Disgusting savages; list them ALL itt

So wish I had access to Photoshop rn so I could quickly cobble together a cover for Illicit-Shit Enthusiast Monthly (Weekly?).

daily or gtfo imo

Never realised this was such a problem, maybe there’s scope for prototyping some sort of bog lock so that people can’t actually lift the lid and commit their brown crimes? Like an adapted steering wheel lock type thing

introducing: the shitstopper, by ronco

you'd think there would be a toilet lock, in same manner that sparkies use padlocks to lock off circuit breakers, to ensure they don't get any surprises whilst touch exposed cables.

most toilets lock from the inside is the problem

In response to what one assumes must have been a rash of panicked employees who found themselves unable to escape their locked bathroom stalls (not outside the realm of possibility in this workplace), our building recently changed the stall locks so that they can, in an emergency, be unlocked from the outside. It's a complicated mechanism which would require the use of a flathead screwdriver or a quarter, probably just a thumbnail really, which has led me to philosophical inquiries on the nature of a lock (is a lock still a lock when everyone in the world has an equal degree of control over its lockedness?).

birds

they are total dinosaurs if you ask me.

There are degrees. WKIW a robin but a goose can suck a fuck.

corvids ftw

I love birds, it's those sadistic stinking furballs that hunt them that can fuck right off, or "snakes with fur" or "breath stealing night-wraiths" or whatever you call them.

Birds are awesome other than seagulls which are the dumbest most useless fuckheads. At least a crow has the dignity to wait until you leave to eat your food. Seagulls just grab it out your hand. Also they fly around at 2 am screaming in their high pitched whinny and wake up the neighbourhood.

Update on bagel hot sauce ordeal: went to complain as a friend suggested i should. There was an English barrier and they had no idea why I was complaining. I left wondering why the fuck did I bother.

Is it cool if I get your last sentence engraved on my tombstone?

^ I would be honoured man

i'd leave the last couple of letters of the engraving unfinished just for maximum old man dgaf swag points

gulls totally revel in their disgusting savagery, horribly cruel and beautiful monsters

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAgSF2SVRCI
here is some proof of the disgusting savagery!

Lol

People who dislike seagulls.

i'd leave the last couple of letters of the engraving unfinished just for maximum old man dgaf swag points

― and TOWERS MONACO as 'seaman' (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, June 6, 2018 9:53 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

No joke, I am wearing these socks rn:

https://media.blueq.com/modules/imageresizer/0fb/e2d/d2360464ce/480x640.jpg

So the gesture would also be in the service of scoring 'Old Lunch being Old Lunch' points.

(Feel like that sartorial confession just opened me up for inclusion itt.)

gulls are intelligent and malevolent enough to hate with full gusto

evil fucks

gulls are intelligent and malevolent enough to hate with full gusto

i admire this in birds, especially gulls, and how they piss off humans. what is wrong with you people?

I grew up around docks and work in an area of a coastal city plagued by gull ice-cream attacks dont fucking lecture me

ICE-CREAM ATTACKS THATS RIGHT

i'd leave the last couple of letters of the engraving unfinished just for maximum old man dgaf swag points

https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/you-had-one-job-funny-fails-61-57a0989b11380__605.jpg

OMG

I grew up around docks and work in an area of a coastal city plagued by gull ice-cream attacks dont fucking lecture me

― laurel or hardyhearin (darraghmac), Wednesday, June 6, 2018 7:55 PM (twenty-two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

WHERE DO YOU THINK I GREW YOU MR CLEAN NON-URINE PIPES? GULLS ROOL U DROOL

I was up my mother's last week and about 7pm there was masses of them congregating in the street outside, just sort of stalking around. Needless to say she doesn't live anywhere near the sea.

the illicit shit convo upthread is making me lol a little too loudly at work

i remember witnessing a gull literally fight and tear apart a crow in front of bc place

If you spend $500 on a Phish box set, you should have to go door to door and identify yourself to your neighbors. (Of course, they probably already know, or at least suspect.)

The Baker's Dozen: Live At Madison Square Garden To Be Released As 3-CD, 6-LP Sets & Complete 13 Show 36-CD Limited Box Set. Details: https://t.co/9YTIGq6juV #Phish #TheBakersDozen pic.twitter.com/pzQvJ8Ov3C

— Phish (@phish) June 6, 2018

See, I see things like that and wonder about the target market. If you love a band (any band) enough to shell out $500, you already have all their records, loads of B-sides, loads of live records.

The idea that there's something SO NEW on exactly this compilation that it is worth a week's salary seems bonkers to me. But then I am not a PhishHead / Phishohpile / Ichthyologist / Treymonger (or whatever they're called; don't tell me because I don't care).

i actually wish it were any of those

Oh hell, is it... Phans?

a weeks salary my god

Oh hell, is it... Phans?

― emotional support vegetable (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, June 6, 2018 11:49 AM (thirteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i'm so sorry

Pheces

Phecophages iirc

Analstasi

I know the conversation has moved on, but

The fault is yours for making a sandwich that included both cheese and butter. You yourself belong in this thread for such a crime.

This seems inexplicable to me? Dry bread with cheddar on it is not as nice as buttered bread.

anastasians

Whichever coworker of mine failed to ring out the sponge in the office breakroom after using it.

ppl at work who leave food in the sink strainer after rinsing their lunch containers

its gross & i hate it

if it’s your house whatever leave it idgaf but fuckin try not to be a dirtbag in public jeez

Whichever coworker of mine failed to ring out the sponge in the office breakroom after using it.

i hope your breakroom has a kitchen, otherwise i'm wondering what this communal sponge is for.

birth control, i assume

Addendum to bagel w hot sauce incident: I rarely ever complain but I did as my friends suggested it would be worth it. Ended up getting free coffee and a coffee mug :-/

old co-worker still buys video games off me, but he low balls to insane degrees and asks me for games i won't sell (told him many times)

i'm selling him 8 PS2 games, 1 NES game and possibly a free gun for 15 CD. He's still asking me to sell PAC-MAN, yeah right buddy!

things you'll do for a cheeseburger