Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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600,

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love will

― Will M., Friday, 30 March 2007 20:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear loud neighbor I was bitching at before,

After your friend came into your room at 1:45 last night, and you went "oh OMG Sheree!" in that loud voice, I distinctly heard two people say "Music Sounds Better with You." But then you played some other really annoying song. If I'm going to be awake listening to your music, please don't tease me by mentioning (but not playing) songs I'd actually enjoy hearing!

Worst,
Me Again

― nabisco, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Secret Coding Team,

Xpost warning is grebt.

LUB
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:46 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear guy next door whose name I know but am not going to post on the Internets,

It's funny that when your wife is home later than you from work, you play your Thin Lizzy or Horslips incredibly loudly until she gets in. It's funny, but only because I like you.

Regards,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:08 (seventeen years ago) link

dear puppy,

earlier, straight after your short dream about being sir harry: mortal enemy of the pomeranian, you snored. yes you did, i taped it.

xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear new boss,

I gather from my former boss that you lost one testicle in a motorcyle accident as a teenager. You do not need to keep feeling for the other one to make sure it's there.

Love

Nervous newly promoted employee

― ljubljana, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Landlord Who Lives Above Me,

Thanks for getting and English Mastiff puppy that's already clocking 100 pounds. The barking is really cute too.

Plz have another karaoke party soon, where you and your boyfriends get drunk and sing showtunes.

Thx,
molly

― molly mummenschanz, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Gyros,

I love you but why must you be so sloppy and impossible to cook at home?

Yours always,
Mme. Stainedshirt

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear jokes featuring human testicles,

Thank you for being the only good part of eighth grade to stay with me. You never cease to cheer.

Fondly,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear university (!) students whose essays i'm marking,

It's called a dictionary - they are even on the internet now, so it is not hard to look up words you don't actually know the meaning of, yet insist on using. Also, there are these things called paragraphs. And transitions between paragraphs. You know, which are meant to provide structure to your argument.

ugh,
robyn's patience

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:55 (seventeen years ago) link

dear self,
have a drink.
okay,
robyn

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trout,

Why are you so curvy and difficult to brush sauces onto?

love
da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Trout no need the sauces!

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX-

This thread looks like it was fun. Sorry

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:01 (seventeen years ago) link

OOPS

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX-

This thread looks like it was fun. Sorry I missed it. I was busy going to boring meetings and getting bad news over the phone from an auto mechanic.

Best,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Roommates,

SERIOUSLY, when you're cleaning up (and you deserve a whole 'nother letter abt. the totally WTF move of cleaning up for the first time, like, EVER), and you see that I've left shit on the table, the PROPER THING TO DO is LEAVE IT THERE FOR ME TO DEAL WITH. That way I don't have to spend TWENTY MINUTES going through the goddamn garbage to find my things. You fucks.

Sincerely,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

BUY BOOZE ON THE WAY HOME TO MAKE UP FOR ENDLESS MEETINGS/CRISES

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

You are right, but it's this delectable spicy white cheese mustardy sauce. I have leftovers, I will send it through the mails for yr taste buds.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

I second Dan's advice

Love,
The Guy Having Some Sake with Dinner

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Grady-

Do what Dan is doing.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hoos,

That sounds pretty damn yumms. Did you catch or purchase your trout?

Inquiring minds want to know,
Abbott

Dear Trout,

If you were injured and had a cast, I would sign it like this:

"Can I eat you?
-Abbott"

With you until your last meal,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Keith's CSS,

This particular thread looks pretty cool with your stylesheet installed. Each post looks like an index card used on the old "Late Night" version of "Viewer Mail" with David Letterman.

Not a competition, only an exhibition.

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:09 (seventeen years ago) link

dear grady,

that reunion photo of you and your cheery alert little dog is gorgeous, he has impressive ears.

xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Estela-

Its a she, but thanks. She has those ears because she's mostly Basenji. I made the mistake of taking her to the beach that weekend, requiring a bath when we got home. I didnt realize the flea treatment she got before flying out here required her to go without baths for a week in order to work. Now she has fleas.

Love,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

I did not catch my trout as I don't live near any fishable bodies of water. But it is pretty damn yums, outta this cookbook that the girlfriend bought me. Lotsa great recipes, including the saucy trout.

saucily,

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear planet,

Fuck you for being so damn huge.

no love,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear P. Plains,

Where can I get that CSS style sheet? Also, is there a compendium thread of stylesheets somewhere that people have written for nu-ILX?

In a neighboring state,

― Rock Hardy, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear estela and grady,

Bezenji's are pretty sweet, my friend has one that she adopted in Togo. He is scared of men, tho, because dudes used to chase him because they wanted to have him as their dinner.

True story,

rw

― river wolf, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trayce,

If Pangaea were still real, I could take the train and go eat a Breakfast of Warriors with you.

Yours in sorrow of big planet,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Rock Hardy,

Go to the "More" button at the top of this page. Click on "Preferences". Then go to "Change Style...". From there, you will see the two, count 'em TWO, css formats currently available to ILXors right now.

From the land of yellow cars and scratchy eyes,

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:38 (seventeen years ago) link

dear money,

i'd like some more of you. also, i'd like to stop spending so much of you so that i might HAVE more of you.

kisses,
get bent

― get bent, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Money,

You have always been a vexation to me although I manage you well. You caused me, as a child, to make this joke at your expense:

Q. Why is money green?
A. Because it makes you SICK!

Please understand my mixed feelings for you.

Signed,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:42 (seventeen years ago) link

jbr, ironically, otm

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

That sounds grand. I'll save a roo steak in the freezer for your visit :D

l,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Records,

Me and money are tight. You know I don't get to see him that often. Why you always gotta be so demanding? Why you gotta make me choose? It's not fair, dudes! You're worse than my parents! Can't you and money coexist in my house?

love,
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Money,

I don't believe we've met, but I hear good things about you. Perhaps someday you and I might get together?

No pressure,
Max

― max, Saturday, 31 March 2007 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear White 1990 Toyota Corolla-

I am ready to end my relationships with you for good. You are the only kind of car I have ever owned, twice infact. But after this weekend, I hope I never have to set foot inside one of you ever again.

We've had a good run. Thanks for the memories.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Saturday, 31 March 2007 01:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Douchebag Coworker

Leaving a Rubbermaid container of spaghetti and mystery meat in the microwave over night is rather disgusting.

yours,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Saturday, 31 March 2007 23:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Anna upthread,
Please purchase strong-color lipstick and swill directly out of your office-mate's milk bottle, leaving lipstick prints all over mouth of bottle.
xoxo,
Beth

― Beth Parker, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear world,

You may be too big, but thank you for the perfect things you contain. They make me very very very happy.

muchloves,
Trayce

― Trayce, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:45 (seventeen years ago) link

dear touchy ilxors,

don't overreact to my innocent jokes that you misinterpret.

love
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear my ass -

Please get out from under me more often.

love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 1 April 2007 02:12 (seventeen years ago) link

dear touchy ilxors,

don't overreact to ~~my innocent jokes that you misinterpret~~ everything.

― modestmickey, Sunday, 1 April 2007 02:15 (seventeen years ago) link

dear DADGAD tuning,
i know it is kinda cheating but i love you and u r v pretty.
xo
robyn

― rrrobyn, Sunday, 1 April 2007 15:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear sinuses,

What the fuck is your problem today?

Gushingly,
RH

― Rock Hardy, Sunday, 1 April 2007 15:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear housemates,

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!

Best regards,

AM

― accentmonkey, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear The Gym

Stop being there and making me feel like I have to go visit you some more when really I just want to put my feet up with a glass of wine and watch Coronation Street.

love
A x

― ailsa, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:40 (seventeen years ago) link

DEER ALL THIS BEERS IN BKLYN,

I love you for the way you make me think it's okay to dance like an idiot for hours, talk freely to people I've just met on the sidewalk, and crash onto a total stranger's lap in a tour van containing like 23 very hollering people on the way to somewhere else where there is more of you. And you know what?: It IS okay. Some days I need you to help me remember, so thanks for being there.

Your appreciative friend,
Laurel

PS: See you tonight around 8pm, dude!

― Laurel, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear my work laptop,

Thankyou for not breaking when I just stepped on you. I don't use that Windows key anyway, so I won't miss that. Sorry about leaving that big dent in the keyboard though.

Mark

― Colonel Poo, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:03 (seventeen years ago) link

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