Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (10 years ago) Permalink

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"

Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"

Me:"............ok"

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (10 years ago) Permalink

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

― donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (10 years ago) Permalink

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (10 years ago) Permalink

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (10 years ago) Permalink

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (10 years ago) Permalink

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (10 years ago) Permalink

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

― dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (10 years ago) Permalink

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (10 years ago) Permalink

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

― robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (10 years ago) Permalink

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (10 years ago) Permalink

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (10 years ago) Permalink

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (10 years ago) Permalink

Haha 'still air'????

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (10 years ago) Permalink

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

― Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (10 years ago) Permalink

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

― dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (10 years ago) Permalink

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (10 years ago) Permalink

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

― alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (10 years ago) Permalink

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (10 years ago) Permalink

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (10 years ago) Permalink

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (10 years ago) Permalink

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (10 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (10 years ago) Permalink

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (10 years ago) Permalink

My head hurts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

Hm. Find him and kill him.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (10 years ago) Permalink

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

― fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (10 years ago) Permalink

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (10 years ago) Permalink

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (10 years ago) Permalink

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (10 years ago) Permalink

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

― LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (10 years ago) Permalink

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (10 years ago) Permalink

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (10 years ago) Permalink

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (10 years ago) Permalink

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (10 years ago) Permalink

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (10 years ago) Permalink

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (10 years ago) Permalink

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

― dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (10 years ago) Permalink

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (10 years ago) Permalink

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (10 years ago) Permalink

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (10 years ago) Permalink

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (10 years ago) Permalink

Skipping 5511 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

stuff like this just turns me into

― ARE YOU HIRING A NANNY OR A SHAMAN (Phil D.), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 16:10 (2 months ago) Permalink

guy in my office talks and acts like a sports announcer. always slightly too loud, makes a point of reading unfunny things on twitter aloud, constantly peppers his speech with stuff like 'my buddy x does _______; really great guy'. uses the word bro without irony. is a jets fan.

today he was training this new employee on something fairly simple and it just went on and on and on. he may or may not be a bad person, but either way i want him to shut the fuck up.

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 12 March 2013 23:01 (2 months ago) Permalink

jets fan. say no more

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 23:02 (2 months ago) Permalink

Now, the CEO is up my boss's ass (he's an SVP) asking, "Did someone in your department tell Reg. Mgr. B to attend this show? I need to be in the loop on these things."

Utter insanity. Luckily I save every email.

Yep, Ive had this. Same applies. Email and save it all. Couple weeks ago boss accused me and the office manager of insisting "for months" that some credit we were due from a carrier was $25k worth.

What I'd actually said that IF I was calculating it right - and I was not at all sure I was and needed to confirm - that figure would be right. I also had only said this TWO DAYS EALIER. Months my ass. I showed the office mgr the email and she went into him with it. No apology for bein wrong, of course. Hes never wrong.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Tuesday, 12 March 2013 23:18 (2 months ago) Permalink

some guy from my team left when we moved our offices, but now he's back after about 5 months on a freelance project. he now stops by every day to chit chat with everyone here like he never left, and his contract was just extended. i can't help but to loathe this guy, he's a 30-something coddled mamas boy who still lives at home and can work whenever he pleases. if i spent 5 months unemployed i'd be living on the streets.

i'll have to get over it at some point, but everytime he stops by i'm filled with rage. on the one hand i'm resentful of the easy life he gets to lead, and on the other i don't respect the dude ... acts with this self-assured confidence but has never even lived on his own. whatever, i'll get a handle on it.

― Spectrum, Thursday, 14 March 2013 14:21 (2 months ago) Permalink

god, everyone is so fucking TOUCHY here sometimes! it's driving me nuts. small sample:

last november, i worked with this big shot guy over in the big shot Office of Big Shots and Big Shot Apprentices to draft up a webpage. it was supposed to be posted last november, but due to another big shot being a big asshole, the whole thing got delayed until this coming monday.

so, today i email the guy who helped me draft up the webpage just to remind him that we're going to post this thing on Monday. i say, "I'm checking in to make sure that we're ready to go on Monday. We've already mocked up the page, so it should be ready to go." i was saying that mainly for benefit of other cc'd people on the email, since they didn't know that the page was already mocked up. i then go on to thank him for his help in this project, bla bla bla.

i get back this response:

"What do you mean, "We mocked up the page that will appear on Challenge.gov"?

I prepared it weeks ago."

so since he's an up and comer in the Office of Neurotic Assholes, i apologized for not being clear and said that yes, he mocked it up weeks ago (even though it was actually ME who prepared all the language for it, but never mind).

ugh, come on weekend just get here

― ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (Z S), Friday, 15 March 2013 18:18 (2 months ago) Permalink

at least it'll get here a day early in a week or two :\ :/

― my god i only have 2 useless beyblade (silby), Saturday, 16 March 2013 04:32 (2 months ago) Permalink

there's this guy on my team who laughs after everything he says. like, riotous, uproaring laughter after the most pointless, mundane things. it's not like he's saying anything funny, or anyone else is saying anything funny. he wants everyone to laugh with him without making the effort to be funny.

of course i dislike him after he called the obscuro music stuff i hung up in my cube "pretentious" in some snide, backhanded way (and yet he has Gustav Klimt postcards in his). in meetings he sits like he's the king of my department, and a few times i saw him staring at me with these really creepy eyes. whenever i'm talking to someone he'll act weird and try to bring attention to himself like darting around and making funny faces, or if I'm talking to one of the girls in my department he'll sneak up out of nowhere and try to bring the conversation to himself. i think this dude is nuts, but everyone seems to like him because he forces everyone to laugh with him. i just want to say one day, "yeah, you're right, turning a doorknob is fucking hilarious"

― Spectrum, Wednesday, 20 March 2013 12:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

Our malpractice insurance provider sent us a notice that on our renewal application, we'd failed to provide the number of hours that my boss works per year.

Last week, I'd given the application to my boss and put a flag on the # of hours area so she would be sure to fill it out, but she ignored it and mailed it off.

Her reaction to their request for the missing information: "Oh, argh. Why do they need to know that?"

― Je55e, Tuesday, 2 April 2013 18:21 (1 month ago) Permalink

She says that a lot.

When the bank wanted her home address when setting up our credit card system, when her mortgage company asked for her addresses for the last X years, when a bar association asked for her membership number on their membership renewal form. She just skips the question if she thinks it's dumb.

― Je55e, Tuesday, 2 April 2013 18:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

She's a hero for our times.

― carl agatha, Tuesday, 2 April 2013 18:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

I once skipped the "Mr/Mrs/Ms" section on a hospital form and got yelled at in a full waiting room. This was after they told me to fill out lots of pages and wouldn't give me a pen.

― lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Tuesday, 2 April 2013 20:02 (1 month ago) Permalink

just be like FUCK YOU AND YOUR PATRIARCHY and dance at them.

― Room 227 (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 4 April 2013 03:38 (1 month ago) Permalink

Jesus, they wouldn't even give you a pen?

― Je55e, Thursday, 4 April 2013 04:39 (1 month ago) Permalink

i think i might need to find a new job. whenever i try to express myself or i'm feeling good, one of the people here has some snarky bullshit to give me. like, laughing boy made some backhanded remark to everyone about the weird artsy crap i hung up in my cube as being "pretensious", and now that i'm feeling more confident thanks to therapy, captain awesome did some passive aggressive spiel that i'm pretty sure was about me. he was like "well at least i don't talk in monotone like this hurrhurrhurr" ... and I know that I talk in a monotone sometimes because of my anxiety, and I figure it had to be about me, why the hell else would he say that in listening distance from me right after i'm being more confident around the office.

like, i don't get along with these people that well, i find their personalities grating, but i bite my tongue and try to find something about them i like, get to know them, etc. i'm a friggin professional, i don't say dumb passive aggressive bullshit about them as tempted as I am.

geez, when I first got here my boss totally crossed the line w/ me. she flirted with me in totally inappropriate ways, like playing with her bra strap and jiggling her boobs, touching my hands, pulling her shirt down when I talked to her, putting her pen up to her mouth w/ dick sucking lips and shit like that. in my pre-therapy messed up state i was like "woah, maybe she's into me", so I went along with it, then she made some public announcement around everyone that co-workers shouldn't fraternize with their bosses ... which was totally about me! i was so fucking embarassed when she said that because I know she talked about it with other people at the office, and she's the one who started that shit! god damn this place is weird.

― Spectrum, Thursday, 4 April 2013 13:23 (1 month ago) Permalink

errr, pretentious. anyway, life's too short to deal with this crap. i can't really think of anything redeeming about this job except that it gives me a paycheck twice a month.

― Spectrum, Thursday, 4 April 2013 13:25 (1 month ago) Permalink

Please don't ever use the term "dick sucking lips" again.

― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 4 April 2013 14:10 (1 month ago) Permalink

yeah, i know it's gross, but i have no idea how else to describe it. "a look on her face with obvious sexual overtones" ... sounds like i'm writing a legal complaint.

― Spectrum, Thursday, 4 April 2013 14:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

anywho, i shoulda left this job after that happened.

― Spectrum, Thursday, 4 April 2013 14:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

FFM OTM

― kinder, Thursday, 4 April 2013 16:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

anyone else want to weigh in here on "dick sucking lips"?

― Spectrum, Thursday, 4 April 2013 16:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

Hey thanks for cutting off my answer so you could go round all the men in the room one by one and listen to them say "dunno" instead, maybe next time you should just say "does anyone know anything about x but please only answer if you don't so I can feel cleverer than everyone"

(excerpts from sleep-deprived and taking shit too personally vol. 34950)

― susuwatari teenage riot (a passing spacecadet), Friday, 5 April 2013 11:18 (1 month ago) Permalink

ok was totally overreacting yesterday, stressed out as all hell. except for the weird supervisor flirtation shit. new boss boss is totally giving me the cold shoulder, makes an obvious point of ignoring me during meetings. today captain awesome was like "dude, she's ignoring you" and i'm like 'yeah'. not a good sign.

― Spectrum, Friday, 5 April 2013 14:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

dude I'm sure all the ringtones and alarm sounds will still be on your new phone when you get home and you don't have to try them all in the office

also this is the 3rd new smartphone you've got in 5-6 months, guess you earn more than me, congrats

― susuwatari teenage riot (a passing spacecadet), Tuesday, 9 April 2013 08:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

anyone else want to weigh in here on "dick sucking lips"?
― Spectrum, Thursday, April 4, 2013 4:42 PM (5 days ago)

first up, "dick sucking lips" shouldn't be used to describe miming fellatio, which seems to be what was happening. it should be used to describe a certain appearance to the lips that lead you to believe that they would be good for sucking dick. is that the case here? if so, i've edited your post to reflect proper usage:

geez, when I first got here my boss totally crossed the line w/ me. she flirted with me in totally inappropriate ways, like playing with her bra strap and jiggling her boobs, touching my hands, pulling her shirt down when I talked to her, putting her pen up to her mouth and smacking it all over her dick sucking lips and shit like that. i still have the pen sitting beside my computer. i stole it from her office. in my pre-therapy messed up state i was like "woah, maybe she's into me", so I went along with it, then she made some public announcement around everyone that co-workers shouldn't fraternize with their bosses ... which was totally about me! i was so fucking embarassed when she said that because I know she talked about it with other people at the office, and she's the one who started that shit! god damn this place is weird.
― Spectrum, Thursday, April 4, 2013 1:23 PM (5 days ago)

but, even now that know the proper usage, i'd recommend avoiding the term.

― dylannn, Tuesday, 9 April 2013 08:56 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm here for absolution. I'm about to cut my fingernails at my desk, in my office with the door closed. Bless me ILX for I'm about to sin.

― carl agatha, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 14:10 (1 month ago) Permalink

oh if you're in your own office with a closed door I do not see this as being a problem.

― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 17 April 2013 14:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

Thank you. The deed is done. I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I hate typing with long nails. *shudder*

― carl agatha, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 14:38 (1 month ago) Permalink

you're absolved since u have an office with a door. rest easy, carl

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 17 April 2013 15:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

Just hacked my nails back this morning to avoid that terrible, terrible typing-scraping feeling. (Deed done in my bedroom).

― ljubljana, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 15:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

You can just about whatever you want in your own office, lawd knows I do.

― kate78, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 18:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

Why did Boss' shredder stopped shredding? B/c it overheated when she was using it with the space heater pointed at it 2 or 3" away.

― Je55e, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 20:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

Man why even ask for my summary of yesterday's crisis which you were not even slightly interested in helping w/ yesterday if you are just going to talk over it and disagree with minor aspects of my wording

if you know so much more about it than the people who actually had to deal with it then maybe you should have fixed it for us and sent the 200 apologetic emails I had to send for someone else's fuckup

(this rather closely resembles my last post on this thread and yes it is directed at the same person, and no they are not my boss or it might be acceptable)

― susuwatari teenage riot (a passing spacecadet), Friday, 26 April 2013 10:01 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i work in a huge office building in the suburbs. its parking lots are also huge and far flung.

i just saw a dude in a trans-siberian orchestra tshirt and cargo pants rollerblade from his car to the front door of the building.

― goole, Monday, 6 May 2013 15:29 (1 week ago) Permalink

teaching u how to live

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 6 May 2013 15:33 (1 week ago) Permalink

― Camp Macaroni Style (snoball), Monday, 6 May 2013 15:37 (1 week ago) Permalink

[11:54:42 AM] N_____: you not on skype
[11:54:53 AM] N_____: kevin is looking for you
[11:54:59 AM] Trayce: ?
[11:55:02 AM] Trayce: youre skyping me!

...I dont even.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 01:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

ugh can someone googlefy my name pls stupid cut n paste.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 02:40 (1 week ago) Permalink

― groovy replacement (electricsound), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 02:49 (1 week ago) Permalink

thankye kindley

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 03:03 (1 week ago) Permalink

Boss' computer is about 5 years old, and it has been starting to have problems.

Couple of weeks ago IT guy fixed it and recommended buying a new system. Boss says that IT guy just wants to score a commission from Dell (on a computer that would cost barely $1,000) and "this one is working just fine."

Today, more problems. IT guy works for a couple hours and says it's time for a new computer. Boss says, "This one is working just fine."

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:20 (2 days ago) Permalink

Boss' diagnosis: computer should not be left on overnight because "It's well-known that that's how hackers get in."

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:22 (2 days ago) Permalink

also, elves

― why does Kanye say he was based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire? (sic), Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:29 (2 days ago) Permalink

I have a temporary co-worker (a new contact person on a biannual sheep breeders directory) who is making me want to drink antifreeze. This is her first time coordinating any sort of project like this, and I've had to talk her off the ledge and let her know the project is going well at least 2x daily for the last 10 days. The upside is that she's directed some of that nervous energy into selling ads, so we have 2 to 3 times the number of advertisers from the previous directory.

One of the advertisers pulled his ad because I pointed out the bad photoshop job he'd done on the picture he wanted to run. (Imagine a digital version of the ruined fresco of Jesus in Spain from last year.)

― What makes a man start threads? (WilliamC), Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:43 (2 days ago) Permalink

To the IT guy in response to his saying her computer is old (6 years old, not 5): "Look, the reality is that computers are obsolete the second you pay for them." (so they remain forever at the same level of obsolescence??)

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:50 (2 days ago) Permalink

She's probably already wasted $1000 worth of IT's time keeping this one around

― resulting paste of mashed cheez poops (silby), Thursday, 16 May 2013 18:37 (2 days ago) Permalink

Well yeh. Our IT is a consultant, whom we pay hourly.

Wm, I wish I could see the bad photoshop. Imagining a flat-faced sheep. A lamb, like the ruined fresco of the lamb of God.

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:19 (2 days ago) Permalink

I would post it, but I don't want to cross the streams of work and ilx life too much. It was a backdrop shot of a winning ram, and they'd painted over it in its two colors (tan body, black face and legs) so that it just looked like a cardboard silhouette. I think they must have cancelled the ad out of embarrassment, but they said they were cancelling it because I had the gall to ask for a higher-resolution version of the photo. (They sent 338 x 224 pixels, roughly postage-stamp size at print resolution.)

― What makes a man start threads? (WilliamC), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:37 (2 days ago) Permalink

training with coworker to learn new tasks that may come up in the coming weeks. as far as I know, I'm just helping pick up some slack. Find myself trapped in this whirling nervous vortex of "uhmmm so here is EVERYTHING i do" that was so unending & tooootally confusing & overwhelming & I was like "Okay, I'm gonna stop you there. My brain only can hold so much the first time round, we can go over things as they come up." and pray that 90% of what he told me I won't have to do for at least a little while. Fuuuuuck me O_O

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:48 (2 days ago) Permalink

some people really suck at dispensing *pertinent* information

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:49 (2 days ago) Permalink

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