Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

― dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (twenty-three years ago)

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (twenty-three years ago)

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (twenty-three years ago)

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (twenty-three years ago)

my annoying co-worker went to the beach to 'monitor' coastal vegetation. One small patch of dunes one sunny afternoon. She's supposed to be training me in plant id, but didn't let me know. Which is fine, I have other things to do. But later a guy who did go with her mentioned it, saying he was surprised to hear I'd not been interested, since he knew I liked dune vegetation. She said she'd asked me to come and I didn't want to. Why is she inventing whole conversations?

― isadora (isadora), Thursday, 16 January 2003 04:15 (twenty-three years ago)

One of our temps is completely nutso. She's nice but she's the definition of flighty. The best is how she asks like every day which person is Phil (she's been here like two weeks, mind). I'm like, "HE'S THE BIG TALL MAN WITH BRIGHT RED HAIR WHAT LOOKS LIKE OPIE". It's not as if he's an immemorable person!!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 16 January 2003 04:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I made this post to the "call somebody a cockfarmer" thread, but its sentiments belong here as well.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 16 January 2003 23:19 (twenty-three years ago)

two months pass...

An attorney I work with to candidate for legal position, whose name is Sean: "Hi, Sean... Is that pronounced "Shawn" or "Seen"?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:09 (twenty-three years ago)

The old lady who just takes my newspaper off my desk and walks away with it all the while talking to me even though I can't hear her because I have headphones on.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm a receptionist.

An old japanese woman wearing a baby dress and pigtails jumping and down in front of me at the desk. I just came in. Please, let me wake up a bit first. Or am I still dreaming?

― Erik, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:30 (twenty-three years ago)

NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:37 (twenty-three years ago)

We have a new girl at work. She's the assistant for the guy in the office right next to mine. Everyone is chatting her up like mad and I'm totally jealous. I think they think I'm much older than I am or something else depressing...

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Not that I like making small-talk...

― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:16 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont have any coworkers

i feel like i'm missing out

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:21 (twenty-three years ago)

you're not.

There's nothing like a five minute meeting with your boss in which he tells you that you've basically got like two months to turn things around with a mouth full of Mike n' Ikes.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Or how 'bouts getting taken TOTALLY advantage of because you're a volunteer...my boss seems to think that I came 2000 miles just to do all her work so she can edit mine and point out problems that I would have had ABSOLUTELY NO WAY of knowing about beforehand. Oh, and if I make a comment like "It would be really nice if I had Outlook on my computer like you do" I get a speech about how "this is the developing world" and I need to "get used to it." Fuck. It aint like I'm complaining about water outages and the goats running free everywhere...I want a bloody stupid crappy email program that she's got!!! Help me! I'm going insane!!

― cybele (cybele), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 19:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Ex-coworker:

big flat mole on the left side of his face with 9 really long and scraggly hairs growing out of it. He was always playing with them... twisting and pulling on them (but not pulling them out.) Very distracting....

― order some disorder, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 23:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm a systems analyst/programmer, and I was trying to specify changes we needed to make to a particular script. This was what I received by email from the person in charge of the results of this script:

"Please tell me if you understand what I am saying, at the moment in the exqualifier there are only a 4 digit code, you append another 3 in front of them I don't know where, but doesn't matter anyway to sort out the letter in the front for the new code."

I assure you it makes only 1% more sense to me than it does to you.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 3 April 2003 10:19 (twenty-three years ago)

In the one office job that I've had, there weren't any really annoying people. Of course, there were people who I just didn't like very much, but they were manageable. The only colleague that caused me any emotional trouble was this extremely stressed administrator who used to shout "Don't fucking second-guess me! If you want to second-guess me then you can DO MY FUCKING JOB!" He would also crush pens in his fist when he was frustrated.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 3 April 2003 10:54 (twenty-three years ago)

The worst is the war talk. It's died down some this week, but last week they were talking about the POWs, and one mentioned that a 19-year-old girl was missing, making sure to mention that she was white. They said, "Oh, well you know what those Iraqis are going to do to her." Then someone else said, "The way they are, they probably do that to the men too." Utterly baseless, racist shit like that. Talking about how the antiwar protestors should be sent to fight in Iraq. I can't complain or say anything because it's a very small office and I have to work with these people every day.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 3 April 2003 11:23 (twenty-three years ago)

That sounds like a damn good reason to complain and say a LOT!

― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Two of my coworkers almost got into a physical fight the other day. The male one has a lot of disgusting, annoying habits (chewing 20 pieces of gum at once loudly, chewing tobacco at his desk (!!!), banging really loud on his keyboard to look busy, reading porn all day, imitating people, etc). The girl one is very high strung and stressed. For some reason, it was deemed a good idea to sit them together. She tells him to stop being so noisy. He then proceeds to tell me and an unrelated coworker that he was going to be as annoying as possible to piss her off all day. Banging around, spitting tobacco loudly, etc. So at one point he leans over her cubicle and yells "SCOOBY DOO!" in her face. She pretty much dives over the cubicle yelling "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU".

THis goes on at least ONCE A WEEK in my office.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Having accepted that Ally works in a sitcom, who is the character actor who plays Crunchy, the loveable old drunk security guard who comes in each week with his catchphrase, "Gimme my bourbon!" to massed cheers?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Our security guards are 20 year old men who'd let in any attractive woman but stop all the men. I'm telling you, if the terrorists really want to succeed, they'll just send in 20 year old girls with bombs strapped to their asses.

Also, I don't think the owner's secretary knows how to use the phone properly, because she's always complaining that "the phones are down", but it's only her phone, apparently. And when someone comes in to test it, it works.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

20 year old girls with bombs strapped to their asses

I think you just identified the perv dream of far too many people in the world. But you'd have to give them guns too.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Well I nominate the owner's secretary to test that out, cos she's hella insane.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:49 (twenty-three years ago)

But the guards would notice the bombs if they were tied to a girl's ass, obv.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

They should tie the bomb to her personality.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 3 April 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

he really chews tobacco? fer real?

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Does he have a spitoon?

― smee (smee), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:14 (twenty-three years ago)

My co-worker made me cry (again) on Wednesday. She is just a big walking slapped arse of a woman. Who is able to reduce me to tears.

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh Madeleine. She is truly the spawn of Satan. Go to the Call Someone a Cockfarmer thread and do it.

The only really annoying thing my current co-workers do is send me ridiculous spam forwards about poisoned shampoo samples (normally originating from higher up in the Council!), then look sceptical when I explain that it's a dumb scaremongering thing to do. Also I have to tell them how to spell things all the live long day.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Someone at work has had 'restless' tattooed on their back in Goffick lowercase; apparently it's been there for a year and I've only just noticed it. NB I hate tattoos. Hate them.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 4 April 2003 08:04 (twenty-three years ago)

One day Maddie, one day... DragonArse will FEEL the vengeance of the massed Sinister/ILX chix0r!

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 4 April 2003 09:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Haha I forgot the coworker (who I usually like) who got me to print out his entire NOVEL, on company ink and paper, on my time. AND he said as he gave me the disk, 'oh I had some problem with the headers and footers, can you just go through and tweak them for me?'

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 4 April 2003 09:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Forward emails from within the company SuXx.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Business dude actually just came up with something funny, he and my boss are talking about some project, and the communication problems involved, my boss is like "are you having a problem w/Krystal?" "no, i kicked that habit!" I snickered and they all looked over at me.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 4 April 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Right. Lovely Doreen across from my is the team's adorably cantankerous aunt figure. Today and for the past couple she has been singing in her squeaky wavering voice NEARLY ALL THE BLOODY TIME and now it's really buttock-clenchingly annoying. And to think that I used to like Gershwin's Summertime.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 10 April 2003 10:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally it could be worse our security consists of a bunch of 90 year old men. Like these guys are going to be able to chase down any terrorists? "Stop right there! " *gets on motorized scooter* One of them wears his friggin slippers, seriously. I'm always think that if a situation arises he may just throw a corduroy slipper at someone.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 10 April 2003 10:52 (twenty-three years ago)

The office manager is out of town, so now the chirpy kiss-ass girl in our office has taken it upon herself to be "in charge." She's delegating work and shit, but she has the same position as everybody else. Argh.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 April 2003 11:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Nick, tell her to "delegate this" and point to your crotch.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 10 April 2003 11:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I discovered today that my annoying co-worker had switched the sound off on my phone, so I've missed a day and a half's worth of calls. I asked if she'd mind putting a note on my desk next time so I'd know what she'd done and she took Major Offense and hasn't spoken to me since. This is the same woman who, when I told her Ally's flat had been freezing cold all weekend and the landlord still hadn't fixed it asked if the landlord was a Paki. Nice.

I have found that replying to annoying forwarders with a link to Urban Legends stops them dead in their tracks.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 10 April 2003 11:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Offence, bah.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 10 April 2003 11:28 (twenty-three years ago)

She is out of the office the entire day today. Boo-yah!

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 April 2003 11:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi Madchen!

One of our senior partners asked me to scan some pictures for his daughter this morning, first thing - they were from medical books, examples of colostomys, I still feel ill.....

― smee (smee), Thursday, 10 April 2003 11:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 10982 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

head of IT department here really bothers me, they should just rename it the gaslighting department

― brimstead, Wednesday, 3 June 2026 02:40 (two weeks ago)

I would never have the patience to be in IT. As it is, because ours is outsourced to a 3rd party company who is terrible, I get lots of tech related questions from instructors that typically:

-Contain screenshots where the important part is cut off

-say something unhelpful like "isn't working

-Establish they did little to no troubleshooting before just immediately rushing to get help.

Then, when you ask a follow-up question, you get an "I don't know, I'll find out" followed by no answer for hours, followed by them asking you if you have any updates as if the answer to your question wasn't directly tied to resolving it

― If your ass is a Bible, 213 will regulate (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 9 June 2026 20:05 (one week ago)

There’s someone in my plant who’s started taking up two disabled spots with a Ram 3500, the back glass of his camper has a giant version of this sticker - https://www.scrollfactory.com/products/urgent-fury-ranger-diplomacy-sticker

Bragging about invading Grenada has to get an eye roll even from people still riding high on their Panama action.

― Lady Sovereign (Citizen) (milo z), Tuesday, 9 June 2026 21:17 (one week ago)

lol he was in danger of getting a mojito

― The Immortal Bird of Avon (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 9 June 2026 21:23 (one week ago)

oh yeah... liberating the sketchy medical school from marxist fiends, one of our finest moments

― Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 9 June 2026 21:32 (one week ago)

operation urgent fury sounds like a euphemism for a prescribed anger management program.

― shaking babies (map), Tuesday, 9 June 2026 21:35 (one week ago)

this sticker

Does his say OPERATIONATON like the one you linked?

― mick signals, Tuesday, 9 June 2026 21:43 (one week ago)

Or masturbation.

― Lady Sovereign (Citizen) (milo z), Tuesday, 9 June 2026 21:43 (one week ago)

And is that a totenkopf and half an SS lightning bolt?

― nickn, Tuesday, 9 June 2026 23:16 (one week ago)

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