Funny Headlines

(Yes, it's from The Onion and thus not strictly applicable, but it made me piss myself)

a.k.a. THE SUPER BOWL.

Which was not funny in the stricest sense, but still made me giggle.

FOOT HEADS ARMS BODY

... unfortunately not sure if it's true

Not sure if this one is true either, but it was a World War II headline supposedly:

BRITISH PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS REAR

Young Boys Wankdorf Erection Relief, as ESPN put it.

# Autopsy planned in missing woman case (AP)

ha wut

It's not hilarious, but it kind of sounds like they're already planning the autopsy even though they haven't found the woman. Just bad headline writing.

Germans Bar Cruise

'Man shoots dad in butt'

'TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE IN THURLES'

French man with two asses surprises Swedish officials.

Confused sea turtles march into Italian restaurant

my forever favourite remains Prisoner to sue jail after swallowing plastic fork.

Cash-in-buttocks man in M25 ban

Obama, McCain vie for suburbanites, white women (AP)

haha i saw that cash-in-buttocks man headline earlier but couldn't find this thread

Probe finds toilet paper 'dumping'

The more you think about it the worse it gets.

Art Hoax Unites Europe in Displeasure

Crew of space station survives a close call with space junk

Not a favourite by any means, but I bet some sub at the BBC is dead proud of himself for getting this in ten years after anyone gave a fuck

Manic Street Features

It's all gone Pete Tong in Kim Jong Taepodong ding-dong

Good to see that only two words are important in that article. SONGS and NO

Obama May Block Sun's Rays to End Global Warming
FOXNews –
‎8 minutes ago‎

current Accuweather headline: "Weather for This Morning's Plane Crashes"

'funny'

The Capital Times
'Country' arrested after allegedly threatening to go 'wild hillbilly' on man

The Capital Times — 6/12/2009 7:55 am

A man called "Country" was arrested for allegedly pulling out a knife at an east-side city park and threatening another man, apparently telling the victim "I'm going to cut you up like a wild hillbilly."

but "a wild hillbilly" is the name of his dog, doctor...

i'm confused, is he going to cut him up like a wild hillbilly would cut him up, or is he going to cut him up like he would cut up a wild hillbilly

Maybe it would have been clearer had he said, "Like a wild hillbilly, I'm going to cut you up."

I assuming if the rascal was going around calling himself "Country", this was his intention.

True story. When I was in college I lived in an apartment complex where a lot of the U of Illinois football players lived and I ended up befriending them when they discovered I had Goldeneye on the N64, so they'd drop by from time to time to play. Anyway, one of the big linebackers was from some small town in Alabama and the other guys called him "Big Country" because he was, well, big and from the country. I cracked wise about Big Country the band and was met with lots of weird stares. True story.

We get these Toughman contests down here where your average joe can get in the ring and whup up on some other average joes and get away with it. Of course, since this is their time in the spotlight, they all get to adopt these monikers for the announcers to use:

"And from Fordyce, we have BIG COUNTRY."
"He's come here all the way from Russellville, give it up for THE HELLBILLY."

and our favorite,

"From Stuttgart, here's .... STUTTGART."

dr "country" morbius

(My fav pic of those lolcat things was that "We can't stop here, this is big country", you know the one)

"Freed man attacks justice system"

not so much funny, but made me chuckle in a clever way.

um, i didn't chuckle cleverly. oh nevermind.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/north_yorkshire/8298290.stm

ilxor in the news

Cleavage!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/markeaston/2009/11/why_was_david_nutt_sacked.html

Chef Paula Deen accidentally hit by charity ham.

http://news.theage.com.au/breaking-news-world/us-boy-licks-pole-gets-stuck-20091212-kp1x.html

Titter ye not

How Will Mel Gibson's Latest Rants Affect Jodie Foster's Beaver?

Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan

Officer Shoots Man Threatening Suicide

Clever:
Bachmann's Turn for Overdrive

bbc website just now LATEST:

Police in Mexico find 19 prostitutes and 100 fighting cocks among inmates at Acapulco prison

new scientist on a roll

Spider builds giant decoy of itself

Human hands evolved so we could punch each other

maybe two isn't 'a roll'

"Window cleaner killed by giant pencil" is still my favourite headline of all time.

spider punched by own decoy after evolving human hands (fuuuuck)

Scratching my head at this one:

Essex school bans triangular flapjacks after injury
Following an incident when a boy was hit in the face, dinner staff told to cut the snack into squares or rectangles

An Octoroon Playwright Will Develop Series for HBO

AdBlock Plus blocked in China: 159m forbidden from stripping adverts
Builders bemoan browser-based banner buster being blatantly banned

There have been some great headlines on the Washington Post lately, like "Capitol riot suspect pictured at Pelosi’s desk screams ‘It’s not fair’ in court." But there was one yesterday that was practically iambic pentameter poetry: "Four cats saved from sinking ship by Thai sailor who swam to save them." Drop "Thai" and that's downright Shakespearian.

Another WaPo one today: "‘Cherry freedom’ sweeps China despite virus fears — and the thrill is infectious."

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EwC54IwWEAcXL4v?format=jpg&name=medium

Clearly WaPo person is having a blast. "The GOP’s big bulk book-buying machine is boosting Republicans on the bestseller lists."

Indian man urinating on train track dies after being hit by ‘flying cow’