X Factor (UK) 2014

Starts tonight at 8PM, ITV1.

BatmanX Factor Begins

Female Jedward /switches off TV

I really enjoyed seeing Simon Cowell jumping on a guitar until it was destroyed, poptimism metaphors writ large, even if only relating to his brand of corporately homogenic mediocrity.

Just catching up on the first two episodes now. First 15 minutes were basically like a non stop One Direction advertisement.

Pretty strange to see the guy from Freak Power auditioning as part of The Kitten in the Hip.

Just got to a montage where I think we're supposed to be laughing at all the foreign contestants. It's very uncomfortable to watch.

Live shitefest begins in 30 minutes.

Stereo Kicks?

Overload Generation moer liek Overtired Generation. Sounded like five lads at a school talent contest pretending to be Wand Erection.

If Stephanie has such a unique voice, we don't get to hear it over the clutter of this backing track.

Stereo Dicks?

Eight of them, and it seems that only one of them can sing (the one with the big hair), the second solo singer (the one with the plugs) sounds like he's got a mouthful of cotton wool, and the other six can't sing at all. Their unison harmonies make Westlife seem like The Beach Boys. The uncertainty during the "Roar-or-or-or ororor" bit was painful.

Judges thought they were graet

They thought that Jack Walton was great as well.
Nobody worry about trying to remember the names of all eight of the members of teh Stereos btw, you'll only have to remember James, since he's the only one who can actually sing.

"I Belize your mind"?

The Italian pug guy is the best they've ever had on this show. He could win this is his sleep.

I have a feeling Jay James is going to be this years Danyl Johnson. There's something very unlikeable about him. Feel like they're going to push him really hard but ultimately the public just won't buy into him.

Simon saying "You've worked out who the best singers are" to Stereo Kicks/Ejacul8 was pretty funny as only two out of the eight actually got to sing. Truly awful performance from them. In the same league as the worst One Direction performances. Simon giving them that much praise means we know they are totally serious about pushing these guys all the way. He must know One Direction are going to be winding down soon and he's trying to act fast.

Stop saying chicks Simon.

Dermot seems to be phoning it in more than ever. He was barely used in the earlier episodes and he really doesn't seem to be into right now. Him cutting off Jay and Lauren when they were responding to his generic questions were quite telling. "Yeah yeah yeah" to Lauren and saying "Alright" half way through James telling us how happy he was to be on the show before basically pushing him off the stage.

Lauren was probably my favourite of the night.

Andrea is probably the person that will win the vote every week until right at the end when they'll find some way to sabotage him to make sure someone that's hipper (In their eyes) will win instead, just like they did with James and Jahmene a couple of years ago. Probably have an album of ballads out for mother's day. Think they'll be doing what they can to make Stereo Kicks, Ben or Lola a winner instead.

Boys:

• Paul - generic boy-band-member-goes-solo vocals. A reasonable singer, just not very interesting. He'll probably go early simply because hardly anyone will remember to vote for him.
• Jack (Simon's wildcard) - Wand did this gender flip thing with Rihanna's 'Only Girl In The World' and made it sound super-crepe. Jack sounded less crepe but probably by being rather bland. Judges loving this for some reason. Also, first acoustic guitar sighting of this series.
• Jay Quickenden - sleepwalked his way through 'She's The One', the high note at the end just making it worse.
• Andrea - guy who looks like the next Sasha Baron-Cohen character turns out to have the best voice in the contest by far. Seriously, right now there's no-one to touch him. It doesn't matter what the producers try to do to get Stereo Dicks or whoever more votes, the only way Andrea isn't going to be in the final is if he gets deported.

• Lola (Louis' wildcard) - I thought Lola's performance was a bit anonymous, but she was clearly nervous right at the beginning.
• Stephanie - top quality shit advice from Cheryl in the VT: "Use the dancers, pretend they're your band members". She got swamped by the backing track when it kicked in after the quiet intro. If she's got a unique voice, we don't get to hear much of it. Oh, and another 80s styled act who was born after the decade ended.
• Chloe Jasmine - “A jazz version of 'Toxic'.” I don't like the Waissel/Brucknell angle of the VT, but she's an interesting singer. Paul Anka's 'Rock Swings' by way of the Chicago soundtrack. Although it'll get old quick if she rolls that out every week.
• Lauren - best singer after Andrea.

• Overload Generation (Mel B's wildcard) - another gender flip song that just comes off sounding weird. As with nearly all XF boybands, only one and a half decent singers, and then not really even.
• Stereo Dicks - worst XF boyband ever? Just a shitty incompetent mess. Eight members and literally the only one who can sing worth even a half chewed toffee is James. The one with the ear plugs (although not the sound reducing kind unfortunately) sounds like he's got a mouthful of cotton wool, and the other six can't sing at all. They could be chopped down to a four piece and there'd be no difference. In fact I predict that's probably going to happen, probably through some 'surprise shocking revelations' about past misdeeds ("Jimmy has been asked to leave the band over shock revelations that he once saw someone smoke a joint!"). Their unison harmonies make Westlife seem like The Beach Boys. The uncertain glances between them during the "Roar-or-or-or ororor" bit was painful.
• Blonde Electra - Louis' joke pick. Jedward meets The Scissor Sisters. Simon is not amused. The one with short hair has a beyond-early-Madonna nasal voice. TBF their rendition of 'Kids In America' wasn't a total disaster. Brian Friedman clearly taking the piss even at this point.
• Only The Young. It's been a while since XF has had a mixed male/female group, last one I think lasted about two weeks before being voted off. They really need to come up with something more dynamic and original, or they'll drop out early with no-one remembering them.

• Jay James – They hit all the sob story elements in the first ten seconds of the VT: ex soldier, away from his family, blah blah blah. The lyrics are strangely prescient and indicative of the future: "I've been here too long".
• Stevi Ritchie (Cheryl's wildcard) – sure he's not related to Shane Ritchie? He combines that style of look-at-me cheeky chappie twuntishness with a really manipulative 'family man' VT. 'Livin' La Vida Loca' – Wanger's version was much better. Stevi's was out of breath half way through the song. Probably in the running for being voted this week.
• Ben Haenow - comes across as very likeable. 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' not a good song choice though, it really showed up the deficiencies in his singing that might have been masked by something more uptempo.
• Fleur East - seems very motivated. Her singing didn't really drive the track like Meghan Trainor does in the original version.

Oh and (singing ability aside) it'll be worth having Andrea in the final just to see the fuck-awful Christmas jumper he'll be wearing.

I have a feeling Jay James is going to be this years Danyl Johnson. There's something very unlikeable about him. Feel like they're going to push him really hard but ultimately the public just won't buy into him.

ikwym, i'm wondering if it's the naval thing - have a tentative hypothesis that the great british public love servicemen in the abstract, from a slight distance, but find them quite weird when looking closely (evidence: jay james).

feels like a poor year (& has done throughout auditions). boring returnees, likeable enough 2nd-raters, very little real talent outside Andrea.

^^^ I think the final four can be more or less called right now: Andrea, Lauren, Chloe, Ben if he finds his milieu. Of course Chloe or Ben might get knocked out by one of the boy bands, but they're both so bad I don't think it's likely this year.

Basically agree, but I'd probably switch Jay for Chloe, despite my comment above. Chloe… a lot of people hate her already, and I can't see a way back. There's a fundamental sincerity problem – the pretend-posh thing really puts people's backs up. On top of that, coke and Killing Kittens stories that are swirling around already… can't mind-read middle england but I think they shrink from that sort of (v london) party girl.

otoh i reckon she's probably an order of magnitude ahead of the rest of the pack in terms of coverage and clicks, so you could be right – through to the final four after judges save her from the bottom two a couple of times, knocking out a better-liked singer and generating explosion of rage and abuse across social media.

Waisell stayed around for ages, even when she sat down and stopped singing halfway through her survival song one week. Additionally, I think the kind of people who are hating Chloe aren't going to vote for anyone else anyway.

^^^ I think the final four can be more or less called right now: Andrea, Lauren, Chloe, Ben if he finds his milieu. Of course Chloe or Ben might get knocked out by one of the boy bands, but they're both so bad I don't think it's likely this year.

― wackness unlimited (snoball)

Chloe will be kept in until just before the final when they'll probably want rid of her. Agree that Ben, Andrea and possibly Lauren will get there. Not sure who the favourite girl will be yet. Think they've been pushing Lola from the beginning (Anyone know what she does for a living by the way?) but Lauren clearly out sang her last night and has much more star quality. I originally thought Stereo Kicks would easily make it to the final but last night was an absolute disaster for them. Think One Direction were a real one off and the producers need to realise that. Just ask Rough Copy, Kingsland Road, Union J, The Risk, No Vibe and District 3.

Katie Waisell was pretty entertaining at times. Her sing offs were always really interesting in the way they were so passionate and desperate. They did well to keep her in so long really.

I read somewhere else how in 2009 Simon obviously wanted Danyl to be his next big star, he pushed him like no one else I've ever seen on the show really but half way through realised Olly was going to be the chosen one, so started pushing him instead. Think that will the same situation with Ben and Jay. Jay was being pushed so hard in the auditions (Two pimp slots and a ridiculous amount of praise) but there's not really a way he can come back from what they did to him at judge's houses. Is it known on here that he already released an album in 2012 (Available on Amazon) and toured with Rebecca Ferguson? He did a couple of interviews where he said how great she was despite not being a fan of X Factor.

I really feel bad for Jake. Decent singer and seems like a nice guy but it's clear he's heading in a Lloyd Daniels or Sam Callahan direction. "You're not the best singer but the girls love you" will turn into much worse later when they want rid of him. His VT last night showed him with his top off working out and I'm sure that won't be the last time. Lloyd and Sam were two of my favourite comedy performers on the show. Lloyd for his amazing takes on Bleeding Love, Faith and I Kissed a Girl and Sam for that whole VT he had last year about being desperate to play guitar one week (Big risk and all that, can he pull it off etc?) for him to mess up the guitar part within seconds of the live show and the backing track being brought in to get him back on track. Not sure Jake will have those comedy gold moments but girls reactions will be mentioned every single week as they were with those guys (Even though Lloyd was gay)

Quite like Only the Young, well compared to the other bands anyway. Last night's song choice gave me Same Difference vibes. Think they could do a lot better but think with Louis in charge there's not much chance of that happening.

(Anyone know what she does for a living by the way?)

lol.

Was discussing last year's & couldn't remember Sam Bailey's name until I tried putting 'prison officer' before the blank space in my sentence.

How have they not realised that the public pick up on these things yet? You'd have thought they would have learned not to push their jobs or the sob stories after what happened with Tesco Mary or the guy who always went on about his dead wife. Blanking on his actual name but he made Louis cry in a sing off which was one of my all time favourite X Factor moments.

Poor Sam Bailey. Will she be the first winner not to get a performance on the live show since Steve Brookstein?

by judges' houses we were already discussing whether fish or shoes was more likely to go through.

Surprised nobody's calling Fleur East as a possible winner here.

by judges' houses we were already discussing whether fish or shoes was more likely to go through.

― woof,

Ha! Poor shoes.

Surprised nobody's calling Fleur East as a possible winner here.

― Mark G

Not sure I can see it with the lack of screen time she's been given so far. She's the standout of the overs but that's not really saying much. I looked up her original audition in 2005 with Addictiv Ladies and actually remembered it surprisingly.

I like her but she's inconsistent (from the small amount I've seen) – the judges' houses Bang Bang was great but then she's a bit not-quite at other times, eg I wasn't at all sure last night (but it was an odd song choice imo & that distracted me).

& should say that though tho' the contenders are sub-par I am so happy that Gary fucking barlow has gone.

✓

"will be revealed after the break"
FUCK YOU DERMOT

Louis down to a piss-awful boyband and a group he doesn't understand what to do with.

If so, the group have got a chance.

I'm fairly certain the only reason that other boyband were brought back was to make Ejacula8 seem even better. Simon made it so clear when he was kicking them last night.

Jessie J and Maroon 5 next week. Might have to give that show a miss. Wouldn't it be good to have Ella Henderson on instead as her album is out this week and her second single already slightly underperfomed. You would have thought they'd want to actually show one of their success stories on the show. Olly and One Direction will be on soon but really that's not a lot to show for 10 seasons of the show. Even Leona has buggered off now.

Did anyone else hear Cheryl tell Stephanie "You've got it" before the sing-off?

xp

that makes sense about boyband b – I was surprised they were brought back tbh, they seemed wilful & (apparently) have an established social media power-base, ie entirely too autonomous for the syco machine.

I was hoping that this week's theme of 'I Love The 80s' would mean the 1880s.

Andrea takes the theme to mean 'I Love The Eurovision 80s'.

Ben should have sung 'Don't Dream It's Over' by Crowded House.

The Jesus and Mary Chain released "April Skies" in the 80s

Rickrolled by a flat singing twunt.

this is the worst cover version ever

xpost

lol yeah I should also add that this has been a desperately grim and dull series and they should shoot it the head asap.

Haenow's(*) fine – seems like a nice guy, can't stand his voice. I think Simon's plan for him is 'an English Adam Levine', which sounds nightmarish, but good luck to him anyway.

If they don't play the chorus of Don't Dream It's Over when he goes then someone's missed a trick.

Their uptempo version of "Something about the way you look tonight" reminded me and Alice of:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azU6bqM26zg

Ben missed a trick on Big Band Night:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRhYBTzPOcc

I came to like Only The Young in the last three weeks (totally solid Monster Mash) and was sorry to see them go.

I didn't like their version of 'Monster Mash' much, but they seemed to be getting some traction in the last couple of weeks. A bit ridiculous that they didn't get to face off in a sing off against Stevi, because then they'd surely still be here next Saturday. I put it down to there being no Cokehoser types this year.

Stevi - The singing car salesman. He lasted a long time, but that's more to do with what a weak year it's been. It's not like he even got through week after week at the expense of better singers.

Andrea - diminishing returns is exactly it. Maybe having him in the sing off against Stevi will force him to change things up/around a bit next week.

Ben - his tune-free mangling of 'I Will Always Love You' brought to mind Danyl, although his trashing of Whitney was caused by his arrogance. I don't understand who's voting for him?

Lauren - the emblandening at the hands of Cheryl continues. Lauren's almost as boring a singer as her mentor now.

Stereo Dicks - Big Band week was their high point, especially since I thought that they'd make a mess of 'Mack the Knife' but managed to salvage something from it. Despite what this week's VT would have us believe, it's too late to try and graft personalities onto them at this stage. I still think half of them could disappear and no-one would notice.

Fleur - unless Andrea really pulls something out of the bag next week, Fleur's got this contest sewn up. She's got a good voice, and has the versatility to tackle a wider range of material compared to Andrea.

Final three: Andrea, Fleur, and either Lauren or dicks(o_O)dicks. The boys might make for a more interesting final, in terms of entertainment if not musicality.

I'm still seeing Ben in the final. Wouldn't be surprised if he actually wins the whole thing really.

Might as well give my thoughts on who we have left.

Ben - I've never been a fan as that whole authentic rock voice has always grated on me. Interesting the comparison to Danyl when vocally he's much more similar to Jamie Afro. The look he has on his face when he's getting negative feedback is really starting to get to me. It's a smirk that makes him look like he's not taking them seriously (In some cases he shouldn't but still..) Every time it comes to his interview on Xtra Factor they always sing a bit of Don't Dream It's Over straight after. Would be a good idea for him to sing it on the show.

Andrea - I haven't seen the producers out to get someone this much since Christopher Maloney. They've tried killing him with kindness, painting him gold, having rays shoot of his eyes and worst of all his offensive VTs that are full of him being treated like a total novelty (They had fucking Shaddap Your Face in his VT this week!)I've seen people comment on the fact they always show him stuffing his face with food each week which seems kind of unflattering. His song choices are predictable and making him seem like a one tricky pony. I wouldn't be surprised if he topped the vote those first few weeks by a long way and since then they've been doing a lot to get rid of him.

Lauren - Dark Horse should have been a big moment for her but since then she's basically turned into Lola as a performer. Lots of wobbly vocals and absolutely no stage presence. She doesn't even have the tears or the fish to make her slightly memorable like Lola did. Totally agree that she peaked with Happy/Teardrop in week one.

Stereo Kicks - Guess I'm on my own thinking they are the worst things about the show. Still miming the choruses each week and instead of just letting two of them sing maybe four/five of them get lead vocals to which the judges say "We got to hear you all individually" No we didn't. The main singer pulls the most unflattering face when he goes for the big notes. Simon has been spouting the same shit since week one "I really feel you're starting to become a real band" "We're getting to know you all now" It's bullshit. He's pushing them as hard as he did with Danyl back in 2009. I'm just hopeful they'll go the same way as he did. The smile Simon does when he gives them a standing ovation (Every fucking week) fills me with rage. He's clearly thinking "I made this happen" and clearly thinks they will be the new One Direction. Don't let me down general public.

Fleur - She is my favourite by a long way but honestly if she'd been in the 2008 or 2010 years (My two favourite series) she wouldn't have stood out at all. She's yet to have her big moment since the judges houses. Lots of solid performances but no sign of her proving she's an amazing singer or anything really special as a performer (Alexandra and Cher are my two favourite contestants ever) I would be happy if she won but I'm not sure I can see it happening yet despite Simon making it clear she's the chosen one. Think she does have a similar feel as Alexandra and Little Mix as a contestant, not in a similar style but in the way there was no hype for her at the beginning and she's kind of gone ahead of everyone else without it being really obvious. If she can just do a Don't Let Go or a Candyman this week that would be great.

I'm absolutely amazed this series has been just as bad as last years. I really thought they'd get it right this year.

One of the highlights for me (which probably won't happen anymore) is when Simon has given his "You're shit, go away" final statement during the performance prior to an act going out, then they play their highlights and there's Simon going "You're wonderful, you might win", Mr Fickle, right?

Oh, having not watched the series I didn't realise Ben/Don't Dream It's Over was already a joke. Soz.

I'm not exactly proud that I know that. Watching X Factor is one thing but watching Xtra Factor is clearly a cry for help. Judging by his reaction when they sing it he has obviously had to put up with it a lot through his life.

Well this was slightly more interesting than last week, but not by much, and even then that's not really praise. Fleur would be my pick to win now, although clearly Andrea is going to walk it. She'll still get the full backing of Syco anyway, judging by her pre-performance clips. Laurel's voice sounded a bit croaky during the first song, but I would prefer her to be in the final three instead of Ben and his reprise of the super manipulative VTs.

Fleur was excellent tonight. I think she might win it now and obviously is the one who will have a career rather than just an album of covers. Andrea was in the bottom two a couple of weeks ago so I'm not sure he'll win it although I think it's likely. Lauren will be out tomorrow. I can't see that there's any market for a teen singer that can't/won't dance or even perform in any real sense. She moves around like a decrepit.

I think there's more of a market for a teenage singer that young teenage girls can relate to than there is for a guy who puts ill-fitting RAWK stylings on everything. The last XF contestant who did that was Jamie Poodlehair and he only came seventh - more proof that this show has been getting increasingly diminishing returns.

I agree on all points.

I take it tomorrow is not a bottom two/ sing off?

Fleur doing Uptown Funk was probably my favourite performance on the show since Ella doing Believe. Sadly I still think Ben is going to take this.

conclusive proof that "Wrecking Ball" is 10x the song "Hallelujah" is anyway

The staging for Andrea's 'Wrecking Ball' was the best bit of set design since the 'Big Brother is watching you' backdrop behind one of Chris Baloney's performances in 2012.

"TWO LIVES LEFT...."

Ben through?
http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120829003851/theonefootinthegrave/images/c/cc/IDNBI.jpg

Shit is on.

And by 'shit', I mean 'a shit load of filler'.

have a feeling Andrea will go tonight :(

if Haenow tells us how normal he is once more i'm putting the TV thru

I liked the sign the guy in the crowd was holding that read 'Ben Haenow to win' that looked like the letters had been sculpted out of faeces.

Fuck-awful Christmas jumper ahoy.
I can see that Andrea's going to have a TV career like Jeremy from Airport.

He does knock it out of the park though. Ben might as well go home now.

Louis says "you're a star" to just about everyone, but with Fleur it's really justified.

Pairing Ben with Ed Sheeran for the duet was a bad idea, because Ben just sounds like a crap Ed Sheeran by comparison now.

guessed it wd be Haenow and Sheeran, reckon Andrea will get Sam Smith, can't remember who the other guest is?

Fleur's singing with Labrinth.

Ella Henderson = i feel cheated

Fleur's duet with Labrinth didn't quite mesh. I wonder how much time the contestants get to actually rehearse with the their duet partners?

fuck you GBP

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120829003851/theonefootinthegrave/images/c/cc/IDNBI.jpg

Fucks sake, have the GBP got cloth ears?

nah i knew it was coming, cloth-eared vanilla ordinary bloke sob-story bullshit bullshit wanker voters

ach well at least Fleur will deservedly crush him tomorrow

If for some reason she doesn't, Simon's money is on her anyway. Ben's heading for Brookstein-esque obscurity and he hasn't even criticised anything Cowell's done.

Also I won't sleep tonight knowing that even now there are people writing slashfic involving Stevi, that rocket, and Chico...

Still have a horrible feeling Ben is going to win this.

Two hours of padding... GO!

xp FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

if ben wins i'm never watching again

This last couple of hours it's just become more and more obvious he was going to win. Good luck trying to make this guy anymore successful than Matt Cardle.

At least Ben isn't an egotistical twit like Cardle. That's one thing in his favour, like Leona, the XF process didn't really change him much as a person.

Voting figures are out. Ben was winning it from week four onwards.

One thing that bugs me more than anything on x-factor is when they sing songs that they have not understood.

I don't know if Fleur fell into that trap, and am sure it made no difference anyway, but when she added the "I want to live with you.. And you and you and you", umm this is not a song about universal love its about living with one person.

Anyway, better Ben gets the "Winners song" that fits him, now Fleur can skip it and do stuff that actually suits her. You know Alexandra Burke never much liked "Hallelujah" and dropped it Snapfish?

The winners song really seemed like it was picked for him and definitely not her. I always think the most misguided winners song was Little Mix getting Cannonball. Such an awful choice for them.

That was disappointing.

Increasingly clear watching Sunday's show what was going to happen - winner's single chosen for Ben, & I think Fleur was a bit hamstrung by having to repeat uptown funk - it was only a week ago, the surprise factor has gone, but what else could she do?

But yeah, the voting figures say a lot - clearly the producers knew what was coming and that Fleur was just *not* going to win - but then she didn't need to. There's not much in 1st and 2nd place if Syco are on your side, and the signs seem good for her. I hope she has a great career. And while I never want to hear Haenow singing again, I hope he enjoys a respectable living in entertainment after this, since he seems a decent person.

Well, Fleur's first performance of it got a big reaction, it seemed a good idea to do it again as a few people might have been prompted to see it for that reason.

The "Winners Song" always seems to be a dead albatross anyway, a song that would have suited Fleur definitely would not have worked for Ben, and they seem to have a stockpile of 'that sort of song' signed to the 'right' publisher.