Top 100: Simpsons moments/dialogue

Lisa: I washed the dog today
Homer: Was it the dog from the Beethoven movies?
Lisa: Of course not.
Homer: Awwww... our dog isn't famous, and you kids aren't exactly John and Joan Cusack.

Ms. Hoover: No Ralph. Just put your head down while the other children are trying to learn.

Ralph: Oh boy sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

"I've wasted my life."

homerpalooza punter number 2: i... don't... know....

bonus points for MAAAAAAAAAT-LOCK!!! just because of tour fun.

Marge: Wow, i wonder if the kids heard us.
shots of the kids wide eyed.
Ned: Oh my.

cut to Lisa and others running from hoard of big monsters on an island

Lisa "I thought he said it was just a name!"
Man: "What he meant is that Monsters Island is actually more a peninsula"

and this is just Lisa's brief fantasy sequence...its the complete abandonment of logic and fairness in favour of the surreal and absurd that makes The Simpsons writing genuinely genius

Student: or with our help you can CRAAAM LIKE YOU'VE NEVER CRAMMED BEFORE!

the montage of Homer trying various cramming techniques is classic, right up to where he submits the exam paper and clicks his heels

"They're not cooties, they're lice, and my mom says they're nothing to be ashamed of."

also:

Kids:"Lisa likes Nelson!"

Milhouse:"She does not!"

Kids:"Milhouse likes Lisa!"

Janey:"He does not!"

Kids:"Janey likes Milhouse!"

Teacher:"Children, please! Nobody likes Milhouse!"

From the episode that brought you the word "Jebus".

The only spcific moment I can call to mind is Apu saying 'I once worked a 96 hour shift. By the end I thought I was some sort of hummingbird', then playing the security tape showing him gradually float across the screen going 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee....'

The whole Stop The Planet of the Apes musical is fab.

Lenny (in pain): Ow! My eye! The doctor said I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

And in the same episode, the film reel about why it's okay to eat meat - especially the food chain part, where we see a shark eat a gorilla and a dog catch a frisbee.

Also, the Japanese soap advertisement with the two-headed cow and the Japanese girls turning fat and all the other crazy stuff. That was beyond fucked up.

Milhouse's dad: "I sleep in a racing car, do YOU?"
Homer: "I sleep in a big bed with my wife"
Milhouse's dad: "Oh."

(From the one with the Itchy and Scratchy movie)
Homer: "When I was young, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out, and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage."
Bart: "Is there any point to this story?"
Homer: "I like stories!"

Homer: Hey! Where are you going?
Bart: Dad, you can't expect a person to sit for thirty minutes straight.
Lisa: I'm going to get a snack, or maybe go to the bathroom.
Marge: I'll stay here, but I'm going to think about products I might like to purchase. Ooo... ooh, I don't have that!

Brilliant. Any awkward conversations with someone of the opposite sex are now called 'do you like stuff' conversations. Among my friends, anyway!

"The kids can call you Hojew."

hahah i love that one, though for some reason i always thought it was "hojoo" not that it makes any difference

UH clearly "hoju," cause it comes from "homer junior"

haha yea that's right

"This film is against tooth decay, but it also kinda glamorizes it."

"I'm going... outside... to.... stalk... Lenny and Carl"

pretty good

you'd better run, egg!

"oh, marge. first you DIDN'T want me to buy a pony, NOW you want me to take the pony BACK."

Homer: You're not going to ask me to pose nude, are you?
Photographer: Well, yes, unless you have issues about revealing your body.
Homer: I don't, but the block association seems to. They wanted a "traditional" Santa.

For some reason, Homer's Chad Sexington prank on Marge is one of the only times I have really been angry at the writers. It was a really really cruel awful prank and I have a hard time believing Homer would do that to Marge.

I wish I could pin down the exact moment when this happened, but at some point after season 7 or so Homer became a consistently unforgivable dickhead...who is always forgiven by Marge (I believe the nerds on the internet who are not geeks refer to this as "jerkass Homer").

Oh, and:

Marge: You know, you are a member of a very exclusive club.
Homer: The Black Panthers?

rare classic moment from I think 2007, forget what episode:

Chief Wiggum (reading aloud from the Song of Hiawatha):

By the shores of Gitche Gumee
By the shining Big Sea Water
Stood the Wiggum of Nokomis...

I'm sorry, did I just say "Wiggum"? I...I meant "wigwam." Yeah, let me, uh, let me start again. (audience groans)

Ralph Wiggum: Ms. Hoover! My worm crawled in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have another one?

Ms. Hoover: No Ralph. Just put your head down while the other children are trying to learn.

Ralph: Oh boy sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

― Aaron W, Wednesday, December 11, 2002 7:57 AM (7 years ago) Bookmark

?

noooooo don't start this AGAINNNN.

I've got three (two from "Homerpalooza"):

1. Roadie: "Someone here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra, possibly while high. Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction."
2. Homer: "Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact."
3. Marge: "We can't afford to buy a pony."
Homer: "Marge, with today’s gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony!"

Number 2: Why did you think a big balloon would stop people?
Scientist: Shut up! That's why!

Moe: Freddy Quimby was with me the entire...night in question. We were collecting canned goods for the starving people in...er, you know, one of them loser countries.

From "Homer Loves Flanders"

Homer: Now I have four children! And you shall be called "Stitchface".

PRINCE ON USENET

there sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood

"don't you dare sully this moment with your price-taggery!"

McAllister: Arr, matey. Nary a warning light to be seen. 'Tis clear sailing ahead for our precious cargo.
Sailor: Uh, would that be the hot pants, sir?
McAllister: Aye, the hot pants.

The Sea Captain has a name?

there sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood

Ooh, look at that one!

what no youtubes!

Xxpost: Captain McAllister is how he went by in court.

Bart: Hey, it's ZZ Top! You guys rock!
Hasidic Jew: (shrugs) Eh, maybe a little.

Apu: Look at that outrageous markup! You magnificent bastard, I salute you!

two of my favorite moments are both from bart gets an elephant

Homer, stuck in a tar pit: I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out, now I'll pull my arms out with my face.

and, the very end of the episode, when stampy is headbutting the other elephants

Marge: Gosh, I thought he'd be happier in his true habitat.
Warden: Oh, I think he is.
Marge: Then why is he attacking all those other elephants?
Warden: Well, animals are not like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated...but, like people, some of them are just jerks. Stop that, Mr. Simpson.

I love the passing sign humour gags too. "Screaming Monkey Medical Research Centre" was a good one.

Nelson: "Ha ha! I touched your heart!"

Lisa: “I’d like twenty-five copies on Goldenrod.”
Copy Store Clerk: “Right.”
Lisa: “Um, twenty-five on Canary.”
Copy Store Clerk: “Canary.”
Lisa: “Twenty-five on Saffron.”
Copy Store Clerk: “Mmm-hmm.”
Lisa: “And twenty-five on Paella.”
Copy Store Clerk: “Okay, one hundred yellow.”

i say the last line a lot.

That's with the Charles Bronson "okay pally" voice, right?

I didn't read the whole thread, but I just like the way Mr. Burns pronounces "tartar sauce."

Millhouse: Remember the time Santa's Little Helper ate my goldfish, and you lied and said I never had any goldfish? Well, why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Lisa: Friends? These are my only friends. Grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will!
Marge: Girls, Lisa! Boys kiss girls!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb6sfGY0IS4

Millhouse: Remember the time Santa's Little Helper ate my goldfish, and you lied and said I never had any goldfish? Well, why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Hahaha I have this as my Twitter bio.

Burns pulls his old-timey car into a gas station, sees Marge and says, "You there! Fill it up with petroleum distillate and vulcanize my tires, post-haste!"

And from whence came part of my username:

Homer, answering the front door and seeing Ralph: "She's in the can, go away."
Ralph: "Yes sir! I'd do anything for Lisa!"
Homer: "Anything, eh?"
[cut to Ralph on the roof, spreading tar]
Ralph: "Mr. Simpson! The tar fumes are making me dizzy!"
Homer: "Yeah, they'll do that."

http://img855.imageshack.us/img855/1917/200channelscats.jpg

Comic Book Guy: "Come back! Those are Prescription Pants!"

Mr. Burns: this the best thing for labor relations since the cat-o-nine tails

Lionel Hutz: "Do these sound like the actions of a man who had ALL he could eat?"

______

Mr. Burns: [Holding a model plane.] "Smithers, I've designed a new plane. I call it the 'Spruce Moose,' and it will carry two hundred passengers from New York's Idlewild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen minutes!"

Later:

Mr. Burns: [Holding the model plane.] "Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!"
Mr. Smithers: "But, Sir --"
Mr. Burns: [Drawing and cocking revolver.] I said hop in.

Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked" guy. He had long hair and some wild idea, and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was…I forget. But the point is…I forget that too. Marge, you know who I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car.

Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives, at least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh... About twenty-three minutes and five seconds.

“Mr. Simpson, if word gets out about this, Crazy Clown Airlines will be a laughing stock.”

“Dad, knocking over a gravestone is bad luck!”

“Really? I heard good!”

xp also from that episode

"I keep telling you, I'm not a pilot!"

"And I keep telling you, you flyboys crack me up!"

followed by Homer flicking a switch and the co-pilot saying "uh, we'll need that to live"

Mr. Burs: "Wait.. there's a NEW Mexico?"