Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

are there kiwis on that thread?? i thought it was all aussies cuz the kiwis had gone missing!

i've been missing out :(

Dear Coffee Shop Worker,

If I ask for a large latte that doesn't mean I want two inches of extra foam.

luv,

oni
xx

Dear Air Canada Captain,

Please, please, please draw on all your years of experience and distinguished service to make sure that you get her there safely. I am knawing fingernails until I get that phone call. Please inform cabin crew to ignore tetchiness, as she really hates flying. Champagne will most probably help with this. I am thinking that you should handle touchdown yourself, rather than delegate to the first officer.

Respectfully,

Dr. C

Dear Spiders,

You do your thing and I'll do mine.

Love,

Jarl.

Dear woman in the green car pulling out of Ninth Avenue,

The time to pull out is when I'm static and letting you turn right in front of me, not once I've started moving again because you appear not to be taking advantage of the space I've left you.

Love,

aldo

dear cuet boys of london,
WHY ALL AT ONCE??
love, emsk

Dear lovely new friend,

Stop being so amazing. I'm not supposed to be getting a crush on you. Argh. I'm no good at this.

xxx
T

Dear BBC Breakfast News team,

I'm 38 years old, not 6. Please stop fucking talking like that. In fact, dear BBC News team, just quit or something.

Noodle

Dear ILX,

lol get a mac

DG

xpost-It's really only Sian that I find like that.

It's pretty much the BBC's entire news output except for Radio 4 which is a text-in show for Mail and Telegraph readers to moan about scum most of the time.

oh come on, any answers is hilarious - text-in show for mail and telegraph readers to voluntarily reveal their own scumminess to the rest of the country.

That wuz my point.

But I don't find it hilarious, it just makes me v.v.v. sad. So I just lissen to Radio 3 all the time.

Dear Beloved College,

Plz get your financial aid information distributed. Classes have been going on for 4 weeks. Some of us are feeling a bit stressed out by this situation.

Love,
Sara

Dear Headache,

Die.

Love,
A Sufferer

Dear lost friend,

I really am sorry. If I could, I'd fix all this somehow. I kinda miss you.

love,
T

Dear Scott,
I like that.
Love,
m

Deer flatmate,

thanx for buying own beer finally

luv

m

dear clieent who just abused me for no reason on the phone,
fuk u, u fucking cunt.

M

dear employer who scheduled me for saturday night,

lol.

js

dear bbc2,

*i* will decide whether thursdays are funny

cheers
andy

Dear Amazon and other internet retailers,

STOP TEMPTING ME WITH SHINY THINGS WHEN I AM HUNGOVER, FEELING SELF INDULGENT AND FINALLY HAVE CREDIT CARD UNDER CONTROL! YOU ARE THE DEVIL!!

All the best,

K

dear blogging conglomerate who shall remain unnamed,

i would like it a bunch if you hired me as a contributing editor for one of your blogs. please do it so i can scale back my 9-5 to saner hours. plus i would like getting paid for blogging.

luv u guise

hoos

dear bbc2,

*i* will decide whether thursdays are funny

cheers
andy

OTM, they build it up so much by branding their schedules. this did not happen ten years ago. why has the BBC become so dumb i blame Jane Root and others.

dear serotonin,

i wish i didn't need you to survive.

luv,

j.

Dear wonderful old friend and soon to be housemate,

I think I love you. But thats ok. I think we deserve it for a change.

yrs in anticipation

smitten.

good times FINALLY for trayce!!

WAHOOOOO!!!

:)

Indeed! :)

dear brakenbury residents association

please stop pinning your laminated A4 slices of nimbyism to the trees in our road - you make the place look uglier than a new building ever would.

love
andy

dear jboss, firefox and outlook

you can't ALL use port 1099 for whatever it is you want to do. please be more sensible.

andy

Dear God

Fuck you, wanker

Noodle

Dear Girl in Pink Shorts,

When it becomes necessary to pull on your shorts to remove them from within your vajay, it is time to upgrade to more comfortable shorts.

love,

hoos

Dear Girl Who is My Relief at Work,

You were supposed to be here at 7 am. It is now 8:30. What the fuck. I want to go home. I need sleep, I have errands to run, I've gotta move shit out of my apartment. There are things I need to be doing right now (first and foremost SLEEPING) and none of them involve waiting on you to shake off your hangover. In the future please be more mindful of the effect your decisions have on your coworkers. Luv ya!

Hoos

Dear Left Brain,

We're not going to get anywhere giving each other the silent treatment. Whaddya say we call up Corpus Callosum, pop open a few O'Douls and do some homework?

I miss you. I need you.

Love,

Right Brain

daer crazy last minute christmas mom,

yes, i know i had that guitar 6 months ago. now i dont. perhaps calling earlier than today would have been smart if you needed to get it for christmas. yelling at me will not help.

xoxo john

ps you are stupid.

Dear St. K,

Please cancel classes for today because I don't really want to drive in a dangerous snow storm.

Love,
S

Dear Silver Fox,

I have a highly inappropriate crush on you. You make coming to work pleasurable and you are the reason why people ask me how I can be so cheerful on a Monday morning.

Do me See you in the tea room.

xxx

Dear verse melody to "Sour Girl",

Get out of my head, I feel like a madman! I wish I had never voted for you.

Love,

Z (S)

dear stupid retard rock,

you make my day that much more bearable. keep on keeping on.

thanks,
ktr

dear torta al pastor,

thinking of you. meet me tonight? you know where.

xoxo,

j

Dear nose,

what is your major malfunction?

thx in advance,
gbnb

Dear Radio One

STFU!!!!!

Love,

Jarl.

Dear Silver Fox,

I just heard your dulcet tones in the corridor. You thrill me.

K xxx

Dear Rain the Cat,

I just let you in 5 minutes ago stfu.

Love,

Guy with food who can open the back door

Dear Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z thread,

I just realized I posted almost the exact same thing on you 11 months ago. Please accept my apologies.

Love,

nickalicious

dear cat

wtf @ u

w/the 3 am yowling

what is yr deal homes

luv

hoos

dear stomach,

"grrrwwwwwwaaaaaaaawwwwwllllSQQQUAARRRrrgggglllllffffffzzzz-zzz/z///zzz-z-z-fffsssshhhhburgleBURGLEBURGLEBURGLE..................BLORP"

this is a direct quote from you, during every meeting i ever have. i eat a normal breakfast. i don't understand why you do this to me. i understand that i drink a cup of coffee or three in the morning but you should be used to this by now. please change your behavior or i will replace you with a biotech-stomach whenever it is invented and is cheap enough for me to purchase.

love,

mind/body

can i just interrupt you for a second

Are you selling biotech?