Who's Your Daddy? A Family thread

My mom: she's amazing. One of my best friends. She'll give you the shirt off her back and bend over backwards to do whatever she can for you. Was a single mom of 3 kids and worked her ass off to raise us as best she could and to provide not only the things we needed, but also many of the things we wanted, too. She drinks too much, but we try to let her alone with that. She was a great mom as a kid because she always indulged the silliness and delight that come with being a wee child. She grabbed hold of my son the day he was born and has never looked back.

My dad: chose to move to NZ a few years ago - it was where he'd met my mom originally while he was stationed there in the Navy, and he loved it so much that after he and my stepmom divorced, he went back. He's difficult to get to know, taciturn and stubborn, but has a good heart underneath the gruff exterior. Also a great dad as a kid - he loves little kids and gets along better with them than anyone. I remember that he used to always sing the 'three little fishies and the mama fishy too' song to me. He's got Parkinson's now, and one of my biggest fears is that he'll die alone.

My sister: She's a bitch. Plain and simple. Takes no shit and makes no apologies. Good person to have on your side in an argument, an emergency or a bar fight. She was trained as a nurse/anesthetic technician, but gave it up several years ago to stay home and raise her kids. She's pregnant with no. 3 now - this one's a girl. Not a good idea to wake her up in the morning, just put a cup of coffee by her head and RUN. I love her immensely.

My brother: He's a great guy - everyone who knows him says so. Affable, an easy smile, always a ready joke and if anything happens to your car, he can fix it in a hot minute. We used to fight like cats and dogs when we were younger now, but things have calmed down as we've gotten older, and he's not too big a man to tell his little sister he loves her. Aww.

My son: The sun rises and sets over this kid - you all know it, and I know it, too. He's got my father's eyes, and a killer smile and is always ready to laugh at things and be goofy. He's an aficionado of hotwheels and spiderman, and would eat corndogs until he threw up, if I let him.

Best friend No. 1: Known her since I was 12. She's gregarious and hilarious, has known more pain than most people I know, but still manages to have a good time in her life. She's getting married next year, and we're going to take a last, single-girl roadtrip right before the wedding. Always ready to listen, would do anything she could to help the ones she loves, and has such a sweet and pure heart.

Best friend No. 2: Stubborn as his birthsign Taurus, has beautiful eyes, the world's best laugh and gives amazing backrubs. Has a musical spirit and radiates love and strength. Is equally good with kids, animals and the elderly - partially because he's a big kid himself. Loves his mama and isn't afraid to stand up for himself or anyone else. Champion of the underdog, but has such a gentle soul I've been brought to tears more than once.

(Further updates coming)

I have such a normal loving family that it's kind of sickening. My parents are pretty great. My mom reads all the time and does so really quickly, resulting in trips to the library at least once a week growing up. She also likes crossword puzzles. She is mostly kind of soft-spoken but can be sarcastic, usually towards my dad. My dad is kind of goofy, and has some annoying personality traits that I worryingly see in myself (tendency to be selfish, can push jokes too far to the point of annoying people, etc.), but mostly he's a good dad. My sister is very much like me, we look a lot alike and she's kind of wacky like I am. She is better-travelled and more sophisticated than me, but I have more book-smarts and am better versed in American culture. We don't really have big family crises, especially since my sister and I have been out of the house.

All my exteneded family lives within 5 miles of my house (apart from one cousin). I only see most of them a few times a year, they're okay. I see one aunt every Sunday, we go to the park with our dogs. My mum is cool, I like arguing with my dad, he's cool too we're kinda similar in winding people up respect. I have one sister, she's cool, lives with her boyfriend. I have 4 cousins, I don't see them very often.

My daddy is the one at the back
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/lucyald/doublediamond.jpg

Actually, that should be front, because they're going backwards, innit. The one with the beer, anyway.

My family is a real treat, so here we go. Im making mine holiday themed.

Dad - Used to be normal, now he thinks he's Tony Soprano. Had a nervous breakdown years ago and is completely messed up in the head. Bi-polar, narcissist. Will be Italy central at his house for the holidays. Complete with WHITE christmas tree and nothing but Louis Prima, Frank Sinatra, Lou Monte and all other italian singers and nothing but italian singers playing on his stereo. I'll probably go there for dessert. I will probably get a present for Christmas that will not be wearable, like a velour sweatsuit (again) or some horrendous silk shirt. Although this year he may go big and get me a gold chain with an italian horn on it. Sweetness.

Dads Wife (step "it") - Looks like she could have a cock and probably does. Completely opposite of my mother. This prize thinks she's Adrianna from the Sopranos. She'll have something made of fur on complete with 100 pieces of gawdy (sp) jewelery. Will smell like a french whore. Will drink enormous amounts of martini's and probably say something she shouldn't.

Mom - nice, kooky lady. Will have French - Canadian themed meals. Will buy cheap wine because she doesn't drink and has no idea whats good.

Step Dad - will sit in the bedroom and watch tv all day. Ocassionally come out to ask me "where's the beer" and give dog a piece of turkey/ham or whatever.

Sister - i've spoken enough about this pain in the ass.

Wife - can't say enough about her.

Dog - Will probably eat all the scraps, smell and lick his balls and pecker and sleep.

Grandmother (maternal) - Is in Nova Scotia, will not travel...will speak with her by phone. She'll basically yell in my ear for about 1/2 an hour just because she is hard of hearing doesn't mean I am.

Grandfather (paternal) - haven't spoken to him in years.

In- Laws - Norwegian style Christmas, mutton and potatoes, beer and Aquavit. Will get smashed, play games and listen to folk music. Will probably vomit like I do every year.

actually what the dog is going to be doing is pretty similar to what i'll do.

My father is:

A eccentric weirdo who knows more about cars than anyone I know. He also cares about them more than he cares about us. He's also physically and emotionally abusive, but somehow we've all forgiven him...he doesn't deserve forgiveness, he's just lucky.

My mother is:

Highly religious, but not a bible basher. Has no adult friends, prefers the company of 20 somethings. Works as a team leader in a call centre, hates it but it pays the bills. This is what happens when you leave school at 17 to work in the deli of a supermarket.

My elder sister:

Openly admits she suffers from status anxiety. Works a stressful job that makes her feel like she is somebody, but she really isn't. We don't get on.

My younger sister:

Lives in California so I never see her anymore. Used to seem quite preoccupied with fashion and stuff which made certain people believe she was shallow, but she's not really. It's just a front. Thinking is too hard.

My younger brother:

Lives up the coast. Heavy drug user. Hosting coke party at my parents house while they're o/s. If they knew they would disown him in a flash. Prodigal son in-the-making.

My dad's a bigamist. Met him for the first time in october, two years ago. He's black. He has five other daughters. He ruined my mums life.

He ran away from his wife and family when she found out. My mum nearly lost the child she was carrying (me) when she found out.

He came back for the court case. Lied through his teeth. Was kicked out of his job. Became a high heid yin in the VSO, done good work (for others) while things settled down here. Cancelled the trust fund he had set up for me.

Paid £140 over sixteen years towards my upbringing.

I contacted him openly, unquestioningly and with forgiveness. He still acts wary around me. Promises to write me into his will, promises me money and an inheritance I don't want - even if I did believe he wasn't lying.

He thinks he can make me embrace black culture which I know nothing about. Tries to encourage me to respect my roots which are deeply embedded in my mums side. He makes ME feel guilty for rarely seeing him although he never attempted to find me. He critisises me. Makes me doubt myself. Makes me question why I met him.

That's my daddy.

Eh, my mum's the best though.

No thanksgiving here obv, but here are some of the people I'll be spending time with (separately or together) this Christmas:

Mum: much like me except takes no shit and has a few hobby horses she will no doubt be riding over the festive season: feminism, social model of disability, other people's stupidity. Likes reading, Scrabble, being organised, changing the world, travel. Doesn't much like cooking.

Sister: artistic, passionate, funny, ditzy, playful. I have only good memories of us growing up together and we often hilariously reminisce. Has man trouble a lot.

Step-dad: gruff Liverpudlian with a colourful past, trenchant views and a conviction that nobody knows how to cook except him. Easily stressed, easily amused, heart of gold. Will probably be working on Christmas day so Matt gets the run of their kitchen for once, god help him.

Gran: feisty and funny and clever, took to women's lib late in life. Crossword fiend and golfer, but has health problems and is getting frailer now which is sad to see. Much more dependent on my mum and uncles than she was - will possibly be with one of them for Xmas beng plied with gin morning noon and night.

Dad: distant in both senses. Had a terrible childhood and suffers from depression which he won't discuss, is holding out for retirement in 5 years time. I inherit my natural reserve from him though so I feel closer to him than I otherwise might.

Step-mum: South London born and bred, large and motherly but with many health problems. Put upon and taken for granted by her whole family probably including my dad. Has absolutely nothing in common with me but is lovely.

Step-sister: step-mum's daughter. Almost estranged from my dad since his almighty fued with the father of her baby. Things a bit better since they got their own place I think. Nice girl but I haven't seen her for ages, and hopefully will meet her son for the first time this Xmas.

Mother-in-law: puts all her energy into her dogs since Matt left home and she stopped being a childminder. Has an inferiority complex I think, very class conscious. Likes to think of Matt as hopeless male specimen despite all evidence to the contrary. Would do anything for us though I'm sure.

Father-in-law: mumbly, sarcastic wage slave, reminds me of Mr Bennett in Pride & Prejudice. Like my dad he can't wait to retire. Always making jokes at his wife's expense, hard to get him talking about anything else though. Also loves the dogs though pretends not to.

My family: Scarily dysfunctional.

I'm saving the details for the book.

I love my family more than anything in the world ever. They crack me up, drive me nuts, and ... drive me more nuts.

My Mum and Dad are no longer around (my Dad died from oesophageal cancer about 5 years ago, and my Mum from a broken heart a year later).

They were great - kind, clever, funny, dependable, very loving and supportive. My Dad (an ex Welsh international rugby player back in the day) was an absolute riot, who could start a party in an empty room. I miss them both lots, they were Good People.

Here they are looking Hollywood Chic at a party before I was even so much as a twinkle in my Dad's eye:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v506/Paronomasiac/scan0002.jpg

CJ that picture is wonderful.

I have only ever seen one photo of my parents together, taken in front of the grand canyon. I couldn't find it last time I was home--it was missing from their road trip album.

That is a fantastic picture CJ - what a great image to remember them by too.

I don’t really get my father quite well enough to summarize. He grew up on a farm in Ethiopia; went to Addis Ababa to study; met and married my mother; came to the U.S. with her and a few of his brothers. He wound up spending the bulk of his career in university administration, even though he’d have been much happier just teaching; and I suspect there’s something even beyond that that’s always left him slightly less than satisfied. Now that he’s divorced he finds sort of charming ways to kill time: gardening, learning Spanish, getting a new dog. - My mother’s family, in contrast to my father’s, was fairly wealthy and aristocratic; she has various memories of walking to church behind the emperor’s procession, things like that. They lost a lot of property during the revolution. You can still sense the aristocracy in her now, in that she can be stubborn and proud. But it doesn’t extend outward at all; she’s spent time as a social worker, can have concern and compassion for just about anyone. She can be great fun, and neither my brother nor I have ever had a friend who didn’t immediately love her. She’s like a five-foot version of Claire Huxtable. - My brother was a bit of a slacker in high school, and then turned things around by becoming a bit of a machine: he went from a very small Midwestern school to Harvard Law, worked at a top-tier NYC firm, is now headed back to grad school; he works out and is huge and has fancy clothes; everyone loves him, though you wonder how much he likes everyone back; he was the model for the front of his college’s recruitment catalog. After our parents split up he stopped talking to the rest of the family for a few years. He’s just resumed communication, though I haven’t done more than text him occasionally.

I feel terrifically guilty for having posted that, which speaks to something else: they're all three of them very private, with a lot of attention paid to the face shown to the possibly-hostile world around them. I think I'm the only one in the immediate family who isn't wrapped around that issue. I'm terrifically self-conscious, yes, but it's a very different thing.

This thread makes me a bit sad that I don't have a close relationship with anyone in my family. I'm OK with that for the most part but now and again, I envy the easy, comfortable bond a lot of people seem to have with their family members.

My parents, brothers and sisters, while being somewhat fucked up, are all nice people in their own ways.

Mum: more of a mate than anything else. Emotionally reckless, possessed of boundless reserves of love for all mankind. Somewhat highly strung. I adore her, and worry more about her than anything else. Very much afraid of being alone, willing to put up with appalling boyfriends beyond the point of sanity, generally sees sense in the end though. Vivacious, funny and quick. God I love her.

Dad: not actually technically my Dad but he did the hard graft so he gets the honorific. Used to be uptight working class boy made good, wears the scars of his own relationship with his (dreadful) parents far more obviously than he thinks. Now not a well man at all, which is doubly horrible given that he was the single most practical, can-do guy on the planet. So we didn't get on. Then I became a builder, and we did. Now complete reverse of his old self, bizarrely touchy feely and given to mystical pronouncements. Recently discovered that his ruthless streak extends to family when it comes to money (Mum poor, Dad quite rich). Strange.

Brother: solid normal bloke who likes his beer birds and footy. Takes after Dad quite a lot but at heart a thoroughly stand-up guy.

Sister: the golden child, my adored and wonderful one who can do no wrong. Twelve, and easily exasperated by the stupidity of her peers, athletic and good looking enough to get away with it, for which I envy her (though obviously am pleased).

My dad: was an electrician, is now on retirement because he has Parkinson's. Is sorta intelligent for a working-class guy, it's a shame his family couldn't afford to let him go to high school when he was young. Nowadays watches TV a lot and doesn't seem to have too many hobbies, I fear what'll happen if/when his Parkinson's gets worse. (Luna, if you ever want to discuss this subject, just e-mail me.)

My mom: works as a kindergarten nanny. She is kinda ditzy, she's always trying to advice me on different aspects of my life, which is nice I guess, but in reality she has little idea how my life actuallyis. She's religious, but not in any way fanatic. Both her and my dad are there to help me with practical things (like money) if I ask, which I appreciate a lot. I have really nothing against my parents, but I'm not really close to neither one, I could never share anything intimate with them.

My dad's new wife: is kinda thick-headed, but sympathetic. I sorta like her, but I could never have an conversation longer than five minutes with her.

The daughter of my dad's new wife: is a nice teenager, though her manners could be better. Has turned from a rap fan to a metalhead, which is kinda worrying. (Not really.)

My mom's boyfriend: I lived with him and my mom for a couple of years before I moved out. He's quite okay, though he has a short temper. When I was living with my mom, he sometimes took my side when my mom was pestering me, which was something I appreciated. He occasionally buys me stuff that I need (I got my new cell phone from him), which makes me feel kinda patronized, and I would probably refuse it, but he has quite a lot of money whereas I don't.

(To be continued...)

Father: Shy as a child, like me, but grew into a more gregarious and fun person who gets excited by new people, like me. Loves music, like me. Is artistically and musially talented, not quite like me. Laid back, like me. I understand and forgive his flaws because they are basically my flaws. Is getting married in February to a lovely woman.

Mother: Fears that I will become my father, but accepts that this has pretty much happened already. He left her and she hated him for a while, but now her life is actually better this way she doesn't mind so much. Met a man who is the opposite of my father (who I have nothing in common with but is very nice) who still makes her very happy. Doesn't pay any real attention to art, doesn't read much, likes listening to dumb pop music and watching dumb movies. Fun, dependable, sensible, generous, loving, outgoing. Has far more common sense than me. Brought me up in a secular household without any in-built prejudice, for which I am thankful.

Sister: Very sensible, very hardworking, very beautiful in a simple, plain kind of way. Always got good marks in school. Never did anything stupid growing up. Appreciates some things I appreciate from a reserved distance, without getting too involved. Will have a good job, a nice house and a pleasant life, probably with her boyfriend who she lives with and will probably marry. Her smile lights up the room.

Brother: Growing up I hated his pointless selfishness and the way he would deliberately annoy me. But he's OK now. People like him a lot because he is funny and kind of stupid (we both got our sense of humour from our grandfather), but he also works very hard when he needs to, which I never have. Is practical and can fix things (unlike me), likes to know how things work, likes his car and his drums. Has a good job in marketing. Lives with his girlfriend, who is immense fun. He and my sister are twins. I look like both of them but they do not look like each other.

Could go on, but time's up just now. This is an interesting thread.

cj's mom was a hottie!

i'm still figuring my family out.

Tuomas - I'll say the same - if you ever want to talk about it, email me.

i could say some nasty things about my mother but i don't want karma to hit me where the good lord split me.

I love this thread! So many people are writing beautiful, tiny snapshots of their families - even the members they don't get along with. The eye turned outward is bringing a lot of great writing out. From within. or something. Thanks to everyone (esp. Luna) for being honest and thoughtful.

I echo those sentiments. Writing my post was, um, interesting. I don't know that I've given it that much thought before.

I agree, writing about my mom and dad almost brought tears to my eyes. I guess that, even though were not close anymore, there's some sort of special emotional link that stays on.

(...continued.)

Best friend #1: When we met, we knew almost immediately that we're gonna be friends. When we were younger we were really really close, to the extent that her boyfriends got jealous of our relationship. Then she moved away, which sorta distanced us. Even though she's back in Helsinki now we don't see each other as regularly as we used to, but she'll always have a special place in my heart. She's is a bit reckless and amoral, but it seems like living her current boyfriend for more than two years has calmed her down. We've spent every Christmas except one together ever since 1997.

(Yes: I realized that this is the most terrible question to ask someone who is or aspires to be a writer. Suddenly you're trying to create a full snapshot of the people you know more in more detail and complexity than almost any others; people have written very long novels about much, much less. I actually had to make myself post, not to mention trying very hard to keep myself from trying to organize information or properly "write" a snapshot.)

Nabisco - it's the non-edited, non- "I'm practising for my memoir" part that is so moving. Your description of your parents is extremely moving, and extremely honest - as is your apology/disclaimer. I hope you continue to be a writer.
I also feel, as one who is taking the plunge into a family scene tomorrow, that reading these posts is making me much more aware of walking into Thanksgiving dinner WITHOUT all of my defenses - if i can manage to remember the love and humanity shown to difficult family members by writers on this thread, i can get my head out of the stress filled navel gazing that I often bring to a family gathering.
I'll be posting here soon, as well. I have to keep leaving on-line to talk to potential employers. You all, every one of you, rock. xo

Mom: Incredibly hard-working, which is why she's off to a conference out of the country for Thanksgiving, though I did get a chance to see her for a few days. (She's also the reason we were able to move to the US years ago.) On the other hand, I think I've inherited my tendency to procrastinate from her, which means, among other things, she can always make time for the family. Incredibly cheerful, generous, optimistic. She's always put a good deal of pressure on me about school, career, &c. which seemed grating at the time, but which I appreciate a great deal in retrospect.

Dad: Great sense of humor -- dark, ironic, but also kind of goofy; definitely the one who taught me not to take anything too seriously. He has an amazing head for languages and music, which I also feel he passed on to me in some way. Now that he no longer has to worry about helping to put me through school and so on, he's getting to do more exciting things with his time, both work and hobby wise, which is great to see. We don't talk about very intimate things that much but can go on for hours about work, politics, history, language, family . . .

Siblings: none. Kind of sad, especially since I think my parents tried to have a second kid and couldn't. But I feel that this may be part of the reason I get along with both my parents so well -- and why I still speak Polish pretty well, even though I was 7 when we left.

Aunts, uncles, cousins: far too many to go into.

Mum: She teaches French and occasionally Russian, looks a lot like me, and is very sweet and smiley. She is very well-read and clever but completely unpretentious. She has sort of fads where she really gets into something. In the past few years it's been Syd Barret, Aldous Huxley, the Alexander Technique and most recently George Borrow, who's this Victorian linguist who wrote a lot about Wales. She send me pictures of puffins through the post, and I put them on my walls. She's just taken up Tai Chi. She sometimes gets really worried and worked up about things. She's very good at sketching. She constantly tells me that I'm clever and pretty and nice.

Dad: He does some job to do with local education which I don't understand and he hates but still works really hard at. He used to be a Classics teacher, and taught Gavin Peacock. Completely obsessed with sport, goes to every Bolton home game and a lot of the aways, will watch anything that is sport on TV, plays golf and cricket. He watches a lot of TV, and never misses Top of the Pops even though he always moans about the new format. He is really into chart music, by which I mean he doesn't really buy CDs, but he will take a really big interest in what songs are in the charts and have an opinion on all of them. We always end up arguing about music. He loves Keane. He really liked "Breathe" by Blu Cantrell and "Reach" by S Club 7, I'm not quite sure what he likes now. He's quite shy around people and hates socialising. He has a serious phobia of flying. He is very efficient and practical and always wants to 'get things sorted'. He is called Andrew and winces if called Andy. He has diabetes and asthma and I worry about him.

Both my parents are very loving and adoring. I don't see them very often anymore, but they phone a lot.

Sister: She's got really emo recently, and wants to get a tattoo and an ear tunnel. She has black and pink hair and is really pretty. At the moment she loves Elliot Smith and Brendan Benson and loads of bands I've never heard of and think sound awful. She's studying Chinese and I get her to translate the characters on tacky candles and Chinese restaurants. She is quite funny but we annoy each other if we're together for too long. She does really cool drawings. She makes really good quesadillas and burritos. She always steals my stuff.

I love them lots.

My mom -- the most sensible woman on the planet. When I was a kid she'd vacuum the entire house every day. As a kid i was completely frightened of her, but now she's a big softie. She's also a major hottie. Much hotter than me! I feel ashamed when I see pictures of her when she was my age because she was a blonde bombshell. She's also a compulsive dieter and has probably been on a diet since she was 12. When I was young she used to tell me this triumphant story about the time she said NO to donuts. I think because I was a fat kid she was trying to tell me that she overcame her childhood fatness by saying NO to donuts. She does this thing, if we're ever eating deliciously fatty food her way of saying "That's bad for you" is saying "My, that's RICH." Grew up in Kansas with fanatically religious parents, and because of it, does not like religion. Her sister died of cancer at a young age and I can tell it still upsets her. I've only seen her cry once, we were eating a chinese takeout meal together and I told her a big secret. She said: "I never thought I'd have a daughter who thought BIG."

My dad -- I'm not sure I can sum up STUART very easily. He's definitely the reason me and my sisters are all so goofy. I definitely feel a duality with myself, the part of me that is serious (like mum), and the goofy part (like dad). I didn't really see him around much as a kid, he worked a lot. I don't think he enjoyed having little kids around. But he sure loves having adult children! He grew up dirt poor in Nebraska. My grandparents are an entirely different story that goes along with that. He was the youngest boy (of five) -- and his father's favorite. My grandpa sounds like he was a mean ol' bastard, but he LOVED GOOD ol' STUEY. Sometimes I look at my dad's photos and he's this scrawny little kid with a cone-shaped head. And I look a lot like him. More like him than mom (unfortunately, as I mentioned above, she's the hot one). Dad likes to march around the house making weird noises. He likes to say he's "buzzy bivazy" when he's a little drunk. Once I plucked his eyebrows for him and he exclaimed "Harry Campbell!" (one of his friend's name apparently) when I showed him a gigantor long hair. He has almost no tact and loves to fart and burp in public. He also loves chick flicks and "The Bridges of Madison County" is his favorite film of all time. He also loves Nascar and baseball. Oh and he hasn't read a book since he was 10.

My lil sis, Kelly -- my best friend in the entire world!! Since we're only two years apart, we were treated almost as twins growing up. Actually as kids we weren't very good friends. But now we are. She's really beautiful (takes after mom) -- has this stunning GOSSAMER-ESQUE hair that's this beautiful shiny gold (I'm the only brunette kid :( :( :( ) and huge blue eyes. She's really funny. She totally cracks me up. We have a lot of in-jokes. I don't think anyone will ever "get" me as well as she does. She's also really sensitive and cries really easily, which used to piss me off. She's very aware of what people think about her and is eager to please. She definitely wants people to like her and wants to help people. She's a good friend. She is a much better person than I am.

Leslee, my other sister -- she's 5 years older than me. When I was lil I wanted to be her when I grew up. We used to be really close, but when I was 17 she moved to Ohio. Since then we haven't known each other as well. Now she is getting her doctorate at the university of nebraska and I tend to go months without hearing from her. She's very eccentric. Kind of rough around the edges at time. She really likes to insult me. She's kind of blunt, I guess that's just her style. Like I'll just be talking to her and she'll blurt out, "You have a lil mustasche, dont you?" or "Wow, your hair is thin!" She has curly reddish-blonde hair. She really likes Harry Potter.

My mother is a conservative, traditional New Englander -- the kind that doesn't like cars that are too flashy (she still sighs about her own car, understanding that the curves and aerodynamism give it better mileage, but missing the boxes and straight lines of yore) and liked everything about Star Wars except "all the weird aliens." Majored in chemistry at MIT on a full scholarship in the early 60s, and then switched to math when the head of the chemistry department told her there was no work for women in chemistry; taught math at an all-girls school near Boston, got a job at Houghton-Mifflin writing and proofreading their math textbooks (something she still does for them on a freelance basis, over 30 years later), retired when my parents moved to NH. Unretired to become the town tax collector shortly before my parents' divorce.

The total opposite of me, in other words. I used to be good at math because she'd teach it to me when I was 4 and 5 years old, to shut me up on rainy days, but I didn't have any natural instinct for it the way she does. When I was plunked into a gifted and talented type reading/writing program in 4th grade, and hated it because I'd gone from "this book was good" to "write a five paragraph essay on the importance of Copernicus in The Trumpeter of Krakow" with no instruction and no idea what an essay was, she stayed up with me every night I had homework, sitting at the computer and prodding me for every damn sentence. Worst year of school I ever had, but everything after it was cake. It was a decade before I realized just how much work I had created for her, while bitching about how hard it was for me.

Despite not understanding the impulse at all, she has encouraged me to write for a living ever since I was 4 years old and wrote "I want to be a cartoonist and a writer when I grow up" in my All About Me scrapbook -- she gets some grief for it from others in the family, because writing is hardly practical, but she's defended me. She named me after her uncle, a cartoonist and writer and sculptor and the only other person in the family to go into a non-practical line of work -- he died when she was young. When I changed my name at 15, his was the only part I kept.

My father met my mother when they were in college -- he was majoring in engineering because no one had a computer science program yet. Moving from Boston to Alabama was the big change in his life, and led to a bachelor's and master's degree, a switch to atheism, marrying my mother, and everything but the dissertation completed for his PhD, which he abandoned in the last year in order to start a computer design and manufacturing company with two friends from college. They had trouble convincing people they were going to make money building and selling computers for non-experts to use at home -- this was the late 60s and early 70s, and they did most of their business in West Germany and Japan, where my father spent 3 months of the year on business trips and somewhere around that time -- this is his claim to fame -- patented the help screen. Then a West German company dumped a pile of money on their heads, bought them out, and bam, nouveau riche -- my father meandered around the computer industry and ended up going into retail in the early 80s, when personal computing was a little more mainstream, and wound up born again, divorced, and bankrupt when discount chains and fraud drove him out of business.

He's brilliant, and would answer questions like "why is the sky blue" by drawing diagrams, and one of my earliest memories of him is going with him to shop for fallout shelters -- every place we went had a barrel of freeze-dried ice cream out as a free treat for kids. Neither of us is very family-driven, and we haven't spoken in years; his sister and her family live an hour away from me now, but I haven't seen them in about fifteen years. His parents never forgave me for changing my last name, but I think some of the frost came off when it became clear that I had returned to the South and made up for my father leaving it.

My brother is three and a half years younger than me, and I suppose I should nominate him for the "the opposite you" thread: he's the charming, outgoing, social one who never had much patience for books or anything else that didn't involve lots of people, and would get up at five in the morning no matter what time he'd gone to sleep. When I was eight and he was five, he would chase my friends around with the weedwhacker, and they called him Hitler Junior, because we apparently thought Hitler had run around Europe chasing Jews with garden tools.

He caught a fish once when his hook-less line was dangling in the water waiting for my father to finish whatever he was doing, and the fish swam up and got its snout caught on the ring the hook would attach to. When he was 12, he and a friend were given the keys to friend's dad's truck to pull it out of the garage and wash it -- they pulled out of the garage, out of the driveway, and an hour and a half north to our summer house, where they spent the night, had crackers for breakfast, wrote an IOU to a tollbooth worker, and eventually ran out of gas and pulled over to the side of the highway, where a state trooper picked them up for, you know, being twelve.

I missed the entirety of his teens: after our parents divorced, he took advantage of the joint custody situation to migrate from one parent to the other according to whom he thought would keep less of an eye on him, and then bounced in and out of reform schools -- where he discovered better drugs and slept with his counselors -- until going to prison for seven years for armed robbery when he was 16. In prison, he eventually -- after multiple trips to solitary, gang run-ins, stabbings -- kicked his heroin and cocaine addictions, took up weightlifting as a distraction, got his GED despite the lack of prison counselors for his mild dyslexia, and made parole. He's worked for several landscaping companies since, and has a daughter who just turned one. He lives in a condo owned by my mother, which is a blessing and a curse for both of them.

My best friend is also my most recent ex, and introduced me to my current girlfriend. We broke up on the realization we shouldn't have really been together to begin with but had mistaken solid friendship and a mutual enjoyment of sex for romance, and I was the Honor Guy in her wedding last year. This year I'm catsitting her cats while she and her husband teach in China, from where I get occasional reports on the markets there and the strange food oddities sold by western companies. She's a large part of why I moved to New Orleans.

My girlfriend was first introduced to me after I helped ex and then-boyfriend-now-husband move into their new apartment; thanks to the insomnia I had at the time, I had not slept the night before and had spent the whole day carrying boxes in New Orleans summer weather. I was not coherent; she was wearing a leather halter top. We said something about Twin Peaks and she asked if my brother was a Mormon and when she arrived too late for dinner to ex's Halloween party, I -- having cooked the dinner -- told her I'd make it up to her and make her a dinner of her own. We've been together since. She's fluent in six languages, is getting her PhD in Classics, and listens to Rammstein while doing her Greek homework -- and she likes to eat raw potatoes.

(Whoops, moving TO Boston FROM Alabama, re: my father.)

Dad -- A great, loving guy who's eternally hampered by chronic depression. Very sad. Major issues with self-esteem, social insecurities, tends to think other people don't like him even though he's very likable. I share a lot with him -- tastes in music and movies, I completely inherited my love of comics and animation from him.

Mom -- Astoundingly energetic and inquisitive, talks a million miles an hour, has always just read or heard something really fascinating that she wants to talk about. She skews anxious and reserved where dad skews emotional and needy, which doesn't make for the easiest mesh. They've tiptoed to the point of separation a few times, but have always pulled back from it. Also, mom's a mad baker -- house was always full of cookies, cakes, etc.

Sis -- What can I say? My partner in crime. We don't actually have much in common either personality or interest-wise, but our shared experience of family and upbringing bonded us early and forever. She's strong and specific about what she wants, and she works hard to get it (where I'm hazier and lazier all the way around). Married a great guy, has a beautiful son. I have pretty much endless respect for her. My eternal worry is that she doesn't know how much I care about her.

Bro -- The baby of the family by a good decade. Kind of the shared family project, in a way -- had a very troubled adolescence (depression, some drug issues), but is landing in early adulthood more or less on his feet. Brainy, funny, crazy in both good and sometimes worrying ways. As good-hearted as the day is long. Love him like a, well, brother.

Overall, it's a sometimes prickly and tricky crew, but a close one. I don't think any of the kids ever doubted how much our parents loved us, whatever other problems there may have been. As I've seen other people's relations with their families -- and learned more about my parents' own relationships with their parents, which were marked by resentment and misunderstanding -- I've become even more appreciative of that basic foundation.

Dad: Born 1922. Died 1989. Scottish, from Ochiltree, never made it beyond ninth grade. he beacame a shopkeeper's assistant and then worked in a slaughterhouse and then as a coal miner. he joined the Royal Navy, served in WWII as a minesweeper, was at D-Day. He had a revelation during the war (long story) that his life had a purpose, immigrated to the U.S., completed his bachelor's in three years, at Iowa State, working as a janitor and living with relatives. Went to Divinity school at Hartford Seminary, where he was a classmate of Rev. Andrew Young. Met my mom through mutual friends while attending a rally for Rev. Martin Luther King.
He was a minister, a ranconteur, a raging alcoholic, and he left the family when i was ten and moved back to Scotland. I visited every year - which made my growing up much more whole, in many ways, and made me wish i wasn't American by age 11 - but the alcohol, smoking and bad diet (his diet - not cultural) did him in. I miss him still.

Mom: My mom is crazy. She is really wonderful and smart - she has an M.A. from Yale, has a memory like an elephant, and is very interesting to talk with - as long as it is not about the family. She spent her career working, mostly, at private secondary schools as a teacher/administrator/advisor. She lived on campus at those schools, and bought her first home six years ago, aged 64.She is very emotionally removed and distant, although, given time, she will tend to find some "loving" place to negotiate when she feels comfortable. She tends to freak out at family gatherings. She can be incredibly manipulative, cold and cruel. But she usually backs down when confronted - but not right away. The negotiations are always more complicated than the initial complaint. She calls me a lot. Sometimes that is nice. Sometimes it sucks. i love her very much, and try to find ways to help her with her craziness because she tends to alienate her sons, my three older brothers...(in order)

Douglas: Lives in Hoover, Alabama. He's my southern brother. he's a recluse, collects vinyl and plays trivia obsessively, would probably win a mil on Jeopardy! if i could just get him to audition. He's a really nice guy, as any one of my friends who have met him would attest. He just doesn;t get out much, and sometimes i don't hear from him for months, and so i worry about him. Douglas would be a great addition to ILx. And ILM. And ILB. You would like him more than me - just because he is a fount of knowledge and, as a liberal in Alabama, has very well constructed political arguments.

Alan: Alan was a child prodigy.Alan composed his first Mass at age 12 and was dubbed Amadeus. He attended Julliard when he was thirteen. He spent most of his childhood /adolescence completely consumed by the piano.
He did undergrad at Yale and graduated Summa Cum Laude with special prizes for most talented musician in the class, and, just for good measure, a prize for best all around person. He's sort of an uber-person.
He worked for the Episcopalian church in NYC for many years as an organist and choir director, and spent his free time playing chamber music with members of the Boston Symphony ...and did some solo performances, and collaborations.
Now he is in his second year at divinity school at Yale, and also getting a second M. from the School of Sacred Music.
He's also gay, and loves Cher more than anything in the world. He's also really dreamy - looks wise.
My gay brother the soon to be priest. I'm going to heaven.
His last musical collaboration, this summer, was with the violinist and viola - ist from the Silk Road project - that Yo Yo Ma is touring. So- he still plays some mighty fierce piano. He's also one of my very best friends. he calls me "Baby." (youngest, remember?)

Stewart: He's the American Dream personified. Stewart graduated from Wesleyan, worked for the mayor of Hartford. CT. for awhile, went to Yale (it's a theme) to get his M.B.A., married Leah who is a perfect mother and wife, has two (soon to be three) amazing children...
He is an executive for a large insurance company. Leah, my sister in law, is wonderful. They have a big house in a swank suburb and can always be counted on for good wine and medium rare tenderloin. Their children are superstars. I love them and admire them. Whenever i see Stewart it's like a small piece of bark has lodged in the back of my throat - and his too - because we don't have anything to say to each other. Awkward coughing. But...kids!! Leah and I have become friends, but really...we are quite different.

That's the immediate family. I feel relieved, but scared. Hope this isn't too wordy or boring. There are so many stories that shape these little snapshots. my fathers story is the only complete portrait - and that's easy, because their is a finite amount of him. xo

My biological parents don't like each other. But I love them both very much. My dad got remarried a long time ago. He's super-smart and he's got a deep voice and his favorite musical artist ever is Bjork. Really!

My mother is a neatfreak and a perfectionist. She's a large part of why a lot of my childhood memories are taken up by rememberances of spending all my Saturday afternoons going around dusting furniture. She's not quite as driven for perfection and cleanliness and order as she used to be, but it's still there, and I think I'm slowly becoming like that. She was brought up in near-poverty by parents who slowly learned how to speak English; I don't think they mastered the language until Mom was in her twenties. So Mom "just" has a high school diploma, which is pretty impressive considering. She worked in civil service, working her way up to an administrative field, and ended up supervising the implementation of a few programs elsewhere (which is why I lived elsewhere for a brief period in my life). Because of her work history, she's gifted at delegating tasks, something I need to learn how to do. She doesn't know a lot about computers, thankfully.

Mom loves love songs, romantic stuff, slow dance and pop type stuff, so obv we totally disapprove of each other's musical likes. This is awesome, though, because I don't know exactly what I'd do if our tastes were more similar. We will go to the movies together and are really close, which makes me think I'm going to be just like she is someday. Scary.

My father was an exceedingly hard worker. He would work his regular work shift, then go off and work someplace else before coming home and doing stuff around the house. I can remember being a little girl and waking up sometimes at 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning to see him coming in from some job or another. He was a former alcoholic, a long time before I was born, but had tamed down considerably since quitting almost cold turkey; he never went to bars, though. He did still drink a beer a night, up until he retired. When he retired, he stopped drinking altogether.

Dad was, according to Mom, a mischievious troublemaker when he was little. And Mom tells me that his "mom" (i.e. his grandmother, who raised him and whom I considered my REAL paternal grandmother) spoiled him rotten, but obv that's not nearly enough to make up for the total absence of both his biological parents in his life. (His father abandoned his mother and him when he was a newborn, and his mother decided she was too young to be a mother and left him with his grandmother.) Like Mom, Dad was also brought up in near-poverty, though Grandma sacrificed more to give her children more. I've heard stories of how they kept chickens and grew produce so they wouldn't have to buy meat or vegetables.

Dad never told me he loved me, but I always knew he did. He was the most supportive person I've ever known. When my mom was disappointed in me for one reason or another, my dad was always there to let me know that it was okay if I wasn't a perfect person. He was really strong and strong-willed and sometimes had a quick temper, but never enough to harm anyone. I did know better than to disobey him, though. He never took the time to feel sorry for himself for one moment and scolded me whenever I would start to feel sorry for myself. Dad was rational and calm.

Aside from my maternal grandparents, who were both fabulous and a bit hard to understand at times due to their thick accents, and my paternal grandmother, whom I feared because she looked so fierce, like some ancient and wizened Native American chieftan, but who was gentle with me (and who smelled like beer a lot of the time, BION), that would be pretty much it. I used to wish I had siblings; now, I don't think I could handle that.

Dad: Good guy, one of the old school. Looks like what I would look like if I were a 72 year old man. Decent, honest, worked hard all his life. Devoted to his family, never admits it out loud but it's evident in all he does. An archetypal bachelor until he met my mum in his late 30s. Wouldn't take no for an answer until she said yes. Wouldn't survive a minute without her. Taught me to love life and like myself, though I don't think he knows he did either. The kind of dad people have in books, and the thought of him not being around is bringing tears to my eyes typing the very concept.

Mum: My best friend and worst enemy, probably because we are both so similar. Shares my love of red wine, a simple life, Coronation Street and Spain, shares my hatred of snobs and my mother-in-law (possibly connected). Taught me to cook, to appreciate family, and to live my life with no regrets. Would live life without my dad, but it wouldn't be the same and I think she knows it, but would never admit it. Readily admits she didn't have a maternal bone in her body until I came along, but swears she would never change it now. An independent family woman, if such a thing exists.

Little brother: a dude, pure and simple. Would be my best friend if he weren't my brother, but it may not be reciprocated - he calms me down and looks after me, but I've never had the chance to do it back. I think I annoy him. The person I feel I'm letting down most in my life. Fiercely protective, loyal and decent, he's the one I would turn to if I had it in me to turn to anyone. We have a great sibling connection, whatever that is. Maybe just a shared admiration and love for our parents is all we have, but that's enough to make him someone I can count on for the rest of my life.

Big brother: not my real brother. He was fostered, I don't know him like I should, but he has learnt so much from being a part of my family. I used to resent him, as he had his troubled and formative teenage years as part of my family when I was at boarding school, but recently found out he felt bad for being part of my parents concerns when I wasn't around. Married his childhood sweetheart and moved to Florida, and has come so far from that terrified and neglected 11 year old that interrupted my family life. Now a dad, and has finally become part of the real family he never thought he had (but he did have, just didn't realise)

Husband: The best person I have ever met, and ever will.

Mother-in-law: Snob. Never thought I was good enough for her son. Tries to disguise it now, but I know she still thinks it. Tries to get on with me, but it seems forced. We'll never see eye to eye, but we have an uneasy truce now.

Father-in-law: Never met him. Died ten years before I met his son. Sounds like the best guy ever, and looks like his son. I wish I'd had the chance, I imagine he was the one that taught the mister all he became.

Brother-in-law: Dry sense of humour. Don't know him as well as I should. He's a sceptic and thinks me and his brother got married too quick, but I think he's accepted me now. I think I'd like him and vice versa if there wasn't the whole "you married my brother too quick" thing, but I think there are reservations he has about me that he'll never get over. He owns a lot of CDs.

I officially request Maria D. to thread. Except it's the night before Thanksgiving and she and Scott and Rufus and (?) are not on MV but really quite near me...meat space, but we enjoy a meaty flirtation.
maria D. - you must contribute - at least half a story!