people who've been on TV whom you've pwned

When I got Adrian Edmondson to sign a copy of The Gobbler, he talked down to me [and everyone else] like I was a truant three-year-old. Joke's on him because the book was total shit and nobody bought it.

1. An act of dominating an opponent.

I mean, is the next Super Furry Animals album going to be called "Pwned"?

Oh no, the Welsh Dream, oh no...

It dod!

By this time I'm behind the bar. Making drinks. Nothing ghetto yet, but...Usher looks at me and obviously wants a drink. "What could it be?" I thought. "Cristal, Courvoiser?" It went something like this.

ME: Hello.
Usher: (silence)
Me: Would you like a drink?
Usher: (Silence)
And then Usher whispers something to a man standing next to him who was 6"8 and 20 Stone, and he says
Big Fucker: Bellini

For those who haven't worked in the industry, a bellini is champagne with peach juice, it's a big girl's drink. So I make him the drink. But no, I am not allowed to serve him it, the Big Fucker takes the drink from my hand and then hands it to Usher. Why won't Usher speak to me? Am I just the help? Am I too lowly to even take orders from him? Even after making him his gay drink why can't I serve it to him?

I was very upset.

10 minutes later, Usher decides he wants another. Right about here I had a flash of inspiration. 10 minutes later during this time, my
fellow bartender, David, had returned to the bar to stand next to me.

Usher: (Whispering to Big Fucker)
Big Fucker: Bellini
ME: (Whispering to David)
David: Bellini

David makes the Bellini but I take it from his hand and pass it to Big Fucker.

ME: Bellini

Ha!! Usher's reaction was to let a small amount of air pass through his pursed lips as he saw what I had done. I wanted to say "here's 25 cents and put it in your arse, cos you just play'd yo self, sucker!"

But I didn't have too because I won, I beat Usher at his own game.

Apparently, Usher was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Usher on it. This is my favourite story ever.

Damon Albarn, pwned for being a conveyor-belt hand-shaking/air-kissing machine at party when all guests had known him since the year dot.

in what matter did the pwning occur?

I kicked his backside for 'doing the room'. We were stood talking next to one another and he started doing that Tony Blair thing he does, so I really had no choice (one of my best tricks is the ability to stand right beside someone and boot them).

MEANING:
The past tense of the word "pwn," which means "to kick the ass of (an opponent)."

HISTORY:
Contrary to popular belief, "pwned" did not originate in Warcraft. A top Quake player mispelled "owned" and the term quickly spread to less players and eventually to nearly the entire population of online gamers. The word is usually used in online FPS and RTS games.

USAGE:
Pwned is often said to an individual's lesser opponent after the greater person or team has defeated his enemy.

Can also be used when verbal superiority is shown in an arguement, for instance, on a video or computer game message board/forum.

"My archers pwned your wyvern, noob."

"Clan AIC just pwned you mother fuckers."

(After delivering a perfect arguement):
"PWNED BITCH GGTHNXNORE"

Ask them if they dance and drink and screw...

However if it were my bar, I'd take the Colin MacInnes line 'in the jazz club, everyone's equal'. It just smacks of all those 'terms and conditions' like 'you will not look at the famous person' - FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENTITLEMENT ISSUES. Most people in the places I drink would find that stuff a bit wanky.

anyway, in the early 90s i worked in a parking booth in a very rich suburb of sydney below a building of doctors and a supermarket. rich wives in gold mercedes and gold rolls royces occupied most of the parking. my job was nice and breezy in the sense that parking was free for the first 2 hours with some kind of proof that you had patronised one of the businesses in the building. people rarely parked that long so i got to spend most of my day practicing guitar and watching bold and the beautiful. one day this fat chick in a gold mercedes pulls up, dripping with gold and diamond rings, and shes been in the carpark for about 3 hours so I tell her its fifty cents. FIFTY CENTS. well, she freaks out! 'IM NOT PAYING THAT!' 'I cant put the boomgate up til you pay it' 'IM NOT PAYING!! IM NOT PAYING!!'. im sick of it by this point, and shes clearly not willing to part with fifty whole cents, so i flip the boomgate up and she gives me a sarcastic 'THANK YOU' to which i replied 'go fuck yourself'. She starts screaming 'WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?'. i replied 'I said go fuck yourself!' 'whats your name? tell me your name!!!' 'i dont think so' and shut the booth window and went back to watching tv. She was outside, looking through the glass while i kept my eyes glued to the tv, for another 2 minutes or so ranting on and on. finally she screeched away and i snickered for a while.

A few years later i saw this 'beauty and the beast' show and realised that one of the regular panelist on it was the crazy gold mercedes chick. Prue McSween. Turns out shes been a famous socialite/celeb for years and she got pwned by me.

http://www.humourfoundation.com.au/page_images/NSD04_cockt1_200.jpg

awww. she looks so happy there.

hot donna???

I once threw up on J0n N0rr1s, Alex In Nyc's new co-worker.

I've pwned him a zillion times. ZILLION! does that count?

Three times doesn't equal a zillion, sunny.

her his secret is safe with us, pp

That's not a pwn, that's being a total cock for no apparent reason.

"no, that's just a character i play on t.v., i'm ted danson. (smile, extend hand for handshake)"

I wouldn't have expected such a patient, polite answer!

by the time we get out the door the jungle drums have brought back the news that it's John Noakes and Shep and they're filming an episode of Go With Noakes all about thatching a cottage. so mum says 'why don't you bring along your Blue Peter annual?', this was the '76 one with John Noakes skydiving with the Red Devils from 30,000 ft on the front cover. John Noakes at that time in my life was my total hero. i thrilled to stories of how he wiped out at 70mph with the bobsleigh team on the cresta run.

me and mum hung around the outer circle of television crew bods for a while, they were busy filming so mum got me to wait patiently until there was a break in the filming and catering brought round tea and biscuits for everyone. so mum judges that it's cool, gives me a little shove and says 'off you go' and i walk up to John Noakes who's drinking a cup of tea with his back to the assembled:

me: please Mr Noakes, could you autograph my Blue Peter annual?

John Noakes: (looks around briefly - heavy yorkshire accent) FUCK OFF!!!

me: waaaaahhhh mummmmm!!!

pwned by John Noakes

i pwned him back later when i laughed at the Blue Peter garden vandal crisis and Shep died and he blubbed like a girl on national telly.

Update:

I have since pwned John Paul Jones (told him if he stuck to the mandolin he might make something out of his life).

My sister Nijoli pwned Jared Leto (clotheslining).

you're just reviving all my threads to make fun of me :(((

FSVO!

Just selections, Ken!

As a staunch Addick, I am delighted to say that I've met both celebrity Crystal Palace fans! Bill Nighy was suitably humbled back in '02 when I pointed out that Charlton were a Premiership club and Palace weren't, and this year Kevin Day (he of MOTD2 ground-touring and comedic fame) was sour-faced when he dropped into my workplace the day after we turned over the Selhurst scum 1-0 at theirs.

Bill Clinton.
Tarja Halonen, the Finnish president.

how did you pwn bill clinton?

I beat Dave Kitson at online Scrabble once, he said apparently he sometimes goes home and cries after matches because of taunts about his hair.

dave kitson can work the internets?

I pwned Anita Roddick. I was at a training day at The Body Shop HQ and we had to think of ways to improve recycling, etc. and I did a bit on how the gift packs were very un-green, full of straw, tissue, covered in plastic, none of it recyclable and so on. Of course - gift packs were very profitable and that was why we did them. She got slightly grouchy and said I was being negative and tried to move on but I had the whole room with me. I was unbearably smug.

That is such a boring story, sorry!

And now she's dead.

"so i got to spend most of my day practicing guitar and watching bold and the beautiful."

those were the days

I still want to know how tuomas pwned bill clinton?

Tales of saucy sexcapades?

Mark McKinney in a back stairwell in Rockefeller Center after a taping of SNL. I was carrying flowers I was recycling (stealing) from one of the dressing rooms. When I ran into Mark, he pointed at the flowers and said "Are those for me?" and gave me this nice smile. Although I had a HUGE tv crush on him at the time, I said "no," and maybe even "they're for my apartment." There was really nowhere for that conversation to go after that, so we went our separate ways.

Bill Clinton and Boris Yeltsin were having some conference in Helsinki back in the 90s. Some anarchist friends of mine organized a demonstration against the human rights violations of the US (stuff like the death penalty, Mumi Abu-Jamal, etc.) and Russia. The demonstration was in the middle of night, and the idea was something like, "if these guys' conscience lets them sleep at night, we won't". So we took a lot of pans and kettles, went outside the hotel Clinton was staying in, and started banging on them and making a racket, shouting stuff like "Free Mumia Abu-Jamal! Free Leonard Peltier!". The cops stopped as after a half an hour, but not before people in the hotel had woken up. Unfortunately the cops started to follow us when headed for Yeltsin's hotel, and they stopped us from going near it. The next day's headlines were something like, CLINTON WOKEN UP BY RACKETEERS. He mentioned in some interview to the Finnish press that he had indeed woken up because of our demonstration.

I pwned hockey great Bobby Orr.

poor mark ;_;

that Matt DC/ Usher story is good

I told the guy from Sum 41 his band sucked before anyone had heard of them (bill of Sum 41, Catch 22 and Bowling For Soup, lolz)

he's now rich and married to Avril, so pwned is perhaps a bit strong

my friend was working at a dept. store and Dustin Diamond came to her checkout. Just as she was about to start ringing him up, he co-worker handed her the phone and said "you have a call, let me take care of this." Friend looks at Dustin Diamond and says "looks like i'm saved by the bell..." She said DD had an annoyed look on his face.

haha

i got in a shoving match with the band live that ended with a ring of people chanting 'rock stars' as they shuffled away, called bryan adams a munchkin, remarked to keifer sutherland that his father is a fine actor, got a pissed off look from noel gallagher for shouting "ELLO MANCHESTAH" repeatedly from a balcony on las ramblas as he walked by underneath, pinched david usher's toe on his tour bus, stole sand dollars from gordie howe...

apparently el1jah w00d was at a friend's band's show in nyc, which ended with him being chased out by a girl screaming, "fuck me in the ass, mr. frodo!"

my friend was working at a dept. store and Dustin Diamond came to her checkout. Just as she was about to start ringing him up, he co-worker handed her the phone and said "you have a call, let me take care of this." Friend looks at Dustin Diamond and says "looks like i'm saved by the bell..." She said DD had an annoyed look on his face.

-- gr8080, Thursday, 6 March 2008 20:15

: D

ya that is a true pwn!!!

man hitting on ladies must be so fraught with peril for elijah wood

i pointed at clooney and said "batman!" and he flipped me off so i think i was pwnd

i was at a bar in hollywood with a friend of mine and we were standing outside, swaying drunkenly, and elijah w00d was dropped off by a rented sedan. in the back of the bar we'd spotted dominic monaghan having a birthday party so i think he was there for that. the bouncer knew him and he asked the guy, "what's it like in there?" and my friend replied, "it's dark and smokey, like the fires of mordor". to his credit, elijah laughed.

i got pwned by carl craig about ten years ago at sankey's soap in manchester. he was a bit of a hero so i asked his wife who was dancing by the booth if i could get in for an autograph and she said yes. was a little the worse for wear and gabbled some embarrassing stuff to him about how great he was. he wrote me his autograph and put "peace in manchester", me being from the other end of the east lancs went "b-but i'm from liverpool" and he just looked at me and said "yeah, but we're in manchester" and i went kthxby. needless to say when he played liverpool recently i gave the dj booth a wide berth (although some scall appeared to put him in a headlock at one point).

I know someone that was in a series of commercials for a popular oatmeal brand and a del monte commercial whom I made fun of incessantly.

http://scifipedia.scifi.com/images/thumb/a/a1/Wilford-brimley.jpg/270px-Wilford-brimley.jpg
????????????????

I once threw up on J0n N0rr1s, Alex In Nyc's new co-worker.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, February 3, 2006 4:08 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

whoa whoa whoa

was this the same night he hit on a child

For those who haven't worked in the industry, a bellini is champagne with peach juice,

No. A bellini is prosecco (champagne is a reasonable substitute) with peach PUREE. No wonder Usher was so distrusting, I would be too.