worst Kevin Smith movie

if i knew there was gonna be a Clerks 3 i would've waited to do this thread!

no fucking way

http://i652.photobucket.com/albums/uu241/dnvnoo/kevin_smith_way.jpg

if I knew there was gonna be a clerks 3, I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes

lol los blue jeans that was tight

Paulsboro High School--Home of The Fighting Jorts

slocki otm

i probably like clerks 2 more than clerks at this point so good for him

in a "if he keeps doing clerks movies he'll stop trying new things" kind of way

The jorts are not shorts, of course, of course
And no one should wear some jorts of course
That is, of course, unless those jorts are worn by the famous Mr. Kev

lol

I probably won't ever watch it, but Tusk at least sounds awful in a kinda interesting way.

https://twitter.com/granitetide/status/513827545989791744

Kevin Smith might actually be a stack of children hiding inside a coat.

would explain a lot

Tusk apparently made, like, $800K opening weekend. That's pretty shitty, even for a smug "Human Centipede" retread.

Not that I want to defend this terrible looking movie, but it did only open in 600 theaters, so according to Boxofficemojo it's average was actually better than Let's Be Cops and TMNT this weekend.

Those movies opened, what, a month and a half ago? Youch.

While only on 602 screens, A24’s Kevin Smith film “Tusk” was a gigantic flop, taking in a pitiful $886,000. So much for Smith’s comeback, and one has to be at least slightly worried about A24, a smart indie company who also flopped earlier in the year with “The Rover” in expansion. “Tusk” is now Smith’s biggest financial national release flop.

I hadn't heard a thing about this. lol @ there being two more films

Dogma seems to be one of the top favorite films of people I know who should know better.

Those movies opened, what, a month and a half ago? Youch.

otm, "a theater showing tusk in its first weekend had slightly more people in it than TMNT in its seventh" would be a pitiful way to frame it even if tmnt wasn't also still showing at four times as many theaters

tusk did have a higher per-screen average than the new terry gilliam movie, though

Smith makes his money on DVD/Bluray sales anyway.

of other movies

other, more than a decade old, movies

Smith makes his money on DVD/Bluray sales anyway.

― You and Dad's Army? (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, September 23, 2014 12:04 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

he's a top eBay seller

he has his own line of shorts-that-make-you-look-like-you're-on-stilts-but-also-still-really-short-probably-shorter-than-you-actually-are shorts

Don't want to pile on to the dude here, as I loved Clerks when it came out. But I recently read Spike Mike Slackers And Dykes by John Pierson, the guy who helped produce/distribute Roger & Me, She's Gotta Have It and so on, and each chapter is preceded by dialogue between Pierson and Smith, whose Clerks he helped usher to success, and - and I think Pierson did this on purpose - it rapidly becomes clear that Smith's knowledge of cinema is woefully poorer than all Pierson's other discoveries, and that he has no real curiosity about cinema beyond Hollywood blockbusters and so on. I mean, watching his movies it's no big surprise, but he comes across supremely badly and vapid in the book.

Even rewatching the KS movies that I originally liked, what originally came off as quirky or charming now just feels clumsy and inept. I think that was the most disappointing part of Zack & Miri or Clerks II, it's like...you've directed a half-dozen movies, you should know how pacing and framing and humor work by now.

This thread just reminded me of this, which will never not be funny (especially the fact that it inspired Kevin Smith to go on a tirade against SomethingAwful). After seeing J&SBSB I totally believed this, by the way:
http://www.somethingawful.com/truth-media-reviews/truthmedia-review-clerks/

"only" 600 theaters, what a world

J&SBSB was where I got off the Smith train forever, but on reflection Dogma is a terrible joyless mess, and Chasing Amy is hateful garbage with no recognisable characters

Recently saw him and the employees of his J+SB comic book store being all over the top enthusiastic like a bunch of 14-year olds (there's a TV series on Discovery I think) and I was all "oh ffs, grow up, they're only comic books" but then I realized he's always been 14.

The Tell'em Steve Dave podcast is easily the funniest thing he's ever been part of, which makes sense since, all the Clerks characters are based on Walt and Bryan.

This ****in' guy...

http://comicbook.com/2014/09/29/kevin-smith-reveals-clerks-iii-now-has-financing-due-to-tusk/

And honestly, that would not have happened. A year and change ago I was trying to ****ing desperately get Clerks III made for the 20th anniversary. And that desperation, I must have reeked of it, because I couldn’t ****ing find money and s***. But it was Tusk, it was people going ‘Holy F***! What else do you have?’ And I was like, ‘Clerks III’, done. So everybody that’s like, ‘He failed, he failed,’ thank you I failed into Clerks III. So, never trust anybody when they tell you how your story goes, man. You know your story. You write your own story.”

I literally don't understand this. How did making "Tusk" get him the greenlight for "Clerks III?"

He made Tusk on a teeny budget which was recouped on a advanced sales, and someone was impressed.

I wonder if he's gonna make one every ten years, like a Before Sunrise but with ugly people and umpteen comic & Star Wars refs.

I liked Clerks II, so I'm part of the problem. But Tusk, dear lord!!

I honestly wish more things I like would have wacky check-ins on the characters every ten years

Honestly wish all popular culture would be reduced to fan service tbh

He made Tusk on a teeny budget which was recouped on a advanced sales, and someone was impressed.

Sure, but when was this not the case with Kevin Smith? He's had a couple of bigger budget turds, but most of his shit is cheap, fast and I imagine ultimately recoups. So why there would be any resistance to a sequel to one of his most surefire shit-brands "Clerks" ? This is the dude who has somehow gotten funding for almost a dozen shitty movies, the most recent being another horror movie before Tusk. Amazing to me that Tusk could get made and distributed before a Clerks III.

Anyway, this guy is a chump, but I love his anecdotes.

"Yoga Hosers:"

The film centers on 15-year-old yoga nuts Colleen Collette (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen McKenzie (Harley Quinn Smith), who have an after-school job at a Manitoba convenience store called Eh-2-Zed. When an ancient evil rises from beneath Canada’s crust and threatens their big invitation to a Grade 12 party, the Colleens join forces with a legendary man-hunter from Montreal named Guy Lapointe (Depp).

According to Kevin Smith, the third and final film in his True North Trilogy will be entitled Moose Jaws which he credits the film as "Jaws with a moose". Last heard, Kevin Smith mentioned the script was half-way done, and he plans for it to be his next film, hoping for production to start in 2015, along with Clerks III.

Recently saw him and the employees of his J+SB comic book store being all over the top enthusiastic like a bunch of 14-year olds (there's a TV series on Discovery I think) and I was all "oh ffs, grow up, they're only comic books" but then I realized he's always been 14.

Yeah, it's so weird that dudes that get paid for a TV show would be overly enthusiastic to promote that show.

HE NAMED HIS DAUGHTER HARLEY QUINN

Clerks III actually happening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_lFOqQDRx0

for those who don't wanna watch the trailer, Randall has a heart attack (like Kevin Smith did) and decides to make a movie about the Quick Stop, starring him and Dante

half of the film will be characters winking at the camera and talking about how meta the whole thing is

gonna go out on a limb and say this will be worse than Dogma

I like how there's a reference to the alternate ending of the original. I remember watching Siskel & Ebert when they reviewed the LaserDisc release where that scene premiered and they actually played the whole clip prefaced with a warning that it was terrible and Smith was right to have deleted it.

That was appalling

They all look so old

Surely this is beneath Rosario

They all look so old

I saw Clerks the first weekend it was on in London, at the end of a shitty shift working at a shitty WH Smith's, and when Randall spat in the customer's face I felt euphoric. I loved the movie then, but I know I'd probably hate it if I saw it now. I'd begun to hate it when I saw Clerks II on a work trip in the US and did not laugh once (or was it the Jay And Silent Bob movie?). This new one just looks sad and terrible, like hanging out with friends you don't fit with any more and having to grimace a smile during every revisited in-joke.

At least we can all agree that Dogma was total shit.

The idea of watching a Kevin Smith film in 2022 is so uniquely depressing. The only way I can imagine it is in a bed made on a velour couch, unshowered for weeks, having eaten nothing but Chex Mix for god knows how long.