the crimes of george lucas ('90s on)

heeyyyy wait a minute

re: booger mittens -- well, it had corey haim in it. actually the "lucas" chant in the end was more idolatry than taunting

http://bunkstrutts.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/old-man-lucas.gif

http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/721/608/72160897_640.jpg

I wonder if George knows his sister is an actress?

holy crap @ denuded lucasface

i have a good story about a friend-of-a-friend dating geo. lucas. should i share it?

YES

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Absolutely. Is your friend-of-a-friend Linda Ronstadt?

no. i actually don't know if i'll remember all the story. i might leave out some of the better parts.

anyway my friend has a friend (who at the time would have been in her late 40s or early 50s... probably a bit younger than lucas was at the time). somehow through some charity ball or what have you she met george lucas, who took a fancy to her. so they set up a date.

lucas has a limo sent to her house in L.A. to pick her up. the limo drives her to a private airport. she is asked to board a small plane. the plane flies (several hours i assume) to skywalker ranch. there she is let off at lucas's private tarmac, where another picks her up and drives her to the main house, where lucas stands waiting on the patio. lucas gives her a tour of the house, and then they have dinner on the patio cooked by either lucas's private chef or a chef hired for the occasion. multi-course meal. they talk some more. they say goodnight, lucas walks her back to the tarmac, plane flies her back to private airport in LA, limo drives her back home. end of story.

i imagined the chef was guy fieri or jar jar binks or some combination.

i left out the pod-racing part.

i thought that said he was waiting for her standing on the piano

o captain my captain

was there any exchanging of midiclorians

"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything's soft... and smooth..." (He touches her arm.)

Man, I should start employing biome-themed pickup lines. Thx Anakin.

It's cold out here. Climb into my Taun Taun.

^ of love

No, I meant it literally.

"Climb into my dead alien mammal's intestines, baby."

Some biizarre fanfic niche could come out of this:

"Now this is pod racing!" shouted George, where by 'pods' Lucas meant his testicles.

would you like to see my pink lightsaber?

I'll try not to shoot first.

you came in that thing etc

this little one's not worth the effort

princess leia

If Lucas actually used any of these lines, you can bet he went Han Solo later that night.

these are the balls you're looking for

remember your failure at the cave

The force is strong with this one *points to pink lightsaber*

ok guys.

but Daaaaaaaaaaaaaad

"Slimy? Mudhole?"

"I thought these things smelled bad...on the outside"

"I am your father"

lucas cgi'd the sex scenes into that anecdote later

it's just a matter of green wall paper, really

"Well, I guess you don't know everything about women yet."

If he really likes you, you're invited back for a hot dog picnic in the arboretum

Apartment IV: A New Home
--crab lifting a goat (weatheringdaleson)

Winner

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yRNXFhboBI&

barf

couldn't watch more than a minute tbh

Jesus.

i'm reminded of shatner on snl, his remarks about taking a fun diversion and turning it in to a colossal waste of time.

i think that looks kind of fun, actually

"its a wrap" made me lol

no.

This feels like right-wing comedy (i.e. something with the vague structure of a joke for people with no discernable sense of humor).