Your Personality

and usually it turns out fine! so dumb Young Morbius.

the anxiety about talking to strangers at parties is by far my #1 dumbest and least well founded anxiety and unfortunately also one of my worst

yeah i've gotten a little better w/ that over the years. it's much easier when there's no attempt at romance involved

actually i find myself way less anxious about chatting up girls than about trying to make friends!

not that ive chatted up girls in a while

why am i using the phrase chatting up girls

i must have caught l0u1s jagg3r

Parties require a host or other active-minded person who does the legwork to get people talking via his/her knowledge of their common interests etc - it sounds very Miss Manners but it makes a gigantic difference to how well a party goes if even one person is like this

I mean it is a bit unfair to just expect guests to strike up conversations with absolute strangers - it's most peoples' least favorite thing in the world

if you said "chatting up birds" you'd be Michael Caine in Alfie

xxp

i basically never think about my personality and it works okay mostly. i think i thought too much too often about how i come across i would be crippled by self-loathing

xpost

Parties require a host or other active-minded person who does the legwork to get people talking via his/her knowledge of their common interests etc

yah i really like having parties or going out with different groups and just a simple heads-up type intro establishing common ground helps makes things way less awkward

i'm rarely that person but i enjoy doing it when the chance arises

xp

why am i using the phrase chatting up girls

― max, Monday, February 23, 2009 6:51 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

what would 'er indoors say?

i am a FANTASTIC host btw and not a very good guest unless im drunk

lol @ how every thread about self/personality/consciousness on ilx turns into a discussion of our individual social anxieties

we all a buncha aspies, basically.

party @ max's tnite

its a bit small & u have to take the a all the way out to utica, but ur all welcome there any time

i got a bit fed up with talking to new people (mainly at parties/social gatherings but also at work, generally) recently because it tends to not really go anywhere and i seem to have less patience for small talk. but more than that i keep getting this huge feeling of sadness inside whenever i do hit it off with people (or maybe not even that but just getting the impression that they seem like good people to kiw) only to not see them again for ages (if at all). part of this is overwhelming big city life+all the online socialising maybe, and unrealistic expectations. this is all a vicious circle tho, plus a reaction to some frustration i feel about not being able to see many of the people i click with best very often at all due to various reasons. i still do it tho of course (what's the alternative?), and am a lot less shy/more confident than i was in the past (altho still some way to go).

what goes wrong when trying to make friends

chatting up girls > bagging chicks (which i heard at work the other day, from a couple high school kids who work weekends). someone asked what exactly "bagging chicks" means, and one of them said, "you know, getting to know a girl really well...getting her number...."

aw that's so cute and innocent

It's cute and innocent that they know enough not to tell people they work with that their definition of "bagging chicks" is "sticking it in their pooper"?

i think at least one of them hasn't had much success in actually bagging chicks by either definition....

:\ maybe i am the innocent one

but i'd like to think high school kids are still excited just about talking to girls, so you know, maybe i am too dreamy.

my theory is they want to sound really macho and experienced but actually are still excited just about talking to girls. i don't know if it's a true theory, but i like it!

being the only straight guy in the office makes a big difference i think--i avoid both weird macho gender politics and weird female gender politics

haha this

i found all of you (max, tza, ari) easy to talk to for a first time, but maybe that's because i am a social superstar.

or a lush

its also because we have such a deep & lasting bond j

fwiw jergs, i was horrendously nervous about meeting you!

and felt like i talked wayyyy too much

I think my personality fluctuates quite a bit. I can be animated and get a long really well with some people, and some people I just don't click with at all, and can't think of any way to engage with them (and assume they hate me). With large groups of people I'm either bored and sullen, or I'm a bit OTT, there's no middle ground, which sucks to be honest. It'd be nice to be a bit more consistent, you know maybe quiet but nice, which was probably my default years back (but didn't exactly get me anywhere).

Another side of my personality is the super-pessimistic, super-sarcastic side that comes out a lot around really close friends. I have a pretty deadpan, dark sense of humor that's easily misinterpreted, so I try not to let it out at work or around new people, but one of the drawbacks to moving around a lot after college and becoming less shy is that I sometimes start assuming new friends know me better than they do. It's actually bothered a couple people who have taken it seriously.

this happens to me a lot!

we are like the same person!

I hafta admit once I passed 40, i started to think "OK, I know enough people. Stop."

i think for me, the essence remains the same no matter the situation, it's just the style that changes, if that makes sense - but i think that's probably the same for most people, and is really a function of living in society; you can't possibly express yourself in identical ways to your closest friends, parents, coworkers, clients/customers.

haha morbz i feel that way at 29

I fear my seemingly nice demeanor is actually a hoax. My snarky/sarcastic comments are proof of what's really going on underneath. heehee

http://www.impawards.com/1983/posters/zelig.jpg

Definitely come across pretty differently in different situations. I have not so much a theory as a CONCEPT of social space as managed through etiquette being key to identity and at work and similar I'm pretty polite and relaxed but it comes from being detached and giving ppl a lot of room. A lot of people I meet like that are pretty slow to warm up to me and I've had people tell me they didn't know what to make of me at first. I can be pretty gregarious and love tagging along to a good party a little drunk and socialising w/friends of friends. Maybe it all just comes down to energy levels but when there's a good time being had I take the initiative more, get all welcoming, chat a lot of over the top shit about stuff and get enthusiastic about all plans/potential adventures. With my oldest and best mates the preferred activity is reducing each other to tears in mixed company to embarass them.
I can get awkward and really apologetic when being really polite to people, especially those who are older or intensely foreign, who are asking a lot of questions which I end up trying to answer too sincerely. But when I'm vaguely prepared I normally enjoy talking to new people. Thinking about it I probably feel weirdest/come across most different posting shit online cos I have no way of gauging people or properly interacting, but it's still decent overall.

Another side of my personality is the super-pessimistic, super-sarcastic side that comes out a lot around really close friends. I have a pretty deadpan, dark sense of humor that's easily misinterpreted, so I try not to let it out at work or around new people, but one of the drawbacks to moving around a lot after college and becoming less shy is that I sometimes start assuming new friends know me better than they do. It's actually bothered a couple people who have taken it seriously.

YES...jesus christ this happens me so often. the worst thing is I think that side of personality can be a real crutch. I met a very good friend on Friday who has a new gf and he was asking me about how looking for a job is going and without even intending it I came across like ultra grim, the worst part is when people find it funny and I keep doing it and then I think they think I'm actually that negative, esp cos when being sarcastic I say things I don't even mean but often people think you do mean them.

"I am v sarcastic but I tell people everything, tell everyone everything! It's v silly.

― Local Garda, Monday, 23 February 2009 16:54 (5 hours ago) Bookmark"

omg are you my long lost twin brother?

http://thumbnails.hulu.com/8/700/25211_512x288_manicured__hvnWtv68FUq-fLikbxyMZA.jpg

Someone asked me today if amusement parks make me maudlin. YES. YES THEY DO. This person doesn't know me well but has keen insight into my personality, I would say.

Or maybe I'm just the maudlin type and anyone could ask, "Does softball make you maudlin?" "Does breaking a wishbone make you maudlin?" "Do balloons make you maudlin?" And I would think, yes, yes, how did you know?

doing acting classes at the moment for about 5 hours a week, and on the way home one night one of the other students was telling me how she feels v shy at the start but then the classes get her all hyped up and when she gets home she's all energetic etc. and my experience is the polar opposite, the class makes me introverted and thoughtful in a way i like, and stops me being talkative/rash.

After reading some probably bogus pop psychology article in the Guardian a while back, I decided I am a shy extrovert. I'm always keen to hang out/party with friends (esp given my solitary day job) and make new friends, but if I'm at a social event where I don't know anyone I will just stand in the corner and stare at the wall rather than approach somebody. I'm also very quick to decide that the person I'm talking to isn't going to find me interesting and then find a way to autodestruct the conversation. The only way I know to counteract my shyness is alcohol, and that hasn't always ended well (though even my parents have told me I'm better company after a few drinks).

^^^ Wrote the above before reading the whole thread, seems like my profile isn't atypical on ILX...

I'd kinda like to see a Myers-Briggs breakdown of ILX. I have a feeling that my type (I(sometimes E)NFP) isn't terribly prevalent here, but I'd wager that a lot of the people here that I feel most simpatico with are of a similar bent.

pretty sure there's at least one dedicated Meyers-Briggs thread

here's one of them:

Is ILX run by NFs?

I've been hit with an MBTI questionaire at least three times (usually for job interviews). Twice I was an ENFJ, once an ENFP. Apparently I cling the line real closely on the judging/perceiving thing, near 50%. But I pegged the meter at 100% extroversion at least once....