1000 Movies/TV Shows that need completely unnecessary "dark and gritty" remakes

1000. Webster

999. "Million Dollar Mermaid"

998 "Happy Days"

I think Happy Days could work, actually

Think of it, a examination of the gritty underbelly of 50's teenage life.

Mad Men in a diner! Fonz as a Don Draper-type with a mysterious past.

997. The Cosby Show

996. All in the Family

995. Perfect Strangers, obv.

"LARRREEE? LARRRRREEEE?"

*blood seeps across floor...*

994. The Huckleberry Hound Show

993. "Soap"

992. "Hawaii 5-0"

991. "Columbo"

990. "Murder She wRote"

989. Chico and the Man

Actually any '70's-'80's TV detective show

988. The Electric Company

987 "Mr & Mrs" - starts off fairly innocuously, mutates into jeremy vine type inquisition as the show progresses.

986. Bonanza - Hoss Cartwright calls everybody "motherfuckers", Brokeback Mountain scene in Ep. 3.

985. Hart to Hart - They're both dudes, Max is their Gimp.

"The Railway Children", with child abuse subplot.

Sorry, 984

983 "Jackanory" - celebs read books on TV for audience of under-10s. Sample books to be read "Wheels of Terror", "High Rise", "Under the Skin"

982. Scooby Doo - Scoobs is a Tosa. Shaggy is a Meth-head.

981 "Space 1999" - occupants of moonbase alpha all slowly starve to death as the moon heads in to deep space.

980. Thunderbirds - International Rescue turn up at major disasters and have to wade through mounds of corpses. Well, matchwood.

979. Star Trek - Crew of Enterprise hilarious blows up thinly-veiled caricatures of Islamic terrorists oh wait

978. all creatures great & small -- james is closeted, has rough-trade sex in men's bathrooms; tristan abuses ketamine; siegfried is a werewolf.

977. Small Wonder tie-in w/ Terminator franchise

UGH! I came here just to punch in Small Wonder, Pillbox!

976. Out Of This World

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2UkZzdyD0A

975. Diff'rent Strokes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr-e3qGQ884

974. ALF

973. The Brave Little Toaster - it burns everything its given

972. Family Feud

971. Reading Rainbow

970. High School Musical 5: No Child Left Behind

969. The Bad Lieutenant

968. Teletubbies meet Videodrome

"...AGAIN!"

*grunt*

967. Honey, I Shrunk The Kids' School Funding

966. The Bad News Bears - in which every time the plucky kids' baseball team scores a hit, a stranger dies a gruesome death

965 Meego

966 Dr Snuggles

963.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUNx2MAvgOI&feature=PlayList&p=947DFE762EE79DC5&index=0

962. Rainbow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSUIPp45DpI&feature=related

961. Countdown
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gBXPUSXGWs&feature=related

960. Barbara Woodhouse: She-Wolf of the SS

959. Magic Roundabout - like the original, except that they're all out of their heads on drugs

958. Kick Start - except that the contestants have to ride their motorcycles on planks of wood suspended over pits of alligators and molten lava

957. A bunch of the offspring/proteges of celebrities, once media darlings in their childhood, are now in their 20s, dealing with drugs/sex/existential despair. Maximum pathos from sense of generational futility - the major characters cannot escape the shadows of their more famous precedents/parental figures. Tiny Toon Adventures: The College Years

956. This would be like CSI or something like that, but with an ongoing plot as a crack team of media experts gradually track down a mysterious and twisted serial killer, who (in a postmodern, Tarantino-esque move) composes his crimes only as pastiches of other, previously existing crimes. The team (a hacker, a journalist, a rapper etc) is assembled because the killer leaves his semi-legible clues of himself only on internet message boards, microfilm, newspapers, etc. His alias: Ghostwriter.

955. Family Matters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5mjdjTYyN8

954. What's Happening!!: The Movie (2010) - An example is made of Rerun by the court system when the RIAA cites him for hosting files of bootlegged Doobie Brothers concerts on a popular peer-to-peer file-sharing network. He is assigned a prison sentence, where he joins old friends Rog & Dwayne, who are serving time for their involvement in a crackpot embezzlement scheme involving the popular neighborhood eatery, Rob's Place. Much of the film's action and dialog is centered in the prison cafeteria where, ironically, former Rob's Place proprietor Shirley is now employed as a cook. Wacky hijinks ensue as Shirley attempts to exact revenge on the boys by poisoning them or injuring them with foreign objects placed in their food. Though the rest of the prisoners are relegated to cafeteria benches, Dwayne is furnished with his own chair, seemingly just so that he can perform his trademark routine of flipping the chair & sitting on it in its backward position & greeting his friends with the phrase "Hey, Hey, Hey" (which is not to be confused with Bill Cosby's "Hey, Hey, Hey" from Fat Albert.

lol @ family matters as cop movie

953. 7th Heaven

952. Porkies by Quentin Tarantino & Robert Rodriguez

951. Six Million Dollar Man: A Fist Full of Six Million Dollars

974. ALF

― I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, September 13, 2009 5:02 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Dr. Gordon Shumway, a brilliant but troubled scientist for the planet Melmac's nuclear weapons program, sells a holocube of what he erroneously believes to be minor info to agents from a rival planet's military. The only reason Gordon engaged in this treason is that he needed money to support his growing addiction an exotic drug known as Felinide.

Of course, Melmac's enemies use the info Gordon sold them to hijack the planet's defenses and turn its own nuclear arsenal against itself, culminating in a devastating attack that leaves the planet destroyed and a pitifully small amount of Melmacian survivors without a home.

As it happens, Gordon was not on Melmac at the time of the attack but visiting his Felinide dealer on a nearby planet in the seedier part of solar system. After learning of the attacks from the Intergalactic News Holofeed, he puts two and two together and realizes that he is responsible for the genocide of over 99% of his own species. Now homeless, he checks into in a run-down motel for a while under an assumed name and holes himself up with a month's supply of Felinide
until he can figure out what to do.

In the aftermath of the attacks, the rest of the survivors demand justice and an investigation is convened by the Intergalactic High Court. The results of the investigation reveal that Gordon Shumway is the man responsible for selling out his planet. Though it isn't yet known whether or not he survived, Gordon nevertheless charged by the High Court with genocide and declared a fugitive. Bounty hunters from Alpha Centauri to Timbuq II are dispatched in their cruisers to pursue him and bring him back dead or alive.

Soon afterward Gordon's location is leaked to the High Court and he just narrowly escapes capture from a bounty hunter by leaving the solar system in his run-down star cruiser. On the run and suffering from Felinide withdrawal, he journeys to a backwater planet where the chemical necessary for synthesizing the drug is said to be in abundant supply. The chemical is found exclusively in the brains of a domesticated quarupedal mammal species, known to the planet's technologically primitive natives as "housecats".

As he enters the planet's atmosphere his cruiser malfunctions, causing him to crash land into the dwelling of a family of said natives...

Welcome to Earth, ALF.

950. Barney Miller. Everyone assumes the others are on the take, things are disappearing from the evidence room, and at least once an episode there's a Mexican standoff.

949. Diff'rent Strokes. Mr. Drummond has...certain particular reasons for taking in these young boys.

948. Hogan's Heroes. Brought to you by executive producer Eli Roth.

947. Night Court

946. Car 54, Where Are You?

945. The Apple Dumpling Gang.

949. Diff'rent Strokes. Mr. Drummond has...certain particular reasons for taking in these young boys.

Please see number 975.

Also: I had forgotten that they already did Project ALF, which was at least a little darker than the series proper.

yeah the scene where alf got raped was something else

that would probably figure in my alf reboot somehow anyway

On nu-ALF, every episode is a "very special episode"

That Family Matters vid is actually pretty cool - I mean total homemade feel but there are some fuckin BRILLIANT ways they make stuff from the show work in the cop movie setting, especially the "Go home, go home, go home!" bit. Thing made me smile anyway.

"No sweat, my pet"

"Dad got shot, my mom's dead, Laura got kidnapped, I don't even know where Stephanie's at.."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_MqZn7E-mk&feature=player_embedded

944. Home Improvement

I mean total homemade feel but there are some fuckin BRILLIANT ways they make stuff from the show work in the cop movie setting, especially the "Go home, go home, go home!" bit. Thing made me smile anyway.

otm

943. Pretty in Pink

942. Incredible Mr. Limpet (retooled as Hellboy spin-off)

941. Red Dwarf

940. Hey Arnold

939. The Queen's Nose

938. The A-Team - Murdoch is having visions of being part of a wacky team that helps the helpless while in a mental hospital.