(i left this anonymous because i didn't want a lot of pity party "are you okay?" im's and emails. i'm here, so i'm fine. let's just leave it at that. i hope that dg and tom won't play sherlock holmes and try to suss me out.)
― anonymous, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
I don't think it's necessarily morally wrong or anything like that, so I'm not going to address it on those terms. But there are two big things I would say about it.
1) It's a cliche, but it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Mike may be being somewhat facetious, but what he says is true. Even if you feel like you are trapped in an unworkable situation, you have not tried every option. Quit your job, leave your home, there are a thousand things you can change. Even if the worst thing you can possibly imagine happens to you (and trust me, I've been there) it's still less final than being dead. Sure, no matter where you go, you will still be yourself, and the same problems may resurface, and you can't change your life until you've changed yourself, but fuck. Wouldn't it be better to change yourself, even temporarily, rather than end yourself forever?
2) If suicide *is* wrong, for any reason, it is for the mess that it leaves behind, for those who care about you. I've seen parents, children and lovers DESTROYED by their loved ones' intentional deaths. Yes, that's a strange reason to ask someone to stay alive, but it is still a valid one. Even if you think no-one will care. Suicide is ultimately a selfish act. *Especially* if you are committing suicide with some sort of "I'll show them, they'll regret it when they're dead..." attitude, or if you are committing suicide to escape a painful relationship. This may be a controversial stance, but committing or attempting to commit suicide because of, or to spite another human being is as much of an emotional and psychological attack on them as if you had put the razor to their wrists. Don't do it.
I don't know the reasons why you want to die. I don't really want to know them either. Sorry if that sounds harsh or uncaring, but I just don't have a lot of excess emotional empathy left to spare right now. (I've come pretty close to wanting to kill myself too in the past few months.) But whatever is troubling you, there is ALWAYS another way. It takes more courage to stay alive and find it than it does to die, remember that. Failure isn't falling, it's staying down.
I wish you luck. I hope you do find someone helpful to talk to about it. I hope you find the courage that you need to make the changes that enable you to stay alive and carry on, on a different course.
Sorry if these words sound empty. Even if they're not helpful to you at all, I couldn't just say nothing.
― kate, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
For the longest time i didn't even try to think abt it, or what i felt: it plopped into the already voluminous "if i say i want/like it, i shall lose it" room in my brane, and festered there
the next time i decided i wanted something (= [xXx]) and realised that saying so wd certainly drive [xXx] away, even as an occasional friend (which = what happened), i found for weeks i was being struck by gusts of grief over rob, by then 9 yrs dead. Inc. bursting into tears in the street, once.
But what I increasingly realised I felt and feel today is NOT "Oh, if only i'd known, i'm sorry now he's gone how horrible things must have been" but instead "YOU BASTARD! How dare you think so little of me! How dare you run away and leave me with this stuff that can never now be resolved or explored or quietened away"...
He's turned himself over the years into this selfish kid who I no longer really like, in other words. By not being there to be who he really was. I'm just so ANGRY about what a hostile act this was, at ppl he may never even have intended hostility towards (but how will io ever know?)
It's a very hostile and aggressive act, is what I think: and the ppl who get hurt are almost never the ones who you meant to hurt, and NEVER the ones who deserve to get hurt. It's almost the only way of behaving i'm this uncontrollably judgmental (and unfair?) about.
― mark s, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― keith, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― Gale Deslongchamps, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― DG, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― Kim, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
I don't agree entirely with what everyone's said here, although I respect it. I don't quite believe that suicide is finally a uniquely selfish act - no more selfish than the other kinds of solipsism we routinely wrap ourselves in and which too often colour the way we act towards and think about other people, no more selfish than my inability to fully feel the death of someone I loved and who had loved me.
But I know that as an often miserable but living and breathing person I can't properly mentally figure death and I don't want it in my heart or my mind if I can help it. And I know that when my best friend began his string of suicide attempts a year after my nan died I didn't have to question my assumption that if I could override his death wish with my dumb life-force I would, and I don't question it now. I'd lend my life-force to anyone who needed it; I'd argue till I was blue in the face for anyone's right to kill themselves and till equally blue to stop them exercising that right. I'm glad my friend is still alive, and so is he - really, really glad. Not always happy, and often angry, and often bored, and for long periods directionless and distraught, but very, very glad.
― Ellie, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
In reply to something Kate wrote - sometimes sadists use the threat of suicide as an equivalent to threatening murder, but I don't think this is the case here.
― notimportant, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
I am so thankful now that I didn't do anything! I would have missed out on so much. My life is completely different now -- I wouldn't say I'm violently happy but I'm pretty satisfied and content, and my circumstances are a lot healthier and happier. My point is that you may be feeling a lot of pain right now, but you never know what's just around the corner. Things could be totally different for you a few months from now. But you'll never find that out unless you stick around and give life a bit more of a chance.
― anon2, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
i've had friends die recently, lovers even, smacked down by fatal accidents in their prime. i've had friends kill themselves, acts of the ultimate in confusing desperation, especially through a veneer of the "perfect life" (beautiful, successful, etc.) no excuse, yes. horrible wound on those close to you for all time, yes. but i suppose i've seen both sides (as close as one can really, since i'm not writing this as a ghost.) the pain of my best friends suicide a few years back was softened somewhat by the fact that we had already fallen out of contact owing to a pre-existing rift. but he was a beautiful human being, much like mark's friend above, someone without whom i'd be a very different person indeed. but he did seem to have the "perfect life" so his death was even more baffling; the questions thrown up were not so much "how could you do this?" as "why would you do this?" the friend who was killed had one of the hardest, most soul-grinding lives i've ever encountered in either the annals of real life or fiction; yet, through all the pain and bullshit life thew at her she continually perservered, never once stooping to thoughts of suicide, always amazed at the beauty to be found in life.
i agree with much of what mark and kate and others said above. i also agree with what ellie said. i suppose something to be remembered in all of this is that people who are pushed or push themselves to the brink of suicide are probably not in their "right mind." therefore, it might be a bit of an impossible imposition to assume that they have the mental wherewithall to think of their friends and loved ones in the moment. it is selfishness on a grand scale, yes, but it also often seems to happen when one has been - if not self-less, then certainly not taking care of themselves for quite some time.
if he's reading, it was anthony's list of "real beauty" which made me reconsider last night; not because we necessarily share the same ideals, but that it made me contemplate my own (writing with your fingertips on a foggy car window, the delicate heartbreak in a joseph cornell box, the impious life in a cecil taylor solo.) i didn't do it. so thank you.
i doubt i will ever commit suicide; i really was thinking of it in an abstract. but that lame nitchzesian option remains, and here we are. i've been massively depressed for a good chunk of my life owing to any number of things (parental...issues, molestation/abuse, drug/alcohol issues, image issues, etc.) but i've managed to make it thus far, reveling in what little, small beauties i've experienced along the way.
and so far, that's been enough.
I am by nature an eternally optimistic, merry person, and I admit I could have little to offer to this whole thing that hasn't been said by others. All I could say, though, has already been said in this statement of your own, really. Right now I'm watching my Rocky Horror DVD, and the thought of never being able to see Tim Curry just eat the camera, the audience and most of the cast alive again would just be miserable. But not as miserable as never being able to blast "Soon" again -- very very loudly.
Support and love to you. *hugs*
― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
I found something I could do no matter how boring I find it. I can loose myself and code and sit infront of a computer terminal and hours can slip by. I reach Nerdvana quite often nowdays.
― Mr Noodles, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― anthonyeaston, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
― , Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
I myself posted a particularly desperate and partly incoherent post in early October when things just didn't seem to be happening and I was - literally - minutes away from actually ending it all. I won't go into specifics but I had already started to instigate the process. My reasons for this are well documented elsewhere on these boards.
Fortunately, as a result of several similarly incoherent 'phone calls and e-mails (not to mention the replies which I received here) I quickly decided not to take it further and instead resolved to see my GP next morning to try to get a psychiatric referral (with a splitting headache!). Dr L was very understanding but reckoned that this was standard post-bereavement behaviour and thought that I just needed to get out of Oxford. So I muddled on and eventually did it. Now I'm more settled and find it a bit easier to deal with the things which have happened this year. It's still very borderline - as ever, I have to be careful not to think about things too much, and there's what would have been Laura's 37th birthday coming up next week, not to mention Xmas - but I have no doubt that had I stayed in Oxford I would have been dead by now. And I'm not being melodramatic - I really do think it would have come to that.
There are no easy answers; I'm just lucky that I have the "safety valve" within myself which I can activate at times of extreme crisis. In terms of yourself and other posters here, all I can really advise is that, dull and unprofitable though it may sound, it does pay to at least have a go at trying professional advice - not from spiritual types, necessarily, but from medical professionals who know what can be done biologically and/or physically to help you live with this state of mind - not asking you to bottle it up or discard it but rather to come to terms with it; even to use it in whatever powers your life.
― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (11 years ago) Permalink
So I just found out that my best friend overdosed in an attempted suicide. I've known her for about 8 years now, and she's always been a bit unstable but this comes as a complete shock. I just gone done talking to her and she seemed to be herself... but something was off, and I'm sitting here afraid that she's going to try it again..Normally I would go to her house and keep her company, but she moved away about a year ago so there's really not much that I can do. Any advice?
― The Brainwasher, Saturday, 19 April 2008 00:34 (5 years ago) Permalink
The Suicide Prevention Center has this to say about helping friends:
Helping Your Peers If you think that any of your friends or classmates may be thinking of killing themselves, there are two important things you can do: Talk to them, and express your concern to a responsible adult. Having someone to talk to can make a big difference. College students will often share secrets and feelings with their peers that they will not share with older adults. However, you may need to be persistent before they are willing to talk. Ask them if they are thinking about killing themselves. Talking about suicide or suicidal thoughts will not push someone to kill themselves. It is also not true that people who talk about killing themselves will not actually try it. Take any expressed intention of suicide very seriously. You should be especially concerned if people tell you that they have made a detailed suicide plan or obtained a means of hurting themselves. If they announce that they are thinking of taking an overdose of prescription medication or jumping from a particular bridge, stay with them until they are willing to go with you and talk to a responsible adult-or until a responsible adult can be found who will come to you. Don't pretend you have all the answers. The most important thing you can do may be to help them find help. Never promise to keep someone's intention to kill him- or herself a secret.If you have talked with a friend or classmate and think that person is in danger, yet the person refuses to get help, you need to talk to a responsible adult who can intervene. You should also find a responsible adult if your friend or classmate refuses to discuss the issue with you, or if you think that you don't know the person well enough to initiate a personal conversation. Find someone who is concerned with and understands young people and can help. This might be a member of your friend's family, or it could be a residence assistant, a professor, an administrator, a member of the clergy, or someone who works in campus mental health services or the health clinic. If this adult doesn't take you or your friend's problem seriously or doesn't know what to do, talk to someone else. Most college campuses have a mental health or emergency support network that will respond to your concern. Don't be afraid of being wrong. It is difficult for even experts to understand who is at serious risk of suicide and who is not. Many of the warning signs for suicide could also indicate problems with drug or alcohol abuse, domestic violence, depression, or another mental illness. Young people with these problems need help-and you can help.
Having someone to talk to can make a big difference. College students will often share secrets and feelings with their peers that they will not share with older adults. However, you may need to be persistent before they are willing to talk. Ask them if they are thinking about killing themselves. Talking about suicide or suicidal thoughts will not push someone to kill themselves. It is also not true that people who talk about killing themselves will not actually try it. Take any expressed intention of suicide very seriously.
You should be especially concerned if people tell you that they have made a detailed suicide plan or obtained a means of hurting themselves. If they announce that they are thinking of taking an overdose of prescription medication or jumping from a particular bridge, stay with them until they are willing to go with you and talk to a responsible adult-or until a responsible adult can be found who will come to you.
Don't pretend you have all the answers. The most important thing you can do may be to help them find help. Never promise to keep someone's intention to kill him- or herself a secret.
If you have talked with a friend or classmate and think that person is in danger, yet the person refuses to get help, you need to talk to a responsible adult who can intervene. You should also find a responsible adult if your friend or classmate refuses to discuss the issue with you, or if you think that you don't know the person well enough to initiate a personal conversation.
Find someone who is concerned with and understands young people and can help. This might be a member of your friend's family, or it could be a residence assistant, a professor, an administrator, a member of the clergy, or someone who works in campus mental health services or the health clinic. If this adult doesn't take you or your friend's problem seriously or doesn't know what to do, talk to someone else. Most college campuses have a mental health or emergency support network that will respond to your concern.
Don't be afraid of being wrong. It is difficult for even experts to understand who is at serious risk of suicide and who is not. Many of the warning signs for suicide could also indicate problems with drug or alcohol abuse, domestic violence, depression, or another mental illness. Young people with these problems need help-and you can help.
Not sure if your friend is in the age bracket this is directed toward, but it sounds like solid advice regardless of age. I'm very sorry to hear about your friend.
― Daniel, Esq., Saturday, 19 April 2008 00:48 (5 years ago) Permalink
that's it, baby it's over su-su-suicide summer...
― chicago kevin, Saturday, 19 April 2008 00:49 (5 years ago) Permalink
After thinking about it, i have too many cool items i couldn't leave to anyone. i decided to grin and bear it :(
― not_goodwin, Saturday, 19 April 2008 00:59 (5 years ago) Permalink
brainwasher, i'm so sorry. how is she doing? are you in touch with her? be in touch, i would say...
― Surmounter, Saturday, 19 April 2008 02:01 (5 years ago) Permalink
x-post - :-( I hope you're ok NG.
― ENBB, Saturday, 19 April 2008 02:04 (5 years ago) Permalink
Youngest brother, age 16, has been suicidal for months. I know my parents are the worst with this kind of parenting and that his life has to be hell right now, dealing with them on top of that. Things:
1. Naturally I've had the fantasy of moving him down here (family lives 1,100 miles north of here) but it wouldn't work, if for no other reason than he has type 1 diabetes (which fucks w/a mood enough w/out my parents, high school, first breakup, puberty & clinical depression). I couldn't supplement his supplies – no insurance.
2. My parents ace at making their kids feel guilty about needing health care. Mental health stuff isn't covered under their insurance. He got anti-depressants from the family GP and has been taking them but he says they don't make that big a difference. No counseling. When he wanted to check into a local 'behavioral clinic' for teens he was told he couldn't bcz of $$$. My parents aren't poor by any means.
3. My parents just don't take this shit seriously. They write it off, even actual attempts, as 'attention-getting.' I've asked them to take the guns out of the house, and the bullets (my dad shoots handguns for fun), and they're ALWAYS like 'oh yeah, we should, huh.' Even after I told them he said to me, "It's a good thing I didn't pay attention to how to load a gun in hunter safety class, or I'd have shot myself last night." But I can't go hide guns for them!
I'm always there to listen & he calls all the time, but I hate that there's nothing else I can do! What I'm asking is: IS there anything else I can do?
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 21:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
possibly find him a decent counselor and pay for it? tough situation.
― sleeve, Monday, 29 June 2009 21:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
They have guns in the house AND he is threatening suicide? Call the police and ask them if there is someone who has expertise in this situation, i.e. dealing with an emotionally unstable person. This is an emergency situation, IMO. If you are at all unsure, double check with a suicide hotline. I know that IRL such people let you down, but you have to at least give it your best shot.
― I DIED (u s steel), Monday, 29 June 2009 21:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^^^
― ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' (k3vin k.), Monday, 29 June 2009 22:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
Get the guns out of the house. Just take them if you have to.
― Nhex, Monday, 29 June 2009 22:16 (3 years ago) Permalink
(family lives 1,100 miles north of here)
― la belle dame sans serif (c sharp major), Monday, 29 June 2009 22:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
National suicide prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (I'm assuming you're in the U.S., but maybe you're not). You can call them even if it is for another person. They may be able to offer local help or at least put you in touch with some other resources. Guns in the house increase suicide risks greatly which I'm sure you are probably aware of. Is there any other family/friends local to them who could help get the guns out? I would also suggest trying to locate free or low-cost mental health clinics in your brother's area. If money really is the barrier (it sounds like it's an excuse in this case), removing it could help.
I'm so sorry you (and your brother are in this situation). Good luck getting help.
― wmlynch, Monday, 29 June 2009 22:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
(and your brother) are in this situation.
You could also try contacting the local Child Protective Services office - although your brother isn't a "child" at 16, he is still of an age that the CPS (or equivalent) would have jurisdiction over.
― Jaq, Monday, 29 June 2009 22:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
Keep listening to him and being there when he wants or needs to talk: that's the best thing you can do for him. I know you say you wish there was more, but fuck, dude: that's so much you're doing already right there.
When you say he's suicidal: what's he actually said? From the (minimal) training I've had in these things, I understand it's best to deal with it as directly as possible: "OK, so are you seriously thinking about suicide?" And if he says yes, he is -- which it sounds like he will - then follow up with: "So do you have a plan?" Then: "Can you tell me what that plan is?" This can help in two ways: not only in terms of giving you a better understanding of what he's feeling and what kind of state he's in, but also in terms of your brother articulating and -- hopefully -- rationalising his feelings. The key thing to remember is: talking openly about suicide isn't going to "give him ideas" or "put it in his head" or anything.
But yes, I'd say the next thing is that he should talk to a professional about how he's feeling. I don't really know much about what services there are in the US, but it sounds like the number wmlynch links to is excellent and you're probably best giving them a call yourself, and/or encouraging your brother to do so. Is there anyone else he might be able to talk to -- any other adult figure in the area whom he looks up to and who might be able to help? What about his/the family doctor?
I really don't want to pass judgment on your parents but dismissing this as "attention-seeking" is at best unhelpful and at worse reckless. As a Brit, the idea of having guns in the house is totally beyond my frame of reference, and I don't really have any helpful advice there because to me it's as unimaginable as saying: "Yeh, we've got a hungry tiger that lives in the bedroom cupboard" ... but, y'know, cultural differences and that :)
Hope this is of some help. Ultimately, though, what you're doing is more important than anything else: you're listening to him.
― a tiny, faltering megaphone (grimly fiendish), Monday, 29 June 2009 22:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
Thx everyone. I think I'll have him call a hotline, or recommend he does – they'd be better able to connect him w/resources in his town than I wld, of course. And then if he tells me he's thinking about it
I think we've both gotten the same scant bit of training, grimly, and I try to be as open w/him about it as possible and never pussyfooting w/language or intent, which is why I think he's willing to talk to me (among other reasons). It's just so hard to try and stay calm and open, let alone come up with any solutions or ideas like you did.
And yes, my parents are being real short-minded assfucks. They're impossible to handle & they make no sense. I hope for everyone else's sake they never have to regret their actions, but I am consistently baffled by how fucking idiotic they are with their kids' mental & physical health.
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 23:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
And then if he tells me he's thinking about it call the ER in his town to come get him.
worried
― youwillbeturnedintoapumpkin, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:22 (3 years ago) Permalink
that im a bad person, that my friends dont love me, that i cant be understood, that im crazy.
― youwillbeturnedintoapumpkin, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
Doubtful all four.
― bamcquern, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:29 (3 years ago) Permalink
1. bad people don't usually worry about being bad people. You're probably obsessing over some mistakes?
2. if things with your friends have been different lately, maybe they are exasperated and don't know what to do about you, I mean, if you've been extremely depressed?
― bamcquern, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
But that doesn't mean they don't love you, those who do.
Or have or did before or whatever.
3. You definitely can be understood.
none of those things change by killing yourself.
― bnw, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
4. You maybe need therapeutic help or antidepressants or something else, but crazy? I mean, even if you were crazy, crazy is manageable these days.
― bamcquern, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, and what he said.
― bamcquern, Saturday, 26 September 2009 02:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
And you can't give in to the illogic of depression. It's a chemical inertia that you have to fight.
nhex, hugs.
― sweetántangó (clouds), Sunday, 9 December 2012 00:58 (5 months ago) Permalink
trying to claw my way forward, figure out a place to move, another job, or a school to go to or something, but when sit down to do these things, i feel like vomiting forever, and nothing gets done besides another wasted regretful night. doesn't seem like there's enough anesthesia in the world to overcome this
when i feel like this, i try to just remember that i actually do want to do the kind of essential things that i know i must do - even if i also feel like just curling up in a ball and slowly dying. that probably doesn't help you, but, please take care of yourself. ::hugs:: (even if we don't know each other)
― boy_slayer, Sunday, 9 December 2012 04:07 (5 months ago) Permalink
I am in exactly the same place, Nhex. I really don't know what we are supposed to do with ourselves. It is awful. I would really like to be of some help, but I can't be.
― emil.y, Sunday, 9 December 2012 05:37 (5 months ago) Permalink
i only have hugs and bottomless sympathy. it's not rly anything but, just...hi
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 9 December 2012 07:24 (5 months ago) Permalink
having spent most of my life there, i can't add much to the hugs and sympathy veg already offered. but being middle-aged, the one thing i will say is that life turns out to be a lot of different things over time. nothing stays the same forever, no matter how impossible anything else might seem.
― i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Sunday, 9 December 2012 08:04 (5 months ago) Permalink
and that probably sounds like horseshit. sorry, words fail.
― i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Sunday, 9 December 2012 08:05 (5 months ago) Permalink
I lived under the burden of the inevitability of eventual suicide for so many years. Somehow I was able to let go of the obligation.
It doesn't mean I'm happy. It just means at some point along the way one big horrible thing was removed from my to-do list.
― Zachary Taylor, Sunday, 9 December 2012 08:28 (5 months ago) Permalink
i appreciate the warm feelings, dudes - your words did help me feel a little better for a little bit
― Nhex, Monday, 10 December 2012 00:25 (5 months ago) Permalink
<3
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 10 December 2012 02:51 (5 months ago) Permalink
we all casually calculate serotonin toxicity levels occaisonal yeah>?
― A fat, shit, jittery fraud of a messageboard poster (Noodle Vague), Friday, 14 December 2012 02:34 (5 months ago) Permalink
idk bout casually
― first u get the flower, then u get the honey, then u get the stamen (darraghmac), Friday, 14 December 2012 02:38 (5 months ago) Permalink
nhex, I know that this sounds pretty contrived and disingenuous coming from some rando on the internet, but I think youre a cool dude and I offer whatever I can of my sympathies and echo what's been said above
― 乒乓, Friday, 14 December 2012 02:40 (5 months ago) Permalink
y'know when you get worryingly close to there only being one answer to your problems?
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:21 (Yesterday) Permalink
No, thank god/the fates/your own personal attributable source.
― my name is louis and i'm an acoleuthic (darraghmac), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:24 (Yesterday) Permalink
Fb?
― my name is louis and i'm an acoleuthic (darraghmac), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:31 (Yesterday) Permalink
in a bit. i'm sorry i'm such a fucking drama king. i dunno what i'm saying. just right out at the end of meself i guess.
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:32 (Yesterday) Permalink
Thread for it tbh, i think nobody's likely to call you out.
― my name is louis and i'm an acoleuthic (darraghmac), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:35 (Yesterday) Permalink
i was gonna list all the reasons but i didn't want it to become an invitation for anybody to play Cap'n Save-a-FatNarcissistDrunk so suffice it to say that i'm just coherent enough to remember that disappearing is an unacceptably dick move for a parent but i feel like the only way i can maintain credibility with anybody is by opening veins
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:41 (Yesterday) Permalink
it can sometimes seem like an answer but it isn't much of one tbh, especially given it tends to involve kicking your problems on to exactly the people you don't want to kick your problems on to.
― ✌_✌ (c sharp major), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:42 (Yesterday) Permalink
no. there are always as many answers as you might need. seriously, the absence you're talking about is an artifact of distorted perception, not reality. everything that's happening to you eventually becomes just some shit that once happened to you. all it takes is time. i wish there was something meaningful i could say, some real support i could offer, but this is the internet, and i don't know you personally. all i can say is that you seem like an amazing person, i love your presence here, and you can't let the blackness of a moment overwhelm you. talk to someone like now, regardless of how little you imagine they want to hear it.
― controversial vegan pregnancy (contenderizer), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:42 (Yesterday) Permalink
I think a lot of people know what it feels like. The trick is to remember that sometimes you don't feel like that, and focus on not doing anything until you've got any other feeling other than this one.
xpost oops, I am playing Cap'nSaveANoodle. Tough shit.
― ailsa, Monday, 20 May 2013 13:42 (Yesterday) Permalink
i'm really sorry guys i can't stop blubbing i hate myself it's just that youse answer back more than the fucking samaritans
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:45 (Yesterday) Permalink
and, you know, i was having the exact same thought about credibility just a few days ago! but right now i am in the space of "jesus but credibility is a shallow thing to think about, i am seriously worried about being sufficiently convincing at a time like this, who would i even be trying to prove it to", which is a comeback that works for me personally.
― ✌_✌ (c sharp major), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:46 (Yesterday) Permalink
Yeah i was gonna go for capn hat but tbf you were only ever gonna be absurdly ungracious
― my name is louis and i'm an acoleuthic (darraghmac), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:46 (Yesterday) Permalink
speaking as a fat, narcissistic, (for the moment ex) drunk i mean. i've done shit to my life and loves you wouldn't believe. i've awakened in bushes, lived out of doors, betrayed a thousand hopes. in the here and now, none of that matters, though. all that matters is what i do next, and that's always mine to choose. same goes for you. no matter how shitty you feel now, feel you've always been, you're gonna be someone else next year, and there is absolutely no reason to feel bad about that.
― controversial vegan pregnancy (contenderizer), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:47 (Yesterday) Permalink
going a little too hard with the "helping" thing, sorry, but this hits p close to home
― controversial vegan pregnancy (contenderizer), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:48 (Yesterday) Permalink
someone else next year...
i don't get that, life drags on forever
― Nhex, Monday, 20 May 2013 13:49 (Yesterday) Permalink
xp to self like, frankly, the fuckers who you can imagine not giving you credence right now? probably would not give you credence no matter what you did. because they are constructed of a complete absence of humanity. So they are the absolute worst choice of people whose opinions you should be worrying about.
― ✌_✌ (c sharp major), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:49 (Yesterday) Permalink
thank you all. sorry for this.
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:50 (Yesterday) Permalink
no worries, shit is hard enough at best
― controversial vegan pregnancy (contenderizer), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:52 (Yesterday) Permalink
That fuckin cartoon last week has muddled the advice game something rotten imo.
NV i missed you round the place lately and would miss you intolerably if that became a permanent situation. Think of those of us who donated to the funding in good faith
― my name is louis and i'm an acoleuthic (darraghmac), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:52 (Yesterday) Permalink
i read this recently and it kinda helped, for me? 7 don’t kill yourself tips.
― ✌_✌ (c sharp major), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:55 (Yesterday) Permalink
i guess it's time to sit down and list problems and consider how they can be sensibly resolved.
keep getting roaring in my head like Caligula in I Claudius or like any thick addict i guess
and c# you're right, crazy thinking, the only people i want to "convince" are the people who wdn't understand the message
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:56 (Yesterday) Permalink
well i mean you also kind of want to convince yourself? the worst and most cruel part of yourself.
it is very hard to tell yourself: what i am feeling is real and it is bad enough as it is, there's always a bit of you that wants to up the ante.
― ✌_✌ (c sharp major), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:58 (Yesterday) Permalink
nb NV u've got fb mail
― Mordy , Monday, 20 May 2013 14:04 (Yesterday) Permalink
who are you trying to convince dude? it sucks but the vast majority of people don't get it and never will. probably better for humanity in general, i guess
― Nhex, Monday, 20 May 2013 14:06 (Yesterday) Permalink
yeah, this. helps to keep your focus on problems with concrete limits & solutions.
― controversial vegan pregnancy (contenderizer), Monday, 20 May 2013 14:12 (Yesterday) Permalink
xpost to sellllllf
but the thing is, it is bad enough. it is horrible.
i get told "be kind to yourself" and i think: fuck you, being kind to myself is what has got me into this, why am i so self-indulgent, why am i cutting myself all this slack that i do not deserve. but the fact is that it's not really being kind to yourself if you're constantly going "well frankly this so-called sadness that you claim to find so incapacitating is utterly unconvincing, you are even shit at being incapable of coping."
so that's a thing you can do, i guess. Let it be true that it has been hard for you. That could even help you with listing and thinking about your problems: you don't think "well i could have fixed this if i was not a dipshit about x", you think "it has been hard for me to do this, so what can i change to make this problem more approachable".
on which note, i have been putting off ringing my GP for an hour, so.
― ✌_✌ (c sharp major), Monday, 20 May 2013 14:14 (Yesterday) Permalink
Aw, yall great. C# is right - the times this thread DOESN'T get bumped are the times we must fear most. Keep reaching, don't doubt yourself for it; it's part of the cure.
― bleeding like a stoke pig (imago), Monday, 20 May 2013 14:26 (Yesterday) Permalink
yo, NV... i don't know what to say, but i love you man, just hope that you can work out yr problems, for us, thanks
― 乒乓, Monday, 20 May 2013 14:44 (Yesterday) Permalink
yeah stay strong mate, this bit of the web wouldn't be the same without you.
― Neil S, Monday, 20 May 2013 14:53 (Yesterday) Permalink
noodle i know it might not be enough that ghosty fairy people on the interwebs want to keep you around...but i agree with everyone itt.there's only one noodle vague. a sincere thoughtful gentleman who has a remarkable way with words. i don't want your dark night of the soul to be forever...but selishly i want you to have a long story. this isn't nearly long enough, noodle. i love ya, sir
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 20 May 2013 17:23 (Yesterday) Permalink
thanks VG, thanks everybody. i just needed to get these horrible feelings out in the open where everybody could remind me how horrible they are. thanks for being around, ghosty fairy people.
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 17:26 (Yesterday) Permalink
you should stay here with us, that's what i have to say
― markers, Monday, 20 May 2013 17:27 (Yesterday) Permalink
well otherwise you'd have to post that fricking Blink 182 video dude
:)
― the league against cool sports (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 May 2013 17:29 (Yesterday) Permalink
lol
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 20 May 2013 17:32 (Yesterday) Permalink
ilx:
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 20 May 2013 17:33 (Yesterday) Permalink
those are the evil cannibal fairies right
― Nhex, Monday, 20 May 2013 17:46 (Yesterday) Permalink
y
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 20 May 2013 18:02 (Yesterday) Permalink