OK so I realise this is going to sound screwed up that I've come to a messageboard to help me work out this problem but I would appreciate any serious answers.
I've been seeing a girl for about 15 months now, and at the 12 month mark we were having problems sexually and I wasn't satisfied. I was on the net talking, and a girl I had known for a while (who is in a different country) came online and we started chatting. We had some history in the past, we met each other about 5 times 3 years before I left said country (and met the girl im seeing now) and we slept with each other once while I was single. At first the chat was friendly but after a while one thing leads to another and this online chat turn a bit sexy. We are both talking inappropriately and she sends me a pic and I forwarded her one of me which I took for a previous girlfriend. Afterwards I felt an enormous amount of guilt. I realise I have betrayed my girlfriend's trust. I have never spoken to this girl again, deleted her contact information etc. She does not have anything other than my email address anymore, and she hasn't contacted me again since. I still love my current girlfriend, we are working on our sexual problems and things seem to be improving. Apart from that I can't fault the relationship. I have no intentions of contacting this other person again, and I am fairly certain that if I don't tell my current girlfriend she would never find out. I had never wanted to cheat on anyone and the guilt that has arisen from this has been paralysing. My work is suffering, I can't sleep and I have been asking her strange questions about our future (obviously my guilt is showing through but she doesn't yet suspect anything). I realise I have to deal with my actions but I am unsure how.
Do I hold in the tremendous guilt, save her any hurt and hope that it doesn't destroy us in the long run?
Will "getting away with it" result in me trying to do it again sometime?
At the moment I couldn't even dream of doing anything like this again, but of course theres the theory that once you do things once its easier the next time right?
Do I tell her honestly and openly and hope that she forgives me, take any repercussions like a man and hope that she isn't crushed by it?
Do I just break it off with a generic excuse to save her any potential extra pain that would come from having her know that I have cheated on her?
― namey, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:15 (eighteen years ago)
she does this to all the guys.
― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:16 (eighteen years ago)
did u fap?
― max r, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:20 (eighteen years ago)
Remember just how wretched you are feeling right now, and use that as your deterrent never to do this again.
― C J, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:24 (eighteen years ago)
i will never ask anyone about fapping ever again.
― max r, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:25 (eighteen years ago)
if you feel that wretched it could well be The Real Thing.
― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:27 (eighteen years ago)
You have an inbuilt need to be honest and pure.
You feel that no matter what the hurt you cause to those around you, "to thineself be true" is your motto.
This is the greatest vanity.
You have faults. You have done things wrong. Confession does not absolve you, it shifts the guilt from yourself onto someone else and transposes it into pain.
i.e. snap out of it.
If you feel you should be alone but pure, go tell her.
If you feel she thinks you are better than you are, don't worry she'll work that out for herself in other ways.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:27 (eighteen years ago)
girls on the internet are bad bad people.
― darraghmac, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:28 (eighteen years ago)
namey
― gabbneb, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:29 (eighteen years ago)
no, you shouldn't.
next!
― grimly fiendish, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:30 (eighteen years ago)
max r yep i fapped
― namey, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:41 (eighteen years ago)
Did the baby see you fapping?
― nathalie, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:44 (eighteen years ago)
play on playa
― Eazy, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:45 (eighteen years ago)
But this is good advice. And anonymously give $100 to an orphanage or your girlfriend's favorite charity.
― Eazy, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:46 (eighteen years ago)
was this person with whom you cybered named "Luna"???
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:47 (eighteen years ago)
"yep i fapped"
urrrggghhh...i was kidding mate, didn't really want to know.
jesus christ
― max r, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:47 (eighteen years ago)
HE WENT THERE
― DJ Mencap, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:48 (eighteen years ago)
left with OILYRAGS
― sanskrit, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:49 (eighteen years ago)
Tell your girlfriend not to be so possessive about the poonani.
― Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:53 (eighteen years ago)
the thread has already been derailed! jesus max don't ask next time
― namey, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:54 (eighteen years ago)
http://www.elroddo.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/lawnmowerman.jpg
Dr. Lawrence Angelo: This technology was meant to expand human communication, but you're not even human any more! What you've become terrifies me. You're a freak! Jobe Smith: Your naive idiocy makes me VERY ANGRY!
― am0n, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 14:59 (eighteen years ago)
Lovely - let's all help some sexist philanderer
Cybersex just PROVES you are a sissy
― Vance Brock, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 15:04 (eighteen years ago)
This could be the t-shirt of the year.
― Eazy, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 15:10 (eighteen years ago)
i went there with post one, slowcoaches.
― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 15:11 (eighteen years ago)
I'd say if you feel so guilty and you really don't want to do it again then just try to forget about it.
Maybe it'll teach you what is important about your current relationship.
But...
"...but of course theres the theory that once you do things once its easier the next time right?"
This sounds like you're using this as an excuse for any future cheating you might feel like doing.
― mei, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 15:38 (eighteen years ago)
This might sound like an excuse but it was unintentional & probably should not have been mentioned. I am sure that if the situation arose where I could do something similar in the future that I would use the pain I am feeling now as a reminder which path to take.
― namey, Tuesday, 16 October 2007 16:02 (eighteen years ago)
I forgot yesterday to answer this thread, so I went to find it again so that I could. Ready?
No.
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 17 October 2007 10:27 (eighteen years ago)
I have never spoken to this girl again, deleted her contact information etc. She does not have anything other than my email address anymore
Well, nothing other than that and an emailed photo of your junk.
― John Justen, Wednesday, 17 October 2007 15:46 (eighteen years ago)