I Slept With My Best Friend And Now I Want To Kill Myself

It might come back to haunt you but don't second guess it. Its the partner I'm worried about though.

Whether or not this makes you feel any better, I dunno.

i think you should try to run into them, say 'god, i'm sorry about the other night, we were so drunk and you know i don't normally think of you that way, so can we just pretend it never happened? i care about you too much as a friend to lose you over this'

and then give a little space.

i would say that it's probably worth seeing her in person and just having things be 'normal' as much as possible, even if it's just for a little while, so she can see you aren't going to jump her bones every time you see her, you know?

seriously, don't get too freaked out about this, that kind of stuff happens all the time. the more nervous you are about it, and the bigger deal you make it, the weirder things will be between you, which you don't want. try to forget it happened and move on.

charltonlido, I don't really think she thinks I fancy her or anything.

I guess I'll just have to wait a bit and then try to see her in some casual relaxed context and see how she acts and respond to that.

seriously, hope this doesnt happen to you. DON'T stop communicating. whatever u do.

and most importantly - if you ever become close-close again and things go back to normal - don't ever ever ever do it again

of course, we still had to have it out face to face and have a tough discussion that was unpleasant. but that's my way of dealing with things like this. pull the arrows out to heal. but i guess it's what you're comfortable with.

life goes on. friendship can go on. it might help if in the future, you guys hang out in groups with others... buffers.

i dunno. hang in there. it doesn't have to be over.
m.

listen: time will give you perspective. give time a chance to work its funky magic. move on with yr life and let the other person move on with hers. no harm no foul.

in my case, the person was unstable and had serious mental issues. i was "the friend" who was also "the psychologist," and main emo. support. so when this took place, and the fear arose that there is a true attraction there and it might take place again, there was no direction to go but down.

you have to hopefully make it clear that this will not happen again, despite how on the inside you were okay with it. cliche but true: sex profoundly changes human emotions and the way we relate to one another, so if Friend feels as if everything feel different and she can't look at you the same again, maybe for her things have changed...and you're just going to have to accept that, for now or however long it feels this way to her.

i'd like to think of every relationship as of having a particular flavor - you and your best friend, professor, lover, dog-walker, internet chat-buddy - and when that way of relating changes instantly, it can cause a lot of confuson. you need to make clear that the old way of relating to you is still accessible to her, that that is what you prefer - friend, and not lover.

i've had great friends make horrible roommates also.

weird how that can work.
m.

i made the classic mistake and did the exact opposite - deciding to try and turn Friend into Lover (selling it as "best of both worlds!!")

in the end, I had neither Friend nor Lover, just massive reams of Guilt that plagued me in my sleep... a longing that couldn't be stilled for a moment of ten months until i learned that Friend had voluntarily thrown Friend's life away, shortly afterwards, anyway

weird how that can work.

Well I can imagine quite easily how some of my great mates would probly drive me up the wall if I lived with them.

Again, so sorry to hear about your experiences... :-(

"I still thought it was ok. Next morning though - a whole different story... "

---were you expecting anything else? It kinda looks like you might've been

-but obv I needed to spell it out more.

This is very much how I feel about my extremely dear friend Stripey. I wouldn't change a thing about the friendship.

Well, obviously there was an attraction there when it happened. But there were very unusual circumstances that I don't want to go into detail about. At least I am 100% sure I'm not attracted to her now, and that I won't be. I dare say that it goes for her too. Neither of us are gay (well, we're probably both a bit bi I guess, but I believe most if not all people are, so nothing strange about that). I wasn't expecting anything at all the morning after, except for a hell of a hangover, and was just praying that by some miracle it wasn't going to be as weird between us as it turned out to be. I guess I should have figured she'd be freaking out about it, but hell, I wasn't really thinking, you know.

Anyway, it feels a little bit better now actually, and I've decided to give it a few days, since I know we'll see each other (in company) very soon. I'll just wait and see what that's like, there's a chance it'll not be as bad as I fear. I might be overreacting and over-interpreting her a bit, and I think both our initial turbulent emotions will calm down.

Thanks to everyone who have said wise and sensible things. It's been really helpful.

So, you slept with your best friend. I MARRIED mine.

-- pepektheassassin (tr3joyc...), April 19th, 2005 12:44 PM.

how's that working out for ya?