Battleship...the movie

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Oh dear.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 September 2009 22:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

...Checkmate

cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 16 September 2009 22:56 (5 years ago) Permalink

CHUTES & LADDERS: THE MOVIE has to be next, right?

Alex in SF, Wednesday, 16 September 2009 23:12 (5 years ago) Permalink

Connect Four? Mahjongg?

OMG I actually want to attempt a screenplay for Minesweeper.

franny glass, Wednesday, 16 September 2009 23:17 (5 years ago) Permalink

Ridley Scott is attached to a Monopoly adaptation. I wish I was kidding.

So they've mined the Disneyworld rides, and they're working on the Milton Bradley boardgames next... I can only assume that a big-screen Captain Crunch adventure is just around the corner. Color me jazzed.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Wednesday, 16 September 2009 23:50 (5 years ago) Permalink

The phrase "Ridley Scott's Monopoly" has me confused as to which universe I am in.

adamj, Thursday, 17 September 2009 00:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

11 months pass...

This is about to start principal photography, and stars Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgard, and Rihanna.

The budget is over $200 million. The plot involves the navy fending off extraterrestrials, who presumably fire plastic pegs.

a cankle of rads (Gukbe), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 15:20 (4 years ago) Permalink

you're lying, you must be

lololololololol

Squirrel! (HI DERE), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 15:32 (4 years ago) Permalink

OMG I actually want to attempt a screenplay for Minesweeper.

ledge, Tuesday, 31 August 2010 15:33 (4 years ago) Permalink

Taylor Kitsch is a fantastic name

WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 17:19 (4 years ago) Permalink

they probably won't fire plastic pegs, but everything else i posted was 100% accurate.

got to laugh to keep from crying.

a cankle of rads (Gukbe), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:21 (4 years ago) Permalink

They gotta have someone scream "You sunk my battleship!"

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:23 (4 years ago) Permalink

they have to make that be the only line of dialogue in the movie

Squirrel! (HI DERE), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:24 (4 years ago) Permalink

Hope the aliens have divided the earth into a matrix, targeting 'B-12' etc etc etc

a cankle of rads (Gukbe), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:26 (4 years ago) Permalink

"how can we see these aliens over this godforsaken wall?"

('_') (omar little), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:27 (4 years ago) Permalink

If they leave that line out it will be the dumbest move since "Connect, only connect" was cut from Howards End

xxp

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:28 (4 years ago) Permalink

I hope both the navy and the aliens stick to a 'one of each' mentality when assembling their respective fleets.

a cankle of rads (Gukbe), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:29 (4 years ago) Permalink

Shock and Awe High School (Phil D.), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 20:38 (4 years ago) Permalink

overheard some critics at screening last night say they were going on a Hawaiian junket for this film.

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 1 September 2010 01:49 (4 years ago) Permalink

Glenn Kenny mentioned that on his blog today. Seems kind of pointless, but I clearly don't understand the ins and outs of Hollywood PR campaigns.

a cankle of rads (Gukbe), Wednesday, 1 September 2010 01:51 (4 years ago) Permalink

I know, G.K. was sitting behind me (in a Feelies shirt).

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 1 September 2010 01:58 (4 years ago) Permalink

oh, New York.

a cankle of rads (Gukbe), Wednesday, 1 September 2010 02:32 (4 years ago) Permalink

Liam Neeson, reporting for duty.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 7 September 2010 19:27 (4 years ago) Permalink

Neeson plays Admiral Shane, the Naval officer whose daughter (played by Brooklyn Decker) is engaged to a young naval officer played by Taylor Kitsch. The pics shoots in Hawaii. Alexander Skarsgaard plays Kitsch's older brother, and Rihanna plays Kitsch's crew mate and a weapons specialist.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 7 September 2010 19:28 (4 years ago) Permalink

I hope they mean this kind of weapons specialist but I have my doubts:

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 7 September 2010 19:31 (4 years ago) Permalink

10 months pass...

cant wait for the scene where the dying alien says to liam neeson "you... sunk.... my ........ battleship"

max, Wednesday, 27 July 2011 18:02 (3 years ago) Permalink

Before it even got to the shot in the trailer, I said to myself, "Those alien ships are going to shoot peg-shaped things into the Navy ships to sink them" AND THEN IT HAPPENED PAY ME HOLLYWOOD.

BIG HOOBA aka the stankdriver (Phil D.), Wednesday, 27 July 2011 18:12 (3 years ago) Permalink

lol max

latebloomer, Wednesday, 27 July 2011 18:19 (3 years ago) Permalink

Saw this trailer yesterday. had no idea when the big tittied girl was straddling the jock on the beach, that this would be a Milton Bradley production.

kkvgz, Sunday, 31 July 2011 13:26 (3 years ago) Permalink

I want to commission a Twister movie

"Right foot blue...left hand red...but at the end of the night...someone will be DEAD!!???"

Neanderthal, Sunday, 31 July 2011 13:35 (3 years ago) Permalink

looks like a transformers movie, meh

but hang on, you're posts suggest this is actually linked to the board game? But I know that can't be correct as that would be RIDICULOUS

Summer Slam! (Ste), Sunday, 31 July 2011 16:20 (3 years ago) Permalink

your

Summer Slam! (Ste), Sunday, 31 July 2011 16:20 (3 years ago) Permalink

don't hate me

Summer Slam! (Ste), Sunday, 31 July 2011 16:20 (3 years ago) Permalink

6 months pass...

SYMBOLISM or something

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 16:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

Related idiocy:

Ever since Universal announced its $200M budget buster Battleship, this sci-fi action adaptation of the Hasbro naval strategy board game has been a big question mark around Hollywood. Now, with just two months before the movie opens overseas in April and then a month later in the U.S./Canada, I’ve learned that Universal has hedged its bet. The studio has secured promotional partnerships amounting to $50 million for TV, print, and online advertising as well as the value of in-store packaging. And that doesn’t even count the cross-company synergy effort within Comcast whose home-owned inventory won’t be charged against actual cost. What’s even more important is that these promotional partnerships have come in response to the studio’s pitch to Madison Avenue for Battleship, with director Peter Berg screening 20 to 30 minutes of footage for partners and exhibitors across the globe. And the feeling is that, if the ad people like it and the theatre owners like it, then the moviegoers may not be too far behind. That’s certainly what Universal Studios COO Ron Meyer, Universal Pictures Chairman Adam Fogelson, and Universal Pictures Co-Chair Donna Langley are holding their breath for. One moment of relief: I’ve confirmed that Comcast chief Brian Roberts recently saw a rough-cut of the film and emerged “all smiles”. (NBCUniversal bigwig Steve Burke hasn’t screened it in its entirety yet.) Of course this is the fickle movie biz and the film could still flop.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 16:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

the phrase "extinction level event" in the Battleship trailer makes me think Busta Rhymes albums, not board games, should be adapted as action movies

some dude, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 18:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

would play Buster Rhymes boardgame

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 18:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tAYmMjLdY (dayo), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 12:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just another movie that shows up Hollywood's reluctance to make anything unless it's based on an already existing IP. Probably not the bottom of the barrel though.

Studio exec 1: "OK, so we've got this idea for a hot summer blockbuster. Noughts & Crosses!"
Studio exec 2: "It should be Noughts versus Crosses to play up the conflict angle. Do you have a rough draft of the script?"
Studio exec 1: "Sure, right here..."


A street in the nightclub/bar area of the city. It is night time. Police sirens wail in the distance.
The leaders of two rival gangs (the NAUGHTS and the CROSSES) face off against each other, surrounded by their respective gang members.

LEADER OF THE CROSSES: "You're nothing but a zero!"

LEADER OF THE NAUGHTS: "Yeah? Well you're gonna be all crossed out!"

White 'Poop' Jesus (snoball), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 12:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's some green in that teal and orange film.

not_goodwin, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

awful just awful

Summer Slam! (Ste), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

This is the second dumbest thing Rihanna has ever done.

Nicole, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

what was the first one again ?
this looks so awful I'm intrigued !
I had forgotten I'd seen the trailer at the movies, previously. My memory must have blocked it !

AlXTC from Paris, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

tragedy this is coming out too late for the action movie poll

Guayaquil (eephus!), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

THE OCEAN

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

VAST

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

is anybody remotely prepared for the possibility that this movie could be ... entertaining?

"renegade" gnome (remy bean), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

not that i'm volunteering, mind

"renegade" gnome (remy bean), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

i'm always hopeful when it comes to giant spaceship movies.

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

I hoped, but alas, twere not to be

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 6 April 2012 21:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

PSOD (Ste), Friday, 6 April 2012 21:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

y are u not in the movie, battleshipformers

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 6 April 2012 21:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

http://io9.com/5907006/8-battleship-clips-unmask-the-alien-invaders-and-they-all-have-goatees/gallery/1

Also the "Mahalo motherfucker" line is here.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 2 May 2012 16:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

Now they should license the rights to make a board game of "Battleship: The Motion Picture" that has nothing to do with "Battleship." Like one of those myriad Monopoly versions or something.

i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 16:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

Battleshit

Roger Barfing (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 20:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

Battleshart vs Giant Octopus

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 20:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

looool

Universal Studios claims its new big budget movie "Battleship" is in jeopardy -- all thanks to a low budget straight-to-DVD knockoff that's coming out

This is what the business world calls "managing expectations."

i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.), Thursday, 3 May 2012 12:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

this piece of shit was in jeopardy when they were doing reshoots for like 2 years

wolves in our wounds (mayor jingleberries), Thursday, 3 May 2012 16:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

hey guys this movie looks really bad!

goole, Thursday, 3 May 2012 17:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

I don't have much use for this generally cretinous blogger, but he's upset.

I could call it stunningly idiotic alien-invader CG sludge for gamers but what's the point? What it is, boiled down, is yet another metaphor for the decline of civilization as it was once known and nourished by the likes of Norman Mailer, Anne Bancroft, Ernst Lubitsch, Jean Seberg, Gunter Grass, Bernardo Bertolucci, Jean Genet, Rainer Werner Fassbinder, William S. Burroughs, Francis Coppola, Sting, Gary Cooper and Jerry Lewis, et. al. Damn the ComicCon-ers for movies like this. Damn them all to hell.

If Battleship is a state-of-the-art 2012 Hollywood popcorn movie then kill me now. Stab me in the chest with a screwdriver.

http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2012/05/alien_flotsam.php

Chuckled at "Sting."

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

He meant Sting in Dune.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 15:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'll gladly stab him in the chest with a screwdriver. Nothing to do with hating on Battleship, mind.

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 16:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

get in line

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 16:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

I can feel the spittle spray from here

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 16:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

Battleship is obviously a popcorn movie, made in hollywood, released in 2012, with state-of-the-art effects. Dude really wants to get stabbed.

He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like em. (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 17:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

He was hoping for a Das Boot sequel, y'see.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 17:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

would you rather see 2 das 2 booteous or das boot: tokyo drift?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

I heard The Das Boot Rises is the darkest one of all.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Das Booty Call

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

i dunno if i'm even pronouncing it right but jurgen prochnow is a very satisfying name to say on any occasion.
rafe finnes who i always confuse with liam neeson is a very unsatisfying name to say.

so yes, dude is justified in preferring live free or das boot to battleship

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

this was a quality comment:

I dabble in languages and translated Jeff's comments into German then ran them back through Google translate.

Interestingly, they came back as "Who if I cried about BATTLESHIP would hear me among the angelic orders, for BATTLESHIP is only the beginning of a terror I can barely endure."

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol

He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like em. (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Michel Gondry/Charlie Kaufman present Tweetleship
― Ned Raggett, Friday, April 6, 2012 9:02 PM

underrated post

(Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

still cracks me up

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 18:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

Rainer Werner Fassbinder, William S. Burroughs, Francis Coppola

DavidM, Wednesday, 9 May 2012 19:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

Had no idea I should be holding Hollywood films up against a list of The History of Western Literature & Filmmaking 101 Required Summer Reading and/or Viewing.

Also, where does all the Rihanna hate come from? She's just a Barbadian goddess tryin' to make it in this crazy world.

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 19:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think Wells was just writing a "We Didn't Start the Fire" sequel

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 19:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

Boggle! The Story of Boggle

fishermen are coveted by whores & stoners (Pillbox), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 19:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dare I make this joke:

Das Boot 2: Eletrik Boot-a-loo

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 20:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

(Elektrik)

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 May 2012 20:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

Vini Reilly Invasion (Elvis Telecom), Tuesday, 15 May 2012 01:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ha, the other day me and my brother were talking about how shit like Battleship makes it feel like we're closer than ever to Coupon: The Movie

bark ruffalo (latebloomer), Tuesday, 15 May 2012 01:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

I saw the shit out of it!

wolves in our wounds (mayor jingleberries), Tuesday, 15 May 2012 05:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

If they did manage to make a Hungry Hungry Hippos movie, though, I would see it.

bark ruffalo (latebloomer), Tuesday, 15 May 2012 05:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

Only if the hippos are something more like Brick Top's pigs in Snatch

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 15 May 2012 06:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just occured to me that what the hell is Liam Neeson doing in the U. S. Navy?

Also occured to me that "TRANSFORMERS + Neeson speechifying" is a really good selling point.

I serve at the pleasure of Dr. Dre and a team of Sorbonne scientists. (R Baez), Thursday, 17 May 2012 02:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

Neeson is more American now than anything. Didn't you see Taken, where he donned the stars and stripes to shoot the shit out of foreigners?

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Thursday, 17 May 2012 04:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

i think the citizenship test is now just doing the "i have a particular set of skills" monologue

goole, Thursday, 17 May 2012 04:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol

bark ruffalo (latebloomer), Thursday, 17 May 2012 04:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

lool so apparently I'm seeing this tomorrow for a work outing.

Boy o boy I'm so excited to see Tim Riggins Joins The Navy, Fights Transformers

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 17 May 2012 22:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

The only reviewer that matters (aka Rick Juzwiak, the man who helped codify Punisher: War Zone as the slice of genius it is) takes it on:

http://gawker.com/5911532/battleshit

Ned Raggett, Friday, 18 May 2012 20:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Rich Lawson's opinion carries more weight with me and he liked it.

polyphonic, Friday, 18 May 2012 20:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

He would.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Friday, 18 May 2012 20:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Um...so I saw it this afternoon and I actually kinda dug it.

....

I know. I'm still working through the realization, lol.

It kinda felt like, Sunday afternoon tv movie rerun, like watching Independence Day or something and just laughing your ass off at the sheer ridiculousness and fun of it all. It was weird.

No matter how much I eyerolled through the lead up, the stuff with the USS Missouri in the final climax was really fucking cool. I swear. I couldn't help myself. I had to grin like an idiot.
It totally tapped in to the silly war movie thing without being all 'MURICA FUCK YEAH, totally tapped into the Navy thing without being a recruitment movie... they even use a Gulf War vet amputee as a landlubber hero in a sidebar story and it's a little corny but...I dug it.

It was over the top and it knew it, is what I think it was.

I would have hated it if like, Bay had made it. But Berg just seemed to have fun with it. Didn't take it too seriously, didn't make me watch ten thousand hours of indecipherable giant robot battles...and they did some cheesy shit with working the game into the movie that was kinda funny. And I got my wish: Plemmons and Kitsch pretty much acted out "Landry and Tim Riggins Join The Navy" in almost exact versions of their characters in Friday Night Lights.

I give it 3 out of 5 navy jet flyovers :D Good dumb fun.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 19 May 2012 03:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

plz tell us you snuck 40'z into the screening

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Saturday, 19 May 2012 04:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

no alcohol involved

But it would be funny as hell drunk

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 19 May 2012 04:59 (2 years ago) Permalink


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