HBO adaptation of Game of Thrones - will this be just for nerds? (NO SPOILERS PLEASE)

You have the Old Gods in the north, sort of an unstructured pagan religion, dying out even in the north but connected with all the various mystical things currently happening beyond the wall (wargs, zombies, tree visions etc). The main religion is the New Gods, or the Seven. It's more structured, it's a church with priests and nuns (septons, septas), is mainly in the south but is spreading. There's a pantheon of seven gods representing different things, people will sometimes just worship the one or they may pray to each one as needed. There's a clergy that likes to think of itself as important but on the whole people are very casual about their beliefs.

The New Gods are like Christianity when it's nice, Melisandre's religion is a bit more like Christianity when it's horrible. It has concepts like sin and a one true god and crusades where you either convert everyone in the world or wipe them out. I can't remember if this is how the religion always works or if it's just her, but you always see it through her so it possibly doesn't matter. It has two gods - the one true god who is everything good - and "the Other", who is kind of like the devil in a "he's powerful like God but also not as powerful as God because no one is" sort of way. There's also a Jesus figure called Azor Ahai who dies but who all followers of the religion believe will return one day. There are a lot of prophecies about this ("born of salt and smoke"), enough that there are plenty of fan theories about which character in the books is Azor Ahai. Stannis fits the prophecy and Melisandre has told him that it's him. It's probably not, if only because it almost definitely won't be the obvious person, but it's not clear whether Melisandre herself believes this or if she's manipulating him.

Many xposts, sorry.

Also a few other smaller religions (Drowned God in the Iron Islands, a few Essos ones) that don't affect much but seem personally important to some characters.

but who's the harry crane of westeros? (sorry)

whos the harry potter

Harry Crane = Rickon Stark, he's obv the real genius in this.

lol am i the last person to find out about these?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j29YFo4FZaQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZ0LWGdTq0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCGk_k_lQm4

to me he's always rab from the book group

http://dearscotland.com/wp-content/themes/bloggingstream/thumb.php?src=http://dearscotland.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/the-book-group1.jpg&h=430&w=430&zc=1&q=90

Doesn't Tyrion go "shouldn't you at least wear a helmet?" to Oberyn right before the fight?

to me the Hound will always be YARP from Hot Fuzz

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5tveqZdiy1rsvkuqo1_500.png

Apparently in the books Oberyn gets repeatedly punched rather than "popped". Realllllllly feel like they should have kept this so the "CUNG CUNG CUNG" (smashing beetle) bit in the beetle story would have been some neat foreshadowing to Oberyn's fate. No? Also heard the beetle speech isn't even in the books.

If Tyrion had just squished that beetle Oberyn would've lived.

Oberyn scene is pretty true to the books.

“Elia of Dorne,” they all heard Ser Gregor say, when they were close enough to kiss. His deep voice boomed within the helm. “I killed her screaming whelp.” He thrust his free hand into Oberyn’s unprotected face, pushing steel fingers into his eyes. “Then I raped her.” Clegane slammed his fist into the Dornishman’s mouth, making splinters of his teeth. “Then I smashed her fucking head in. Like this.” As he drew back his huge fist, the blood on his gauntlet seemed to smoke in the cold dawn air. There was a sickening crunch. Ellaria Sand wailed in terror, and Tyrion’s breakfast came boiling back up. He found himself on his knees retching bacon and sausage and applecakes, and that double helping of fried eggs cooked up with onions and fiery Dornish peppers.”

fiery Dornish peppers

there is no limit to GRRM's ability to just start thinking about food in the middle of writing something

OK two punches total. No head squeeze pop. Still would have fit with the beetle story better.

smashed head in...?

He thrust his free hand into Oberyn’s unprotected face, pushing steel fingers into his eyes. “Then I raped her.” Clegane slammed his fist into the Dornishman’s mouth, making splinters of his teeth.

i have no fn idea how u all read 5000 pages of this shit

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b280/korip/crushyourhead.jpg

TBF it's mostly 5000 pages of:

bacon and sausage and applecakes, and that double helping of fried eggs cooked up with onions and fiery Dornish peppers

lets not forget the boiled leather doublets

yeah there's a lot of long food and clothing descriptions to break up the grossness

judging from the show, I assume there are copious pages of loving descriptions of breasts

i wasnt complaining abt the grossness, rather i exclaimed "this prose is just so horrid!" as i typed like rabid wolf after a fox

ha sry that was a terrible impression i only listened to part of the first one

my review: it is bad

The prose isn't what one reads these books for

Oh god I've soldiered through spec-fic novels with far worse prose than GRRM.

Try Peter F Hamilton some time.

no u cant make me

It's not like he's as bad as John Updike.

um hello he is much worse than john updike

yeah tbh ASOIAF is actually better-written than most contemporary genre stuff. says a lot about contemporary genre stuff.

How would you rewrite those passages to improve the prose

more peppers!

Gregor couldn't get enough of those fiery Dornish peepers

I think he generally describes what's happening reasonably efficiently and evocatively, don't want a great deal more from heavily plot-driven stuff TBH.

He thrust his free hand into Oberyn’s unprotected face, pushing steel fingers into his eyes. “Then I raped her.” Clegane slammed his fist into the Dornishman’s mouth, making splinters of his teeth.

he popped his head open and brains went everywhere and a dwarf vomits. i raped yr sister lol.

That extract makes me very glad I'm watching and not reading.

I think he generally describes what's happening reasonably efficiently

― the joke should be over once the kid is eaten. (chap), Tuesday, June 3, 2014 6:00 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is the craziest thought someones probably ever had like even if you love the books you cant believe this

not that i think they need to be efficient

me rapist I crush you head dwarf barf

how's that for efficient

"I killed her, screaming "welp"..."

hahahahaha i didnt realize he actually went full on GRRM feast-description in that passage

its like the adrenaline high point of the entire fucking series and he cant help but describe a fucking feast

not just that but i love how imagining tyrion's vomit he can't help himself from thinking 'ooh, and there'd be bits of bacon in it! and applecakes! and fiery dornish peppers!', it's like he's writing that sentence specifically to appeal to a dog.

It's unintentional self-parody (if gyac wasn't playing subtle editor there).

alas

lagoon I'd read yr rewrite of GOT books if you are so inclined fyi

brevity is source of wit and really just easier for everyone

cool ill get to work on that shd be done in like 40 years