Do you ever feel like there is nothing to live for?

You can't be all things to all people
You can't do all things at once
You can't do all things equally well
You can't do all things better than everyone else

So
You have to find out who you are, and be that
You have to decide what comes first, and do that
You have to discover your strengths, and use them
You have to learn not to compete with others
Because no-one else in the contest of "being you"

Then
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions
You will have learned to live within your limitations
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due
Then you can feel good about being you

Dare to Believe
You are a wonderful, unique person
You are a once-in-all-history event
That's it's more than a right, it's your duty to be who you are
Life is not a problem to be solve, but a gift to cherish
Remember this and you'll be to stay one up
On what used to get you down

Becky, I know you and I have had squabbles in the last couple days, and for that I'm sorry. I never intended to get into it with you, and I don't like it at all - ultimately, threads like this always give me pause, and I'm around if you need an ear.

I have proof every day I wake up and take a breath in this world.

"Of course life has no point. If it had, man would not be free, he'd become a slave to that point and his life would be governed by completely new criteria; the criteria of slavery."

that was what i sent to a few people from this site, and now everyone else will know what exactly happen to me,and this is why it is hard to live everyday since that happened.

I know I mentioned many many many times how vulnerable and depressed I was in almost every thread I posted before You ever considered attacking me, so I know You are not complaining now that you have done the damage,and took away my happiness from the post on my update about the hair problem I had, then fixed,and still you carried on. I don't know of many people who are willing to hurt someones feelings even after being told they are depressed or vulnerable, I just think You are evil (I can't find another word to describe you without it being vulgar) and basically I hope you got your kicks out of hurting me as best as you could,because it caused alot of harm, and you got what you wanted and you can't complain about it now, because it's not like I didn't tell everyone what state i was in, and you went ahead and did everything you possibly could to hurt me and that was your choice.

1. Get your butt into some serious therapy. Period. No excuses.

2. Suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. And we, as human beings, do not have the right to voluntarily impose that sorrow on the world. A story:
My sister's best friend in high school committed suicide three nights before his graduation, following a fight he had with his father. At the memorial service so many people came forward to talk about Theo and what he had meant in their lives. He had absolutely no idea how many lives he touched - he was a bagger at a local grocery store, and an elderly lady came to the service just to say how much she appreciated his smile as he carried her bag of groceries to her car each week. And his sister's talked about the funny pictures that he would send them while they were off at college, and his classmates talked about his laughter and the cound of his voice, and his teachers spoke about his talent and the joy he brought to their classrooms, and I talked about what it was like to have him for a pseudo little brother who interviewed all of my dates and threatened to beat them up if they didn't treat me right...the list is almost endless. But the point I am trying to get across is this: Theo reached a point in his life where he felt he had only one choice left - to end his life. And by making that choice he left himself with no choices. But you are alive. And you can make choices. And you can choose to fight the darkness that those men thrust upon you and not give in, because then they win, and they do not deserve to win. Don't let the shitheads hurt you any more - you're not in their power - don't give them any. You do not know how many lives you touch in your life - every day - no-one can know this. But you are valuable to people, you do enrich the world, and life is worth fighting for.

3. Look - I was *really* sick last year - for a couple of months it was touch and go for me. And during that time I would have given anything to be in your shoes - you have a choice to heal and go on. It's a real option for you. At the time I didn't know that it was an option for me. Make the most out of your life, no matter how crappy it is right now. And do not foist off the blame of your depression on RGJ or other people on here - you are the only one responsible for your life and your outlook. If you're angry at people, be angry at those men and be angry at the society that created them, and fight and figure-out how to change things so that no other person has to go through the hell that you are experiencing. That is what you can do to make things better, dear. I've been there - I know how painful it is. I've an ex who put me in the hospital as a result domestic violence. But he no longer has any control over me. I do not allow that. You need to reclaim your life, your being, your essence, and start to take care of yourself. Life is too precious to be wasted - keep fighting, get some therapy (really, it helps!), and hang in there - you're smart and funny and occasionally rather witty *grin* (and I admire your choice swear words, too). I for one would like you to be around for a bit :)

I doubt that I or anyone else on this board can have the faintest idea of what you have been through and what you continue to go through. It's beyond the grasp of one's imagination. I will not say that I am sorry for your experience, because words have no creedence in situations like these - we do not the words in our written or spoken language to convey the emotions that I experience as I read your last post. I do not know that physical language could convey the feelings, either, but I do wish I could convey to you the sorrow I felt when I read your words. And also convey the feeling of hope for the future that I felt as I read your words.

Maybe I've no business in saying what I am about to say, but please understand that I mean it in the best way possible.

You say that your body will never heal. I cannot disagree with your statement - our bodies are fragile and can only take so much abuse before they can no longer bounce back. And I know how tough it is to have a body that doesn't work right (though not to such an extent as you have described your current condition). But I also know and believe that your soul or energy or emotions or mind or whatever you want to call that part of you that is the real you, not the physical trappings, can heal. It's a long and arduous and rather frustrating process, but it can be done. The key, though, is that you need to a reach a point where you are willing to commit yourself toward living and healing. No matter how well-intentioned any of us on here are, or how much excellent advice we can pass along, our words make virtually no difference unless you are ready to start (or re-start, or re-re-start) the emotional healing process.

I agree with your post-script, that counseling can only do so much for a person. That's completely logical. At some point a person has to take the skills learned in therapy and apply them to one's own life. No-one else can do this for us - we have to do it and we have to do it because we want to get better and because we believe we can get better. Therapists do not have all of the answers - no-one does - but they can help us to learn how to help ourselves (no matter how trite that sounds, it's still true at the core). But at the same time, it is not realistic to turn to the Internet, especially boards like these, looking for whatever it is that you need that you did not receive from counceling. I'd suggest that you might have better luck with some of the medically-oriented boards - or the support boards - where you might find people who can talk with you about things that we here cannot or are not willing to discuss. (And no, m'dear, I am not suggesting that you leave here or quit posting or whatever - I am saying that if you're going to be a part of this community [and I do hope you are] then you need to accept the community for what it is and what it can offer and what it is willing to offer.)

You say that you came to this/these boards because you wanted to make friends. I can certainly understand and empathasize with that desire. But you cannot (none of us can, for that matter) base your happiness or sadness or other emotional state on some words typed by strangers - and yes, uncaring things have been said, and caring things have been said, and some rude and funny and idiotic things have been said, but those are just words. Your emotional state, like all of ours, comes from within and is bolstered by our family and our loved ones - it is not realistic to expect that kind of support and understanding and patience from strangers. It would be different if we'd been on here for ages and knew people face-to-face, or at least had spent enough time posting back and forth and chatting and so forth, so as to develop some sense of the other person over time. But we haven't (I'm new here, too, at least new to posting), and so we must proceed cautiously and not invest too much emotional currency in the words typed on a screen by someone halfway across the world who really doesn't care if we live or die or even change our underwear regularly, for that matter (sorry, I felt that a wee bit of levity was called for - this is getting too grim).

As far as being being rude and insensitive - it saddens me, but that kind of behavior is a fact of life, on the Internet and in the face-to-face world. If it gets to you, blow them off - they are just words - and who gives a damn what some idiot at the other end of a keyboard thinks about your typing skills or grammar or whatever. But in lashing out (however justified it might be) you merely incite them more. And really, it's not worth investing your energy in such things, as healthy as it may be for you to blow off some steam (and if you do need to blow off steam, then you need to find someone you can vent on who can take it and not flip out and not react irratonally). You probably have limited energy, based on your description of your current physical (and I assume, emotional) state, selfishly, I'd like to see you save that energy to put into some interesting and entertaining and challenging postings and contributions to the dialogues that occur on here. By venting on strangers you're squandering that energy and you're playing their game, too, and thereby feeding into horrible negativity (no matter how new-agey that sounds). You say you'll never forgive - that's your right and I'll not question it - but you don't need to be so harsh, so publicly. Everyone is getting riled-up over this (well, lots of people, at least) and no-one knows how to set the situation right, if there is a way to do so. What do you want from people here?

You know we cannot be responsible for your moods, whether up or down. That is too much responsibility to place on a person, whether they're a loved one or a stranger. And no-one has the right to take on that responsibility, as it is impossible to carry. We are responsible only for ourselves, and for making sure that we leave this world a little better than when we entered it. And yes, maybe some of that responsibility is in caring for each other, but that cannot be mandated and cannot be enforced, and it's not our place to dictate someone's behavior in that manner, or expect them to live-up to some unrealistic role that we have arbitrarily assigned to them. So if he or they or whatever piss you off, hold your head up and think "screw them, they're nothing to me" and go on with your life. Don't waste timenor thought on them - they're not worth it. You need to be responsible for yourself - for your outlook, for your happiness, for your future, whatever those things may be.

Damn, I sound like I am preaching here (and, in retrospect, I probably am), but it's meant in the best way possible. I don't know you, you don't know me, and that's just a statement of fact. But I wouldn't be taking the time nor inevesting the emotional energy into writing all of this down if I didn't feel there was some validity in the words. And I apologize for the length and seriousness and preachiness and everything else here, but I had to say this shit and hopefully some of it makes sense to someone, even if it doesn't hit the target with you, Becky.

And now I am off to sleep. Be well and keep your chin-up and hang-in there and don't give-up on humanity and all of that other shit, okay? We're all just human and we're all just trying to make our way through a foreign and challenging and unfair world, in hopes that something good will come of our time here. Laura

it's 3am and i have class in 5 hours so I can only scan what you wrote. But on such a cursory level here's the advice I can offer:

As a victim of traumatic sexual assault I can say that you absolutely must get professional help. I've been seeing professional therapists and doctors for 16 years now and I don't know if I'll ever be "fixed." What is fixed when your life has been destroyed?

If you feel so depressed that you are suicidal then you should defintely investigate treatment for clinical depression. I don't want to get into what comes first the chicken or the egg b/c that's a whole 'nother post and arguement. All I know is my experience: I was horribly sexual abused, that runs in my family, mental illness also is genetic for me, I have subsequently been diagnosed as bipolar/manic depressive. Moral of the story? If I hadn't of sought professional counseling *and* medical therapy over the past decade I would be dead as a fucking doornail right now. Anyone who wants to argue that meds or "clinical depression" are an easy way out can suck my left nut.

Sooo, if you are hurtin' honey, there *is* help. You can AIM me as well, dallasdeadgirl

*************************DICK****************************************

Of course there's something worth living for! Look at this cute widdwe bunny wabbit! Aww!

http://sokaisha.hp.infoseek.co.jp/shinamono/rabbit16.JPG

I lurve rabbit stew

F*CK you. I am not asking for 'sympathy' from anyone,I simply gave people my reasons to why I am depressed and what happened to me.And If you haven't noticed I came in here being very nice,and remained nice for as long as it was humanly possible.Why don't you do me a favour and read the threads that were the first ones I posted having just joined.1)the man/waist size 28 and sex thread, 2)the matted hair thread, and 3)the update of the matted hair thread.You will then see where I lost my bloody rag,and why I did. I dont see how you can make sense out of what you said about me trying to seek attention,you idiot,everyone here who makes a post here usually gets some kind of attention, or by me saying this, did it suddenly just occur to you?
Don't try to be the dumbass here and look as though you are making a point when you really just look a tosser.
I bet everyone saw this coming, so don't even wonder why you got this reply you nimrod.

http://imgur.com/o80VX.jpg

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/9622/imgn46.jpg

good revive imo

LOL oh my god I can't believe they put a kid in that grotesque thing! How classic.

*yummy*