on both sides of the family) before I was born but he started sexually molesting my at age 4. At the time he told me if I said anything my mother would leave us and it would be all my fault. Given that I had a newborn baby brother I believed him and carried this burden till the time when I was 13. Finally he was convicted of not only raping me but several neighborhood girls.

Currently he has served 16 of a 25 year sentence. Since he continually writes me things such as "I will always think of you as an ex-girlfriend" despite my attempts to remain completely detached and anonymous from him, I will fight his parole every step of the way.

I have had extensive therapy and am doing my best to move on. For the most part I think I have succeeded. But this success shall end when he is released as I will do whatever it takes to put a bullet through his heart. It's only what he deserves.

― Ms. S., Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

because he is sick and refuses to get help
because he plays passive agressive power games
because he is on welfare
because all of his clothes are torn and fetid
because i am worried i am him

― anthony, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you are not him sweetie.

because, many abusers turn out to abuse as well does not mean we should throw in the towel.

my father was molested by a man. Well tough fucking shit. that did not give him license to fuck up dozens of people's lives.

my life is screwed b/c of his weakness and sickness. I would rather commit suicide than to resort to his pathology. But I don't have to. I'm smarter and more capable than he could ever HOPE TO BE. I am a better person.

So fuck him and fuck every other piece of shit sorry excuse for a goddamn embryo that attempted to justify their pathetic exsistence by making someone else miserable.

I will (and already have) out trump them all by being more successful than every pathetic abusive cum victim piece of shit worthless being ever was. And if ever I feel, in any instant, that I might fail to live up to this standard. . than I will have THE FUCKING COURAGE to take myself out.

Because someone else hurt them gives nobody the right to continue to hurt. THEY WILL PAY.

― Ms. S., Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my father is an ass. He cheated on my mother for years and left us with nothing. No phone, no electricity, and no food. Granted we had a place to stay but that lasted a month. He could have cared less. My sister was also recovering from cancer at the time and he did nothing about it. Eventually he had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the nuthouse for sometime. That was ten years ago. Obviously my parents are divorced now . He tries to be father of the year these days, but I can see right through his bullshit. So I speak with the man now, but can't stand the sight of him.

― Chris, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In light of the previous posts, all I'll say is that my father's a great guy -- and that, clearly, I lucked out.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I echo Ned. (SHOCKER)

― Dan Perry, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah--I got very lucky too. My parents are my heroes: eccentric, but incredibly kind and supportive to everyone around them. They know how to enjoy life, and they think in the long term. (My father won a bit more of my adoration when he showed me how he'd spent five years or so developing a set of tools and procedures he used in his work, and how it'd paid off for him.)

― Douglas, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Just read some of these posts after not checking thread for days. I'm lucky as well.

― Julio Desouza, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like my parents. I live with them so we annoy each other but they're good people.

― Maria, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

i hate my dad he blames for every thing

― jason, Tuesday, 30 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know your Dad Anthony, but I'm sure he cares a lot about you. Please don't hate your father. Try to make friends, as there may come a time that you no longer have him. I think you would feel terribly sad.

― Gale, Wednesday, 31 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~hiatus/lizzo/driveway.jpg
It's true, and it's me in the photo

― halo halo, Thursday, 1 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I hate mine too. Maybe its just not hate, but i get the feeling i would have been much happier if i never knew him.

― Deepu Joseph, Saturday, 10 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know what to think about my dad. I love him, but I have mixed feelings about him sometimes, mainly because he was a mean, verbally abusive alcoholic throughout my childhood.

Now he's a recovering alcoholic and probably one of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet. But that doesn't mean I can pretend like all of those years where he was a total bastard never happened, thus the mixed feelings.

― anon, Saturday, 10 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I know exactly what you mean about the 'nicest person after recovery from alcoholism' thing. I have that problem with a parent in my family. It's really hard to know how to relate to someone after things they did to you when they were drunk - and weren't drunk, but in a foul hungover mood. And of course many alcoholics are charming and good at convincing people they don't know very well of their sweetness, which leads to further confusion.

― anon2, Saturday, 10 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It really sucks that shy people who don't drink and take drugs don't get more credit for it.

― anon2, Saturday, 10 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It really sucks that shy people who don't drink and take drugs don't get more credit for it.

i hate it when people who are normally shy get commended by idiots for "coming out of their shell", when all it is is drugs talking.

― anon3, Saturday, 10 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

five months pass...

I don't like my father either. He was/is a bitter, angry, hurtful, slithering, cowardly, cocksucking being. (I won't even call him a man because he never acted like one.) I don't hate him so much as I loathe him. He tries to be a nice guy now that we are older but I can see right through it. What a fucking worm. Most every day of my life is spent trying to not be him. Sometimes I am severely dissapointed. I inherited his temper. He used to beat me and mom. (I think my sister was too young but I don't remember, alot of it is blocked out.) Honestly, I think the only thing I will feel sad about at graveside is that I didn't get a normal loving father. I got one of THE BIGGEST snakes to crawl the earth for a dad. I feel like I can break the curse by not having children. I dunno. This thread has really helped me though. It's nice to see I am not alone and not so confused about how I am SUPPOSED to feel.

― dontlikedad, Friday, 10 January 2003 08:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I haven't had any contact with my father since I was 15, when he called me drunk one night for the first time in five years and asked what I wanted for my birthday; "you're not going to get me anything, so don't ask," I said; he insisted, so I said baseball cards mostly to shut him up, and lo and behold, that's the last I ever heard of him. previous to that he treated my mother like shit; then again, he was 17 and she 14 when I was born, so you can't expect them to have had the most sophisticated relationship to begin with. (not that either are stupid per se, just naive.) for a couple years he took me out for weekends (between 8 and 10) but other than that he's never been around. I can't hate him, really; it's like hating a ghost. my mom saw him recently at a funeral; apparently he's, um, looked better.

one of the most jarring moments of my life was looking in the mirror a few years ago, around the time my hairline began receding, and realizing I looked just like him. I wasn't angry or horrified; it was just one of those realizations that adds a certain gravity to your life.

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 10 January 2003 08:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Wow. I know what you mean. Especially the whole looking like him thing. But I feel we can be better and learn from all of it. Like working out at a gym or eating right, not drinking etc. Then you won't look like him later. At least that's my theory.

― dontlikedad, Saturday, 11 January 2003 01:10 (twenty-three years ago)

And of course trying not to act like him (all of our bad dads) is a no-brainer. We can do better if we make a conscious effort.

― dontlikedad, Saturday, 11 January 2003 01:11 (twenty-three years ago)

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