Britain's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors

I can't believe I only got 51st place.

― Local Garda, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:42 (1 year ago) Permalink

jack penate? really?

― cozwn, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

How many of the guys I've never heard on there are boffing Telegraph staffers?

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

so, everyone who's ever been connected with T4/big brother plus a handful of models/actors and a few aristos?

― jed_, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:46 (1 year ago) Permalink

Thinking Johnny "Brown" Borrell might just be the o_Oiest on the list.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

George Lamb blogging for NME.com

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

David Bentley? Clearly being able to kick a ball into a skip across Charing Cross road from the roof of the Astoria while spending the rest of the season sitting on the bench drives the ladies crazy.

― Matt DC, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

Gave up GISing these guys when I realised they all pretty much look the same.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

I'm sure George Lamb is pretty good looking and all and fair play to him for playing dancehall on 6music but could you imagine having to listen to his stupid braying voice every day?

― Matt DC, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:50 (1 year ago) Permalink

The Prince, who split with Chelsy Davy at the start of the year, beat off rivals including Twilight star Robert Pattinson, Prison Break's Wentworth Miller and Richard Branson's son Sam

something about public school

― if you're a pizza-loving New Yorker, it was pretty hilarious. (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:52 (1 year ago) Permalink

how can you say that two of them are black.

xpost

― jed_, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:52 (1 year ago) Permalink

I voted Dev Patel on the basis that he seems like a nice enough guy and probably deserves a nice girl snapping him up before his career sinks without trace.

― Matt DC, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

How can you lose to your illegitimate younger brother who is going to spend the rest of his life opening Age Concern day centres and you're going to be the facking King???

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:54 (1 year ago) Permalink

Also let's have a sweep as to how many of these are secretly on the other bus. I'm calling Cowell for a start.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:56 (1 year ago) Permalink

David Tennant off the market now there's a new Who in town? Am surprised no James Corden (not that anyone's going to vote for him). Wentworth Miller's a bit of a reach to make British, eh?

Tim Lovejoy = twat, btw.

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 12:59 (1 year ago) Permalink

Clearly Lovejoy is a giant twat but do you have insider knowledge here ailsa? Also, twat as he is, Danny Baker still beats him roundly for the title of Worst Presenter of 6-0-6.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:02 (1 year ago) Permalink

No insider knowledge, no. Just filling in the gaps in knowledge.

Paolo Nutini = son of proprietor of chip shop across the road from my local.

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:04 (1 year ago) Permalink

Oh, I was not suggesting any of those people for your other bus campaign, purely coincidence that there are some possible contenders.

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:05 (1 year ago) Permalink

3 Robert Pattinson - friend of ilx's caek(?)

^^^i've seen this name everywhere lately but who is he? anyone?

― b!tchass, birdchested bastard sees a dude bigger than he (a hoy hoy), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

I kinda like that last Paolo Nutini single.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

Oh fuck okay what's worse than being Johnny Borrell? Being the Tesco Value Johnny Borrell.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:12 (1 year ago) Permalink

I heart Danny Baker but he isn't going to be appearing in any 50 Most Eligible Batchelors lists any time soon.

Thank god there's no James Corden.

I'd assumed William wasn't in here due to having a girlfriend?

― Matt DC, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:12 (1 year ago) Permalink

Robert Pattinson is the dude from Twilight

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:14 (1 year ago) Permalink

xpost

Hey as far as I'm concerned he's a bachelor until we all get a day off work while he nonces up the aisle at St Paul's.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:15 (1 year ago) Permalink

Mind you it's not like there's any history in the family of going out with somebody for years then marrying a total noob.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

I voted Dev Patel on the basis that he seems like a nice enough guy...

― Matt DC, Sunday, June 14, 2009 12:53 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest

Very nice person so I'm told.

― Old Ned 1962 Vinyl Edition (Ned Trifle II), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

In all seriousness, why would being an actor or a niche TV presenter make you more "eligible" than some dude who's got their own company or is heir to megabucks?

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:20 (1 year ago) Permalink

JACK OSBOURNE?!?!?!?!

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:21 (1 year ago) Permalink

But he's lost weight and everything!

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:22 (1 year ago) Permalink

COLIN MURRAY?!?!?! is that..is that as in "colin and edith"?! surely not!

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:22 (1 year ago) Permalink

oh shit i have gotten drunk in a wardrobe with one of these people :///////

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:24 (1 year ago) Permalink

like...so that's what he's doing with himself now. nice going!

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:24 (1 year ago) Permalink

it's called a closet, surely?

― jed_, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:24 (1 year ago) Permalink

Adam O'Riordan spits knowledge

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2008/nov/13/tragedians-rappers-wutangclan-shakespeare-johnwebster-thomaskyd

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:25 (1 year ago) Permalink

Really, don't read that, just bask in the address.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:25 (1 year ago) Permalink

would smash count is a frankly miserable 4, though take into account that i don't know who 3/4 of them are, and while scanning down the list of names i may have missed a couple due to falling asleep

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

33 Tom Payne - inspired the american revolution

Kudos btw

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:27 (1 year ago) Permalink

no he was str8, it was perfectly innocent 1st-year-of-university stuff, there were a couple of other people in there too. it was a large wardrobe.

or i might misremember...i'm sure i remember someone sitting on TOP of the wardrobe at one point.

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:27 (1 year ago) Permalink

first GIS raises WS total to 5! this is paul sculfor, who apparently went out with jennifer aniston a couple of times:

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:28 (1 year ago) Permalink

Adam O'Riordan is pretty high on the ws table actually.

― jed_, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:29 (1 year ago) Permalink

― jed_, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:30 (1 year ago) Permalink

He is a looker, I noticed. Just don't get him started on Hip Hop.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:30 (1 year ago) Permalink

WS count quite low, and can only be put down to the fact that these dudes are on this list because they can't get a girlfriend.

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:30 (1 year ago) Permalink

And when it comes down to it, how dissimilar is Kool Herc cutting together two records at a block party in the Bronx to Braque and Picasso cutting up and reassembling images, or Ezra Pound seeing the text as palimpsest to be reworked?

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

second GIS will turn this thread NSFW (mods?) - am posting cuz it's a sunday and no one's gonna get fired, and it was on the VERY FIRST PAGE of GIS. this is jamie dornan getting his cock out. i encourage this sort of behaviour

If you click this at work despite the fact it contains the words 'cock out' you are very stupid - MODS

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

or don't like girls, as NV suggested.

― jed_, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:32 (1 year ago) Permalink

People work on a Sunday. Also, people (well, me) do not need to see this sort of thing. Ewww.

(xpost, yeah, I know, but presumably the eligible bachelor bit is supposed to make us think they are all straight and good marrying material)

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:33 (1 year ago) Permalink

alex pettyfer: yes please!

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:35 (1 year ago) Permalink

ahahahahahahaha euan blair DNW

― lex pretend, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:36 (1 year ago) Permalink

Looks like he's inherited his Dad's "about-to-lose-my-shit-like-Herbert-Lom-in-the-Clouseau-movies" left eye.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:37 (1 year ago) Permalink

Also he dresses like he picked his clothes out at BHS with the aim at looking cool at a relative's wedding, aged 13. Clothes bought by parents obviously.

― Matt DC, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

Quality facial hair though.

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:42 (1 year ago) Permalink

Euan Anthony Blair (born 19 January 1984, London), is the eldest son of Cherie Blair and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair. He is known principally for being found inebriated in Leicester Square as a teenager, having a flat purchased by his mother for use while a student at Bristol University and having his appendix removed.

Well done.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:42 (1 year ago) Permalink

That's the stuff eligibility is made of.

― ailsa, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

Dev Patel does seem nice xp. I saw him doing a meet'n'greet with other famouses recently - they were all hamming it up and being luvvie for the cameras, whereas he was comically stiff, just shaking hands and saying 'how do you do?' in a wee quiet voice

I'm still voting for Harry though

― Ismael Klata, Sunday, 14 June 2009 13:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

I like how that O'Riordan fellow starts his piece by turning his nose up at one "old trope" re Shakespeare before going on to base an entire article on one that's pretty much exactly as old and boring

― if you're a pizza-loving New Yorker, it was pretty hilarious. (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 14 June 2009 14:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

Truly, Biz Markie was the Samuel Richardson of our generation.

― Posters that beg the Question: What the Hell were You THINKING? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 14 June 2009 14:08 (1 year ago) Permalink

Sam Riley's off the menu, engaged or maybe even married to Alex Maria Lara.

― bad hijab (suzy), Sunday, 14 June 2009 14:22 (1 year ago) Permalink

damn sam riley!

― suggestzybandias (jim), Sunday, 14 June 2009 14:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

James Corden also involved w/Sheridan Smith - one reason he's not in there?

― bad hijab (suzy), Sunday, 14 June 2009 15:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

bump for the weekday crowd

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Monday, 15 June 2009 15:33 (1 year ago) Permalink

Wentworth Miller really counts as British?

― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 15:36 (1 year ago) Permalink

That's the least of this list's problems TBF.

― Achtung Blobby (Neil S), Monday, 15 June 2009 15:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

― System, Friday, 26 June 2009 23:01 (1 year ago) Permalink

thread of unchallenging totty

― Crudités to the Nation (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 27 June 2009 03:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

first GIS raises WS total to 5! this is paul sculfor, who apparently went out with jennifer aniston a couple of times:

pretty sure he also went out with cameron diaz but i could be wrong.

― Sookeh, I vant to suck your titties (stevienixed), Saturday, 27 June 2009 21:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

― System, Saturday, 27 June 2009 23:01 (1 year ago) Permalink