Why I love the Daily Mail, as distilled into one story.

I bet Julie made school fun.

what are the chances of sneaking through some kind of Early Day Motion making it legal to assassinate anyone who actually calls her 'Waity Katey'

if someone said that out loud, wouldn't everyone hear Weighty Katey?

Seriously, I know you don't like giving them clicks but this is too great to miss...

What kind of Britain will William and Catherine rule? Dominic Sandbrook imagines the country they will inherit

Be sure to read the comments!

A small number read a newspaper called the Guardian, now long defunct.

already comedy gold.

Elections come and go. So do Prime Ministers, from Cooper and her husband Ed Balls to Britain’s first Asian premier, Sadiq Khan. But beneath the headlines and the tittle-tattle, little of substance ever changes.

lol yeah because no foreign trade, no cars and a wind turbine on every house is little of substance

ok damn china just happened.

"Britain’s first Asian premier, Sadiq Khan" - think this unlikely exaggeration made for the purposes of humour is the most telling.

Doubt that they will rule. Cameron is taking the first steps to change and eventually destroy the monarchy. Bliar and Brown handed over the ruling of the UK to the EU. And in such a corrupt and unelected institution there is no place for a UK monarchy . Just as the EU is destroying nations, monarchies will follow.
- norman hall, norwich england EUSSR ruled, 2/5/2011 8:28

Anyone know what these "first steps" are supposed to be?

Dealing with Liberals innit.

in such a corrupt and unelected institution there is no place for a UK monarchy

norwich is ruled by the EUSSR? what is delia playing at?

The Daily Mail has been forced to publish a series of amendments to articles claiming Scottish football manager Gordon Strachan was bisexual, had an affair with a male aide to the royal family and had a cocaine habit.

Strachan complained to the Press Complaints Commission that the articles – published in 2007 and 2008, and which remained available on the newspaper’s website – contained numerous inaccuracies.

Strachan said the newspaper was wrong to refer to him as bisexual and that he was “heterosexual and has never had anything other than platonic relationships with men”.

Strachan also said the paper was wrong to have suggested he had a regular cocaine habit and had pretended to be dead to avoid paying a woman – Laura Gosling, the source for the story – money she claimed he owed her.

first thought: haha wtf?

second: the mail or its source appears to have got confused between football manager and tv personality gordon strachan, who might struggle to fake his own death without attracting considerable attention, and royal blackmailer ian strachan. easy mistake to make!

That's hilarious. It's the Press Gazette at fault but the story has been up on their site for half an hour without anyone fixing it.

pretended to be dead to avoid paying a woman

this was just at the end of a meal, woman was a waitress btw

I love it when people scramble to deny claims that they had relations with someone of the same sex, like gayness is somehow a bad thing.

That's hilarious. It's the Press Gazette at fault but the story has been up on their site for half an hour without anyone fixing it.

― I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Thursday, 12 May 2011 12:37 (7 minutes ago) Bookmark

lol yeah: https://twitter.com/#!/pressgazette/status/68641788184899584

they've spelled "Strachan" wrong twice in that Tweet. quality work.

I love it when people scramble to deny claims that they had relations with someone of the same sex, like gayness is somehow a bad thing.

How about using it as an excuse to fiddle your expenses?

more like Gordon Strap-on amirite

That twitter link is gone.

OK, wow, that's just... wow.

So, hang on: the Mail HASN'T apologised to Gordon Strachan? Guess this means he's out. Nice work, Daily Mail. What Gordon Strachan gets up to with men in the privacy of his own house is his own business, if you ask me.

http://i42.tinypic.com/348n96v.gif

http://i53.tinypic.com/2n1ygki.jpg

For those who missed it.

Hahahaha oh god.

In other news, amusing SEO blog on how the Mail website actually works.

The Mail is in its sweet spot today, addressing the issues that matter most to Britain.

Compare and contrast with 18 months ago. Pretty sure the front page headlines are identical as well.

oh no! not slop buckets! oh no!

so fucking childish ;_;

You see, I put this in the Hate thread, but I think Matt is right, this is a 'love' one.
(really we should just have one thread - The Daily Mail "The paper you love to hate")

Nah, sometimes I just straight up hate it.

As if you can't all do a bit more for yourselves . Next you will be moaning that the council don't come round to wipe your bottoms . THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE .
- Barry, Scotland, 15/6/2011 0:58

― James Mitchell, Wednesday, June 15, 2011 8:14 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

^^^most red-flagged comment.

Most recommended comments.

Can't afford to empty our bins but got millions to give away to other countries. Cameron you stink as much as the bins.
- J Hopkins, confusedland, 14/6/2011 19:33

This island gets more like a prison every day!
- David, Manchester, 14/6/2011 19:33

I didn't really notice the Daily Mail enough when the Tories were last in power but really it is exactly the same shit that gets them angry in exactly the same way regardless of who's in power.

This island gets more like a prison every day!

hope he hasn't read about cameron's new "cigarette for extra state bread roll" initiative

compulsory radiator-fermented orange squash alcohol for children

course, it's shank or be shanked

Just don't drop that Wills & Kate commemorative plate in the shower.

it'd all be cool if the slop buckets had a picture of pippa middleton on 'em - daily mail would be happy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2009679/Diana-50-Botox-sessions-best-friends-Carole-Middleton--feeling-threatened-Kate.html

this is hilarious and basically identical to internet fanfic

She would have sued for sure, and collected record-breaking damages (which she would have donated to the children’s cancer ward at Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children).

On the way to present the donation, she would have asked the driver to stop so an assistant could jump out and buy her a Toblerone.

To be fair, the Daily Mail is just reprinting this piece from Newsweek. I still can't believe they published it.

Double act: How Diana might have looked with the Duchess of Cambridge, had she lived until her 50th birthday

Hmm, exactly like a zombie?

"And then she'd have aditorf with Imran Khaaan!"

ha, like that "house that looks like Hitler" a whuile back, every comment (I've seen so far) on the "HYS" section is basically stfu.

although they figured it out a lot earlier it's the DM's equivalent of the worthless, insincere articles the Graun have been doing a lot of recently ('Amy Winehouse being too wrecked to play was awesome' / 'Villa fans who don't want Alex Mcleish are stupid' / others)

ie they know everyone who comments is going to shit on it but the pageviews will balance it out

having 107,000 Facebook friends must be right time-consuming.

today we have:

Girl, 13, crushed to death by a falling branch as she sat on park bench because her teachers were out on strike

Beautiful.

Come on Daily Mail have some respect -- RIP Sweatheart

- Sheeple, Essex, 01/7/2011 14:16