Yippee-IA, Motherf***ers! IRRATIONALLY ANGRY PT. 2: Irrationally Angrier

xpost hahaha omg Phil I started laughing before I even pulled the clip

the one-word link description, i.e. "interesting" or "indeed" or "meanwhile." STOP IT

u r not omniscient over blogs

actually maybe you are, just convince me with something more than a ludicrous chin-stroke

when you're sat comfortably on public transport, and then someone with HORROR BREATH sits next to you

Website surveys. Everything about them. But today, ones which make it super-clear you are not The Target Market e.g. looking for a new phone and the first question is "what is your age: under 16 / 16-20 / 21-40 / 40+" and it's like, hm, one of these ranges is a lot smaller than the others, I guess the Everyone Else Ever market is not a big priority compared to those 4 years

then I answered one more question and it said "thank you for your time, please continue shopping" when the progress bar was still at 20%, and even though I didn't really want to do the survey anyway I felt vaguely enraged that I had already been deemed irrelevant

(OK, 5 years, fencepost pedants)

those surveys all the more annoying if they are requesting feedback for the site that they are stopping you from accessing.

What is the deal with those toilet rolls I keep encountering in offices where the perforations aren't evenly spaced? You end up with one normal-sized bit, then a giant long bit, then a normal-sized bit and so on.

when u search on ilx and ppl have c&p'd enormous lists of stuff with the term or they have c&p'd entire chapters of novels or w/e

cos i use my phone, see, it's a huge PITA

When I wrangle my hair into an otherwise perfectly acceptable ponytail only to realize I missed a piece of hair that is too big or too weirdly positioned to pass off as intentional.

LET ME JUST SAY: I know how important unisex bathrooms are and I am in full support of their existence.

THAT SAID: Only having the option of using a unisex public bathroom make me IA because for whatever reason, dudes* seem unconcerned with how much pee they spray everywhere when peeing in a public bathroom so there is always sticky dried pee dribbled around the toilet and on the seat and the bathrooms always reek like urine.

Yes, women's bathrooms can be gross as hell but other than a couple of really bad bar bathrooms that were irredeemable literal shitholes, women's bathrooms just don't smell the same way.

Anyway, if you are a man and you pee freely and thoughtlessly in public bathrooms, please for the love of god stop because you are a fucking monster and unisex bathrooms are the wave of the future.

*Surely not all dudes. Hopefully not even a majority of dudes. But the dudes who do this do so prolifically.

so true, if you are a guy and accidentally splashback on the rim of the toilet it is common courtesy to wipe it off with toilet paper, you savages

That post was brought to you by my recent experience in the bathroom of this Caribou Coffee, an otherwise clean and pleasant establishment, which smelled so fucking bad, I can't even tell you how bad, and now I feel like I have pee miasma (peeasma) clinging to my hair and clothes.

It, uh, pisses me off so much when I find pee on toilet SEATS. Fucking savage monsters, peeing through the fucking seat?! They need their dicks torn off, used to wipe up their piss, then flushed. Then they need to clean up the blood/pee mix from the piss wiping and get to the ER.

You should check into one of the "family" restrooms found in places like Walmart. Full diaper still sitting on the Koala? Hey, who isn't in a hurry these days?

I have always thought the horse-shoe toilet seat found in most public restrooms was there so one could have a direct line to pee without hitting anything someone would sit on.

I have also been told my thinking is incorrect.

It's there so your penis can easily touch the rim of the bowl, I guess? Why is it there?

And what's wrong with sitting down anyway?

saves on plastic

And what's wrong with sitting down anyway?

in a public restroom? I don't even sit down for the other thing.

You should wait until the other thing has left.

I am 100% in favor of dudes sitting down to per. Please, when you are visiting me, feel free to relax and have a seat when you use the bathroom! Nobody doubts your manliness and doing so prevents the inevitable (it is inevitable. It is physics) splash back onto the underside of the toilet seat, rim, floor, and surrounding area.

Sitting down to pee. It's awesome and everybody should do it!

Who doesn't want to feel like Buffalo Bill for three minutes?

That's a different thing.

when you're sat comfortably on public transport, and then someone with HORROR BREATH sits next to you

― Autumn Almanac, Wednesday, August 21, 2013 5:31 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i read this yesterday and literally 10 minutes later, my spouse ('er indoors) told me that she had had a luxurious el train seat ruined by a gingivitis-y seat companion. weird coincidences floating through the ether.

Not advocating sitting in gross public bathrooms, btw.

It's worth noting though that even when women squat, it is really hard to keep clothes from touching the floor/side of the bowl while also not pissing all over yourself so hovering is not a solution to dealing with the Men Who Pee Everywhere problem.

I have always thought the horse-shoe toilet seat found in most public restrooms was there so one could have a direct line to pee without hitting anything someone would sit on.

I have also been told my thinking is incorrect.

If you can actually manage this, which nobody can, go with god, son.

You guys smell too many things. I basically keep my nose closed In most public situations just to be safe.

One more pee post: a disgusting college bf of never lifted the seat in his own house and thought I was a stuck up jerk for objecting. He also liked to pee out of his bedroom window through the screen.

He somehow managed to marry my best friend from college, who is a clean and rational human, but they are divorced now, probably for pee related reasons.

ARGH when male friends use my loo and leave the seat up. What is so difficult about 'this is a woman's home, please return seat to its regular position'?

Because my house was all women growing up, it took 'independent living' to alert me to the thing about male splashbacks.

I think a lot of men have a significant amount of denial re how much urine they routinely spatter throughout every bathroom they use.

that's why i pee into a measuring cup before carefully spattering exactly 3/4 of a cup of urine around each bathroom i use

He also liked to pee out of his bedroom window through the screen.

hahaha I did this one time when I was living with my parents and I got too stoned to leave my room.

Why god why didn't you just raise the screen why???

that's why i pee into a measuring cup before carefully spattering exactly 3/4 of a cup of urine around each bathroom i use

Bathroom privileges revoked. You pee outside when you visit from now on.

Man, I was STOOOOONEEEDDDDDD, I couldn't raise the screen!

and doing so prevents the inevitable (it is inevitable. It is physics) splash back onto the underside of the toilet seat, rim, floor, and surrounding area.

it's not inevitable tbrr, lots of guys manage to avoid spillage

Actually, no, it was b/c the screens couldn't be raised, they had to be popped out, and there was just no way.

xp

spillage is one thing
splashback is another, and it's inevitable b/c physics

I don't turn the light on when peeing in the middle of the night sometimes. Pretty sure I'm carl's nemesis.

no i mean spillage, sprayage, splashback, it's all avoidable, promise

You are a man in denial.

Nothing quite like a fine mist of piss, eh?

I am not that fussed about public toilets TBH; people can be awfully neurotic/projectionist about bodily functions, though. All I ask for is dry seat/loo roll/flushed by the last person, and I will wipe seat puddles with a scrunch of paper.

I wonder if there's a foreskin thing at play here. American male bathrooms seem way more piss-splattered than UK ones (at least, ones where clientele can be expected to be sober).

that is not a thing I have wondered

i would like to not be wondering it right now imo

A foreskin thing? Hell, I'm shocked that British people even use the bathroom.

I am certain that some guys do this on purpose. I can only speculate on motivation, but I would not be surprised if there wasn't some kind of alpha male, leader of the pack, territory marking going on. Sometimes wonder if these does do better in life.

He also liked to pee out of his bedroom window through the screen.

hahaha I did this one time when I was living with my parents and I got too stoned to leave my room.

― potatoes-in-law (Je55e), Thursday, August 22, 2013 8:24 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I have done this several times. Lived in the attic, the bathroom was a long creaky-staired walk away. I think I stopped myself once when it was winter and I realized at the last second that I would be leaving a giant yellow spot in the front yard right in front of the big window in the living room.

Peeing out the window seems like one of the primary perks of having male anatomy. It was the screen thing that I was so appalled at. I think the way I put it was that pee residue would dry on the screen and then his room would fill with pee breeze. PEE BREEZE.