smoking

I liked to smoke American Spirits and then Camels

Camel Lights and Camel Turkish Golds were my cigarette of choice, occasionally Lucky Strikes (for the package), and the new Marlboros that look like Camels aren't bad.

I'm tempted to take it back up for the flavored Camels.

can you tell that i'm trying to destroy brand loyalty in the hope that it'll be easier to quit?

also if you don't smoke and get into a car where someone smokes, or walk into a smokers apt. . GAG!! it smells so foul.

I chain-smoke of an evening sometimes (I never smoke during the day) and even then I'd never get thru more than 1 1/2 pax. Mind you this is pax of 30.

Anyway, in answer to how I smoked that much: You are in school. You don't sleep much. You take lots of breaks at work (I was very close to a quite exit.) Everyone you know smokes and you chain-smoke all the time. Then laws pass and suddenly you can't smoke ANYWHERE near a building or in a bar or in a club or in most cafes and suddenly everyone cuts way down.

Smokers themselves can be obnoxious. Nonsmokers can be obnoxious too. I smoke sometimes but I'm not obnoxious about it.

I don't smoke, but occasionally am tempted to buy a lump ov h4sh, and stick it up my bum*

*(I'm not really)

OH MY GOD

it's been 4 years now i think? also glad i can still blow hard

damn, Clay. this is some of the craziest scary medical shit i've ever heard ♥️

was all of that caused by smoking??

a pneumonectomy is a terrifying thing go through, how are you feeling physically and emotionally?

what was recovering from the first hospitalization like? and what motivated you to start running?

sorry, that's a lot of questions. i'm astonished. hope for the fastest and easiest possible recovery for you, and pray that you'll be able to get back into running (though i don't doubt that you will).

a miracle cessation program called "chemotherapy"

😬

I no longer smoke, but I've been told by bed partners that I have sleep apnea... So I recently bought this device on eBay that's supposed to give your lungs a workout. You set the resistance for inhale & exhale - easy at first, then gradually raising it. If used for a few weeks, t's supposed to literally reduce your systolic blood pressure, even maybe helping with cognitive function according to one study. Anyway, a cheap little device that may do a lot of good, we'll see.

https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/aQYAAOSwgH1kP8CX/s-l500.jpg

thanks for the wishes and support everyone! fwiw the surgery went as well as these things can go and recovery has been pleasantly without event. i've had one phone call with the surgery guys and they were like "yeah you're fine, no follow ups! keep up the great work!" it's weird after all this to just be, like, free of upcoming doctor visits and imaging appointments.

did they publish a case report about you?

― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby)

i don't know! the surgery was done at a teaching hospital (oregon health & science university) so i signed waiver after waiver about my case being taught, surgery being observed, surgery being captured on video for teaching purposes, etc. so i guess it's plausible? if anything was published it was without my knowledge, though.

was all of that caused by smoking??

they don't know, tbh. i'd experienced blood clots in my legs (DVT) before all this, one from there likely broke off and ended up in my lung where it grew and splintered. but every test i've ever taken (all of them) to find why i clot has turned up negative and there's no family history of clotting. smoking can turn you into a clot machine if you're prone to them, of course, but it's still a total mystery why i clot in the first place. doesn't really matter now, i'm on blood-thinners 'til i croak

a pneumonectomy is a terrifying thing go through, how are you feeling physically and emotionally?

i'm doing pretty good now! i had about 4-5 months to sit around and think about the surgery after I'd been told it was my only choice (hardest thing honestly was making the call to schedule it, i put that off for weeks and weeks), so just stewing on the horror of what it could mean was awful. they give you all the % chances you'll die or have a stroke or heart attack and it's just numbers but man did i fixate on those numbers!

i was quite proud of myself that when the day for the surgery came and i was dropped off outside the hospital that i just marched right in and didn't have anything close to a panic attack. i was in a good mood! it was nice to know it would be over with soon and that i was in the best hands i could be in, quite literally. the worst part was the waiting, once they checked me in the procedure before mine went long and so i was just sitting in the prep room from about 9am until 3pm. but they give you drugs to calm you down and make you forget everything, very sweet of them.

now i'm mostly fine. i have some latent back pain because they cut through all the muscles you use to hold yourself up, and some weird numbness/pins & needles stuff in my chest due to nerve regeneration. this is all expected and you just wait it out. emotionally, idk, that's pretty broad. i hesitate to say i've learned much but i'm certainly more patient with others, more empathetic about what people may be going through, slower to anger etc. these days i find myself really appreciating comfortable chairs, if that can be a metaphor for smelling the roses or what have you.

what was recovering from the first hospitalization like? and what motivated you to start running?

this is a really long story but due to the pneumonia and lung death my recovery was really complicated. I lost like a quarter of my body weight, and i'm already very very thin. so i had to rebuild most of my muscles and walking was very hard. so that recovery was mostly just learning to walk, then walking a little, then walking a little more the next day. after a few months i was walking a couple miles every day and eventually my legs picked up and i was running here and there and this became a daily practice. then i got into the apps and the stats and so forth. maybe i'll get back there, maybe not! It's okay either way, happy i can stand up, frankly.

<3

Man.

Incredible. Medicine is amazing. Our bodies are a mystery and miracle wrapped up together.

thanks so much for your generous a swers to my questions, Clay. There's a lot in your post that i relate to but it's hard to reconcile what you've been through and are going through with how you seem to be taking it all in your stride. it's impressive to the point of being a little intimidating. i feel for you rn.

no change on my latest ct scan. i'm told this is good news and should probably feel more relieved than i do. somehow, i'm a little spooked. i gotta keep getting scanned every so many months and if there's no change after 2 years it's presumed benign aiui.

wanna apologize for my constant shitposting on ilx these last few months. not that i think having a little health scare is any excuse, just not sure what thread to bump for that purpose and i'm here already so

i don't feel like you're shitposting. and glad for any good news you're getting :)

Thanks, man. I appreciate the post.

That's good news! Pretty sure this is more than a 'little health scare' but I don't recall any overt shit posting

Glad for your good news Deflatormouse.

I aspire to someday ascend to the level of your shitposts if that is what they are.

you’re doing great, dfm! if they say it’s good news it’s good news, keep livin’

happy to hear good news DM!

thank you all. i wish i was sassy enough to do proper shitposting. i haven't intentionally been disruptive or anything but made a lot of tangential posts of little value and lame jokes lately. i'll try to knock it off.

Clay, you hero, how are you doing???

a lot of tangential posts of little value and lame jokes

new board description?

can i just say, i wouldn't and i couldn't but DAMN i want a cigarette soooooo bad rn

I’m doing pretty well, thank you! My mile time is down to about a minute slower than my pre-surgery peak and it’s only bee, what, like three months of working at it. 14:30/mile is slow for anyone who’s training but faster than most everyone I know and I have one lung so I’ll take it. Haven’t seen a doctor or a tech or had a scan since February, that’s the real accomplishment

Whoa congrats Clay, that's awesome. And here I feel good about working up a sweat on the elliptical. Best wishes and good hopes, dfm!

deflatormouse i always look forward to reading your posts and i'm very glad to hear your good news

glad to hear some good news deflatormouse.

holy shit, Clay. that's incredible! says a lot both about your strength of character and what the human body is capable of. i'm really happy to hear it.

map there's so much in your posts that i relate to and so much that i admire and i've wanted to respond to many more of them really openly than i have. i haven't had the focus or the patience to do that lately.

thanks! idk about strength of character, you should see the grimness in me as i lace up my running shoes, but i push through because nobody can do it for me. i skipped a couple days recently because it was too hot even at night and the air quality was kinda crap around the 4th, and i felt actually guilty! who have i become, etc.

can i just say, i wouldn't and i couldn't but DAMN i want a cigarette soooooo bad rn

i just hit my 3 year quitting anniversary (it's really my 3 year getting sick anniversary lol) a month ago and i can say this really does pass. i thought for a long time i'd be preoccupied with constant invasive thoughts about needing a smoke, but i never think about it unless i walk by someone smoking outside (it smells so bad to me now!), and even then i'm like whoa people still smoke how wild is that. it really does just sneak off after awhile.

you should see the grimness in me as i lace up my running shoes, but i push through because nobody can do it for me.

that's just it tho, that is serious willpower, i'll bet quitting smoking is a cakewalk compared to that. but are you also enjoying it? how are you feeling just in general?

who have i become, etc.

haha🦸

i bought a pack on new years eve and there were a few left when i threw it in the trash in april, i was down to a very light habit so cravings like the one i had yesterday are rare.

it smells so bad to me now!), and even then i'm like whoa people still smoke how wild is that.

definitely!

6 years nicotine free today. about two or three times a year i am tempted to have a smoke but i know i won't and i find smoke filled environments, on the rare occassions it is still possible to encounter one, repulsive.

i do think had vaping been a bit more developed when i quit i might have gone down that route and still be a user that way, but when i quit it was still a pain and messy to vape (ie having to decant liquid into some primitive vaping contraption). i feel lucky i quit when i did in that regard.

Well done Stirmonster. I still have a few temptations a year but not slipped for 4 years now.

It gets harder by the day to comprehend how I was ever able to smoke two packs of Parliaments (later American Spirits) over 4-6 hours of drinking and still breathe the next day.

Daily?!

Nah, half or 2/3 of a pack/day and then once a week the two pack (and some extras) binge.

Trying a Parliament after smoking American Spirits for 3 years was a bigger taste shock than trying an American Spirit after not smoking for a year. Absolutely rancid, like I imagine smoking a cigarette dipped in embalming fluid would taste.

I quit over Christmas and backslid in Feb. Between my uncle dying of throat cancer last week and visiting my very-infirm father this weekend, I am utterly done with them. (It’s been 36 hours only but that’s great for me.)

4 years clean in june, and over a year now since they took out the lung. doing pretty good!

That's awesome Clay.

This July will be 12 years for me.

The best thing is my friend who I never thought would quit has for 6 months now and seems happy with the decision.

I quit when GWB was president, have probably had 6 cigarettes since? but the last time I smoked was a Marlboro Red after a particular intense group therapy session about 10 years ago. These days the smell of nonmenthol cigarette smoke is rather triggering for me, it makes me think how dumb and irresponsible I was as a young adult.

I don’t keep them around but I will still have one on occasion. I think of them like cupcakes— I don’t buy myself a cupcake or like gooey muffin treat more than a few times a year, but when I do it is because I want that particular indulgence

26 years for me in August. Which makes me feel quite old!

I currently have an older client for whom I am trying to find senior housing that accepts smokers. They appear to be nonexistent. Anyone still smoking, try to quit before you are 80 something and in need of assisted living.

the problem I've got is I only smoke when I'm drinking so even the doctor is surprised about how much I don't smoke and I assume they double or triple what I tell them like they do with booze. they were like oh really? that's probably not significant and I wasn't lying.

so smoking doesn't actually really cost me any significant amount of money or give me any health problems.

I should quit anyway because it seems like my family has two options - you die in your 50s or your 90s.

on the other hand I am beset by nihilism and often don't care if I die because what's the fucking point anyway so maybe I should just keep smoking, especially because I don't really spend that much money on it and if it does give me cancer, tbh I'd probably be ok with it. there's fuck all point being alive anyway. I've seen my wife go through it. Probably better than getting old and getting dementia or something tbh.

the problem I've got is I only smoke when I'm drinking so even the doctor is surprised about how much I don't smoke and I assume they double or triple what I tell them like they do with booze. they were like oh really? that's probably not significant and I wasn't lying.

so smoking doesn't actually really cost me any significant amount of money or give me any health problems.

This is me exactly.

oh i shd stop doing everything i enjoy

I’m on chantix again

don't know how people can maintain this kind of iron discipline one-cig-a-day regime. When I'm fiending for nicotine it's impossible to concentrate on anything, my vision goes all fucked up and I become extremely heightened and irritable. I feel like quitting vaping now. I bought some 25mg nicotine patches, but am struggling to get myself in a serious and intentful fucking off nicotine altogether frame of mind.

Until 2013 I smoked two a day, with the morning cigarette the only one not dependent on booze. I vowed to cut it the moment I got a cold -- which I promptly did a week later.

I smoked two last night because I drank and smoked a bit of pot.

I had a one cigarette a day phase last year, but it doesn't really count because I was additionally vaping.

the ability to be able to enjoy one glass of wine or maybe a bit more, but a moderate and sensible snifter of booze, one cigarette - then savour the moment until you do it again the next day. I'll never have it.

do you do this daily?

ugh sorry for being edgy

xp

I wish I could, but I tend to finish off a bottle of wine if I open it and vape quite heavily throughout the day. But I have managed to possess the discipline to not drink until after 8 pm. That's a slight improvement.