30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30

j/k

but there's something sexy about going from hanging out on the couch to having sex without having to say a word

That can certainly be true.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

you can change all three with a bone saw

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/257/8/0/bonesaw_is_ready_by_tomservo842-d2yppjo.jpg

can't believe you guys never learned to incorporate Morse code into your Frenching
I like to start out with a "What hath God wrought" smooch just to make sure we're on the same level

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

This is not always true.

can't believe you guys never learned to incorporate Morse code into your Frenching
I like to start out with a "What hath God wrought" smooch just to make sure we're on the same level

it's like a combination of frenching and chisanbop

lol Abbs! I'm going to try out some experimental kissing on A when I see him tomorrow. Perhaps we can discuss politics. Will report back.

xxp Keith Richards to thread...

I swear this exactly list has been published in several diff dumb mags over the past decade or so. I have 100 def read the power tools + lace bra thing before. SO dumb.

100% definitely read, rather

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

This is not always true.

― wolf kabob (ENBB), Thursday, April 26, 2012 3:53 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

literally the day i turned 30, my mom caught me drinking beer. it was really embarrassing, pretty much ruined my birthday party.

I haven't flossed regularly since 1989 and I still have extraordinarily healthy gums and have had 2 cavities in my life

Women SHOULD have power tools though, this is true. I've known far too many women who call men over to fix things. Eff that. I've got a whole toolbox* of my own. Drill, hammer, level, staple gun, screwdriver set, coffee can of random nails, many other things befitting a contractor's Granddaughter.

*Actually a big wooden hinged box I found on the street one day and carried home, all woman-powery.

Articles like this renew my inadvertent commitment to being a crass slob.

there's a magic ratio to shit like this; most of the list has to be stuff that everyone basically knows or does anyway

15. Why they say life begins at 30

pro-lifers are just getting lazy

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

Except for my grandmother, who smoked two packs of Kools and drank a fifth of scotch a day, and had no teeth by the time she was 50 and lived to be 94.

tbf, "dude with a boner can't think straight" is borderline some 1950-shit

I totally see how it could be read that way, but nah dude, that's not what I meant.

ENBB I am pretty sure I have read this exact list before too-maybe even in the aforementioned Glamour. These are always variations on the same BS anyway.

almost all of it is totally vomitous.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

this is only impressive if they all refer to the same incident

flossing is for fools

now way, everybody floss

*no way

"now way" is some thing goole got into online that rquires a buy-in

drop that e

A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get bet...

NO PRESSURE LADIES BUT YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER

my umbrellas:
1. an orange children's umbrella with a fox face and ears that stick up
2. http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/6103BZ2h9BL._SL1021_.jpg

i think i win at being 33

oh man, definitely. Mine was the dark blue H&M one with birds on it that everyone in Toronto has.

I have one stripey one, one hot pink one and one with ruffles and flowers.

That cat umbrella is amazing.

seriously ladies, now you must measure your self-worth in .... umbrellas! you thought they were just to keep rain off, but you were wrong.

tune in next month when we make you feel shitty for getting your dishware at ikea and wearing an outdated style of belt!

If I measure my self worth in umbrellas, I am either worth a lot because I buy a lot of umbrellas or I'm worthless because I leave all of my umbrellas in trains, buses, and taxis.

b_g: <3 <3

the first time i met laurel (in seattle) we were talking about the no-one-in-seattle-uses-an-umbrella mythology and i told her that i have two umbrellas, but only because they're cute. she gave me the great compliment of saying, "of course you do." (it's possible it was not meant as a great compliment but i chose to hear it as one.)

i also have a thing for cute suitcases.

therefore i voted for the umbrellas and suitcases option even though that list is exceptionally infuriating.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

These two kinda contradict each other, I think.

I have some really juicy flossing stories!

Umbrellas are one of those things i think of purely as a functional item, not a fashion accessory. My thought process is basically (a) i need to walk outdoors, (b) it's raining, (c) i don't want to get drenched, so (d) i grab whatever umbrella i find first so i'll stay dry. When buying an umbrella, I just look for one that folds up really small, is lightweight but strong, and not too expensive. I almost always get the black ones, since they never look out of place.

I get why this list might make ppl angry but I also feel like, since my teens, I knew the magazine/fashion industry was craven and corrupt, not to take it all too seriously. Yeah, it's shitty to buy into the shit they're peddling but at the very least I refuse to even dignify it with comment.

Could someone post the male equivalent of this list so I can see which 30 things I am most assuredly failing at?

i think it's okay to still point out that shitty things are shitty esp when they're from 1997 and being reposted without irony on huffington post in 2012

it's also okay to make jokes about them bc laughing is fun

Could someone post the male equivalent of this list so I can see which 30 things I am most assuredly failing at?

since a month or so ago, when my mother said to me 'you're going to be 30 next year!' (which i am but i am 28 right now, okay) i have been feeling a lot of oh-god-i'm-nearly-30 type pressure. oh god i'm nearly 30 and i haven't got my shit together, oh god i'm nearly 30 and i have unreasonable expectations about how chill it's going to be to be a thirtysomething, oh god i'm nearly 30 and i haven't made enough bad choices in my 20s to pass muster as someone who's successfully 'done' their 20s, all of it.

and so even though i am not a women's mag kind of woman this sort of thing can catch me pretty hard - not the contents of the list itself, but the idea that there is a list, and i should be getting on top of it.

oh my days b_g that kitten umbrella!!!

confession: I bought the official umbrella that was used in rihanna's music video

clear umbrellas are the best, so much fun to stand under one during a downpour

Anyone remember the umbrella fetishist that posted here a few years back?

oh god i'm nearly 30 and i haven't got my shit together

I didn't start feeling like this until I was about 38 or 39.

I have had so many umbrellas die on me in my life that I could never imagine getting a nice one

the key thing is not to care about traditional measures of getting ones shit together