The Brave New Dawn of Boris the Wondermayor

Ned voted for Boris? I KNEW IT

― blueski, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:11 (1 year ago) Permalink

Fucking foreigners.

― Dom Passantino, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:13 (1 year ago) Permalink

Not only that, I went around each ward voting as many times as possible. JUST TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!

I feel such a fool now...

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:14 (1 year ago) Permalink

It's been sunnier, but I had a nightmare trip to Camberwell on Saturday. So 50/50 so far.

― Pete W, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

Banning booze on public transport: anti-Polish discrimination?

― Neil S, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

shouldn't be drinking that anyway

― blueski, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

lol good point!

― Neil S, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:19 (1 year ago) Permalink

Chelsea now official gun capital of London on Boris' watch.

On ITV's exciting Flood drama David Suchet said that "we'll have to sacrifice Camberwell" is this a coincidence I think NOT!

― Dingbod Kesterson, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 12:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

"we'll have to sacrifice Camberwell Now - I've got their album on my iPod anyway"

― Tom D., Wednesday, 7 May 2008 13:13 (1 year ago) Permalink

I note how the 'no bouze on my Tube' posters are an angry finger-wagging blue rather than the gentle pastel 'Mayor of LondON' things we've become used to. Perhaps that's because Boris had 5minutes to do it in MSPaint in between induction sessions, though.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 13:33 (1 year ago) Permalink

Can I do my 'Paul Merton asks "Is it the woman on the left saying 'I don't care if they ban the booze, but I wish they'd ban those idiots getting in the way of the barriers'?"' joke now?

― James Mitchell, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 14:46 (1 year ago) Permalink

Johnson is saying "So, this is what a tube station is? How jolly."

I notice that the police already had powers to deal with drunks...
"Most of the time, just letting people know that their behaviour is no longer permitted will be enough to make them stop, but if they become antisocial or aggressive they will be dealt with under current legislation and bylaws."
...so why make extra hassle?

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 16:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

Boris is saying "So, run this by me again, you pay for...what did you call it...a ticket? And then what? You go through there...right...and where are the porters?"

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 16:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

Would be fucking great if somebody shot the cunt.

― Venga, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 22:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

bad things: ban them. If they already banned, ban them again.

― Mark G, Wednesday, 7 May 2008 23:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

I notice that the RMT and ASLEF are annoyed that he didn't consult them first on booze ban. I suppose they're hardly his constituency anyway so probably doesn't give a fuck. All part of his new Hard Man act a la Giuliani (and Bloomberg) or perhaps he has a "Thatcher vs the miners" moment in mind.

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 8 May 2008 08:25 (1 year ago) Permalink

He's planning to negotiate a no-strike agreement with Tube workers. Good luck with that!

― Neil S, Thursday, 8 May 2008 09:12 (1 year ago) Permalink

You'll still be able to drink (and buy booze, if there's a trolley) on National Rail services (including London Overground) and on the boats.

I noticed the 'new Routemaster' got a brief mention on the local BBC news this morning, although there doesn't seem to be any actual development. The designers apparently reckon it 'could' be built and sold for a price of about £200,000. Whether that includes the costs of setting up a new production line or not I don't know.

― Bocken Social Scene, Thursday, 8 May 2008 09:23 (1 year ago) Permalink

I'm entering the competition for the new Routemaster with this:

― Matt DC, Thursday, 8 May 2008 09:39 (1 year ago) Permalink

That idea might fly (sorry)

― Neil S, Thursday, 8 May 2008 09:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

OMG Bob Crow says:

"We are in favour of any measure that will make our members' lives safer and curb anti-social behaviour, but it appears that this really hasn't been thought through very well and could well make matters worse. We are being told that it will be our members who will have to approach people drinking and ask them to stop - but the mayor hasn't asked us what we think.

"Perhaps the mayor will come out with his underpants on over his trousers like Superman one Saturday to show us how it should be done, and maybe tell a crowd of Liverpool supporters that they can't drink on the train."

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:11 (1 year ago) Permalink

Looking good for those negotiations then!

― Neil S, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:20 (1 year ago) Permalink

Tube FAP?

― Upt0eleven, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:23 (1 year ago) Permalink

Well we all know what Boris thinks about Liverpool so he'll probably put up armed border posts at Staples Corner.

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

Tube FAP has to happen: tribute to the days of Circle Line carriage raves.

― suzy, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:29 (1 year ago) Permalink

You have to dress like that famous photo w/ Cameron, Boris et al (you know the one)

― Mark G, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:35 (1 year ago) Permalink

cold_dead_hands.xls

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:38 (1 year ago) Permalink

This one you mean:

... that's Boris in the middle

― Tom D., Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:39 (1 year ago) Permalink

I probably wouldn't mind the Bullingdon Club photos if they dressed as well as the Brideshead gang did.

― Dom Passantino, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

I apologise for not running them over with my Dulux Super Qualcast hover mower when I had the chance.

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 8 May 2008 10:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

I noticed the 'new Routemaster' got a brief mention on the local BBC news this morning

this is nuts. here's why:

1. a transport company wouldn't reintroduce conductors as it would almost double its labour costs in one fell swoop - commercial suicide.

2. no bus company outside London would be interested in buying the bus. No-one was interested in buying the old Routemaster either actually. The only company that operated Routemasters during their years of production was Northern General - and they only bought 50.

3. The Routemaster falls foul of both health and safety and anti-disabled discrimination laws by having an open platform at the back with no facility for "kneeling" or the provision of a wheelchair lift. You could build them with doors rather than an open platform (in fact the Northern General version mentioned upcomment had doors, as did some of the Country Area e.g.s but - well, what would be the point? The bus's main USP: ease of getting on and off and hence reduced journey times - would be removed.

4. It is utterly impractical to construct a jig-built integral (ie not just a chassis to which different bodies can be attached as is the case with most buses, but all-in-one by one manufacturer) bus with a half-cab (ie with the engine next to the driver and a passenger window beside. To do so would cost millions and no manufacturer would be able to make the figures add up. The situation is analogous to the VW Beetle. It would cost millions to restart production of the old Beetle and it would be a huge lossmaker for VW, so VW made a new Beetle which was vaguely the same shape but built on the Golf platform so not really a Beetle at all.

seeing as the new bus would not fulfil the criteria cited above, in what way would it be a Routemaster? Answer: it wouldn't. And, given that a new Routemaster can't be built, is there any point in building another new type of bus rather than continuing to purchase the many fine models manufactured by Dennis, Volvo, Scania, Mercedes etc? Answer: there isn't.

― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 8 May 2008 11:39 (1 year ago) Permalink

Yep, all going swimmingly for Boris so far

― Tom D., Thursday, 8 May 2008 11:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

Quite. This is as far as the design's gone anyway: http://www.capoco.co.uk/capoco-routemaster-study.html (Capoco are only designers, rather than an actual manufacturer) - Beetle analogy is spot-on.

Bus operators in London are currently forbidden to buy Volvos, because they're too noisy.

― Bocken Social Scene, Thursday, 8 May 2008 11:46 (1 year ago) Permalink

I find your second sentence highly improbable, Bocken.

― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 8 May 2008 11:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

The Private Eye before last asserts that the new Routemasters he's proposing are potentially bigger killers than the bendy buses because of the new design's long wheelbase.

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 8 May 2008 11:52 (1 year ago) Permalink

It's true! (sort of). There's a problem with the cooling fans which meant they were on all the time and actually quite loud, and I think TfL put an embargo on new orders for them while it was being looked into, although it seems to have been lifted now.

In other Boris news: Homes for Votes chap in as senior planning advisor

― Bocken Social Scene, Thursday, 8 May 2008 11:57 (1 year ago) Permalink

Grandpoint and Bocken sound like my dear departed dad who loved the routemasters (and would scoff unbearably if I mistook an RT for one (see for instance this so-called routemaster illustrating this article.... My dad would have been the bloke making the last couple of comments)but who recognised that they were gone and it was just sentimental old tosh to bring them back. There are plenty of good modern buses (not necessarily bendy ones) but of course BJ is not doing this for practical reasons, he only needs a few subsidised ones trudling around central London and then he can point at them and say "I Deliver!".

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:02 (1 year ago) Permalink

The Private Eye before last asserts that the new Routemasters he's proposing are potentially bigger killers than the bendy buses because of the new design's long wheelbase

er, yeh, but there's a pretty damning letter in the current one saying "get one understanding of articulation" -- and it's that two-part swing that seems to be the major problen with bendy buses and cyclists.

― grimly fiendish, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:05 (1 year ago) Permalink

(whatever the solution is, though: it ain't fucking routemasters.)

― grimly fiendish, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

You don't know what you might catch!

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

In other Boris news: Homes for Votes chap in as senior planning advisor

Boris shares late night meetings with gay man shockah.

Haha, yeah, re: grimly point - getting bus nerds to agree on anything is impossible. I've been there, it gets ugly. They are worse than trainspotters (although usually, for some reason, better dressed).

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

the solution is to roll out the pay *before* you enter rather than *as* you enter system across the whole of the Capital and to further increase the pricing differential between Oyster and cash fares to the point when cash fares became a farcical rip off. If I had been Mayor I would also put more Oyster checking devices (the things with the yellow disks, whatever they are called) in each bus, making them almost as numerous as the stop buttons maybe, so there was no obligation to swipe it as you got on the bus. That way you could actually get rid of the bendies and replace them with normal double deck buses. This would also necessitate employing more ticket inspectors to ensure people didn't ride for free, but their salaries could be paid for by the savings you could make by not having the cash counting and accounting systems needed for each driver returning to the garage with his or her cash fare money. I would also increase the penalty fines for travelling without a ticket or swiped Oyster.

I daresay Ken would have done this (or similar) had he remained Mayor. Ken's main error, apart from some of his dodgy appointments, was to rejoin the Labour Party. If he had remained as an Independent he would have not been tarred with the same brush as the Brown govt and would most likely have swept to a deserved and resounding victory last Thursday.

― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

You don't know what you might catch!

it's more the fear of getting your knob stuck in the exhaust pipe.

― grimly fiendish, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

Apparently, however, the oft-heard call of "time for a change" was a heartfelt public reaction to the inflexibility of non-Routemaster buses in terms of EXACT MONEY ONLY.

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:28 (1 year ago) Permalink

Apparently a potential Labour candidate for the mayorship in 2012 is...

Dave Rowntree.

Well done Labour.

― Dom Passantino, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:28 (1 year ago) Permalink

Matt Willis must be quaking.

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:29 (1 year ago) Permalink

Drummer Out of Gay Dad vs. Gay Drummer Out of Blur

― Tom D., Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:30 (1 year ago) Permalink

... It's So On

― Tom D., Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

it's more the fear of getting your knob stuck in the exhaust pipe.

oooh! aren't we boastful?

― Ed, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

Will be making a guest appearance on Eastenders, apparently.

― James Mitchell, Sunday, 19 July 2009 11:04 (4 months ago) Permalink

― James Mitchell, Monday, 20 July 2009 06:18 (4 months ago) Permalink

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20090720/ten-boris-johnson-to-star-in-eastenders-ea4616c.html

I read this earlier and wondered when Clive James and Chris Lowe had managed to be in EastEnders as well as Neighbours, then realised whoever cobbled that article together from other sources basically couldn't read:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/jul/20/boris-johnson-eastenders

― ailsa, Monday, 20 July 2009 10:58 (4 months ago) Permalink

(also in what universe is Neighbours a rival to EastEnders?)

― ailsa, Monday, 20 July 2009 11:00 (4 months ago) Permalink

― James Mitchell, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:49 (4 months ago) Permalink

Boris in control of Scotland Yard

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 3 September 2009 07:36 (2 months ago) Permalink

Or, to put it another way, next time the Met kill an innocent person, we know who to blame.

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 3 September 2009 07:37 (2 months ago) Permalink

Insert obvious joke about putting a blonde bimbo on the cover:

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 3 September 2009 13:16 (2 months ago) Permalink

BTW they're only inflicting this cover on Fashion Weekers and related VIPs. Elitist!

― lacoste intolerant (suzy), Thursday, 3 September 2009 13:19 (2 months ago) Permalink

Gets his leg over, etc:

― James Mitchell, Wednesday, 9 September 2009 10:11 (2 months ago) Permalink

"Where's this fourth plinth I've been hearing so much about?"

― James Mitchell, Monday, 14 September 2009 13:39 (2 months ago) Permalink

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8283570.stm

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 1 October 2009 10:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

Guh, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8283570.stm

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 1 October 2009 10:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

Don't give up the day job...oh, wait...DO give up the day job...

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 1 October 2009 13:13 (1 month ago) Permalink

― James Mitchell, Tuesday, 6 October 2009 10:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

people actually find that kind of toss funny

― conrad, Tuesday, 6 October 2009 12:13 (1 month ago) Permalink

Boris and Peggy should swap haircuts for the day.

― Matt DC, Tuesday, 6 October 2009 12:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

Boris Johnson has been accused of breaching rules on public appointments after trying to appoint a key ally to a top London arts job, The Times has learnt.

The Mayor of London tried to install Veronica Wadley, former editor of the Evening Standard, which championed his campaign for the mayoralty, to run the Arts Council in London.

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 8 October 2009 10:17 (1 month ago) Permalink

Fucking hell, the Arts Council run by Veronica Wadley is a pretty horrific idea.

― Matt DC, Thursday, 8 October 2009 11:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

serious. double-u tee eff.

― history mayne, Thursday, 8 October 2009 11:07 (1 month ago) Permalink

that would be a hellish idea.

and she was an abject failure as standard editor.

― no bubo, no credibility (stevie), Thursday, 8 October 2009 11:17 (1 month ago) Permalink

Motorists face being charged for every mile they drive under radical new plans by London Mayor Boris Johnson.

Drivers could be forced to pay to use the capital's busiest roads as Mr Johnson seeks to plug a multi-million pound hole in the Transport for London (TfL) budget.

The extra charges would come in addition to the congestion charge, which costs £8 per day or more if not paid on time

The Evening Standard also quotes him as saying "The best things in London are free. Free elections, free museums, free healthcare. The Evening Standard is the indispensable guide to London. I wish the paper well."

... when it was only two weeks ago he was wanting to re-introduce paid admission to London's free museums.

Still, LOL OMFG!!!! BORIS DONE A GUFF!!!! ROFL!!!!!!! THE MAN IS A LEGERND I TELL YOU LOL!!!!! I CARNT WAIT 2 SEE HIM RUNNING THE INTIRE CITTY!!! BORRIS 4 KING!!! LOL!!! LOL!!! LOLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!, etc.

― James Mitchell, Monday, 12 October 2009 16:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

From January, a weekly bus pass will increase from £13.80 to £16.60 and a zone one Oyster pay-as-you-go Tube fare will go up 20p to £1.80.

Meanwhile the existing £8 daily congestion charge to drive into central London will rise to £9 for people using a new automatic payment system and £10 for people who stick to the current options.

Lol, Boris.

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 15 October 2009 10:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

LOL, taste of what it'll be like to live under the Tories for the next x years

― The Prince's choice: making a brush. (Tom D.), Thursday, 15 October 2009 10:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

Good thing he's ending the congestion charge and getting rid of the bendy buses, OH WAI

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 15 October 2009 10:09 (1 month ago) Permalink

A senior manager at Boris Johnson's regeneration agency has been sacked for using “extremely offensive and racist” language.

Nick Hoare, an interim director at the London Development Agency, was dismissed within hours of allegedly using the “n word” during a meeting.

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 29 October 2009 15:45 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Mr Hoare is not thought to have had any other complaints against him. He added: “My boss, Sarah Ebanja, she is a coloured person. She knows I'm not racist"

He said he had been 'misheard' and had been 'framed by an external party who has a business interest.”

Tigger? Nipper?

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Thursday, 29 October 2009 16:16 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

“My boss, Sarah Ebanja, she is a coloured person. She knows I'm not racist"

What colour. Blue? Puce? Aquamarine?

― The Prince's choice: making a brush. (Tom D.), Thursday, 29 October 2009 16:28 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

one of my best friends is an asian

― peter falk's panther burns (schlump), Friday, 30 October 2009 01:15 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Chance of some Prince Philip-style racist lols today:

Europe's busiest diagonal crossing has opened in central London's Oxford Circus.

Based on crossings in Tokyo, the new design stops traffic in all directions, allowing shoppers to cross diagonally in an "X" as well as straight ahead.

It will be officially unveiled at 0945 GMT by London Mayor Boris Johnson.

In homage to its Far Eastern inspiration, the mayor will strike a two-metre high cymbal as Japanese musicians play taiko drums.

― James Mitchell, Monday, 2 November 2009 10:08 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Cool. Anything else happening in central London today that could make the headlines? Maybe some line painting in Soho? A new manhole cover in Piccadilly?

― Ismael Klata, Monday, 2 November 2009 10:44 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

A dustbin being kicked over in Shaftsbury?

― James Mitchell, Monday, 2 November 2009 10:55 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

You don't know if you're reading the front page or the comics.

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Monday, 2 November 2009 11:03 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Screw the haters. This is more important than bombs Afghanistan, Iraq and Somali pirates combined.

― I never saw the advantage of peeing while standing. (Upt0eleven), Monday, 2 November 2009 11:08 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Hang on - the "£5m junction"?

― James Mitchell, Monday, 2 November 2009 11:58 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I don't for one minute believe this is all Boris's doing but that particular junction has been fucking horrendous for years and anything that makes it less so is good by me. It is the junction of the two biggest shopping streets in London.

― Matt DC, Monday, 2 November 2009 12:05 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Yeah, those barriers were awful. Hated going through there. Now it'll be much easier to run pedestrians over.

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Monday, 2 November 2009 12:11 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Like trying to drive through a flock of sheep more like.

― Matt DC, Monday, 2 November 2009 12:20 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

no, sheep will scatter on hearing a horn.

― antastic mr ox (darraghmac), Monday, 2 November 2009 12:23 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Seriously though Matt is right it was horrible walking through there (I don't think I've even driven through it - unless by accident). This looks good even if £5m seems quite a lot of money for mostly getting rid of stuff, I guess York stone doesn't come cheap.

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Monday, 2 November 2009 12:37 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Those ropes won't keep anyone from crossing.

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Monday, 2 November 2009 12:40 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I rather like the idea of having a doorman lifting up little ropes for people to cross major roads though. And stopping people in jeans and trainers.

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Monday, 2 November 2009 12:41 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Road accidents to increase exponentially

― The Prince's choice: making a brush. (Tom D.), Monday, 2 November 2009 12:43 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

"If your name's not down, you're not getting into Niketown."

― James Mitchell, Monday, 2 November 2009 12:49 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

A dustbin being kicked over in Shaftsbury?

― James Mitchell, Monday, 2 November 2009 10:55 (1 hour ago) Bookmark

ha ha

anyway

― peter falk's panther burns (schlump), Monday, 2 November 2009 13:50 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

And here's the same crossing from my holiday snaps, looking a tad more mundane. Forget the big promises - this is all Boris has to offer you, London.

― Ismael Klata, Monday, 2 November 2009 14:02 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 2 November 2009 14:13 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8340865.stm

Really? 'Oiks'?

― dowd, Tuesday, 3 November 2009 18:56 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

"He picked up the iron bar, called after the girls and cycled after them."

So were they even there when Boris rolled up? Seems to me they had run off, conveniently leaving the iron bar. All seems a bit odd.

― PC Thug (Ned Trifle II), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 19:02 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Oink oink oink.

― Alba, Tuesday, 3 November 2009 19:05 (2 weeks ago) Permalink