My cheap friend

Is he very poor. Or a very poor friend?

No really though all I want is a system where they can buy me a fucking drink when I'm broke and I don't feel like saying "eh remember this time", but with some people this just doesn't happen because they never give you anything or if they do they fucking carve it into your body with blood and make sure you get them back for it. Then when they hassle you about the fucking pint they bought you and you bring up the time you gave them whatever it's all "WHAT YOU STILL REMEMBER THAT" and suddenly you feel all petty again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

There I feel better now.

Sorry if that all sound pretty blunt, but the one thing I learnt when I "cured" my depression is never, ever, EVER let *anyone* take you for a ride.

Otherwise, say look mate, none of us are swimming in money, and it's really starting to wear on me/us that you seem to think it's okay to get out of paying for things by eating my/out food, drinking my/our drinks, etc - it's just not on, and we're not putting up with it anymore. Either stop screwing around and pay up, or stay the hell home.

I also advocate stabbing him in the hand with a fork.

(maybe this is why I have so few friends--warning)

If all else fails (he's _that_ clueless), all of you go out, have a massive meal. Gradually, the rest of you make excuses and leave the table. Eventually, he'll be the only one sitting there...left with the check.

I guess I earn a little more than most of my best friends nowadays, so (a topical example) I'm sure I spend more on their presents than they on mine, and I expect that to be the case. I'm pleased I can afford to buy half-decent things for all of my best friends. Some buy me nothing, and I think that this is because they can't afford to buy many presents, not because they are cheap or mean. One of my friends earns several times as much as I do, and he is unfailingly and enormously generous with gifts, and I'm as sure as can be that he is happy with that situation.

I think we can all spot the difference pretty quickly between a cheap friend and a poor one, and I think most of us have a problem with the first only.

My ex roommate did this, always broke but somehow was always having new clothes and shit. But she could never afford to pay her rent and would disappear early from bars without leaving a dime. I still don't speak to her.

The reason why I'd say the friend being described is in her category and not just a genuinely broke nice friend who will hit you back someday: the bit about him stealing food off people's plates. That's bullshit - you DON'T go to the restaurant, you meet people after for drinks. Going to a restaurant, not ordering food, and then just helping yourself is total bullshit. I'd tell him to go fuck himself, even if he is a good friend - if he's that good of a friend he'll see the problem in his behavior and apologize and knock it off.

Otherwise, he'll find someone else to steal from.

I think it might even be worth it to seriously stop and reflect upon your friendship with this person, and how much their friendship really is worth it to you with them doing things like you've described.

For example, I have a friend just like you have described, and we have been friends since we were very young. Now, I consider myself to be a pretty loyal and sentimental person, and for that reason I have a hard time letting go of past things, especially friendships.

But from my own experiences, as I have grown older and my circle of friends has widened, I have met/hung out with other people who are just as friendly as my cheap friend, and also **way** more giving and generous (e.g., friends with whom when you go out to dinner, everyone puts in MORE than they should, so the issue of money never really even comes into question). I've found that when you gain friends like this who are more giving/mature, it then becomes harder to justify to yourself hanging out with your cheap friend, especially if it's mostly based on the fact that you've been friends for such a long time, etc. (i.e., "We've always been friends, so even though he does inexcusable and obnoxios stuff when we go out to eat, I still have to be the loyal friend to him/her").

To summarize, I guess what I'm saying is friendships, like everything else, have their particular time and place. Some don't ever run their course, and are for a lifetime. But others very much do, sometimes after a course of years or even decades. It's important to recognize that when it occurs and make the choice to MOVE ON if you find your friend's behaviors are becoming increasingly obnoxious or annoying rather than pleasant to be around, then to cling to a romanticized sentiment of loyalty and your 'history' of being friends for excusing rude/irritating behavior.

Amen, Ally. Having been the "poor" friend more times than I'd like, I've no problem with pulling out of dinner/clubbing if I know I can't afford it at that time. My mates don't mind, and totally understand.