did you wait around to shake his hand as soon as he emerged from the stall of champions?
― iiiijjjj, Thursday, 24 September 2009 15:26 (fourteen years ago) link
I couldn't even blurb out an "I'm honored to poop next to you sir", I was in such awe. I'll be keeping a close eye in the future, though, no doubt about it. If I was in a position to promote him, I would, even over (no - ESPECIALLY over ) a more qualified candidate.
― Z S, Thursday, 24 September 2009 16:03 (fourteen years ago) link
I bet his efficiency at his job is a significant percentage higher than people who don't type and use the phone whilst shitting. Next time you need a problem solved I'd take it straight to him.
― James Mitchell, Thursday, 24 September 2009 16:12 (fourteen years ago) link
I've got a grunter in the stall next to me.
― Bryan, Thursday, 24 September 2009 16:30 (fourteen years ago) link
http://begonias.typepad.com/srubio/images/triumph.jpg
― am0n, Thursday, 24 September 2009 16:32 (fourteen years ago) link
this thread makes me feel like Tuomas
― Tracer Hand, Monday, June 22, 2009 8:01 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
i am kind of in agreement with this
― thomp, Thursday, 24 September 2009 19:23 (fourteen years ago) link
although i suppose really the entire thought is "this thread makes me feel like the tuomas of taking a shit"
― thomp, Thursday, 24 September 2009 19:24 (fourteen years ago) link
what's wrong with texting while you poop?
― harbl, Monday, June 22, 2009 7:52 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
we are all tuomas
― steamed hams (harbl), Thursday, 24 September 2009 19:32 (fourteen years ago) link
One thing I hate is that being tall, and being a "standing wiper", my head comes over the door. so some schlub walks into the bathroom, he can like...see my face. that's all they can see but there is something unsettling about being seen at all while you are wiping your ass.
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:23 (fourteen years ago) link
You should look into other methods of wiping. I believe there's even a thread dealing with it here somewhere.
― ^^potentially not true at all, sry^^ (Z S), Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:31 (fourteen years ago) link
I'm not changing my wipe style simply because the person that built the stall door had midgets in mind
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:39 (fourteen years ago) link
Turn around so they can only see the back of your head.
― El Poopo Loco (Pancakes Hackman), Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:40 (fourteen years ago) link
or I could put my feet on the right wall then hold myself up with one hand on the left wall so that I'm horizontal and wipe that way
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:42 (fourteen years ago) link
The bad thing about pooping at my work is that the light is activated by a motion sensor near the door, so if you're sat on the bog for more than five minutes or so and no-one else is around, the light goes off and you're suddenly plunged into darkness. It's kind of a relief when someone comes in and activates the light again, but then you're hit with this dreadful flush of shame that you've been sat there furtively dumping in the dark like some sort of poop criminal.
― We should have called Suzie and Bobby (NickB), Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:51 (fourteen years ago) link
http://passitonsv.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/smooth-criminal.jpg
― El Poopo Loco (Pancakes Hackman), Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:56 (fourteen years ago) link
ahahahhahahahaha
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:58 (fourteen years ago) link
wait standing wiper what
― RAYBAN L01US J@gg3r (jjjusten), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:01 (fourteen years ago) link
I prefer the jump and wipe.
― Jeff, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:02 (fourteen years ago) link
its like some sort of poop olympics in here
― RAYBAN L01US J@gg3r (jjjusten), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:03 (fourteen years ago) link
poolympics
― waka flocka pedia (J0rdan S.), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:07 (fourteen years ago) link
i won the gold medal but was dqed from the last event
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:14 (fourteen years ago) link
pooping standing up sounds so inefficient because your buttcheeks are pushed closer together
― anywhere somebody might like a giant cheeseburger (Stevie D), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:16 (fourteen years ago) link
IT'S HOW THE PACK OF WOLVES TAUGHT ME
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:18 (fourteen years ago) link
wolves don't have buttcheeks, so it's all well and good for THEM
― oɔsıqɐu (nabisco), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:50 (fourteen years ago) link
ok, this is an appropriate thread to quote these lyrics:
Plagued with diarrheal secretions Post-anal drip Unable to stop the flow of fecal matter Colostomy irrigation necessary Colon brought to the surface of the skin For intestinal drainage Obsolete anus sewn closed Remnants of my bowels flood into a bag
I have a new ass
Porthole constantly leaking Cavity always stinking I just long to be normal Secrete from an open bunghole Overflowing liquified feces I can't keep it a secret, the evidence stains my clothes Colostomy has a hole
I soiled myself
("Bag", Malignancy)
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:55 (fourteen years ago) link
People where I work like to sing hymns and pray while poopin'.
― she is writing about love (Jenny), Saturday, 27 February 2010 02:24 (fourteen years ago) link
Amazing Deuce?
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 02:30 (fourteen years ago) link
I never poop at work, but today was my last day at a job where the toilets are like McDonald's clean, they're inspected every hour, so I thought what the hell.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 17:49 (nine years ago) link
wait, standing wiper
― your favourite misread ILX threads (darraghmac), Friday, 25 July 2014 20:58 (nine years ago) link
Well yes both actually.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 20:59 (nine years ago) link
I mean, the restroom was clean, but not that clean.
wait so.... when you need to poop during the day do you go to starbuck's or something? idgi
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:04 (nine years ago) link
i was also not aware that mcdonald's bathrooms were a byword for cleanliness, times must have changed
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:05 (nine years ago) link
I was gonna say, if you're using McDonald's as your bathroom cleanliness barometer there is pretty much no bathroom you won't find acceptable for pooping
― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:07 (nine years ago) link
xp Well McD's are inspected every hour or something, so they're probably clean. And to clarify, I was at work. Or at least where I used to work up until late this afternoon. And no it wasn't a McDonald's.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:07 (nine years ago) link
xp I actually haven't been in a McDonald's - toilet or the establishment in general - for about 10 years, so I guess they've gone downhill?
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:08 (nine years ago) link
did you get fired for pooping?
― john wahey (NickB), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:09 (nine years ago) link
No, my short term contract ended. Although I could have got fired for using my mobile on the premises (big signs warning that YOUR MOBILE MUST BE SWITCH OFF and MOBILE PHONE USE WILL RESULT IN INSTANT DISMISSAL). Or possibly excessive breaks resulting from excessive pooping.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:12 (nine years ago) link
i actually got the sack once for taking too many toilet breaks. production line at a door-knob factory, i wasn't heartbroken
― john wahey (NickB), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:14 (nine years ago) link
http://images.static-bluray.com/reviews/5576_4.jpg
― who cares? the moon sucks. (The Yellow Kid), Friday, 25 July 2014 23:13 (nine years ago) link
No, my short term contract ended.
euphemism or...
― Neanderthal, Friday, 25 July 2014 23:19 (nine years ago) link
what is wrong with pooping at work you get paid and it feel so good except for the flush splashback. flushback
― ledriver, Saturday, 26 July 2014 03:40 (nine years ago) link
nobody wants a bead of wet poo in the eye
I have to say that upthread I was against pooping at work, but pooping just before leaving the office for the day results in a relaxed feeling of well being that makes the bus trip back home a lot less stressful.
― Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:37 (nine years ago) link
Not least of all because you know you're not going to have to poop again any time soon.
― Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:50 (nine years ago) link
this little story transcends categorization
it's a little bit of poop, a little bit of general washroom talk
anyway
i go into the washroom just now and give myself a quick look at the mirror to take in the view of my dashing self, and fix the hair a bit
as i turn to one stall a colleague comes in
and we stare into each others eyes like deer in headlight
so i say to him, you look a little out of it today, which stall do you prefer? to break the ice
i talk to him often outside the washroom but this was our first time double teaming it
he confesses he does have a preference, so i being the gentleman that i am, ask him to proceed before me and i say okay well we gonna let this place have it!
and he rushes inside his stall and he screams it's a tag team and makes a high pitch laugh
he continues, o this place is gonna be a gas chamber, and breaks into laughter again
i am already in the other stall and as dragon is dangling in the cold, white, stoic room, he says "you know it's just the drive that kills me"
i grow unsure of what to say or do because i just heard his zipper and pants drop
and i say in befuddlement o ya well at least it's not gonna rain...
people from los angeles hate driving in the rain, i don't blame them, everyone drives like a maniac here, and it's been raining on and off, so i try to show a little compassion
and then he continues to talk about the weather and how there's rain in the forecast this weekend, all the while making grunts and pushing sounds
i urge dragon to empty itself out by swinging it a little, as if it had a mind of its own, which is foolish i know, and my visage distorts into a messy puzzle
o i see, is all i can muster
and there is a strange silence for a few seconds, then a grunt, and then the sound of a heavy, dense ball landing deep in water
never had i been so happy about running dry
but he kept evacuating his army out into the sea
and he continues hey have you watched the return to macon county?
i'm shaking off clean and i say making?
-the return of MACON county
oh the return of MAKE-UN county, no
-well you know it's a car movie, i know you're not really into that
i'm done and out the stall and say well you never know
another silence for a few seconds as i do my hygienic ritual
and then my parting words:
well i will leave you to it coach
― F# A# (∞), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:27 (six years ago) link
...
― marcos, Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:32 (six years ago) link
that was a great story though i did only read the line breaks and not the sentences btwn them
― sleepingbag, Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:34 (six years ago) link
https://images1.miaminewtimes.com/imager/marco-rubio-pleads-for-tolerance-for-his/u/original/6560364/marco_rubio_thumb_560x383.jpg
― Another helping of mouthwatering cobbler? (Old Lunch), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:35 (six years ago) link
the prohibition on talking while going to the washroom in islam is good imo
― Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:37 (six years ago) link